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  • Jussie Smollett,

  • Empire actor and black Pinocchio.

  • A year ago, he told an incredible story

  • about being jumped on the street by two Trump supporters.

  • And now someone might finally go to jail

  • for that attack.

  • The dramatic new turn that's thrust

  • the Jussie Smollett case back into the spotlight.

  • That's right. He's once again facing charges in Chicago

  • for claiming he was the victim of a hate crime attack.

  • NEWSMAN: This morning, Smollett is facing six new charges

  • of disorderly conduct for lying to police.

  • The move a stunning reversal after prosecutors dropped

  • all 16 charges the actor originally faced.

  • In this new indictment, the special prosecutor's office

  • says Smollett made numerous false statements

  • to Chicago police on multiple occasions,

  • reporting a heinous hate crime

  • that he, in fact, knew had not occurred.

  • Yes, Jussie Smollett is back in the headlines,

  • this time for being indicted

  • over reporting a fake hate crime.

  • And it really sounds bad

  • until you remember that his plan all along

  • was to get a recurring story line that doesn't go away.

  • So he kind of got what he wanted, you know?

  • This is what he wanted.

  • And look, I know what Jussie did was wrong.

  • But I won't lie. At the same time,

  • I kind of feel bad for him, all right?

  • Because he gets into trouble now for calling in fake crimes,

  • but those Permit Pattys who made those bullshit calls to 911,

  • they live their lives. They just do their thing.

  • -(cheering and applause) -In fact, maybe...

  • Maybe that should be Jussie's punishment.

  • He should be forced to get a white lady nickname.

  • That should be it. Yeah?

  • Everywhere he goes, people will be like,

  • "Well, well, well, there goes Subway Smollett.

  • There he is."

  • But let's move on to Roger Stone,

  • Trump campaign aide

  • and the Monopoly Man's cocaine dealer.

  • This week, he was about to be sentenced

  • for lying to the FBI and threatening witnesses.

  • But luckily, he's got friends in Oval places.

  • NEWSMAN: Late tonight, all four federal prosecutors

  • on the Roger Stone case have quit

  • after the department undercut their recommended sentence.

  • Just yesterday, those career prosecutors

  • recommended he get seven to nine years behind bars.

  • But late tonight, the DOJ in a filing

  • calling the initial recommendation

  • excessive and unwarranted

  • just hours after President Trump

  • tweeted overnight, blasting the sentence

  • prosecutors initially recommended

  • as horrible and very unfair.

  • The president deny he had anything to do with it.

  • Yeah, I thought it was ridiculous that...

  • No, I didn't, because the Justice...

  • I'd be able to do it if I wanted.

  • I have the absolute right to do it.

  • Uh, I stay out of things,

  • uh, to a degree that people wouldn't believe.

  • "That's right, folks. That's right.

  • "I stay out of things.

  • "I stay out of everything.

  • "Intelligence briefings, church, Melania's bedroom.

  • "I stay out of all of it.

  • I stay out. Stay out."

  • (applause)

  • This is actually crazy, what happened here.

  • The Justice Department recommended Roger Stone

  • get seven to nine years in prison, all right?

  • Trump then tweets

  • that their recommendation is too harsh,

  • so they then cancel their recommendation.

  • And then Trump says he's totally staying out of it.

  • That's not what he did. He's staying out of it

  • the same way the Kool-Aid Man stays out of a room.

  • "Did use the door? Oh, no."

  • (laughter)

  • Because here's the thing.

  • Trump is acting like his Twitter account

  • can't influence the Justice Department,

  • like they can't see his tweets.

  • You know, it's like someone saying,

  • "I didn't ask her to marry me.

  • "I just had 'will you marry me?' written in the sky.

  • Anybody could have said yes. It could have been anybody."

  • And not only was it wrong

  • for Trump to get involved in his friend's case,

  • it was also totally unnecessary because there...

  • If there's one person who looks like he can break out of prison

  • on his own, it's this guy.

  • All right, and finally,

  • you guys remember how the Titanic crashed?

  • Well, uh, it happened again.

  • A new report claims the wreck of the Titanic

  • was hit by a submarine last year,

  • but the U.S. government kept it a secret.

  • That's according to legal documents reviewed

  • by the British newspaper The Telegraph.

  • It says a $35 million underwater vehicle

  • hit the Titanic wreckage in July.

  • It comes ahead of what could be a landmark court battle

  • over the future of the wreckage.

  • Yo, this is insane.

  • The Titanic was involved in another crash?

  • Oh, their Nationwide premiums

  • are totally going through the roof, man.

  • I'm glad that no one was hurt.

  • 'Cause how would you explain that to people?

  • Yeah? It'd just be like,

  • "Brian died in the Titanic.

  • Yeah, this year, this year, yeah."

  • Titanic versus submarine is such a weird story.

  • I mean, technically, though the Titanic is also a submarine.

  • Yeah, really, any ship can be a submarine

  • if your captain is shitty enough, when you think about it.

  • You know what would be crazy though?

  • Is if getting hit makes the Titanic un-sink.

  • Like, that could be a rule, right?

  • If you crash, you go down.

  • If you crash again, you get to come up.

  • Yeah. So now it floats up to the top,

  • and then they're back up on the surface.

  • Everyone's like, "Yeah! We're alive!"

  • And then the iceberg shows up, like, "Well, well,

  • who didn't learn their lesson?"

Jussie Smollett,

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朱西-斯莫利特被起訴,司法部插手羅傑-斯通的案子|每日秀場。 (Jussie Smollett Indicted & The DOJ Meddles in Roger Stone’s Case | The Daily Show)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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