I know I just made a video about school stuff, like, a couple weeks ago

我知道，幾個禮拜前已經做了一個關於學校的影片

But, you know what?

但是，你知道嗎

I just gotta vent a little here, okay?

我就是需要發洩一下，好嗎？

You'll understand in a bit.

你們等一下就會懂了

For my Graphic Design History Lecture, we had to make a 3-4 minute video,

在我的《平面設計史》的課程裡 我們要做一個3~4分鐘的影片

summarizing every chapter we covered during this semester.

對於我們這學期所學到的章節做個總結

And the horrible twist was...

而那殘酷的事實就是...

IT WAS A GROUP PROJECT.

...它是一個團隊報告。

Now, the thing about a college lecture is that:

關於大學課程的報告，你要知道的是:

You don't know anyone.

你不認識任何人。

You come in, sit down wherever you want,

你走進教室裡，隨便找位置坐下來

listen to the professor talk for, like an hour and a half,

大概，花一個半小時聽教授講課

and then you leave.

然後你就離開

Maybe one time, you'll forget a pencil and have to ask the person sitting in front of you for one,

也許某一次你會忘記帶筆，得要向坐在你前面的人借

and the you forget to give it back

然後你會忘記把筆還回去

and now you have some random stranger's pencil.

於是你現在有了一隻陌生人的筆

But they don't care!

但是他們不在乎！

No one cares.

沒有人在乎。

Welcome to College.

歡迎來到大學

When the professor dropped in on us that it was a group project, everyone was like;

當教授說會是一個團隊報告的時候，每個人的反應就像:

"Oh god, freakin', now I gotta pretend that I know these hockey pucks."

"天啊，他媽—，現在我還得假裝我認識這些傢伙"

Basically, everyone just turned around to the closest person around them and was like,

基本上大家做的就是轉身，找到離的最近的人

"You wanna be in a group?"

"你想加入嗎"

"Okay"

"好啊"

I ended up with these two other girls

後來我跟這兩個女生一組

and because I don't want to say their real names, I just Googled

因為我不想說出她們的真實姓名，所以我上網搜尋了

'Most annoying girl names' and Google gave me;

"最惹人厭的女生名子"，然後Google跑出來的結果是

Reneesme and Bloodrayne.

Reneeesme 和 Bloodrayne

Anyone out there named Reneeesme and Bloodrayne,

如果你的名子真的是 Reneeesme 和 Bloodrayne

I'm sorry, I'm sure you're a wonderful person,

我很抱歉，我知道你肯定是個好人

but Google has spoken.

但Google都開口了

So...

所以...

So now I've got Reneeesme and Bloodrayne here in a group with me.

現在我跟Reneeesme 和 Bloodrayne同一組

The project was assigned to us in, like beginning of April

這個報告是在四月初給我們的

so we had about a month to get it done.

所以我們大概有一個月可以完成

We wrote down our contact info and went on with our day.

我們各自留下聯絡方式然後就走了

I was pretty swamped with work at the time,

我深陷於各種工作中

so I wasn't too concerned with getting started right away.

所以我不是很想要立刻就開始做

Two weeks pass and no one would say anything.

兩個禮拜過去了，沒有人出聲

At this point, I decided to take initiative and make a group text.

就在這個時候，我決定主動發一個群組訊息

"Hey guys, it's Jaiden from design history.

嗨，我是平面設計史的Jaiden

We should probably start thinking about the project soon.

我們應該開始想一想如何做報告了

When are you all free?

你們什麼時候有空？

I didn't get a response, but you know what? it's fine.

我沒有得到回應，但是你知道嗎？ 沒關係

I'm sure they've got their own stuff to do.

也許他們只是也有自己的事情要忙

I won't judge. It's not a big deal.

我不會隨便批判，沒什麼大不了的

Another week goes by, and I still haven't heard anything.

一個禮拜又過去了，我還是沒有得到任何消息

Alright, time to get serious.

好喔，該認真起來了

We've got a week to do this now, and we've got nothing.

我們只剩下一個禮拜了，而我們還什麼都沒做

We've got one text in a group chat saying that we should start THINKING

除了一個在群組裡的訊息，說我們該開始"想一想"

about the project that no one's answered.

而且沒有人回應

That's what we've got.

我們的進度就這樣

I took double initiative and decided to get things going by splitting up the chapters evenly between us.

我二度主動做出行動，決定從分配章節開始

There were 7 in total, which meant that one of us was gonna have to cover 3

總共有七個章節，這也就代表說有一個人要報告3個章節

while the other's only had 2.

其他人只要各報告2個

I was nice and gave the 3 chapters to myself.

因為我是個好人，所以我自己拿了3個章節

Group project chivalry.

團隊報告的騎士道

Then I set up a Google Drive project so we could all work on it without having to physically get together,

然後我建了一個Google雲端硬碟 我們才能一起製作報告而不用真的碰面

and texted everyone again.

於是我再次傳了個訊息

I made a plan with them that Monday:

我在禮拜一的時候跟他們定了個計畫:

Meet up on Friday to record our notes and slides so we'd have the weekend to edit the video for next Monday.

在禮拜五的時候會合，錄製幻燈片和筆記 這樣我們週末就有空剪輯影片

I know, not as creative as it could get, but I wasn't about to go crazy overboard here.

我知道，不是我做過最好的計畫 但是我也不想要做的太過火了

Okay, we've got a good plan.

好了，我們有了一個很好的計畫

Not too much stress, a bit last minute, but it's all organized, so it's not that bad.

沒有太大的壓力，雖然有點趕，但是一切都規劃好了 所以沒有那麼糟糕

I had a lot of work during the week, but I got my slides and notes done, and was ready to film on Friday.

在那個禮拜我很忙，不過我的幻燈片和筆記都完成了 已經準備好要在禮拜五的時候錄音

But Thursday night, I get a text from Reneeesme.

但就在星期四晚上，Reneeesme傳了一個訊息

"Hey, so I can't meet up with you guys tomorrow, because I have something going on."

嘿，我明天不能跟你們見面了，因為我有事

Huh.

哼

I got that feeling.

我有個直覺

Like this was the start of something REALLY bad.

覺得這是某個糟糕事件的開端

The little snowball of horribleness that was about to start barreling down the hill of 'f**k you'

一小坨"糟糕"的雪球 從一個名為"去你的"的坡上滾下來

and crash right into my little cabin of composure.

然後直接砸爛我的沉著小木屋

"W-What? I mean, we planned this on Monday. You should have told us that it didn't work for you, or something came up.

什—什麼？我是說，我們在禮拜一的時候就說好了 如果有事或是真的不行的話你應該先說的

What about meeting over the weekend?"

那在週末的時候見面？

"I have work from 7am to 10pm Saturday and Sunday."

我週末要從早上7點工作到晚上10點

THIS FRICKING-

你他媽—

Before too much time passed, I updated Bloodrayne on the situation.

我趕緊跟Bloodrayne說了這狀況

We came to the conclusion that we could just do audio recording of our notes and edit them on top

討論的結果是我們可以錄製各自的筆記 然後直接搭在

of the slides, so Reneeesme could record on her own time.

幻燈片上，這樣Reneeesme就可以在她自己的時間錄了

Alright, back on track. Bit of a bump there, but it's all good now. We've still got a solid plan.

好，回到正軌 有點不順，但是都解決了 我們還是有很好的計畫

Back when we were still planning everything, we decided as a group to have Reneeesme edit the video.

當初在討論的時候，我們原本是要讓Reneeesme 來剪輯影片

But I decided: Yeah, no, I do not trust this girl, I'm gonna edit the whole video.

但是我決定了: 這樣好嗎，不，我不信任她 我要自己剪輯

I know, it's not balanced at all with the amount of work I had to do compared to the other girls.

我知道，跟其他兩位比起來 工作分配一點也不平衡

But you know what? It's fine! Whatever.

但是呢，沒關係！ 管他的

It's better than worrying all weekend about if Reneeesme even knows how to upload a video to the internet.

這樣比起整個週末來 擔心Reneeesme到底會不會上傳影片到網路上好

I get a text Friday morning from Bloodrayne.

我在禮拜五早上接到了Bloodrayne的訊息

"I'm at the library, We're still meeting up right?"

我在圖書館 我們還是有要碰面吧？

What?

什麼？

I asked why, and she said:

我問為什麼，她說

"To record!"

"錄音啊！"

Uh, okay. We don't need to meet up for that, bit I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

呃，好喔 我們不需要為了那個碰面 但是就姑且信她一次吧

Maybe she doesn't know how to record audio or something, and she needs help.

也許她不知道怎麼錄音什麼的，或她需要幫忙

So, I head over to the library with my microphone and we get a table in the corner.

所以我就帶著我的麥克風去了圖書館 我們找了個角落的桌子坐下

"Alright, so just read off your notes into the mic and I'll put them in the video."

好，所以只要朝著麥克風唸出你的筆記 然後我再把它放進影片裡

And you know what this girl does?

結果你知道她做了什麼嗎？

She starts reading the most HORRENDOUS notes I have ever heard in my entire being.

她開始讀起 我從有意識以來 聽過最可怕的筆記

THIS GIRL- This is what she did, right?!

這個女生— 她就是這麼做的，好嗎？！

When I made my slides in the project, I had terms, vocabulary, and key artists

當我在做這個報告的幻燈片的時候 我會把專有名詞，詞彙和主要的藝術家

from the chapter.

從章節裡擷取出來

The notes look like this:

列出來會像這樣

A few main points and terms, and then a couple artists.

幾個要點和專有名詞，以及一些藝術家

The reason they looked so barren is because in my audio, I was going to EXPLAIN them!

會看起來如此貧乏的原因是我要在音頻裡 作 "解釋" ！

THIS GIRL.

這個女的

B-BLOODRAYNE

B-BLOODRAYNE

LITERALLY LOOKED AT MY SLIDES AND SAID:

她就是 看著我的幻燈片然後說

"Alright! This is what I have to do!"

"好喔！接下來我要這麼做！"

AND WROTE HER NOTES EXACTLY LIKE MY SLIDES

把她自己的筆記 完全照抄我的幻燈片

AND THOUGHT SHE COULD JUST READ THEM LIKE THAT WITHOUT ANY DETAILS OR COGNITIVE THOUGHT!

然後以為她就可以這樣照著唸 完全不附加任何細節或認知想法！

Are you kidding?!?!

你 在 開 玩 笑 嗎？！

How did you even pass grade PRESCHOOL??!!?

你是怎麼從幼稚園畢業的？！

I just sat there in disbelief while the girl read the saddest excuse for notes in the most

我就這樣震驚的坐在那 聽著史上最悲慘的筆記

*monotone* unenthusiastic, monotone voice you could imagine.

同時用你所能想像最 毫無情緒，超級單調的聲音

When she was done, she just turned and looked at me like, "I'm done!"

當她唸完的時候，她就轉頭看著我好像說 "我唸完了"

"You-Do you have any notes explaining what you talked about?"

你—你有其他的筆記要解釋你所說的嗎？

"no."

沒有啊

*sigh* "Uh, ok."

*嘆氣* 呃，好

Can you get some notes explaining all your terms and artists?

你可以給我一些筆記 是解釋你那些專有名詞和藝術家的嗎？

Because for the video, we have to explain why you put them in the video,

因為在影片裡面，我們要解釋為什麼要把它們放進去

you know?"

你懂嗎？

"Oh, okay."

喔，好喔

I got back to my dorm and had to take a breather.

我回到了我的宿舍房間 並且得要停下來深呼吸一下

Ok, that was pretty bad, but it's fine.

好，剛剛滿糟糕的，但是沒關係

She'll fix them, send them to me, and I can get started on the video.

她很快就會改好，寄給我 然後我就可以開始剪輯影片了

No big deal, things seem pretty crap, but I'm staying optimistic. It's fine!

沒什麼大不了的，雖然看起來很糟 但是我要正面思考，沒問題的！

"Ok, guys, so can you get me your audio by tonight or tomorrow so I'll have time to edit the video by Monday? Thanks"

所以你們可以在今晚或明天把音檔寄給我嗎？ 這樣我才能在禮拜一之前做好影片 謝謝

They both sent their audio to me past midnight on Saturday.

她們兩個 都在禮拜六午夜過後才傳來

*inhales*

*吸氣*

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT,ALRIGHT,ALRIGHT.

好喔好喔好喔好喔好喔

So I've literally got one day to basically do this entire project now.

所以基本上 我只剩一天可以做好報告了

I'm pretty ticked about this, but I'm too tired at this point to get angry.

我還滿不爽的，但是我太累了根本沒辦法生氣起來

Like I said, I had a lot of work to do during the week.

就像我說過的，我有很多工作要做

And, I just don't have the energy left to exert being mad.

那個禮拜我就是沒有精力再去生氣了

I woke up at 8:00 the nest morning and got to work.

我隔天早上8點起床 然後開始動工

*Clap* Ok, so first things first!

*拍掌* 好，開始吧

I've gotta edit all our audio together.

我先把音頻全部放在一起

I opened up all our clips and put them into the audio software.

我把我們的片段全部打開 放進了編輯軟體裡

Remember how the video was supposed to be 3-4 minutes long?

還記得影片要3~4分鐘嗎？

THIS WAS 16 MINUTES.

這可是 1 6 分 鐘

WHAT. THE. FRIGG.

搞 什 麼

THAT'S 400% OVER THE LIMIT.

這樣完全是原本所限制的400%

*laughter*

*笑聲*

I'm laughing because it hurts.

我笑是因為我很痛苦

THEIR RECORDINGS WENT PAST THE TIME LIMIT

他們的音檔加起來超過了限制長度

JUST ON THEIR OWN WITHOUT ANYTHING ELSE.

就他們兩個的 已經可以超過很多了

HAH. OH, SHOOT! I guess I'll have to listen to this whole thing and see if I can somehow manage to edit it under the limit!

哈哈！好喔！我猜我得要把它全部聽完 然後看我能不能把這些剪到限制以下

I hit play, and began listening to the recording.

我按了播放，然後開始聽音檔

And I couldn't believe what was playing back to me.

我根本不敢相信我聽到了什麼

This is how much I didn't know the girls in my group:

從這裡可以看出我對我的組員認知之少:

I hadn't even heard their voices before this project!

在這報告之前我根本沒聽過她們的聲音！

The first part was Reneeesme's.

第一部分的是Reneeesme的

And she had the thickest, almost undecipherable Asian accent I have ever some across.

而她有我聽過史上 最厚重 最無法解讀的亞洲口音

I really don't mean to be rude or disrespectful or any of that.

我不是故意要冒犯 或是不尊重 之類的

It's freaking hard to learn a second language.

學第二語言超級難的

Massive props to whoever's bilingual.

完全支持所有雙語言的人

But come on!

但是 拜託！

My roommate came in, and I played her the recording

我的室友走進來 然後我把音檔播給她聽

and her facial expression morphed into a

她的臉部表情變成了

'I am both in disbelief and extremely sorry for you'

"我不敢相信而且非常同情你"

At one part, Bloodrayne literally recorded herself on her phone in a car

另外一部分，Bloodrayne根本就是 在車上用手機錄的

WOW LOOK AT THIS GREAT AUDIO!111!!!

哇 聽聽這高品質音頻！！

"What are you doing?!"

你在幹嘛？！

OH, JUST RECORDING MY AUDIO FOR MY FINAL PROJECT, NOTHING MUCH! ᕕ ( ᐛ ) ᕗ

噢，只是在錄我的期末報告而已 沒什麼啦 ᕕ ( ᐛ ) ᕗ

I ended up spending two and a half hours just cutting all out audio down!

結果就是我用了兩個半小時 花在剪輯音檔上！

I think it still ended up being like 5 or 6 seconds over, but I couldn't do anything else about it.

最後大概還是超過了5~6秒吧 但是我已經盡力了

And I didn't even have the video potion started.

而我根本還沒開始做影片的部分

So, sparing you all the painful details of how I literally spent the entire day working on the dumb project my myself.

所以略過 那些我是如何花了一整天 獨力製作這項報告的痛苦細節

NO! You know what??! Not even by myself!

不！你知道嗎？！ 比獨力製作還糟糕！

My team was literally tripping me up, making me end up doing more work than if I just did it completely on my own!

我的團隊根本是在拖累我，讓我做了比我 完全自己來 更多的工作！

And you know how I kept saying that I was really busy during the week with other things?

而先前我不是一直說我那禮拜一直都很忙嗎？

yeah, I meant busy as in every single day leading up to that Friday, I had a major final exam for a different class to do!

沒錯，我是指每一天，到禮拜五 我都有不同課程的期末考試要準備！

YOU GUYS SUCK >:(

你 們 爛 透 了 >:(

Just as I started exporting the final project, one of my really good friends came by to see if I wanted to go get something to eat.

就在我上傳期末報告的時候，我其中一個好朋友 走了進來 看看我要不要一起找東西吃

He noticed how absolutely awful I looked.

他注意到我看起來多糟

"What happened?"

發生了什麼事？

"i'm dead..."

我死了:(

I spent what was left in the day with a few of my buddies.

那天剩下的時間 我都跟我的朋友一起

Then at 11:30 in the FREAKING PM,

然後 在他媽的 半夜11點半

I get a text from none other than Reneeesme.

我接到了來自Reneeseme的訊息

"How's the video going?"

影片如何了？

Wow, I'm glad you're so concerned with the video that you decided to check up on 30 minutes before the turn-in-time.

哇，我真高興你選擇在繳交期限前的30分鐘 表達你對這份報告的擔心

"I finished it after 8 hours of editing."

我用了8個小時把它做完了

"Oh, cool"

喔，好喔

NOT EVEN A GOD F-FLIPPING THANK YOU.

甚 至 沒 有 一 個 天殺的— 謝　謝

I literally did the entire project for you twats in the span of one day, but I guess a thank you is too much to ask for, my bad, sorry.

我幾乎就是幫你們兩個爛人 在一天內做完整個報告，但我猜一聲謝謝要求太多了 我的錯，抱歉

You know, I'm not an angry person.

其實我不是個易怒的人

Pretty much the opposite.

應該算是相反

And I don't like confrontation.

而且我不喜歡吵架

As absolutely pissed off as I was at these girls, I honestly didn't have any energy left to rant to them about how they were being literal dirtwipes.

無論我再對這些女生多生氣，我也不會有精力 為了她們當爛人而對她們吼

So you know what I did instead?

所以你知道 取而代之 我做了什麼嗎？

I'm the one who's editing the video, right?

我是負責剪輯影片的人，對吧？

I'm the one with complete control over what goes into the final project right?

我完全掌控期末報告的內容，對吧？

It's a dog-eat-dog world out here, boys.

孩子們，這是個弱肉強食的世界

Sometimes the sweetest types of revenge are best executed passive-aggressively after the storm without anyone looking or expecting it.

有時候最甜蜜的復仇 只能用消極冷處理的方式熬過風暴 趁沒有人注意的時候下手

Don't worry, I did end up emailing the professor about this whole thing.

別擔心，我最後還是寄了e-mail給教授 跟她講這整件事

Actually, her response was kind of funny and way more dramatic than I expected.

實際上，她的回應比我想像中的 有趣 而且很戲劇化

I still have it look:

我還有截圖下來，看:

"Jaiden,

Jaiden，

Thank you for the report.

謝謝你的通報

Blah, blah, blah

啦啦啦

This rather serious. Do not contact them.

這事件滿嚴重的 不要聯絡她們

You will not lose credit for your work once I get to the bottom of this, but it is likely they will.

在我處理完這件事之後，你會得到你應得的學分 她們可能就不會了

P.S: well done on working hard and persisting in the face of difficulty.

附註: 面對困難的工作和處境 你做得很好

If you're curious, I think I ended up getting like an 83 on the project, which I'll take!

如果你好奇的話，我想我後來在這項報告上 得到了83分，我可以接受的！

I just wanted to pass! Like, Jesus Christ!

我只是想要及格而已 像，老天爺啊！

I don't know what happened to the other girls or if they failed or not, but I don't care so...

我不知道其他女生怎麼了，有沒有通過 但是我不在乎，所以...

That's that!

就是這樣！

So thanks for watching.

謝謝觀看

Holy crap, this was a long video to animate.

天啊，這影片的要做的動畫還真多

Like, almost 9 freaking minutes.

幾乎9分多

And girls, if you're watching this, I'm sorry, but...

還有，女孩們 如果你在看這影片，我很抱歉...但是...

I hope you failed.

我希望你們不及格。