I was always trying to be Mandy the singer, Mandy the actress, Mandy the bodybuilder.

我曾經很努力地要當歌星曼蒂、演員曼蒂、健美女王曼蒂。

It was never enough to just be me. I always felt the need to be something else for everybody else.

當我自己永遠不夠，我總嘗試著為每個人扮演好不同的角色。

Ignore what other people think of you; I would just beat myself up inside constantly.

不要管別人如何看待妳；曾經我總是暗自怪罪自己。

It was things like they hate you, they're staring at you, they don't like what you're wearing.

那些人討厭妳、那些人瞪視著妳、那些人不欣賞妳的穿著。

I was just a mess and I was ill, I just didn't know I needed help.

我把自己弄得一團糟，我病了，只是我那時不知道我需要尋求幫助。

My relationship with my husband brought me so much happiness, but ultimately it couldn't save me from my own thoughts and destruction.

我的婚姻為我帶來數不盡的幸福，可是最終它無法拯救我免於毀滅性的念頭。

You'll go through a lot of tragedy in a short space of time.

短短時間裡，妳會經歷到許多可怕的事情。

My marriage had ended, I was involved in a fire, my pet cat died in the fire, Joy.

我的婚姻步入終點、我遇上火災、我的寵物貓 Joy 喪身火海。

And I lost all of my belongings; I had to start again.

而我則失去一切，我得重新開始。

Overnight your life will change forever.

不過是一個晚上，妳的人生天翻地覆。

I reached breaking point; I felt totally empty; I felt like nobody saw me.

我感到崩潰與全然的空虛，我覺得沒有人在乎我。

I just wanted to disappear so I just started running; I started running towards the bridge.

我只想消失，於是我開始跑，跑向一座橋。

I wanted to take my own life.

我當時想結束自己的生命。

I was then admitted to hospital, I finally got the help I needed; I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

後來我被送到醫院，我終於獲得我需要的幫助；我被診斷出罹患邊緣型人格疾患。

I started on medication and I started writing a blog which kind of documented my road to recovery.

我開始服藥，也開始寫一個部落格關於我邁向康復的旅程。

It's become a real community, a real supportive community.

部落格變成了一處互助的社群。

And part of the kind of overall project is this exercise to write a letter to 18-year-old you.

而這個練習是專案的一部份，寫封信給 18 歲的自己。

And I found it a really really therapeutic experience.

我認為這真的非常療癒。

We've had hundreds come in from lawyers, doctors, students, young mums, all doing the same exercise and all getting different things from it.

我們有幾百個人參與，有律師、醫生、學生、年輕媽媽，都做了這樣的活動、得到不一樣的收穫。

I think that there's something different for everybody to be gained from sitting down and reflecting and writing to you at 18.

好好坐下來、想想你要對十八歲的自己說些什麼，為每個人帶來不同感觸。

Some of the women who have written in to me get together and take to the streets to share their own messages of empowerment.

有些寫信給我的女性陪我走上街頭，把正面能量散播出去。

We hand out flowers to strangers to help them feel seen and empowered too.

我們分送花朵給陌生人，讓他們感到被關愛、更有動力。

If I can help others with my own journey then what s not to love?

我能用親身經歷幫助他人，是多麼可貴的一件事情？

My best bit of advice to 18-year-old Mandy? Don't hide parts of yourself from the world.

十八歲的曼蒂，我給妳最重要的建議是？不要隱藏某部分的自己，讓這世界看不見。

The world needs those parts, trust yourself enough to fly.

這世界需要妳的那些特點；相信自己能夠飛翔。