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  • They were married and lived happily ever after.

    他們結婚後,從此過著幸福快樂的日子。

  • The end.

    完結。

  • I did watch a lot of Disney movies.

    我看過很多迪士尼系列的電影。

  • I remember my first ever romantic film was "A Walk to Remember."

    我還記得我第一部看的愛情電影是《留住一片情》。

  • I think rom-coms sort of set an expectationary standard when it comes to what your relationship should be.

    我想愛情喜劇會讓你對愛情關係應該要是什麼樣子設定了一個期待值。

  • I remember thinking that, oh, that's how it works.

    我記得當時是想說「喔,原來那樣是行得通的」。

  • I'm going to meet this really handsome dude.

    我即將會遇到這麼帥的男生。

  • You fall in love with one person, and then you stick with them.

    你愛上一個人,你會一直跟他在一起。

  • Do you want to get married, and live happily ever after?

    你會想要結婚,從此過著幸福快樂的日子嗎?

  • If you grew up reading fairy tales, watching Disney cartoons and Hollywood movies, you probably do.

    如果你從小看這些童話故事、迪士尼卡通或好萊塢的電影,你應該會這麼想。

  • But have you ever thought that this gold standard of love is just a myth?

    但你有想過其實這個黃金標準的愛情只是一個迷思?

  • Have you ever considered that this whole happily ever after idea may actually be damaging you and hurting your chances to be happy?

    你有曾經想過這「從此過著幸福快樂的日子」的想法其實會破壞你獲得幸福的機會嗎?

  • You know, the happily ever after myth, that gold standard to which we're all aspiring to, was only created about 400 years ago, when the lifespan was less than 40 years of age.

    其實這個我們都嚮往的黃金標準是來自 400 年前,因為當時的人均壽命不超過 40 歲。

  • This is Katherine Woodward Thomas, the author of "Conscious Uncoupling," The New York Times best-selling book and new Mindvalley Quest.

    這是 Katherine Woodward Thomas,是《親愛的,分手不是你的錯》的作者,曾上榜紐約時報暢銷書和作為 Mindvalley 的探索課程之一 (針對人類發展和智慧傳播)。

  • It was created in Venice, Italy, where, at the time, most of the people were born into utter poverty, with no hope of ever escaping.

    這是源自義大利的威尼斯,當時大部分的人都生於極度貧困的家庭,就連逃離的希望都沒有。

  • Half the children were dying before they reached their 16th birthday.

    有一半的小孩都過不了 16 歲的生日。

  • Life conditions were harsh and dire.

    當時的生活條件嚴峻且危急。

  • Just think of it.

    試想一下。

  • When we look at the happily ever after myth, we always see a commoner marrying a noble person and coming into great wealth as a result.

    每次我們看到「過著幸福快樂的日子」迷思時,總是看到平民嫁給貴族,最終獲得豐厚的財富。

  • So this myth, which was first created as an escapist fantasy to help people survive at a very difficult time, has now somehow become the covert standard to which we're holding ourselves and each other accountable to.

    其實這個迷思最初是為了逃避現實而編造的幻想,希望可以幫助大家在困難時期堅持生存;可是現在卻成為對自己和對方負責的隱晦標準。

  • Everybody wants to get married.

    每個人都想結婚。

  • Marriage is good.

    婚姻很好。

  • It's a fine institution.

    這是個很好的制度。

  • Ruth B. Bottingheimer, a research professor in the Department of Cultural Analysis and Theory at Stony Brook University, dates the obsession with weddings to the 1500s, when the first fairy tales emerged in Europe.

    石溪大學文化分析與理論系的研究教授 Ruth B. Bottigheimer 認為,對婚禮的執著是源自 1500 年代,當時第一個童話故事在歐洲出現。

  • Ms. Bottigheimer says, "These stories all culminate in a wedding, usually that of a woman who elevates her status in the world by getting hitched."

    Bottigheimer 女士說,「這些故事全都是以婚禮作結束,故事中的女人都因結婚而攀升至一定的地位。」

  • Once you became my wife, that made you...

    只要成為我的妻子,你會變成…

  • A princess.

    公主。

  • Weddings historically have this long association with material well-being.

    長久以來,婚禮與物質上的幸福都會聯想在一起。

  • If not, you have a miserable life as a maiden aunt, a lady in waiting, where you serve someone else's life.

    不然,你會過著像「老姑婆」或是像用盡一生服侍他人的宮女般可憐的生活。

  • A wedding is social success.

    婚禮等同於社會成功。

  • But today, the context of our lives is completely different from five centuries ago.

    可是現今我們的生活環境和 500 年前已經不一樣了。

  • Why then do we still believe those myths and expect them to become a reality, and what's even worse, shame and blame ourselves for failing to realize them?

    那為什麼我們還相信這些迷思並期望它會實現?甚至更糟的是,因為無法實現而感到羞愧和自責?

  • Divorced, again.

    離婚,又來。

  • We should probably thank our media for that.

    我們該好好的感謝媒體帶給我們這些觀念。

  • You see, as girls, we grew up thinking that the wedding gown was the most important dress in our lives.

    看看我們女生,從小長大都認為婚紗是一生中最重要的一套衣服。

  • Not only because our moms told us that, but also because we saw it in every happy ending of every fairy tale story.

    不只是因為我們的媽媽告訴我們,還有是每個童話故事中幸福快樂的結局。

  • We grew up on Disney cartoons about princesses.

    我們從小看的都是迪士尼卡通的公主們。

  • And what do princesses do?

    公主們都會做什麼?

  • They get married.

    結婚。

  • Just marry the prince, always look pretty and live happily ever after.

    嫁給王子後漂亮地過著一輩子幸福快樂的日子。

  • And the guys grew up believing that apart from becoming a superhero or succeeding in career, getting a cool car or defeating a dragon, they had to still accomplish one more thing to be fully happy.

    這些男生自小相信除了要成為超級英雄或事業闖出一番成就,又或是擁有一台酷炫的車或打敗巨龍以外,還要完成一件事才能算圓滿。

  • They had to find the one.

    他們要找到生命中的唯一。

  • She's the one.

    她就是那個唯一。

  • And so we do what we were told to believe.

    因此就去做了我們一直以來被告知要相信的事情。

  • We meet, we fall in love, we have a wedding, AKA the best day of our lives, as if everything after is doomed to get worse.

    我們相識相愛,然後辦婚禮,亦稱為那是我們生命中最美好的一天,就彷彿預想以後的日子會變得難過。

  • By the way, we also spend thousands of dollars on that day, and then we expect the credits to roll while our lives stay in a permanent state of happily ever after.

    順帶一提,當天還會花很多錢,然後我們會期望結婚後的我們就從此永遠過著幸福快樂的日子。

  • The end.

    結束。

  • But it doesn't really work that way in real life, right?

    不過現實生活中並不是這樣,對吧?

  • It's important to question our cultural assumptions and myths because they might not actually be appropriate for us to be aspiring to.

    懂得質疑文化上的假定和迷思是很重要的,因為它們實際上可能不適合我們去嚮往。

  • And as much as we love the idea of meeting and mating with just one person for life, which some of us will be fortunate enough to do, the truth is what's actually normal for us is serial monogamy.

    就算我們喜歡「只和一個人相識相愛一輩子」的想法,當然有些人很幸運可以做得到,事實這就是大家所認知的「一夫一妻制」。

  • Studies show that statistically, most of us will have two to three significant relationships in our lifetime.

    有數據研究顯示,大多數人的一生中會有兩至三段刻骨銘心的愛情。

  • Given that more people are going to divorce this year than buy a new car, or eat grapefruit for breakfast, I think it's time that we begin to rethink the goals of love to which we are aspiring and to stop feeling like such a failure when our relationships end before someone dies.

    鑑於今年要離婚的人比買新車或吃葡萄柚作早餐的人還多,其實我認為我們該重新來思考我們所嚮往的愛情目標,還有當我們的關係在某人死亡之前就結束時,不要再覺得這是重大的失敗。。

  • Because many of us will indeed experience the pain of a breakup.

    因為我們很多人都會經歷分手的痛苦。

  • And inside of this happily ever after myth, we've never actually learned how to transition out of our relationships well.

    在這個「從此過著幸福快樂的日子」迷思的深層意義中,我們未曾真正學會如何好好過渡自己的關係。

  • And most of us will slip into a sense of shame and despair at the end of a relationship as though we have completely failed.

    儘管我們無法走下去,但大部分的人都會在一段關係結束時陷入羞恥和絕望的感覺。

  • If you find that you're holding yourself accountable to standards that you're not actually committed to, I invite you to just start to let those go.

    如果你發現自己要對自己並未真正承諾的標準負責,我勸你該開始放手。

They were married and lived happily ever after.

他們結婚後,從此過著幸福快樂的日子。

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「從此過著幸福快樂的日子」?童話故事幸福結局其實都是騙人的?(How Movies Distort Our Idea of Love Relationships)

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    Fibby 發佈於 2019 年 12 月 24 日
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