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so I was thinking about love I was
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thinking about how difficult it is for
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us to find and to to maintain the love
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that we all yearn for and it kind of
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dawned on me that I think a big part of
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the problem is that we miss define love
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it's possible that no other one subject
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has been more analyzed talked about and
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experienced by every single person on
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this planet than love and yet we really
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have no clue what it is the me and Jada
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was reflected about you cannot make a
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person happy you can make a person smile
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you can make a person feel good you can
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make a person laugh but whether or not a
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person is happy is deeply and totally
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and utterly out of your control the
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thing that we call love the thing that
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we're searching for and we're trying to
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create that we call love is actually not
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love
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J Krishnamurti talked about the the
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concept of the desire pleasure paradigm
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that we think about love in terms of
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desire and pleasure meaning that if you
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meet my needs then I love you if you
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don't then I don't so that love becomes
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transactional if you do what I want if
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you meet my desire and give me pleasure
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I love you if you don't meet my desire
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and you don't give me pleasure I don't
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love you I think that that is the
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insatiable nature of desire trying to
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get somebody to fill our cup
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I think that that leads to to anger and
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it leads to frustration and ultimately
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it makes us break apart from people
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my daughter Willow really taught me a
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hard lesson I think that the real
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paradigm for love is Gardner flour so
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the relationship that a gardener has
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with a flower is the the gardener wants
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to flower to be what the flower is
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designed to be not what the gardener
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wants the flower to be you want the
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flower to bloom and to blossom and to
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become what it wants to be you want it
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to become what God designed it to be
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you're not demanding that it become what
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you need it to be for your ego anything
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other than all of your gifts wide open
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giving and nourishing this flower into
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their greatness is not love
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[Music]
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I came up with it with a thing that I
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that has been really helpful to me love
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is spelled l u v listen understand and
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validate what you hear as true listening
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is a magnificent superpower a really
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deep listening and we can't listen if we
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got something that we want to say
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listening is a connective energy
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learning how to quiet your own mind and
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quiet your own thoughts and quiet your
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own needs and desires and listen to what
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the other person is saying you is
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understand that you have to truly
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understand what the person is saying to
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you there is nothing that feels better
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to a human being than to feel understood
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the mission is to thoroughly and
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completely understand what the person is
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saying and what has been helpful for me
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is to repeat back what the person has
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said to you and then the V is validate
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the things that you recognize as true in
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what they say validate them as true yes
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I get it
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I understand that I see that got it so
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the validation is a huge part of
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creating a loving environment with a
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person l UV listen understand validate
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at its core a think love is help
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everybody is having a hard time so love
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is really devotion to their struggle
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it's when you're committed to helping
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somebody with their life helping them to
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suffer less you know helping them to
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manage their minds and their emotions I
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think love is a deep desire for our
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loved ones growth and their blossoming
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and their all-around well-being when you
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love somebody you want them to feel good
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you want them to be happy and you want
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to see them succeed in life and love
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really demands an in-depth understanding
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of their hopes and their dreams and
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their fears their needs and trauma I
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think love is giving and sharing our
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gifts for the purpose of nurturing
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empowering them and helping them to
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create their greatest joys
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[Music]