I thoughtittastedsomehoboonthisfunnotesofratfecalmatter.
Soit's noexaggerationwhen I saythat I grewuponloveline.
I listentoyouandDrDrewalmosteverynightfromseventhgradewellintocollegeandtodate, thenerdiestthing I'veeverdoneinmylifeissent $200 a harddriveacrossthecountrythat a superfanthat I metonthiswebsitecalledtheLoveLineCompanionconvertedupwith a decade's worthofarchivedepisodes.
GiovanniTruestory.
Truestory.
I am, I'm always I'm soflatteredthatweinfiltratedpeople's bedroomsandbrainssometimes, DoctorDurand, I'lltalktopeopleandthey'llbelike, Hey, man, I wasanavidfan.
I nevermissed a show.
Yougotmethroughmychildhoodandwithoutyou I wouldn't bewho I amtoday.
Andthentheypauseandtheygo.
Ismethadonereallyeffective?
Andalso, I haveaninfectionandoneofmygenitalpiercings.
I wanttoknowif I gottogoto a clinicorif I couldjustputiodineonit.
And I thoughttomyselfhowgood a jobdidwedowiththispart?
It's thegenerationthatyouguysraisedthere.
Yes, andthenwhatdoyouthinkwasthemostridiculousradio P s A thatplayedduringyourtenureat K Rock.
Anditcomestofood, whetherit's coffeecreamerorcateringspreads, where 1/3 ofthesandwichesorvegetarian, it's like a minefieldoftriggersfeedingAdamCorolla.
But I wanttodiginto a fewtakes, inparticularpoliceInthegreatgastropublicationofAmerica, allthesefancyversionsofdeviledeggsarepoppinguponmenusallover.
Oh, myGod.
Somebodytweetedmeonetheotherday I cutviolent.
Whatareyourthoughtsongussiedupcomfortfood?
Allright, Mytakeoneverythingisifyouaregoingtodoyourownfuckedupversionofit, youneedtogivethisdude a headsupbeforeyoubringittomytable.
Likeitallstartedmanyyearsago.
I wasinVegasas a thehardrock.
I orderedthebestdrunken, hungoverfoodever, whichiswaveowesrancheras.
Probablytakessomethingonthescalehereandgiveit a coupleshots.
Andtheybroughtme a goddamnbreakfastburrito.
Anditwaslikescrambledeggsand a flourtortillaandwas, like, allwrappedup.
And I waslike, Whoa, I orderedwaywasrancherosAndtheywent, That's howwedoWaveowesrancheras.
And I waslike, Fuckyou.
Youcan't dothattopeople.
Youknowwhat I liketodowithalltheseassholes?
Theygo, it's $22 then I justleaving $4 theygo, Well, what?
Nogo.
That's my $20.
That's that's mytake.
Samowntake.
Justleave 1/4.
Butthat's my $20.
I likethat.
Holdon.
Where's mycamera?
Oh, okay.
Onthisside.
Okay.
Thisscythe.
Goddamnpassionfruiticedtea.
That's wherethat's whereitallstarted.
ThePassionfruiticedbecauseyouloveice t whodoesn't loveiceteaandyouknowanyonewe'veeverwentlike, Oh, I'm gonnahave a hitofthisbrewedicedteawiththelemonwedgeinitandhadhimgo.
I wishittasted a littlemorelike a scentedcandle.
I'd reallylikeittotaste a littlemorelikesomeonetookpoPRI, putin a gymsockandjustdippedinwarmwater.
So I'm sittingatMarieCallender's uponwill, Sure, buttheyjustcallitcalendarstherebecauseit's like, Howdowecharge $4 moreforhamburger?
GetridofthatbitchMarie's namewithhiscallingcalendarsandwe'lldothatandwe'resittingthereand I said, Could I have a nicetea?
So I remembersheKourtneykindofkeptdoingthat, whichwas a morememorableexperienceforyou, AdamthrowingoutthefirstpitchatWrigleyFieldorthisfightwithJimmyatthecelebrityAllStarGame.
Weplayinthewholebunchovertheyears.
Wedon't doitanymorebecausehe's toobig a starand I'm not a bigenoughstar.
And I said, ifshethrowsonetoDaveWinfield, whoislikethegreatestathletetoeverplayMajorLeaguebaseballhadlike a basketballscholarshipfootballscholarshipDaveGoogleWhere's mycamera?
I said, Ifthisguyhits a comebackerTristenKillerGellerwiththissoftball, Jimmysaid, Theseguysarepros.
They'renottrying.
They'reliketakinghalfswings.
And I said, I don't thinksobecause I thinkyouhavethatjockmentalityandthere's 30,000 peoplethereandwantstheballgetsserveduplikeDaveWinfielddoesn't checkand 50% probablyknockedherteethoutatleast.
Oh, easily, easilyshe a modelandnomorepeoplesayso.
DrakemadesomanyheadlinesonaninterviewthathedidwithLeBronJamesin a barbershop, andtherearecountlessexamplesofcomediansinterviewingeachotherratherthantalkingtothepress.
I understandmywhiteprivilege, but I wassureis a barbershopus?
Youknowit's oncamera.
Butyouknow, I'veseenthatshowonHBO.
They'rehavingsuch a greattimeand I gointosportsclipsandthebitcheslike, Dowehaveyournameonfile?
Sowe'vehad a lotofcomediansontheshow, includingthegreatArtieLange.
Talkabouthowtheclimateofcomedyhaschanged.
Quite a bitofveteranslikeyoucan't youcan't writealmondmilkandveganwingsforhim, right?
He's a tofurkey.
Yeah, exactly.
Guy, right?
Yeah.
Andthenthesedays, youknow, onejokeoutof a 90 minutesetcouldbecome a nationalheadlineoryouhavedecadesoldmaterialthat's reassessedunderthisnewstandardofpoliticalcorrectness.
I likethatwiththat.
I love I loveitwhenthey'relikenewlyunearthedmanshowfootageofJimmyKimmelaskingwomenwhat's inhispantsislikeit's notnewlyunearthed.
Itaired.
ItairedonComedyCentralin 2002.
MultipletimesyouhadJohnHannity's LikeonEarth.
That's likeit's notonEarth.
It's ontheInternetandit's aired.
Right?
ReadyWiththatinmind, haveyougivenanythoughttowhetherornot a showliketheManshowcouldexistin 2018 andwhatkindofaudienceitwoulddraw?