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  • Hey.

  • It's Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business and life

  • you love.

  • Now if you sometimes feel like a fraud no matter how much you accomplish or do, this

  • episode is for you.

  • Today's question comes from Z, who writes, "Hey Marie.

  • I'm really struggling with Impostor Syndrome.

  • No matter how many people tell me I'm amazing, and I've really helped them, no matter how

  • much progress I make in my business and life, I still feel like it's all a fluke and I actually

  • suck, and I should give up.

  • I know that's normal.

  • Lots of people have it, but hey, all the more reason to ask for your help.

  • Got any tips?

  • Thanks so much.

  • Z."

  • Oh Z, my love.

  • Yes, yes, yes.

  • This is a great question.

  • You know, according to the International Journal of Behavioral Science, a whopping 70% of us

  • suffer from Impostor Syndrome, or that feeling of being a total fraud.

  • So you're right, you are normal.

  • And guess what, you're actually in very good company.

  • In fact, here are just a few people you might've heard of who can totally relate.

  • Jennifer Lopez said, "Even though I had sold 70 million albums, there I was feeling like

  • I'm no good at this."

  • Jodie Foster said, "When I won the Oscar, I thought it was a fluke.

  • I thought everybody would find out and they'd take it back.

  • 'Excuse me, we meant to give that to someone else.

  • That was going to Meryl Streep.'"

  • Even the legendary Maya Angelou said, "I've written 11 books, but each time I think, 'uh

  • oh, they're going to find out now.

  • I've run a game on everybody and they're going to find me out.'"

  • While this fraud feeling impacts everyone, it tends to hit women the hardest.

  • Why?

  • Because as women and members of other traditionally underrepresented groups, it's easy to look

  • around and feel out of place or like we don't belong.

  • And socially, we've been conditioned to self-deprecate and downplay our abilities.

  • When we internalize that message that we're not the real deal, we suffer major consequences,

  • and not just emotionally or mentally, but financially.

  • I'm talking smaller careers and smaller bank accounts.

  • That's why it's so, so, so important that we're talking about this.

  • Let's dive in with six strategies to help you combat those negative effects of Impostor

  • Syndrome.

  • Strategy number one is share the shame.

  • Most people who are high achievers feel this way, but never talk about it.

  • It's like this dirty little secret that everyone's afraid to admit.

  • I will tell you right now, I still feel this way.

  • And I've been doing what I'm doing for almost two decades.

  • My friend, Brene Brown, says this, "As a shame researcher, I know that the very best thing

  • to do in the midst of a shame attack is totally counterintuitive.

  • Practice courage and reach out."

  • A-to-the-men, Brene.

  • And amen to you, Z, for sharing with this question.

  • You know why?

  • Because shame always shrivels when you share it out loud.

  • Here's what to do to take this even further.

  • What I want you to do is put a few people on speed dial for when that fraud festival

  • comes to town and it won't go away.

  • These folks are your new hashtag fraud squad, people who you can jump on a call with and

  • just say something like, "You know, hey guys.

  • I'm feeling like I kind of suck right now.

  • Can you remind me why I don't?"

  • Now naturally, you should be willing to return the favor.

  • You want to be that person who's always lifting others up and reminding them of how great

  • they are, especially when they can't see it for themselves.

  • Strategy number two, shine your light out, not in.

  • Now I did a whole episode about this idea that you should watch right after this one.

  • And I will put a link below.

  • But here's the flashlight method in a nutshell.

  • Z, I want you to think about your attention, your mental and emotional and spiritual energy

  • as a flashlight.

  • And that flashlight can only shine in one direction, so in any given moment that flashlight

  • is either shining in on you, and how insecure you are and how much of a fraud you feel like.

  • Or it's shining out, where your attention is on your customer, what they feel and what

  • they need and want, and most importantly, how you can help them.

  • Now here's the cool part.

  • When your life is 100% focused on your customers or helping people, you've got zero light shining

  • in on you.

  • That means you have zero attention on your fraud feelings, which means they practically

  • disappear.

  • The next time you catch yourself feeling like a fraud, I want you to remember that you're

  • probably shining your light on yourself, rather than directing it to where it can be most

  • useful and most joyful, which is out on helping other people.

  • Strategy number three is start a hype file.

  • Now you may have heard of a swipe file, and I'm suggesting that you start a hype file.

  • This is a place where you can keep a running list of compliments and thank yous and any

  • comments from people who've shared how you've helped them.

  • The next time you're feeling like a fraud, all I want you to do is open up that hype

  • file.

  • Marie is a living miracle.

  • If loving Marie is wrong, I don't want to be right.

  • Marie, best show ever.

  • I got your logo tattooed on my...

  • You inspired me to start a business.

  • You inspired me to start 10 businesses.

  • And let them remind you that, yes, you are the real deal.

  • Strategy number four, track your successes and your stumbles.

  • Two facets of Impostor Syndrome are that, one, we don't internalize our success.

  • And two, we are terrified of making mistakes.

  • That's why it's really important that you start to keep a list of both.

  • For example, every year I do a year in review.

  • I write down each year's successes and my stumbles, and most important, what I've learned

  • from them all.

  • This way, I have this very factual list of what I've accomplished, and the mistakes I

  • made along the way.

  • And I can see that not only did those mistakes not ruin me, but they helped me get stronger,

  • and they helped me get better, which makes me less afraid of making more of them in the

  • future.

  • We did a whole episode on this year in review process too, so that link is also below.

  • Strategy number five is get a go-to mantra.

  • This strategy involves making up just this little phrase that you can say to yourself

  • in those clutch moments, either when you're about to go into a big meeting, or when you

  • just need to sit down and do your work.

  • Mindy Kaling, whom I love, suggested this as a motto.

  • "Why the fuck not me?"

  • And she's got the book to back it up.

  • Now I have to say, I've got my own version that I pull out when I need it every once

  • in a while too.

  • You're Marie fucking Forleo.

  • You've got this, bitch."

  • Okay.

  • Say it back.

  • You're Marie fucking Forleo.

  • You've got this, bitch.”

  • Yeah, you do.

  • Chest bump.

  • Now a little science note here.

  • When it comes to motivational self talk, research shows that talking to yourself in the third

  • person can help you actually feel less anxiety and perform better, so get yourself a go to

  • mantra, and some bonus points if you use your first name.

  • Finally, strategy number six is be humble.

  • Look, the most accomplished and respected people in the world stay humble.

  • They're curious.

  • They're openhearted.

  • They're lifelong learners.

  • Don't ever feel like you have to overcompensate for Impostor Syndrome by becoming an arrogant,

  • asshat, know-it-all.

  • Not only do you not have to know it all, but you become extra trustworthy when you say

  • these three magic words: I don't know.

  • You know, I consider myself a forever student.

  • And I happily admit when I have no idea what something is, or how to do something.

  • But you know what, everything is figureoutable, so not knowing doesn't make me a fraud, and

  • it doesn't have to make you one either.

  • And there you have it, six strategies to help you overcome Impostor Syndrome.

  • Z, that was my A to your Q, and I really do hope it helps.

  • Now I would love to hear from you.

  • We've got a two-parter today.

  • First, have you ever felt like a fraud?

  • If so, I want you to shout it out in the comments below.

  • We need to strip the shame attached to this feeling and realize how universal it really

  • is.

  • And then second, I want to know what strategies have helped you stay out of impostor land.

  • And for bonus points, what a fun go to mantra that you can use in those clutch moments?

  • Leave a comment below and let me know.

  • Now as always, the very best conversations happen after the episode over at marieforleo.com,

  • so head on over there and leave a comment now.

  • While you're there, hop onto our email list and become an MF Insider.

  • You'll get instant access to a powerful audio I created called How To Get Anything You Want.

  • Plus, you'll get exclusive content, special giveaways, and some personal updates from

  • me that I don't share anywhere else.

  • Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that very special

  • gift that only you have.

  • Thank you so much for watching, and I'll catch you next time on MarieTV.

  • Hi Marie, I'm really struggering.

  • I like struggering.

  • Struggering.

  • Sounds...

  • Yeah.

  • I'm struggering with something.

  • Maybe I have a career in this.

  • Let's find out.

  • How do you like me now?

  • Et de de ba de de de da da ba do da do do do do da ba do ba dat do do do do da.

Hey.

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如何克服冒牌貨綜合症,不再覺得自己是金光黨? (How to Overcome Impostor Syndrome and Stop Feeling Like a Fraud)

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