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  • I've been living in Los Angeles for two years, and I've never been this cold in my life.

    我'在洛杉磯生活了兩年,我'從來沒有這麼冷過。

  • I will pay anyone here $300 for GORE-TEX gloves. Anybody. I'm serious. I have the cash.

    我願意付給這裡的任何人300美元買GORE -TEX手套。誰都可以我是認真的 I'm serious.我有現金。

  • Before I begin, I must point out that behind me sits a highly admired President of the

    在我開始之前,我必須指出,在我身後坐著的是一位令人敬佩的總統,他的名字是:"我"。

  • United States and decorated war hero while I, a cable television talk show host, has

    而我,一個有線電視脫口秀節目主持人,卻在美國獲得了戰爭英雄的勳章

  • been chosen to stand here and impart wisdom. I pray I never witness a more damning example

    被選中站在這裡,傳授智慧。我祈禱我再也不會看到比這更糟糕的例子了

  • of what is wrong with America today.

    的美國今天的問題。

  • Graduates, faculty, parents, relatives, undergraduates, and old people that just come to these things:

    畢業生、教員、父母、親戚、大學生,還有剛來這些事情的老人。

  • Good morning and congratulations to the Dartmouth Class of 2011. Today, you have achieved something special,

    早上好,祝賀達特茅斯2011屆畢業生。 今天,你們已經取得了一些特別的成就。

  • something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know: a college diploma. That’s

    只有92%的同齡美國人知道的東西:大學文憑。那是...

  • right, with your college diploma you now have a crushing advantage over 8 percent of the

    對了,憑你的大學文憑,你現在有一個壓倒性的優勢 超過8%的人。

  • workforce. I'm talking about dropout losers like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg.

    勞動力。我'說的是像比爾-蓋茨、史蒂夫-喬布斯和馬克-扎克伯格這樣的輟學失敗者。

  • Incidentally, speaking of Mr. Zuckerberg, only at Harvard would someone have to invent

    順便說一下,說到扎克伯格先生,只有在哈佛大學才會有人去發明

  • a massive social network just to talk with someone in the next room.

    一個龐大的社交網絡,只是為了和隔壁房間的人哈拉。

  • My first job as your commencement speaker is to illustrate that life is not fair. For

    作為你們的畢業典禮演講者,我的第一項工作就是說明生活是不公平的。對於

  • example, you have worked tirelessly for four years to earn the diploma youll be receiving

    例如,你經過四年的不懈努力,獲得了你即將獲得的文憑

  • this weekend. That was great.

    這個週末。這是偉大的。

  • And Dartmouth is giving me the same degree for interviewing the fourth lead in Twilight.

    而達特茅斯給我的學位也是一樣的,因為我面試了《暮光之城》的第四位主角。

  • Deal with it. Another example that life is not fair: if it does rain, the powerful rich

    應對它。又如生活不公平的例子:如果真的下雨了,權貴富人

  • people on stage get the tent. Deal with it. I would like to thank President Kim for inviting

    臺上的人拿到帳篷。 處理好了。我想感謝金會長的邀請。

  • me here today. After my phone call with President Kim, I decided to find out a little bit about

    我今天在這裡。在和金社長通完電話後,我決定去了解一下...

  • the man. He goes by President Kim and Dr. Kim. To his friends, he's Jim Kim, J to the

    那個人。他去由金總統和金博士。對他的朋友們來說,他是吉姆-金,對J來說,他是J

  • K, Special K, JK Rowling, the Just Kidding Kimster, and most puzzling, "Stinky Pete."

    K,特別K,JK羅琳,Just Kidding Kimster,以及最令人費解的,"Stinky Pete.&quot。

  • He served as the chair of the Department of Global Health and Social Medicine at Harvard

    他曾擔任哈佛大學全球健康和社會醫學系主任。

  • Medical School, spearheaded a task force for the World Health Organization on Global Health

    醫學院,牽頭成立了世界衛生組織全球衛生工作隊。

  • Initiatives, won a MacArthur Genius Grant, and was one of TIME Magazine's 100 Most Influential

    倡議,獲得麥克阿瑟天才獎,併入選《時代》雜誌100位最具影響力的人物。

  • People in 2006. Good God, man, what the hell are you compensating for? Seriously. We get

    2006年的人。天啊,老兄,你到底在補償什麼?說真的,我們得到了。我們得到

  • it. You're smart. By the way Dr. Kim, you were brought to Dartmouth to lead, and as

    你很聰明你'很聰明。順便說一下,金博士,你被帶到達特茅斯來上司,作為

  • a world-class anthropologist, you were also hired to figure out why each of these graduating

    一個世界級的人類學家,你也受僱於人,以弄清為什麼這些畢業生中的每一個人

  • students ran around a bonfire 111 times. But I thank you for inviting me here, Stinky

    學生繞著篝火跑了111次。但我還是要謝謝你請我來這裡,臭小子

  • Pete, and it is an honor. Though some of you may see me as a celebrity, you should know

    皮特,這是我的榮幸。雖然你們中的一些人可能把我當成名人,但你們應該知道

  • that I once sat where you sit. Literally. Late last night I snuck out here and sat in

    我曾經坐在你坐的地方。真的昨天深夜,我偷偷溜出來,坐在這裡

  • every seat. I did it to prove a point: I am not bright and I have a lot of free time.

    每個座位。我這樣做是為了證明一個觀點:我不聰明,我有很多空閒時間。

  • But this is a wonderful occasion and it is great to be here in New Hampshire, where I

    但這是一個美妙的場合,它是偉大的在這裡新罕布什爾州,在那裡我。

  • am getting an honorary degree and all the legal fireworks I can fit in the trunk of

    我得到了一個榮譽學位和所有的法律煙花,我可以容納在後備箱中的

  • my car. You know, New Hampshire is such a special

    我的車。你知道,新罕布什爾州是這樣一個特殊的。

  • place. When I arrived I took a deep breath of this crisp New England air and thought,

    的地方。當我到達時,我深深地吸了一口這清新的新英格蘭空氣,想。

  • "Wow, I'm in the state that's next to the state where Ben and Jerry's ice cream is made."

    "哇,我'在'的旁邊的州,本和傑瑞'的冰激凌的製造.&quot。

  • But don't get me wrong, I take my task today very seriously. When I got the call two months

    但不要誤會,我對今天的任務非常重視。當我接到電話兩個月

  • ago to be your speaker, I decided to prepare with the same intensity many of you have devoted

    我決定以你們中許多人所投入的同樣強度來準備。

  • to an important term paper. So late last night, I began. I drank two cans of Red Bull, snorted some Adderall,

    到一篇重要的學期論文。所以昨天深夜,我開始了。我喝了兩罐紅牛,吸了一些阿德拉。

  • played a few hours of Call of Duty, and then opened my browser. I think Wikipedia put it

    玩了幾個小時的《使命召喚》,然後打開瀏覽器。我想維基百科是這樣說的

  • best when they said "Dartmouth College is a private Ivy League University in Hanover,

    最好的當他們說"達特茅斯學院是漢諾威的一所私立常春藤大學。

  • New Hampshire, United States." Thank you and good luck.

    美國新罕布什爾州."謝謝你,祝你好運。

  • To communicate with you students today, I have gone to great lengths to become well-versed

    今天,為了和各位同學交流,我費盡心思,精通了

  • in your unique linguistic patterns. In fact, just this morning I left Baker Berry with

    在你獨特的語言模式中。事實上,就在今天早上我離開貝克貝瑞的時候

  • my tripee Barry to eat a Billy Bob at the Bema when my flitz to Francesca was Blitz

    我的夫妻Barry在Bema吃了個Billy Bob,而我對Francesca說的是 "閃電"。

  • jacked by some d-bag on his FSP. Yes, I've done my research. This college was

    由一些d -bag在他的FSP插孔。是的,我'已經做了我的研究。這所大學是

  • named after the Second Earl of Dartmouth, a good friend of the Third Earl of UC Santa

    達特茅斯大學

  • Cruz and the Duke of the Barbizon School of Beauty. Your school motto is "Vox clamantis

    克魯茲和巴比松公爵美容學校。你們的校訓是"Vox clamantis。

  • in deserto," which means "Voice crying out in the wilderness." This is easily the most

    在deserto,"這意味著"聲音在曠野中呼喊"這是最容易。

  • pathetic school motto I have ever heard. Apparently, it narrowly beat out "Silently Weeping in

    我聽過的可憐的校訓。顯然,它以微弱的優勢擊敗了"默默地哭泣在

  • Thick Shrub" and "Whimpering in Moist Leaves without Pants." Your school color is green,

    厚厚的灌木"和"在潮溼的葉子裡嗚咽,沒有褲子."你的學校顏色是綠色。

  • and this color was chosen by Frederick Mather in 1867 because, and this is true—I looked

    這個顏色是由弗雷德裡克-馬瑟在1867年選擇的,因為,這是真實的,我看著。

  • it up—"it was the only color that had not been taken already." I cannot remember hearing

    它了-"這是唯一的顏色,還沒有采取已經."我不記得聽到

  • anything so sad. Dartmouth, you have an inferiority complex, and you should not. You have graduated

    任何事情都是如此悲傷。達特茅斯,你有自卑感,你不應該。你已經畢業

  • more great fictitious Americans than any other college. Meredith Grey of Grey's Anatomy.

    比任何其他學院更多偉大的虛構的美國人。格雷'解剖學》的梅雷迪斯-格雷。

  • Pete Campbell from Mad Men. Michael Corleone from The Godfather. In fact, I look forward

    《狂人》裡的皮特-坎貝爾《教父》裡的Michael Corleone事實上,我期待著

  • to next years' Valedictory Address by your esteemed classmate, Count Chocula. Of course,

    尊敬的同學喬庫拉伯爵的告別演說。當然了

  • your greatest fictitious graduate is Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner. Man, can you imagine

    你最偉大的虛構畢業生是財政部長蒂莫西・蓋特納。夥計,你能想象嗎?

  • if a real Treasury Secretary made those kinds of decisions? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

    如果一個真正的財政部長做出這樣的決定?哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈

  • ha. Now I know what you're going to say, Dartmouth, you're going to say, well "We've got Dr. Seuss."

    哈。現在我知道你'會說什麼,達特茅斯,你'會說,好吧"我們'有蘇斯博士。

  • Well guess what, we're all tired of hearing about Dr. Seuss. Face it: The man rhymed fafloozle

    好吧,你猜怎麼著,我們'都聽膩了蘇斯博士。面對它。這個人押韻fafloozle。

  • with saznoozle. In the literary community, that's called cheating.

    與saznoozle。在文學界,這叫作弊。

  • Your insecurity is so great, Dartmouth, that you don't even think you deserve a real podium.

    你的不安全感是如此之大,達特茅斯,你甚至不'認為你不值得一個真正的講臺。

  • I'm sorry. What the hell is this thing? It looks like you stole it from the set of Survivor:

    對不起 I'm sorry.這到底是什麼東西?看起來像是你從《倖存者》的片場偷來的。

  • Nova Scotia. Seriously, it looks like something a bear would use at an AA meeting.

    新斯科舍省。說真的,它看起來像一隻熊在AA制會議上會用的東西。

  • No, Dartmouth, you must stand tall. Raise your heads high and feel proud.

    不,達特茅斯,你必須昂首挺胸。抬起你們的頭,感到驕傲。

  • Because if Harvard, Yale, and Princeton are your self-involved, vain, name-dropping older

    因為如果哈佛、耶魯、普林斯頓是你的自娛自樂、虛榮心強、罵人的老年

  • brothers, you are the cool, sexually confident, lacrosse playing younger sibling who knows

    兄弟們,你是酷,性自信,長曲棍球玩的弟弟妹妹誰知道

  • how to throw a party and looks good in a down vest. Brown, of course, is your lesbian sister who

    如何舉辦派對,穿上羽絨馬甲也很好看。 布朗,當然,是你的拉拉妹妹,她是誰?

  • never leaves her room. And Penn, Columbia, and Cornellwell, frankly, who gives a shit.

    從來沒有離開過她的房間。賓夕法尼亞大學、哥倫比亞大學和康奈爾大學... 坦白說,誰在乎呢?

  • Yes, I've always had a special bond with this school. In fact, this is my second time coming

    是的,我'一直與這所學校有著特殊的感情。事實上,這是我第二次來

  • here. When I was 17 years old and touring colleges, way back in the fall of 1980, I

    這裡。當我17歲的時候,在大學巡迴演出的時候,早在1980年的秋天,我... ...

  • came to Dartmouth. Dartmouth was a very different place back then. I made the trip up from Boston

    來到達特茅斯。達特茅斯當時是一個非常不同的地方。我做了一趟從波士頓

  • on a mule and, after asking the blacksmith in West Leb for directions, I came to this

    騎著騾子,在向西萊布的鐵匠問了路之後,我來到了這裡。

  • beautiful campus. No dormitories had been built yet, so I stayed with a family of fur

    美麗的校園。當時還沒有建宿舍,所以我住在一戶皮草

  • traders in White River Junction. It snowed heavily during my visit and I was trapped

    白河路口的商販。我去的時候下了很大的雪,我被困住了。

  • here for four months. I was forced to eat the mule, who a week earlier had been forced

    在這裡呆了四個月。我被迫吃了那頭騾子,一個星期前他還被迫

  • to eat the fur traders. Still, I loved Dartmouth and I vowed to return.

    吃皮草商。不過,我還是喜歡達特茅斯,我發誓要回來。

  • But fate dealt a heavy blow. With no money, I was forced to enroll in a small, local commuter

    但命運卻給了我沉重的打擊。在沒有錢的情況下,我被迫報考了當地的一所小規模的通勤學校。

  • school, a pulsating sore on a muddy elbow of the Charles River. I was a miserable wretch,

    學校,一個脈動的瘡 在查爾斯河泥濘的肘部。我是一個可憐的可憐蟲。

  • and to this day I cannot help but wonder: What if I had gone to Dartmouth?

    直到今天,我不禁想知道。如果我去了達特茅斯會怎樣?

  • If I had gone to Dartmouth, I might have spent at least some of my college years outside

    如果我去了達特茅斯,我可能會花 至少一些我的大學幾年外,

  • and today I might not be allergic to all plant life, as well as most types of rock.

    而今天,我可能對所有的植物生命以及大多數類型的岩石都不過敏。

  • If I had gone to Dartmouth, right now I'd be wearing a fleece thong instead of a lace

    如果我去了達特茅斯,現在我'會穿著羊毛丁字褲,而不是一個花邊的

  • thong. If I had gone to Dartmouth, I still wouldn't

    丁字褲。如果我去了達特茅斯,我仍然不會'。

  • know the second verse to "Dear Old Dartmouth." Face it, none of you do. You all mumble that

    知道第二節到"親愛的老達特茅斯."面對它,沒有一個你做。你們都在喃喃自語

  • part. If I had gone to Dartmouth, I'd have a liver

    部分。如果我去了達特茅斯,我就會有一個肝。

  • the size and consistency of a bean bag chair. Finally, if I had gone to Dartmouth, today

    大小和一致性 一個豆袋椅。最後,如果我已經去了達特茅斯,今天

  • I'd be getting an honorary degree at Harvard. Imagine how awesome that would be.

    我會得到哈佛大學的榮譽學位。想象一下,這將是多麼的棒。

  • You are a great school, and you deserve a historic commencement address. That's right,

    你們是一所偉大的學校,你們應該有一個歷史性的畢業典禮致辭。沒錯 That's right,

  • I want my message today to be forever remembered because it changed the world. To do this,

    我希望我今天的資訊能被永遠記住,因為它改變了世界。要做到這一點,

  • I must suggest groundbreaking policy. Winston Churchill gave his famous "Iron Curtain" speech

    我必須提出突破性的政策。溫斯頓-丘吉爾發表了他著名的"鐵幕"演講

  • at Westminster College in 1946. JFK outlined his nuclear disarmament policy at American

    1946年在威斯敏斯特學院。肯尼迪在美國大學概述了他的核裁軍政策。

  • University in 1963. Today, I would like to set forth my own policy here at Dartmouth:

    1963年的大學。今天,我想闡述一下我自己在達特茅斯的政策。

  • I call it "The Conan Doctrine." Under "The Conan Doctrine":

    我把它叫做"柯南學說."下"柯南學說"。

  • - All bachelor degrees will be upgraded to master's degrees. All master's degrees will

    - 所有的學士學位都將升級為碩士'學位。所有碩士'學位將

  • be upgraded to PhDs. And all MBA students will be immediately transferred to a white

    被提升為博士。而所有MBA學員將立即轉入白

  • collar prison. - Under "The Conan Doctrine," Winter Carnival

    領監獄。- 根據"柯南學說,"冬季狂歡節。

  • will become Winter Carnivale and be moved to Rio. Clothing will be optional, all expenses

    將成為冬季狂歡節並移師里約。衣服是可選的,所有費用

  • paid by the Alumni Association. - Your nickname, the Big Green, will be changed

    由校友會支付。- 你的綽號 "大綠 "將被改成 "大綠"。

  • to something more kick-ass like "The Jade Blade," the "Seafoam Avenger," or simply "Lime-Zilla."

    到一些更踢屁股的東西,如"翡翠之刃""海泡石復仇者"或者乾脆就是"Lime-Zilla.&quot。

  • - The D-Plan and "quarter system" will finally be updated to "the one sixty-fourth system."

    - D-Plan和"四分之一系統"將最終更新為"一六四系統&quot。

  • Semesters will last three days. Students will be encouraged to take 48 semesters off. They

    學期將持續三天。將鼓勵學生休學48個學期。他們

  • must, however, be on campus during their Sophomore 4th of July.

    但必須在大二國慶節期間在校園內。

  • - Under "The Conan Doctrine," I will re-instate Tubestock. And I will punish those who tried

    - 根據"柯南學說,"我將重新啟用管家婆。而我將懲罰那些試圖

  • to replace it with Fieldstock. Rafting and beer are a much better combination than a

    來取代它的Fieldstock。漂流和啤酒是一個更好的組合,而不是一個。

  • field and a beer. I happen to know that in two years, they were going to downgrade Fieldstock

    場和啤酒。我碰巧知道,兩年後,他們要把田園牧歌降級。

  • to Deskstock, seven hours of fun sitting quietly at your desk. Don't let those bastards do

    到Deskstock,七個小時的樂趣安靜地坐在你的辦公桌上。不要讓那些混蛋做。

  • it. And finally, under "The Conan Doctrine," all

    它。最後,在"柯南學說"下,所有。

  • commencement speakers who shamelessly pander with cheap, inside references designed to

    開學典禮上的演講者無恥地用廉價的內部參考資料來迎合,目的在於

  • get childish applause, will be forced to apologizeto the greatest graduating class in the history

    獲得幼稚的掌聲,將被迫向歷史上最偉大的畢業班道歉。

  • of the world. Dartmouth class of 2011 rules! Besides policy, another hallmark of great

    的世界。達特茅斯2011級的規則!除了政策,偉大的另一個標誌是

  • commencement speeches is deep, profound advice like "reach for the stars." Well today, I

    畢業典禮演講是深刻的,深刻的建議,如"達到的明星"今天,我

  • am not going to waste your time with empty clichés. Instead, I am going to give you

    我不會用空洞的陳詞濫調來浪費你的時間。相反,我要給你

  • real, practical advice that you will need to know if you are going to survive the next

    真正的、實用的建議,你需要知道,如果你要在接下來的日子裡生存。

  • few years. - First, adult acne lasts longer than you

    幾年。- 首先,成人痘的持續時間比你的

  • think. I almost cancelled two days ago because I had a zit on my eye.

    想。我前兩天因為眼睛上長了個痘痘,差點就取消了。

  • - Guys, this is important: You cannot iron a shirt while wearing it.

    - 夥計們,這一點很重要:你不能一邊穿襯衫一邊熨燙。

  • - Here's another one. If you live on Ramen Noodles for too long, you lose all feelings

    - 這裡還有一個。如果你吃拉麵吃得太久,你就會失去所有的感覺。

  • in your hands and your stool becomes a white gel.

    拿在手裡,大便就會變成白色的凝膠。

  • - And finally, wearing colorful Converse high-tops beneath your graduation robe is a great way

    - 最後,在你的畢業袍下穿上五顏六色的匡威高跟鞋是一個很好的方式。

  • to tell your classmates that this is just the first of many horrible decisions you plan

    告訴你的同學,這只是你計劃中的第一個可怕的決定

  • to make with the rest of your life. Of course there are many parents here and

    以使與你的餘生。當然,這裡有很多家長和

  • I have real advice for them as well. Parents, you should write this down:

    我也有實實在在的建議給他們。家長們,你們應該把這個寫下來。

  • - Many of your children you haven't seen them in four years. Well, now you are about to

    - 你的很多孩子你已經四年沒有見到他們了。好了,現在你即將

  • see them every day when they come out of the basement to tell you the wi-fi isn't working.

    看到他們每天當他們出來的地下室告訴你的Wi-Fi不工作。

  • - If your child majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only

    - 如果你的孩子主修的是美術或哲學,你有充分的理由擔心。唯一的

  • place where they are now really qualified to get a job is ancient Greece. Good luck

    他們現在真正有資格找工作的地方是古希臘。運氣好

  • with that degree. - The traffic today on East Wheelock is going

    有了這個度。- 今天東會德豐路上的交通

  • to be murder, so once they start handing out diplomas, you should slip out in the middle

    是謀殺,所以一旦他們開始發文憑,你就應該從中間溜走。

  • of the K's. And, I have to tell you this:

    的K's。而且,我必須要告訴你。

  • - You will spend more money framing your child's diploma than they will earn in the next six

    - 你花在裱糊你孩子的文憑上的錢,會比他們未來6年的收入還要多。

  • months. It's tough out there, so be patient. The only people hiring right now are Panera

    幾個月。外面很艱難,所以要有耐心。現在只有Panera公司在招人。

  • Bread and Mexican drug cartels. Yes, you parents must be patient because it

    麵包和墨西哥販毒集團。是的,你們的父母一定要有耐心,因為

  • is indeed a grim job market out there. And one of the reasons it's so tough finding work

    確實是一個嚴峻的就業市場在那裡。而其中一個原因就是它'找工作如此艱難

  • is that aging baby boomers refuse to leave their jobs. Trust me on this. Even when they promise you for five years

    是老齡化的嬰兒潮一代拒絕離開他們的工作。相信我這一點。 即使他們承諾你五年

  • that they are going to leaveand say it on television—I mean you can go on YouTube

    他們要離開,並在電視上說,我的意思是,你可以去在YouTube上。

  • right now and watch the guy do it, there is no guarantee they won't come back. Of course

    現在,看著這個傢伙做,不能保證他們不會'回來。當然了

  • I'm speaking generally. But enough. This is not a time for grim prognostications

    我&39;是泛泛而談。但已經夠了。這不是一個嚴峻的預言的時候。

  • or negativity. No, I came here today because, believe it or not, I actually do have something

    或負面情緒。不,我今天來這裡是因為,不管你信不信,我真的有一些東西

  • real to tell you. Eleven years ago I gave an address to a graduating

    真實的告訴你。十一年前,我給一個即將畢業的學生做了一次演講

  • class at Harvard. I have not spoken at a graduation since because I thought I had nothing left

    哈佛大學的課。從那以後,我再也沒有在畢業典禮上發言,因為我覺得我沒有什麼可說的了。

  • to say. But then 2010 came. And now I'm here, three thousand miles from my home, because

    來說。但後來2010年來了。現在我在這裡,離家三千里,因為...

  • I learned a hard but profound lesson last year and I'd like to share it with you. In

    去年,我學到了一個艱難而深刻的教訓,我'想和你分享。在

  • 2000, I told graduates "Don't be afraid to fail." Well now I'm here to tell you that,

    2000年,我告訴畢業生們"不要害怕失敗"好吧,現在我在這裡告訴你。

  • though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it. Nietzsche famously said "Whatever doesn't

    雖然你不應該害怕失敗,但你應該盡力避免失敗。 尼采說過一句名言"無論什麼事情都不'。

  • kill you makes you stronger." But what he failed to stress is that it almost kills you.

    殺死你使你更強大."但他沒有強調的是,它幾乎殺死你。

  • Disappointment stings and, for driven, successful people like yourselves it is disorienting.

    失望很刺眼,對於像你們這樣有動力的成功人士來說,它是迷茫的。

  • What Nietzsche should have said is "Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you watch a lot of

    尼采應該說的是"凡是不殺你的東西,都會讓你看很多。

  • Cartoon Network and drink mid-price Chardonnay at 11 in the morning."

    卡通頻道,早上11點喝平價夏多內酒。

  • Now, by definition, Commencement speakers at an Ivy League college are considered successful.

    現在,根據定義,常春藤大學的開學典禮演講被認為是成功的。

  • But a little over a year ago, I experienced a profound and very public disappointment.

    但一年多前,我經歷了一次深刻的、非常公開的失望。

  • I did not get what I wanted, and I left a system that had nurtured and helped define

    我沒有得到我想要的東西,我離開了一個培養和幫助定義的系統。

  • me for the better part of 17 years. I went from being in the center of the grid to not

    我在17年中的大部分時間。我從在網格的中心到不

  • only off the grid, but underneath the coffee table that the grid sits on, lost in the shag

    只不過是在網格之外,但在網格所處的茶几下面,迷失在長毛毯中。

  • carpeting that is underneath the coffee table supporting the grid. It was the making of

    地毯,是茶几下面的支撐格局。這是製作

  • a career disaster, and a terrible analogy. But then something spectacular happened. Fogbound,

    職業生涯的災難,和一個可怕的類比。但後來發生了一些壯觀的事情。霧封。

  • with no compass, and adrift, I started trying things. I grew a strange, cinnamon beard.

    沒有指南針,漂流,我開始嘗試一些事情。我長出了奇怪的桂花鬍子。

  • I dove into the world of social media. I started tweeting my comedy. I threw together a national

    我進入了社交媒體的世界。我開始在推特上發佈我的喜劇。我組建了一個全國性的

  • tour. I played the guitar. I did stand-up, wore a skin-tight blue leather suit, recorded

    巡演。我彈吉他我做了站立,穿著緊身的藍色皮衣,錄製。

  • an album, made a documentary, and frightened my friends and family. Ultimately, I abandoned

    一張專輯,拍了一部紀錄片,嚇壞了我的朋友和家人。最終,我放棄了

  • all preconceived perceptions of my career path and stature and took a job on basic cable

    所有對我的職業道路和地位的先入為主的看法,並在基本的有線電視上找到了一份工作。

  • with a network most famous for showing reruns, along with sitcoms created by a tall, black

    與一個網絡最著名的播放重播, 以及情景喜劇創造了一個高大的,黑色的。

  • man who dresses like an old, black woman. I did a lot of silly, unconventional, spontaneous

    穿得像個老黑女人的男人。我做了很多愚蠢的, 非傳統的,自發的。

  • and seemingly irrational things and guess what: with the exception of the blue leather

    和看似不合理的事情,你猜怎麼著:除了藍色的皮鞋之外

  • suit, it was the most satisfying and fascinating year of my professional life. To this day I still don't understand exactly

    西裝,這是我職業生活中最滿意、最迷人的一年。 直到今天,我仍然不明白究竟

  • what happened, but I have never had more fun, been more challengedand this is importanthad

    但我從來沒有過更多的樂趣,更多的挑戰--這一點很重要--有。

  • more conviction about what I was doing. How could this be true? Well, it's simple:

    對我所做的事情更加堅信。這怎麼可能是真的呢?嗯,這'很簡單。

  • There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized.

    這輩子沒有什麼事情比讓你最害怕的事情實現更讓人自由。

  • I went to college with many people who prided themselves on knowing exactly who they were

    我和很多人一起上大學,他們都以知道自己是誰而自豪

  • and exactly where they were going. At Harvard, five different guys in my class told me that

    以及他們到底要去哪裡。在哈佛大學,我班上有五個不同的人告訴我說

  • they would one day be President of the United States. Four of them were later killed in

    他們有一天會成為美國總統。他們中的四個人後來在

  • motel shoot-outs. The other one briefly hosted Blues Clues, before dying senselessly in yet

    汽車旅館的槍戰。另一個短暫地主持了藍調線索,之前死於毫無意義的又

  • another motel shoot-out. Your path at 22 will not necessarily be your path at 32 or 42.

    又是一場汽車旅館的槍戰。你在22歲的道路不一定是你在32歲或42歲的道路。

  • One's dream is constantly evolving, rising and falling, changing course. This happens

    一個人'的夢想是不斷髮展的,起起落落,改變方向。這種情況的發生

  • in every job, but because I have worked in comedy for twenty-five years, I can probably

    但因為我在喜劇界工作了二十五年,所以我大概可以做到

  • speak best about my own profession. Way back in the 1940s there was a very, very

    說起我自己的職業,我最有發言權。早在20世紀40年代,有一個非常,非常的

  • funny man named Jack Benny. He was a giant star, easily one of the greatest comedians

    有趣的人叫傑克-本尼。他是個大明星,很容易成為最偉大的喜劇演員之一。

  • of his generation. And a much younger man named Johnny Carson wanted very much to be

    他那一代人的。而一個叫約翰尼-卡森的更年輕的人非常想成為...

  • Jack Benny. In some ways he was, but in many ways he wasn't. He emulated Jack Benny, but

    傑克-本尼。在某些方面,他是,但在許多方面,他是不是'。他模仿傑克-本尼,但

  • his own quirks and mannerisms, along with a changing medium, pulled him in a different

    他自己的怪癖和舉止,以及不斷變化的媒介,把他拉進了一個不同的世界。

  • direction. And yet his failure to completely become his hero made him the funniest person

    的方向。然而他沒有完全成為自己的英雄,卻讓他成為最有趣的人。

  • of his generation. David Letterman wanted to be Johnny Carson, and was not, and as a

    的一代人。大衛-萊特曼想成為約翰尼-卡森,但卻不是,作為一個。

  • result my generation of comedians wanted to be David Letterman. And none of us are. My

    結果我們這一代的喜劇演員都想成為大衛-萊特曼。而我們都不是。我的

  • peers and I have all missed that mark in a thousand different ways. But the point is

    同行和我都曾千方百計地錯過了這一關。但問題是

  • this : It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes

    這。正是我們未能成為我們所認為的理想,最終定義了我們,並使我們

  • us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your

    我們獨一無二。這並不容易,但如果你接受你的不幸並正確處理它,你的。

  • perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.

    覺察到的失敗可以成為深刻的再創新的催化劑。

  • So, at the age of 47, after 25 years of obsessively pursuing my dream, that dream changed. For decades,

    於是,在47歲那年,在執著地追求了25年的夢想之後,這個夢想改變了。幾十年來。

  • in show business, the ultimate goal of every comedian was to host The Tonight Show. It

    在演藝界,每個喜劇演員的終極目標是主持《今夜秀》。它

  • was the Holy Grail, and like many people I thought that achieving that goal would define

    是聖盃,和許多人一樣,我以為實現這個目標就可以定義為...

  • me as successful. But that is not true. No specific job or career goal defines me, and

    我是成功的。但事實並非如此。沒有具體的工作或職業目標來定義我,而且。

  • it should not define you. In 2000—in 2000—I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and

    它不應該定義你。在2000年--2000年,我告訴畢業生們不要害怕失敗,並且。

  • I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment

    我還是相信的。但今天我告訴你,無論你怕不怕,失望

  • will come. The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes

    會來的。美妙的是,通過失望,你可以獲得清晰的認識,而清晰的認識就會帶來

  • conviction and true originality. Many of you here today are getting your diploma

    的信念和真正的原創性。今天在座的很多人都拿到了你們的畢業證書

  • at this Ivy League school because you have committed yourself to a dream and worked hard

    在這所常春藤盟校,因為你已經為夢想付出了自己的努力。

  • to achieve it. And there is no greater cliché in a commencement address than "follow your

    來實現它。而在畢業典禮致辭中,最老套的莫過於"follow your

  • dream." Well I am here to tell you that whatever you think your dream is now, it will probably

    夢."好吧,我在這裡告訴你,不管你現在認為你的夢想是什麼,它可能會

  • change. And that's okay. Four years ago, many of you had a specific vision of what your

    變化。而這'沒關係。四年前,你們中的許多人對你們的產品有一個具體的願景,那就是

  • college experience was going to be and who you were going to become. And I bet, today,

    大學的經歷將是 和你將成為誰。而我打賭,今天。

  • most of you would admit that your time here was very different from what you imagined.

    你們中的大多數人都會承認,你們在這裡的時間和你們想象的很不一樣。