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  • We tend to associate diplomacy with embassies,

    我們往往把外交與使館聯繫在一起。

  • international relations and high politcs.

    國際關係和高級政治。

  • But it really

    但它真的

  • refers to a set of skills that matter in many areas of daily life, especially at the office

    是指在日常生活的許多領域,特別是在辦公室裡,一套重要的技能。

  • and on the landing, outside the slammed doors of loved ones' bedrooms. Diplomacy is the

    和登陸處,親人臥室的關門外。外交是

  • art of advancing an idea or cause without unnecessarily inflaming passions or unleashing

    不激不厲

  • a catastrophe. It involves an understanding of the many facets of human nature that can

    災難。它涉及到對人性的許多方面的理解,這些方面可以是

  • undermine agreement and stoke conflict, and a commitment to unpicking these with foresight

    破壞協議和挑起衝突,並承諾以遠見卓識消除這些問題。

  • and grace. The diplomat remembers, first and foremost, that some of the vehemence with

    和優雅。外交官首先要記住,有些激烈的言論

  • which we can insist on having our way draws energy from an overall sense of not being

    我們可以堅持自己的方式,從整體的感覺中汲取能量。

  • respected or heard within a relationship. We will fight with particular tenacity and

    在關係中受到尊重或被傾聽。我們將以特別的毅力和

  • apparent meanness over a so-called small point when we have a sense that the other person

    以小人之心度君子之腹。

  • has failed to honour our wider need for appreciation and esteem. Behind our fierce way of arguing

    沒有尊重我們更廣泛的欣賞和尊重的需要。在我們激烈的爭論方式的背後

  • may lie a frustrated plea for affection. Diplomats know the intensity with which humans crave

    可能隱藏著對感情的失望請求。外交官們知道人類對感情的渴望有多強烈

  • respect and so though they may not always be able to agree with us, they take the trouble

    是以,儘管他們不一定能同意我們的觀點,但他們會花心思

  • to show that they have bothered to see how things look through our eyes. They recognise

    以表明他們已經費心去看我們眼中的事物是怎樣的。他們認識到

  • that it is almost as important to people to feel heard, as to win their case. We'll

    對人們來說,感受到自己的聲音和打贏官司幾乎同樣重要。我們將

  • put up with a lot once someone has demonstrated that they at least know how we feel. Diplomats

    一旦有人表現出至少知道我們的感受,就會忍耐很多。外交官

  • therefore put extraordinary effort into securing the health of the overall relationship so

    是以,在確保整體關係的健康方面付出了超乎尋常的努力。

  • that smaller points can be conceded along the way without attracting feelings of untenable

    小巫見大巫,大巫見小巫。

  • humiliation. They know how much beneath pitched fights over money or entitlements, schedules

    羞辱。他們知道,在金錢或權利、時間表等方面的爭鬥之下,有多大的壓力。

  • or procedures, a demand for esteem can stir. They are careful to trade generously in emotional

    或程序,對自尊心的要求會激起。他們小心翼翼地在情感上進行慷慨的交易

  • currency, so as not always to have to pay excessively in other, more practical denominations.

    幣,以免總是要過多地支付其他更實用的面額。

  • Frequently, what is at stake within a negotiation with someone is a request that they change

    通常情況下,在與某人的談判中,關鍵是要求他們改變。

  • in some way: that they learn to be more punctual, or take more trouble on a task, that they

    在某種程度上:他們學會了更守時,或在一項任務上更費心,他們在某種程度上

  • be less defensive or more open-minded. The diplomat knows how futile it is to state these

    少一點防備,多一點開放。外交官知道,說出這些話是多麼的徒勞。

  • wishes too directly. They know the vast difference between having a correct diagnosis of how

    願望太直接。他們知道有一個正確的診斷如何的巨大差異。

  • someone needs to grow and a relevant way to help them do so. They know too that what holds

    某個人需要成長,以及幫助他們成長的相關方式。他們也知道,是什麼讓

  • people back from evolution is fearand therefore grasp that what we may most need

    人們從進化論中退縮的原因是恐懼--是以,把握住我們可能最需要的東西

  • to offer those whom we want to acknowledge difficult things is, above anything else,

    給那些我們想承認困難的人提供最重要的東西。

  • love and reassurance. It helps greatly to know that those recommending change are not

    愛和保證。知道那些建議改變的人並不在這裡,會有很大的幫助。

  • speaking from a position of impregnable perfection but are themselves wrestling with comparable

    嘴上說著無懈可擊,但自己卻在與之相抗衡

  • demons in other areas. For a diagnosis not to sound like mere criticism, it helps for

    惡魔在其他領域。為了使診斷聽起來不至於像單純的責備,它有助於

  • it to be delivered by someone with no compunctions to owning up to their own shortcomings. There

    是由一個對自己的缺點毫無顧忌的人提供的。有

  • can be few more successful pedagogic moves than to confess genially from the outset,

    最成功的教學動作莫過於一開始就大方承認。

  • 'And I am, of course, entirely mad as well…'' In negotiations, the diplomat is not addicted

    '當然,我也完全瘋了......'。在談判中,外交官不上癮。

  • to indiscriminate or heroic truth telling. They appreciate the legitimate place that

    不分青紅皁白或英勇地說出真相。他們讚賞的是

  • minor lies can occupy in the service of greater truths. They know that if certain local facts

    小小的謊言可以為更大的真理服務。他們知道,如果某些地方事實

  • are emphasised, then the most important principles in a relationship may be forever undermined.

    強調,那麼關係中最重要的原則可能會被永遠破壞。

  • So they will enthusiastically say that the financial report or the homemade cake were

    所以他們會很熱情地說,財報或自制蛋糕都是......。

  • really very pleasing and will do so not to deceive but to affirm the truth of their overall

    真的很討人喜歡,而且會這樣做不是為了欺騙,而是為了肯定其整體的真實性。

  • attachment, which might be be lost were a completely accurate account of their feelings

    如果完全準確地描述他們的感情,可能會失去這種感情。

  • to be laid out. Diplomats know that a small lie may have to be the guardian of a big truth.

    要佈置的。外交官們都知道,一個小小的謊言可能要成為大實話的守護者。

  • They appreciate their own resistance to the unvarnished factsand privately hope that

    他們欣賞自己對不加掩飾的事實的抵抗--私下裡希望

  • others may on occasion, over certain matters, also take the trouble to lie to them, and

    別人有時為了某些事情,也會不厭其煩地對他們撒謊,而且。

  • that they will never know. Another trait of the diplomat is to be serene in the face of

    他們永遠不會知道的。外交官的另一個特點是在面對以下情況時保持平靜

  • obviously bad behaviour: a sudden loss of temper, a wild accusation, a very mean remark.

    明顯的不良行為:突然發脾氣,胡亂指責,說了一句很刻薄的話。

  • They don't take it personallyeven when they may be the target of rage. They reach

    他們不把它個人化 - 即使他們可能是憤怒的目標。他們達到

  • instinctively for reasonable explanations and have clearly in their minds the better

    本能地尋求合理的解釋,並在腦海中明確了較好的。

  • moments of a currently frantic but essentially loveable person. They know themselves well

    的時刻,一個目前瘋狂但本質上是可愛的人。他們很瞭解自己

  • enough to understand that abandonments of perspective are both hugely normal and usually

    足夠理解放棄觀點是非常正常的,而且通常是

  • indicative of nothing much beyond exhaustion or passing despair. They do not aggravate

    表示除了疲憊或短暫的絕望之外,沒有什麼其他跡象。它們不會加重

  • a febrile situation through self-righteousness, which is a symptom of not knowing oneself

    自以為是,不自知,熱病纏身

  • too welland of having a very selective memory. The person who bangs a fist on the

    記憶力太好,而且有很強的選擇性。拳頭打在牆上的人,會讓人覺得很不舒服。

  • table or announces extravagant opinions may simply be rather worried, frightened or just

    表或宣佈奢侈的意見,可能只是相當擔心,害怕或只是。

  • very enthusiastic: conditions that should rightly invite sympathy rather than disgust.

    非常熱情:理應引起同情而不是厭惡的條件。

  • At the same time, the diplomat understands that there are moments to sidestep direct

    同時,外交官也明白,有的時候要避開直接的

  • engagement. They do not try to teach a lesson whenever it might first or most apply: they

    參與。他們並不試圖在可能首先或最適用的時候講授課程:他們

  • wait till it has the best chance of being heard. At points, they disarm difficult people

    等到它有最好的機會被聽到。點,他們解除困難群眾的武裝

  • by reacting in unexpected ways. In the face of a tirade, instead of going on the defensive,

    以出人意料的方式做出反應。面對謾罵,而不是去防備。

  • the diplomatic person might suggest some lunch. When a harshly unfair criticism is launched

    外交人員可能會建議吃些午餐。當一個嚴厲的不公平的責備被提出時

  • at them, they might nod in partial agreement and declare that they've often said such

    他們可能會點頭表示部分同意,並宣稱自己經常說這樣的話。

  • things to themselves. They give a lot of ground away and avoid getting cornered in arguments

    的東西給自己。他們讓出了很多地盤,避免在爭論中被逼到牆角。

  • that distract from the deeper issues. They remember the presence of a better version

    的,分散了對更深層次問題的關注。他們記住了一個更好的版本的存在

  • of what might be a somewhat unfortunate individual currently on display. The diplomat's tone

    的,可能是目前展示的一個有些不幸的人。外交官的語氣

  • of reasonableness is built, fundamentally, on a base of deep pessimism. They know what

    的合理性,從根本上說,是建立在深深的悲觀主義基礎上的。他們知道什麼是

  • the human animal is, they understand how many problems are going to beset even a very good

    他們明白即使是一個很好的人,也會遇到很多問題

  • marriage, business, friendship or society. Their good humoured way of greeting problems

    婚姻、事業、友誼或社會。他們以幽默的方式迎接問題的出現

  • is a symptom of having swallowed a healthy measure of sadness from the outset. They have

    是一開始就吞下了健康的悲傷的症狀。他們有

  • given up on the ideal, not out of weakness but out of a mature readiness to see compromise

    放棄理想,不是因為軟弱,而是因為成熟地願意看到妥協。

  • as a necessary requirement for getting by in a radically imperfect world. The diplomat

    作為在一個根本不完美的世界中生存的必要條件。外交官

  • may be polite, but they are not for that matter averse to delivering bits of bad news with

    他們可能會很禮貌,但他們並不是以而不願意傳遞一些壞消息。

  • uncommon frankness. Too often, we seek to preserve our image in the eyes of others by

    不常見的坦誠。很多時候,我們為了維護自己在別人眼中的形象,往往通過

  • tiptoeing around the harsh decisionsand thereby make things far worse than they need

    躡手躡腳地繞過苛刻的決定--從而使事情變得比它們需要的更糟糕

  • to be. We should say that we're leaving them, that they're fired, that their pet

    要。我們應該說我們要離開他們,他們被解僱了,他們的寵物。

  • project isn't going ahead, but we mutter instead that we're a little preoccupied

    項目沒有進行,但我們反而嘀咕說我們有點心事重重

  • at the moment, that we're delighted by their performance and that the project is being

    目前,我們為他們的表現感到高興,項目正在進行中。

  • actively discussed by the senior team. We mistake leaving some room for hope with kindness.

    由高層團隊積極討論。我們誤以為留點希望的空間是善意的。

  • But true kindness does not mean seeming kind, it means helping the people we are going to

    但真正的善良並不意味著看起來很善良,而是指幫助我們要去的人。

  • disappoint to adjust as best they can to reality. By administering a sharp, clean blow, the

    失望,以儘可能地適應現實。通過實施尖銳、乾淨的打擊。

  • diplomatic person kills off the torture of hope, accepting the frustration that's likely

    外交人士扼殺了希望的折磨,接受了可能的挫折。

  • to come their way: the diplomat is kind enough to let themselves be the target of hate. The

    來的方式:外交官很善良,讓自己成為仇恨的目標。該

  • diplomats succeed ultimately because they are a realist; they know we are inherently flawed, unreasonable,

    外交官之所以成功,最終是因為他們是一個現實主義者,他們知道我們天生就有缺陷,不講道理。

  • anxious, comedically absurd creatures who scatter blame unfairly, misdiagnose their

    憂心忡忡,喜劇性的荒唐生物,他們不公平地散播責任,誤導他們的生活。

  • pains and react appallingly to criticismespecially when it is accurateand yet they are hopeful

    痛苦,並對責備作出可怕的反應--特別是當責備是準確的時候--但他們卻充滿希望。

  • too of the possibilities of progress when our disturbances have been properly factored

    也意識到當我們的干擾因素被適當地考慮到時,進步的可能性很大

  • in and cushioned with adequate reassurance, accurate interpretation and respect. Diplomacy

    中,並以充分的保證、準確的解釋和尊重作為鋪墊。外交

  • seeks to teach us how many good things can still be accomplished when we make some necessary

    試圖告訴我們,當我們做出一些必要的努力時,仍然可以完成許多美好的事情。

  • accommodations with the crooked, sometimes touching and hugely unreliable material of human nature.

    用人性中歪歪扭扭、時而觸目驚心、時而又極不可靠的材料來遷就。

  • If you're interested in coming to San Francisco to meet us at the end of March

    如果你有興趣在三月底來舊金山和我們見面。

  • please click on the link on your screen now to find out more. We hope to see you there.

    請點擊螢幕上的鏈接,瞭解更多資訊。 我們希望在那裡見到你。

We tend to associate diplomacy with embassies,

我們往往把外交與使館聯繫在一起。

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處事待人的藝術 (The Art of Diplomacy)

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    Elma Kung 發佈於 2018 年 06 月 15 日
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