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  • Hey there, Fredrick

  • What you doing?

  • Oh, hello brother of mine.

  • Why, I'm just studying for a math test tomorrow.

  • Braxton brother, shouldn't you also be studying for the test?

  • Well, you see Frederick, due to my high levels of apathy, and the stress of knowing that I'll never be good at math,

  • I've decided to completely give up and even trying to do good on the test.

  • (Look of disapproval)

  • So, what are you gonna do instead?

  • Oh? I'm just gonna go watch some YouTube videos.

  • SKOOL SUCKS!

  • Especially

  • MATH.

  • When will I ever use geometry/trigonometry/calculus (When you're bored)

  • In the REAL world? (never.)

  • I think you're only saying that because you're bad at geometry/trigonometry/calculus

  • Why is everyone so quick to hate on math?

  • Math is easy!

  • How many essays did you have to write for math class?

  • Oh that's right! e^{i\pi }+1.

  • Which is zero.

  • One thing I would change about math class, is I think it's dumb that you have to

  • "Show your work".

  • [ugh]

  • Do you know how much harder it is to cheat when you have to show your work?

  • "Dear Math,

  • solve your own problems."

  • Tweeted MatPat.

  • "I HATE MAT!" Replied ProTayToeGamer.

  • Hey, that's not very nice of you, ProTay! All he did was tweet about math.

  • Maybe what you really hate is spelling.

  • Or maybe you really do hate MatPat.

  • Well, two can play at this game!

  • When will I ever need to know about the themes and symbolisms in "To Kill A Mockingbird" when I go into "the real world"?

  • That's right. Never! You don't need to know anything to be in "the real world".

  • Okay, I think we can all agree that a lot of what school teaches you

  • isn't that important, and there's definitely more important things schools could be teaching you.

  • Like taxes or...

  • ...how to pick a good president. (I wish we did)

  • But I'm not the one who makes the curriculum

  • so why am I even talking about it?

  • Regardless of how broken your education system is,

  • you should always stay in school, kids.

  • (Oh hey Dave)

  • I was a good student in school, not counting college,

  • and look how I turned out.

  • I'm not using everything

  • I learned in school almost every day!

  • Sure, you'll probably never need to know

  • that much about Shakespeare's plays.

  • But hey, now you know how to read old-timey complicated books!

  • And, no, you'll probably never have to find the area under a curve ever.

  • But, now you can say that you can!

  • And isn't that what life's all about?

  • So, enough with this introduction,

  • I'm gonna be telling you all some of my School Stories.

  • What do you mean Jaiden already made a video on school stories?

  • Jaiden: GET YOUR OWN IDEAS!

  • Did she call them school stories?

  • *sigh* I already stole from her like two videos ago! Okay, just... I'll think of something.

  • so, enough with this introduction,

  • I'm gonna be telling you all some of my...

  • Academy Anecdotes.

  • So you know how guys can pee standing up? It's amazing.

  • Ladies, if you've never peed standing up, then you're missing out!

  • But there are some rules that apply with having this superpower.

  • Like, don't go to a urinal right next to another guy, unless it's absolutely necessary.

  • Or, if the urinals don't have a divider,

  • Then everyone can all agree to keep your eyes and mind straight.

  • These rules have been taught to us at a very young age. By the time we were in elementary school,

  • we were all pros at peeing. Except for some of us when we were asleep.

  • But, that's not important! So at this point in life,

  • We all should have known what we were doing.

  • But there's this one kid who I guess no one ever taught him how to pee correctly. This kid, I'm not gonna say

  • his race because it doesn't matter. But when he went to the bathroom,

  • he would pull his pants and underwear all the way down to the ground.

  • Some of the ladies watching this might be thinking:

  • "Wait, is that not how guys pee?"

  • Ladies, you'll just have to trust me on this,

  • But that is the most wrong way a person can pee...

  • The first time I saw the kid doing this was when I was in the urinal right next to him. "PEE FASTER!" screamed the remarkably uncomfortable James.

  • As us 2 bros were peeing, A 3rd bro walked into the bathroom, saw this kid's.... bottom and just went, "OOH!",

  • and walked out of the bathroom... I wish I could have done the same.

  • How do you tell someone: "Hey man, when you pee like that...

  • everyone can see your butt... so just....

  • Here, let me show you how to do it."

  • I don't know what happened to that kid, but I think he would agree with me that math is easy.

  • He was Asian. When I was little I had a very weird sense of humor,

  • so in the fifth grade, there was this girl I'd known for a long time,

  • we weren't strangers, or anything and one day I said to her: "you have two big blue zits,

  • right there."

  • And I pointed at her eyes, I was talking about her eyes, I called her eyes zits, GET IT??!!

  • She, uhhhh... Immiediately slapped me.

  • Probably because that joke was so awful.

  • And that was the first time I ever got slapped by someone, who wasn't a family member

  • And yes it was Priscilla, the girl I sat next to in the Cardboard Boat video.

  • She "claims" that the slap was an accident and that she was just trying to fake slap me to scare me.

  • But, I think she was just really self-conscience about her eyes zits.

  • One time, My 6th grade teacher, (who was the same height as all of us), threw a stapler across the room,

  • because we wouldn't stop talking.

  • Here's an anecdote about the first time I got detention.

  • And, it isn't that exciting. I was in the 7th grade and our class was at a computer lab.

  • The kid sitting next to me, his race doesn't matter so I'm not gonna say it...

  • ...Asian, kept changing the computer's wallpaper to cats and he kept showing me.

  • To be fair, I thought what he was doing was hilarious.

  • Then, I asked him, "Can you change the background to Chuck Norris?"

  • That just goes to shows you how long ago this story took place.

  • He showed me what he did, I laughed but then the teacher said, "Who's changing the wallpapers?"

  • She was able to see everyone screens from her computer. The kid said:

  • "Me and James were!"

  • Dude! Don't bring me into this!

  • You were the one changing the wallpapers!

  • I mean, I was involved a little.

  • But, don't drag me down with you!

  • We ended up getting detention, except my school didn't call it detention, they called it "C.A.R.E".

  • Which, I'm sure is an acronym for something.

  • If it wasn't an acronym, that would have been a weird thing to call detention.

  • Let's just say it stood for: "Cids Are Really Extra".

  • The whole time I was in C.A.R.E I kept thinking in my head:

  • "Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, if they see you cry you might as well move to China!"

  • And that was the only time I got detention.

  • Except, it wasn't called detention.

  • So, I still have a clean record!

  • Alright, here's the last anecdote.

  • This one happened when I was in the 11th Grade.

  • I was in a AP U.S. History class and I had it for a 0 hour.

  • So that meant I was at the class before school even started.

  • And I was way too tired learn about Presidents.

  • I was sitting in class, when all of the sudden, I sneezed very loudly.

  • And it was an above average sneeze, like one of those sneezes you had to lean into it.

  • And after I sneezed this kid near me said,

  • "Ay, yo, Mr Teacher, can we get some tissues? This boy got a bloody nose."

  • And I thought: "Oh shoot! I do?!

  • Well, that sneeze was pretty violent and I did picked my nose a few minutes ago."

  • And then the teacher looked right at me and said:

  • "Oh yeah, you can just go to the bathroom."

  • So I got up and as I was walking to the door. I felt my face and realized: "Wait a minute...

  • I don't have a bloody nose!"

  • I turned around, and there was a kid who actually did have a bloody nose walking towards me.

  • I'm not gonna say the race of the kid because it doesn't matter...

  • Canadian, but I was in a pretty awkward situation, so I punched myself until I actually DID get a bloody nose-

  • nahhhh I'm just kidding. What I really did was I said out loud,

  • "I have to go to the bathroom, too."

  • And, then, I left.

  • I didn't REALLY have to go to the bathroom.

  • I didn't want to see another exposed butt, anyway. So, I just waited outside awkwardly for a long time.

  • I got an A in that class, by the way.

  • If you were wondering.

  • I still don't use anything I learned in that class.

  • Mmm... Before I begin this endcard,

  • I just want to say that I got some

  • brand new shirts and sweatshirts

  • up in the merch store.

  • Just in time for Thanksgiving.

  • MMM! Look how snazzy those shirts look!

  • Don't you just want to buy them?

  • Oh and also this Harry the Moth shirt

  • comes with a Harry the Moth pin.

  • I'm thinking about releasing some more pins in the future.

  • so just keep out on the lookout for them.

  • I want to explain a joke in the video,

  • because it was very funny and you won't get it unless you know the context.

  • Remember that part where i said:

  • "Right, Dave?"

  • And it cuts to me and some guy in the soundbooth?

  • Well that, dear viewer,

  • was another youtuber named "boyinaband".

  • Who is probably most famous for being

  • idubbbz's ghost writer.

  • but he also made a pretty popular video called:

  • "Don't Stay in School".

  • So as I said:

  • "And that's why you should always stay in school, kids!"

  • it cuts to me and Dave being like, "Right, Dave?"

  • And it's funny because... he made the.. don't stay in school...

  • it's actually a pretty good video, I agree with

  • a lot of points in that video.

  • but, as I said in my video,

  • I don't make the curriculum,

  • so...

  • I don't care. *laughs*

  • Thank you, RushLight Invader for helping color the pictures.

  • He's going to hopefully be doing that forever now.

  • I'm really tired.. and wear your seatbelts!

Hey there, Fredrick

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B1 中級 美國腔

學院軼事(學校故事 (Academy Anecdotes (School Stories))

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    kuangkuang 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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