Right now, we don't know

when we're gonna go back to the studio.

We don't know if we're gonna go back to the studio.

And I don't think any of you know any different.

Coronavirus has changed everybody's lives.

And so, what we've decided

is to try and make The Daily Show from homes.

Not just my home, but everyone's home,

so the producers, the writers,

the directors, the graphic producers.

We're all just gonna chill at home

and use the technology we have to try and make a show.

So, I know a lot of people have said,

"Hey, we still wanna watch The Daily show,

"we still wanna be informed,

"we still wanna catch up on the news

"without having to watch 24 hours of CNN,"

and I don't blame you for that.

So, that's what we're gonna be doing.

So, let's get into it.

Today we're gonna be chatting about coronavirus, obviously.

It would be weird if was like,

"Today, we're gonna be chatting about

"infrastructural development in ... "

No.

So, we're gonna be chatting about coronavirus.

We're gonna be talking about

the U.S. border with Canada being shut down.

We're gonna talk about NBA players getting tested.

We're gonna chat about how people

need to stop going to the ER,

because you're actually hurting everybody who needs it.

So, let's get into that and more

in our very first Daily Show Social Distancing Sh--

No.

Daily Social Distancing Show.

That's it.

The Daily Social Distancing Show.

(dynamic music)

- [Announcer] From Trevor's couch in New York City

to your couch somewhere in the world,

this is The Daily Social Distancing Show with Trevor Noah.

- All right, y'all.

Let's kick it off with the big news of the day.

The coronavirus has officially surpassed 200,000

confirmed cases worldwide, which is pretty insane,

'cause right now, that means corona's

running around the world like those penguins

at the aquarium, doing whatever it wants.

It's actually funny when you think about it.

Like, you know when you watch that video of the penguins?

We always think that, if humans were off the planet,

then there would be no zoos.

But then, when I watch that video, it made me realize

animals would make zoos for other animals.

Like the penguins would be like,

"And this is the polar bear.

"He used to hunt us.

"How things have changed."

Anyway, I'm not telling you the news of corona

surpassing 200,000 to make you sad.

All right?

I'm just keeping you up-to-date with what's happening.

We all gotta be informed.

Now, just because coronavirus cases are going up

in the world, please, that shouldn't make you more sad,

because there is a lot of encouraging news

coming out from all over the world.

For instance, just today, just today

there was a story that came out of Italy,

where a small town of about 3,000 people

tested everyone in the town, and then they just

kept track of everyone who had coronavirus

and who was giving it to who,

and they got the cases of coronavirus down to zero.

So, it shows you that's basically what we need to do.

All right?

We need to test as many people as possible.

And I know, if you live in New York, you're probably like,

"Yeah, but, Trevor, that town only had 3,000 people in it.

"That's how many roommates I have."

But still, it shows that the key

to stopping coronavirus is testing.

What's scary about testing, though,

is that the cases are gonna go up,

'cause the more people we test,

we're gonna discover more people have coronavirus.

But at least we'll know how many people have coronavirus.

You know?

It's like today, we just found out

that four Brooklyn Nets players, NBA players,

have coronavirus, including Kevin Durant.

Yeah.

So, now the Nets have coronavirus,

the Jazz have coronavirus, the Pistons have coronavirus.

It's going around to all of the NBA teams,

except the Knicks, because not even corona

wants to be on the Knicks.

Now, the White House keeps trying to reassure people

that more tests are coming,

but every time Trump tries to calm the nation down,

I feel like he does the exact opposite.

- We are all in this together,

and we'll come through together.

It's the invisible enemy.

But we're going to defeat the invisible enemy.

- [Reporter] Your credibility ratings are very low.

There's a recent NPR poll--

- Who are you asking that question?

- I'm asking--

- 'Cause I see that they're very high.

- Why do you keep calling this the Chinese virus?

Why do you keep using this?

All of people say it's racist. - 'Cause it comes from China.

It's not racist at all.

No, not at all.

It comes from China.

That's why.

- There are some, at least one, White House official

who use the term "kung flu," referring to the fact

that this virus started in China.

My question is,

do you think that's wrong? - Kung flu?

- Kung flu.

And do you think using the term Chinese virus,

that puts Asian Americans at risk,

that people might target them? - No, not at all.

No, not at all.

I think they probably ...

would agree with it 100%.

- You know Trump is the only person

who could hold a press conference about a pandemic

and then turn it into a fight about racism.

Who does that?

Like, who does that?

The guy comes out there like, "Let's stay calm, folks.

"So calm, everybody."

And then, five minutes later, he's like,

"Kung flu is a term of respect.

"Ask any Asian. (speaking in foreign language)

"Kung flu." (speaking in foreign language)

Focus.

This is where you need presidential.

This is one of those moments where I wish ...

I wish Obama could come back, you know?

I wish Barack Obama could--

Not as president.

I'm not trying to mess with the Constitution.

I'm just saying they should hire Obama

to handle press briefings.

You know?

'Cause whether you agree with his policies or not,

you have to admit Barack Obama did his thing.

He knew how to calm everybody down.

He'd just come out and be like,

"All right, everybody.

"This is what's gonna happen.

"We're gonna get the ...

"testing.

"All the kits.

"We're gonna isolate the virus.

"We're gonna beat this thing.

"We're gonna isolate the virus,

"and we're gonna beat this thing.

"In the meantime, if you want something comforting

"to binge at home.

"A lot of people are watching TV.

"If you want to watch something,

"you can watch the first eight years of my presidency.

"That's a rerun that never gets old.

"The best part is in season two,

"when I go after Bin Laden.

"Spoiler alert: he doesn't make it."

Actually, I feel like Obama

takes so long to finish a sentence,

it might make social distancing fly by.

Like, right now we're like,

"Oh, we're gonna be in here for months."

If Obama speaks, "We've gotta ...

"We gotta ...

"be safe."

And we're like, "Wow, it's August already.

"I guess we can go outside now.

"Thanks, Obama."

Now, Trump held another presser today,

where he said that America and Canada

are closing their border to non-essential travel.

Yeah.

And that actually made me kinda feel bad for Trump,

because he's finally getting the border shutdown

he always wanted.

It's just happening with the wrong country, you know?

Which sucks for him.

It's kinda like wishing for more vacation days,

but then get fired.

You sort of get what you want, but it's not the same.

And so, from now on, only essential travel,

only essential travel is allowed into Canada from the U.S.

So, stuff like government business, trade,

and your boy's bachelor party in Montreal,

but that's it, nothing else.

See you there, Brandon.

And like ...

You know, I just wonder if this is gonna work.

'Cause you know Canadians are so polite,

I bet if you showed up at the border,

they'd still let you in.

They'd be like, "Oh, gosh, I'm really not supposed to,

"eh, Trevor, but I can't say no to new friends.

"Come on in, eh?"

I don't even know if that was a Canadian accent,

to be honest.

I don't even think I remember a Canadian--

I feel like I ...

I haven't been around people for so long,

I don't know what any accent sounds like.

That could be Canadian.

For all I know, all the accents in my head are wrong.

Maybe it's been that long.

This corona self-distancing,

it's gonna be making up random accents that are incorrect.

"Yeah, so sorry about, about that.

"Yes, welcome to Toronto.

"Yes, I'm Canadian.

"Yes, yes.

"Sorry, yeah.

"But, but.

"Oh, you want maple syrup?"

Oh, one other thing I wanna mention.

Doctors need our help right now.

Yes, doctors need our help.

Because there are many stories coming out

that a lot of young people, especially in New York,

have been going to emergency rooms,

looking for a corona test when they don't have

serious symptoms, and the hospitals are overwhelmed.

They can't handle that.

Like, I know.

I know that they've shut down the bars,

so maybe you think the ER's the hot new hangout,

but it's not, people.

Yes, they have alcohol, but it's rubbing alcohol.

It's not the same thing.

When you go to an ER, and it's not an emergency,

you're overloading the system.

You're overloading the hospitals.

You're taking care away form the people

in really desperate situations.

So if you're feeling sick but it's not that serious,

just self-isolate for a few days.

This is not from me, by the way.

This is what the CDC has told us to do.

If you're feeling sick, stay at home,

self-isolate for a few days, and you see if you get better.

All right?

Emergency rooms are like flights on Spirit Airlines.

You should only go there as a last resort.