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  • One of the great problems in the world is also one of the most invisible, because

    世界上其中一個最大的問題也是一個最容易被忽視的問題,因為 –

  • by its natureit asks to be hidden and saps our ability to spot its symptoms. But, to generalise grossly,

    它的本質 – 就是隱藏的並讓我們都很難發覺此症狀。但,簡單來說,

  • few things so undermine human well-being as the sickness of shame.

    很少東西能像羞愧這疾病如此地摧毀人類的幸福

  • The guilty feel bad for something specific they have done; the shamed feel wretched simply for being.

    人們會因為做了某件壞事而感到愧疚;而感到羞愧的人純粹會因為自己的存在而感到痛苦

  • The affliction lacks borders. As shamed people, we don't connect the myriad ways in which

    這種痛苦的感受會一直存在。作為羞愧的人,我們對一切事物,

  • our behaviour and feelings are driven by a base conviction of our own abhorrence.

    像是我們的行為以及情緒主要都來自我們對自己的厭惡

  • We just take it as a given that we are disgusting. We lack the capacity to imagine that our shame

    我們自然而然地認為自己是令人厭惡的。我們缺少能力去思考我們的羞愧感

  • has a history and therefore, perhaps, a future that could be curtailed. A first step in untangling ourselves

    是有歷史根據的,因此,或許在未來這種羞愧感會消失掉。減輕我們的羞愧感的第一步

  • is to get enough distance to spot and name the problem. We might make use of

    是能客觀性地察覺並且指出問題點。我們可能也會用到

  • a little questionnaire. Out of 10, rate how true the following statements feel:

    像問卷調查的方式。10 分當中有幾點符合來評斷自己的感受:

  • I don't deserve to exist. I am defective. I am unworthy of being known and loved.

    我不該活著。我有問題。我不值得被關心並被人愛護

  • I am a mistake. I deserve to be abandoned. I should not be. Anything over an eight

    我的存在是個錯誤。我應該要被人忽視。我不該存在。只要有一點超過八分,

  • starts to indicate the problem, but if there were an option, most of us in the shamed camp

    就表示有問題存在。但如果有一個選擇的話,大多數羞愧的人

  • would want to award ourselves a hundred or more. This is the windswept barren land of shame,

    會想要給自己評分到 100 甚至更高的數字。羞愧就像是一片颳著風的荒野,

  • where many of us have been living all our lives, often without enough mental well being

    大多數的我們都生活在這樣的環境中,常常沒有足夠健康的心態

  • to know this is where we have been relegated. We should probe at where our shame collects.

    去了解這是自己被貶低的發生點。我們都該仔細調查羞愧感集中在什麼地方

  • Take outline of a human figure. What are we ashamed of? Our mind?

    拿一張人的輪廓圖。我們對什麼感到羞愧?我們的想法?

  • Facial appearance? Physique? Genitals? Anus? We were not born ashamed.

    外貌?身材?生殖器?肛門?我們不是生而感到羞愧的

  • We should summon up the voices that gave us our legacy and which we have then internalised and blended with our own:

    我們應該鼓起勇氣為自己的遺傳以及那些主觀並內化的事物發聲:

  • You'll never amount to anything. You're the family idiot. You disgust me.

    你毫無價值可言。你是家庭裡的白痴。你令人作噁

  • Others may wonder why people around us behaved this way. The answer is clear enough to the shamed:

    很多人可能會想為什麼周遭的人會這樣對待我們。感到羞愧的人都會知道答案:

  • because we deserved it. We wouldn't be truly shamed people if

    因為我們就該被如此對待。只透過幾個簡單的問題就可動搖對自己贈恨

  • all it took was a few simple questions to shake us from our conviction of our detestable identity.

    不算是真正羞愧的人

  • We were shamed because we were and are defective. Our caregivers weren't mean; they were

    我們感到羞愧是因為我們一直以來都是有缺陷的。我們的養育者不是無情的;他們是-

  • above anything elseperceptive, even brilliant. They could spot things that later, kinder people cannot.

    高人一籌的-有感知的,甚至是才華橫溢的。他們能察覺那些後來以及更善良的人法發現的事情

  • They had the true measure of us. Shamed children don't blame their guardians.

    他們能夠真實地了解我們。羞愧的孩子不會責怪他們的監護人

  • We protect them for a weird but logical reason: so as not to feel entirely alone. We prefer

    我們保護他們是因為一個奇怪又有邏輯的理由:唯恐感到完全孤獨。我們比較喜歡

  • to think well of our caregivers than to take on board how badly we have been let down

    想像我們的監護人有多好,而寧願不去承認他們會讓我們有多失望-

  • with all the convulsive rage and sadness that would entail.

    雖然憤怒以及傷心可能伴隨而來

  • The consequences of shame are written across our lives.

    羞愧的後果在我們的生活之中是可見的

  • We don't allow other people to get too close to us;

    我們不允許他人太接近我們;

  • they would only be appalled if they knew the true us. We're not so good on physical intimacy.

    一旦他們知道了解我們的真實面貌,他們就一定會被嚇跑。我們並不擅長於身體上的親密接觸

  • We get scared all the time (bad things happen to bad people). We don't like parties (why

    我們很容易就會感到害怕(壞事情發生在壞人身上)。我們不喜歡派對(為什麼

  • would anyone be pleased to see us?). We have a lot of secrets, for most of what we are

    有人會開心地見到我們?)我們有很多秘密,對大多數人而言,我們是

  • is unacceptable to other eyes. We go in for addictive behaviour to escape our self-hatred

    被他人瞧不起的。我們會沉溺於某見行為來逃避對自己的厭惡感

  • then feel even more ashamed of ourselves for the unholy things we've done. What is the way out of shame?

    – 然後我們會對自己做了那些罪惡事情而感到更加地羞愧。怎麼樣才能擺脫羞愧感呢?

  • The same popular answer is to tell ourselves that we are beautiful and good. But that won't easily convince us.

    常見的回答是會要告訴自己我們很漂亮很好。但這種方式無法輕易說服我們

  • There may be a better, more oblique strategy to bypass the defences of the shamed.

    應該會有更好更婉轉的方式來避開羞愧的心房

  • We should stress not that we are wonderful, but that every human being who

    我們應該不要強迫自己認為我們是完美的,但每個人

  • has ever walked the planet is in their own way radically imperfect and broken when observed from close up.

    在這地球上都以不完美的方式生活著,而且接近一看會是支零破碎的

  • We may be a bit wrong, but soblessedlyis everyone else who is and has ever been.

    我們可能都會犯錯,但 – 值得慶幸的是 – 每個人都會犯錯而且一直以來都是如此

  • We can be stupid, perverted and uncouth, but that is wholly normal.

    我們會是笨笨的、不正經的、並且怪異的,但這些都是完全正常的

  • Rather than implicitly upholding an ideal of goodness by telling ourselves that we do after all measure up to it,

    而不是告訴自己一定要符合標準而盲目地堅持理想

  • far better to throw away ideals and all notions of achievable purity and goodness.

    最好就是拋棄那些理念,還有全部純潔和美好的想法

  • This is where the problem started. Better to accept that we are, as a group,

    這就是問題的啟發點。最好去接受我們,身在一個群體之中,

  • entirely crazy and ill-tempered, wicked and odd, but then to stress just

    是舉止完全瘋狂、沒有耐心、邪惡、並怪異的,但要著重於

  • how much this is a reason for mercy and kindness (rather than censure and condemnation).

    瞭解其中有多少是出於友好的動機 (而不是指責和責備)

  • Let us stop judging ourselves and others by unreal standards, that is how we made ourselves ill;

    我們不要再以無根據的標準來評斷自己和其他人,因為那就是造成我們沒自信的原因;

  • let us laugh and comfort each other for the absurdity and horror of existing in human form.

    讓我們對於人類生活中的荒唐及恐懼開心大笑並彼此安慰吧

  • The primary sin of those who made us feel ashamed was not so much that they spotted our flaws,

    讓我們感到罪惡感的那些人,最主要的罪過不是因為他們發現我們的缺點,

  • it's that they forgot their own awfulnessand then had the gall to blame us for our own.

    而是他們忘記他們自己的缺陷 – 然後厚顏無恥地把一切錯誤歸咎於我們身上

  • We should give up on fascistic perfectionism in order to make

    我們要摒棄法西斯主義完美主義的概念,在

  • a generous home for our cracked reality in our own and in the collective imagination.

    一個支離破碎的現實中,創造出一個我們自己以及集體所想像出的慷慨之家

  • That'll be the start of our way out of the problem of shame.

    這將會是我們摒棄羞愧的開始

  • At The School of Life we believe that confidence is a skill we can all learn. Click now to learn more.

    在 The School of Life 頻道中,我們相信自信心是大家都可以學習的技能。點選更多影片來學習

One of the great problems in the world is also one of the most invisible, because

世界上其中一個最大的問題也是一個最容易被忽視的問題,因為 –

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B1 中級 中文 英國腔 羞愧 問題 怪異 缺陷 生活 完美

關於羞愧 (The Problem of Shame)

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    Evangeline 發佈於 2018 年 11 月 12 日
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