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  • Welcome to the story of my life.

    歡迎聽聽我的故事。

  • What up everyone, it's your girl, Superwoman, and I work very hard.

    大家好,我是 Superwoman,我超認真工作。

  • Straight up, like I make two comedy videos a week, I daily vlog, auditions, shoots, writing, meetings, calls, showering.

    我認真的,我一個禮拜有兩部搞笑影片要拍,每天都要記錄影音網誌、試鏡、拍攝、寫劇本、開會、打電話、洗澡。

  • It's a lot, I'm a hustler!

    超多事情,我根本是拼命三郎!

  • What up t-shirt reference!

    就像我衣服上寫的!

  • Now that I've got that out of the way, let me tell you all of my lazy habits.

    現在我們講完這些之後,讓我來跟你分享我的懶惰習慣。

  • Number one, cleaning make-up brushes.

    第一,清潔刷具。

  • Now apparently, you're supposed to do this more than once a year.

    很顯然地,這絕對不是一年才做一次的事。

  • Yeah, I don't know.

    我不知道。

  • Like I'm pretty busy doing other things, like hiding in a bush in Fortnite and complaining about my acne.

    但我忙著做很多事,像是躲在線上遊戲畫面裡的草叢抱怨我的痘痘。

  • And a good make-up brush costs like $50, like am I right.

    而且一個好一點的刷具大概要 1500 塊,對吧?。

  • I know all the makeup gurus are gonna be like $50?

    這時候很多美妝部落客應該會說:1500 塊?

  • That's a steal!

    很划算啊!

  • But no, for me, fifty dollars for a good make-up brush.

    但對我來說,1500 塊買一支好的刷具。

  • Fifty dollars for a brush, like is it Laurel, is it Yanny, no, it's neither, it's a scam.

    一支 1500 塊的刷具,不是國民黨,不是民進黨,根本是金光黨啊。

  • You're telling me, I'ma buy this expensive brush, and then I have to groom and bathe said brush?

    你現在跟我說,我買一支貴鬆鬆的刷具,我還要幫它洗澡?

  • For that price, the brush should be giving me a shower.

    以這個價錢來看,我花 1500 應該是它要幫我洗澡吧。

  • Just like yo, not only will you do my blush, okay, you gonna do my blush, shave my legs, and then make me a hot cup of ginger tea.

    就像:嘿,你不只要幫我上妝,上妝之外,你還要幫我除腿毛,然後泡杯薑茶給我喝。

  • Not to mention, I don't even know how to properly clean a make-up brush without ruining it's bristles,

    更何況,我根本不知道要怎麼正確清洗刷具而不會破壞它的刷毛。

  • Like it starts like this and I wash it and it's like...

    它可能本來長這樣,我洗完之後就變這樣 ……。

  • Like can't I just rub it against a tic-tac and call it a day?

    我不能隨便搓搓它就好了嗎?

  • Or, do I now gotta buy a brush cleaner, for the fifty dollar brush, it's madness I tell you!

    還是我要為了 1500 塊的刷具,再買個刷具清潔劑?我告訴你,你有病!

  • So yeah, for sure my make-up brushes, are fugly.

    可想而知,我的刷具都超髒。

  • Every day, hundreds of make-up brushes are left dirty.

    每一天,上百支刷具都被弄得灰頭土臉。

  • Sweat.

    汗水。

  • Foundation.

    粉底。

  • Blush.

    腮紅。

  • Infested with germs.

    充滿細菌。

  • Neglected.

    被棄置一旁。

  • Used.

    用完。

  • And abused.

    就丟。

  • It's been nine months since I've been washed.

    我已經九個月沒有洗澡了。

  • I used to be pink!

    我以前是粉紅色的!

  • What the f man, why do I keep breaking out?

    搞什麼,我又長痘痘了?

  • Number two, wearing sunscreen.

    第二,擦防曬。

  • You see, I have an issue here, okay,

    我有個問題,好嗎?

  • I can't accept the fact that I spent most of my childhood, singing a song to Mr. Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, and now as I've grown up, you have the audacity to say that you're gonna burn my skin?

    我沒辦法接受我大部分童年時間都在歌頌太陽公公,溫暖的太陽公公,現在我長大了,你竟然有膽告訴我你會曬傷我的皮膚?

  • And I need protection from you?

    我需要避開你?

  • Nah-uh, okay, I have decided to unstan.

    無法接受,我不再愛你了,太陽公公。

  • Because here's the thing about sunscreen, right, it's annoying, and it's a especially annoying if you have brown skin.

    重點是什麼你知道嗎?防曬乳很討厭,尤其當你是黑皮膚就更討厭。

  • Pourquoi? (French) You ask?

    你問我「為什麼 (法文)」?

  • Because since the beginning of time, sunscreen has never mixed in well, or efficiently with my brown skin.

    因為防曬乳從來就跟我的黑皮膚無法融合。

  • Let's go, you're gonna miss the bus.

    走吧,妳會趕不上公車。

  • Yeah, one sec.

    好,等等我。

  • You missed the test.

    妳考試沒考到。

  • One sec.

    等一下。

  • Goodnight.

    晚安。

  • One sec.

    等等啦。

  • Not to mention, it's super greasy looking, and feeling.

    更別提擦防曬看起來超油,摸起來更油。

  • Finally!

    終於!

  • And whenever I do wear sunscreen, it ends up making my brown skin look purple.

    而且每次我擦完防曬我的膚色都會看起來紫紫的。

  • Although side note, I will say that I found a new product, that is actually dope, and not whack.

    順道一提,我發現一個新產品,它很厲害,不是地雷。

  • So Olay hit me up and sent me this whip's product, and they said it was gonna be a sunscreen that works with my brown skin, and I was like, are you sure?

    Olay 最近寄了這個 whip 系列的產品給我,他們說這款防曬是深膚色適用的,我想說你確定?

  • So I gave it a test drive on my recent trip to Mexico, and I'm gonna admit, no bs, this is dope!

    於是我最近去墨西哥的時候就試用了它,我必須承認,不誇張,這真的很讚。

  • So in this one instance, I'm gonna stop being lazy, and actually use this product, and wear sunscreen, but every other example in this video, no.

    多虧這個東西,我相信我會勤勞一點,會真的好好用它,還會擦防曬,但要做影片講的其他事的話,還是算了。

  • Okay I'm gonna make the same mistake, and then just deal with the consequences.

    我會不斷犯同樣的錯,然後承擔後果。

  • Thank you, godspeed.

    謝謝,祝我成功。

  • Number three, updating my computer.

    第三,更新電腦。

  • Here's the issue with computer updates right, is they give me the opportunity to procrastinate on a silver platter.

    電腦更新有個重點,那就是它有個拖延選項。

  • How are you gonna expect me, me, to make the right decision when you're so easily presenting me with an option to do this task tomorrow.

    你怎麼能夠在期望我做出正確決定的同時,給了我一個「明天再更新」的選項。

  • Like, is this your first day on Earth?

    你是第一天來到地球嗎?

  • Have you never met a human?

    你是不是不了解人類?

  • You're giving us way too much credit.

    你太高估我們了。

  • Because of course I don't wanna do this right now, no one wants to do this right now.

    因為我當然不想在當下更新啊,誰都不想立刻更新吧。

  • It's annoying, you gotta click the thing, load the thing, and the thing that does the thing, and then you gotta restart the whole thing.

    這很煩人,你要按下去,等它下載,然後跑一堆功能,最後還要重新開機?

  • No thanks, I'm for sure gonna do this tomorrow, when I'm a better and more patient person, get outta here.

    不了謝謝,我肯定明天才會更新,如果我夠有耐心、成為更好的人的話 ... 還是算了。

  • Can I borrow your laptop for a sec?

    可以跟你借一下電腦嗎?

  • Yeah, sure.

    可以呀。

  • Thanks.

    謝謝。

  • Let me just minimize MSN Messenger, sorry.

    我先把 MSN 視窗縮小,抱歉。

  • And close Paint, I was working on something, cool.

    還要關掉小畫家,我剛剛在做些東西,好了。

  • Oh, you know let me just minimize Napster too, so it doesn't slow it down.

    噢,讓我把 Napster 也縮小好了,這樣電腦才不會跑不動。

  • There you go.

    好了,給你。

  • Why don't you just update your computer?

    你為什麼不更新電腦?

  • Oh no I am, tomorrow.

    我會呀,明天更新。

  • The internet isn't working.

    沒辦法上網耶。

  • Huh?

    嗯?

  • Oh, sorry.

    噢,抱歉。

  • Oh, he got a phone call, sorry I have to start it again.

    他電話響了,抱歉,要重新連一次。

  • Okay until tomorrow I'm fine playing solitaire on Windows 95.

    我可以玩 Windows 95 的接龍,玩到明天。

  • Honestly some of the best days are when I won solitaire, you know what I'm talking about?

    而且我接龍贏了的時候其實還滿開心的,你知道我在說什麼嗎?

  • Those cards with the little screen like (whirring).

    就是那些牌會像這樣 (咻)。

  • You know, honestly that was lit.

    你知道,那其實很爽。

  • Number four, washing my face.

    第四,洗臉。

  • Okay, I promise, I'm going to wash my make-up before I sleep.

    我發誓,我睡前一定會卸妝!

  • I promise, I'm gonna wash my make-up before I sleep!

    我發誓,我睡前一定會卸妝!

  • I promise, I'm gonna wash make-up sleep.

    我發誓,我睡前一定會卸妝!

  • I promise.

    我發誓。

  • I am for sure going to wash my make-up before I sleep.

    我一定會在睡覺前卸妝。

  • Damn it.

    可惡。

  • I just think it's unrealistic, for the universe to think that I'm gonna go through a day, potentially filled with nonsense and tomfoolery, and then come home with enough capacity and energy to wash my face.

    我不敢相信,全世界都覺得我有辦法在度過充滿鳥事跟蠢事的一天之後,還有多餘的時間跟力氣去卸妝洗臉。

  • That's insanity!

    不可理喻!

  • My pores need to take several seats.

    我的毛孔越來越大。

  • Rather, evolution just needs to smarten up and find a way to expel my make-up from my face.

    或是科技發展應該更進步,想個辦法讓我的妝自動卸除。

  • After a long day, like I just come home, and my make-up just...fireballs (whooshing) just off my face, just and just fake-lash fireball.

    漫長的一天,回到家後,我的妝就像火球一樣,直接從我臉上衝出來,充滿假睫毛的火球。

  • Not to mention the horrible combination of being lazy, but then also loving white linens.

    更別提懶惰又愛用白色的衣物床單,這恐怖的組合。

  • What kind of sick joke is this?

    你在跟我開玩笑嗎?

  • Like if you ever need a stunt double, for any of my videos, just use my pillowcase.

    你拍片如果想找我的替身的話,用我的枕頭套就好。

  • Ugh, the heck man, why do I keep breaking out?

    呃,搞什麼,我為什麼又長痘痘?

  • Why do I keep breaking out?

    為什麼我一直長痘痘?

  • Honestly it remains a mystery.

    這大概永遠是個謎。

  • Yo shoutouts to Olay for making this video possible, straight up, if you wanna dope sunscreen and facial moisturizer, get this.

    謝謝 Olay 讓這部影片得以出現,相信我,你如果想要一款很厲害的防曬跟臉部保濕產品的話,買它。

  • Cause it worked under my make-up, didn't leave me greasy like a samosa, and didn't turn me into Barney.

    就算上妝也一樣有效,不會像咖哩角那樣油膩,也不會讓我看起來像霸王龍邦尼。

  • SPF 25 son!

    防曬係數 25!

  • Otherwise, make sure you subscribe, because I make new videos every Monday and Thursday!

    另外,請確保你有訂閱,我每周一和四都會上新片!

  • One love Superwoman, that is a wrap, and zoop!

    最愛你們的 Superwoman,就這樣,掰!

Welcome to the story of my life.

歡迎聽聽我的故事。

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你絕對做過的懶人行徑!(Lazy Things We All Do)

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    Stephanie 發佈於 2018 年 08 月 12 日
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