months. A lot is still very unclear. We are profoundly helpless, barely able to move our

一切都還很懵懂。我們深深地感到無助，勉強能夠移動我們自己的腦袋

own head and utterly at the mercy of others. The sources of our suffering and joy lie far

並且全然依靠他人的照料。自己痛苦與喜悅的源頭從何而來

outside our understanding. Hugely powerful needs pass through us at regular intervals

我們還遠不能理解。每隔一段時間，我們就會感受到強烈的需求

and we have no way of making sense of them to ourselves – let alone of communicating

而我們對此手足無措、無法自理，更不用說

them reliably to others. A minute ago, we were asleep in a dark enveloping warmth. Now

確實地向他人傳達我們的需求。一分鐘前，我們還在溫暖的黑暗中熟睡。現在

we're awake, bereft, isolated and very uncomfortable. There seems to be a pain somewhere in our

我們醒過來了，感到失落、孤獨與非常不安。在我們的腹部某處似乎有股疼痛感

stomach, but the agony is more general; we are lonely and profoundly sad. The room is

但更常見的是一種煎熬；我們感到孤獨、十分悲傷。房間很暗

dark and there's a mysterious set of shadows on the wall that appear and vanish at random.

牆上有些神秘的影子隨機出現又消失

In a rising panic, we start to scream out in the darkness. Nothing happens. We pause

我們的恐慌不斷上升，我們開始在黑暗中大聲尖叫。什麼事也沒發生

to recover our breath – and then scream even louder. Our lungs strain with the effort.

我們暫停下來重整氣息 — 然後尖叫得更大聲。撕心裂肺地大叫

Still nothing and the darkness and loneliness grow ever more threatening. Now true desperation

還是什麼也沒有，而黑暗與孤獨卻愈加讓人恐懼。現在真的被絕望

sets in; this feels like the end of everything good and true – and we scream as if to ward off death.

套住了，這感覺似乎是一切美好和真實的終點 — 而我們拼命尖叫，彷彿在抵禦死亡

At last, just when it seems we could not go on any further, the door opens.

最終，當我們似乎無法再繼續下去時，那扇門開了

A warm orange light is turned on. It is a familiar face. They smile at us, say the name

溫暖的橙色燈光亮起。是張熟悉的臉龐。他們朝著我們微笑、叫著

they often use around us, pick us up and put us against their shoulder. We can hear a familiar

他們經常呼喊的名字，將我們抱起並讓我們靠著他們的肩膀。我們能聽到一陣熟悉的

heart beating next to ours and a warm hand caressing the top of our head. They gently

心跳聲，還有一隻溫暖的手愛撫著我們的頭頂。他們溫柔地

move us to and fro, and sing a tender, sweet song. Our sobs start to abate, we pull a weak

搖晃著我們，並唱著一首溫柔的、甜蜜的歌曲。我們開始不再啜泣，我們淺淺的微笑

smile; it feels like the vicious demons and merciless goblins have been sent packing –

感覺好像邪惡的魔鬼和殘忍的哥布林都被趕走了

and that life could be bearable after all. (Image result for mother and child painting)

生活終究是可以忍受的 (圖片：母子繪畫)

Soothing is one of the kindest gestures that humans ever perform for one another. It must lie

撫慰是人類可以對另一個人做出的最親切的行為。它一定

close to the core of love – and is what can make the difference between a desire to

十分接近愛的核心 — 並能產生天壤之別的結果，使人從渴望死亡的念頭中

die and the capacity to endure. Awkwardly, it tends to be very hard to soothe ourselves

產生忍耐的能力。很奇怪地，我們似乎很難撫慰自己

unless we have first – usually in childhood – been properly soothed by someone else.

除非我們先有 — 通常是在童年 — 被他人撫慰的經歷

A capacity for self-soothing is the legacy of a history of nurture. If we have been picked

自我撫慰的能力是過去養育經歷的遺產。如果我們

up enough times early on, and sufficiently reassured in the midst of panic that we will

幼年時曾被抱起很多次，並在我們感到驚慌的時候，一再地保證我們能克服

make it, then one part of the mind learns the art and can practice it on the other –

那麼我們的腦中某個部分就學會了撫慰人，並且能實踐在身邊的人身上

and eventually, on people outside us too. At moments of crisis, we find ourselves able to access

最終，即使與我們不相干的人也行。遇到危機的時候，我們發現自己心裡有個聲音

a voice that calms the waves of fear and the blows of self-hatred; we can sort this out;

能讓害怕的波濤平靜下來，能驅趕自我厭惡；我們能夠解決問題；

we'll have a conversation with them; people understand; screw them if they don't; what

我們能夠與他們溝通；人們會理解；如果他們不懂就算了；

matters is you; you are good and valuable. We have available an unflustered, resolute

重要的是你；你很好而且很寶貴。我們有辦法用不慌不忙、果斷的反應

response as much to the most awful events as to routine panics. We have a faith that

讓面對最糟糕的事如同面對日常瑣事一樣從容。我們確信

we can endure, that something will show up and that we don't deserve the worst.

我們能忍受，好事總會發生，我們不會是最糟的。

Reflecting on the art of soothing may bring into focus just how much we are missing. We are not mysteriously deficient,

反思撫慰的藝術可能會使我們注意到我們欠缺了多少。我們不是莫名地有缺陷

we were brought up by adults who were themselves not soothed. We need to grow

我們是被那些自己沒被撫慰過的大人帶大。我們需要

attentive and deeply sympathetic to the missing pieces of our psyche. It is because we didn't

更加注意且深深地同情自己這部分的精神缺失。因為我們沒有

benefit from soothing that life is so much harder than it should be; that nowadays rejection

從撫慰中得益，使得生活比它應有的樣子更加艱辛；現今社會

is so bitter, social media is so frightening, disapproval feels so fatal, ambiguity is so

拒絕是相當苦澀的，社群媒體令人害怕，否定讓人難以接受，模稜兩可讓人難以承受

unbearable, sleep feels so unearnt, holidays are so worrying, the caresses of others feel

睡眠缺乏，假日使人憂慮，對他人的憐愛感到格格不入

so alien – and so many of our days and nights are rocked by what feel like near-death experiences.

我們有好多個日夜都被像是瀕臨死亡的體驗震撼到了

(Image result for mother and child painting) There are – one must believe – substitutes

(圖片：母子繪畫) 人們必須相信，總會有替代品

and opportunities for catching up. We can have recourse to music, diaries, beds, baths

與機會可以把握。我們可以求助音樂、日記、床鋪、泡澡

but, most importantly, other people. However, seeking out the sort of people who can soothe

但是，最重要地，其他人。然而，尋找能夠撫慰我們的人

us may be the hardest step. We may mistake a capacity to soothe for weakness or naivety.

可能是最難的一步。我們可能將撫慰的能力誤解成軟弱或是天真

We may take the soother for a fool. We may need soothing so much, we find ourselves unable

我們可能將撫慰者視為愚人。我們也許相當需要撫慰，我們發現自己無法

to ask for it nicely, shouting counter-productively instead – or else we withdraw into defensive

爽快地提出請求。反而是毫無益處地喊叫 — 或是我們將自己拉開，防衛式的孤立自己

independence, because help feels like it hasn't come soon enough. Those in the greatest need

因為協助感覺似乎總無法及時到來。那些亟需撫慰的人

of soothing often have no idea of what is missing, no sensible way of articulating their

經常不知道自己缺少什麼，無法明白的說出他們的需求

need – and a dogged suspicion of kindness were it to be offered to them. We should strive

而且頑固地懷疑別人提供的善念。我們應該努力

not to make things constantly scarier in our own minds than they are in reality. We should

別總是把事情想得比實際情況還嚇人。我們應該

offer soothing continuously to others – and insist to the more sceptical and parched parts

不斷地為他人提供撫慰 — 並強調我們心中多疑的、乾涸的部分

of our own minds that they too deserve one day to be the beneficiaries of kindness and reassurance.

某天也值得成為他人仁慈與肯定的受益者

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感謝你的收看，記得在影片下方點擊喜歡，並訂閱我們的頻道好收看更多影片

Our calm prompt cards can help us find serentiy despite daily anxieties and fustraitions. To find out more click on the link now.

我們的冷靜提示卡能幫助我們在日常焦慮與沮喪中找回平靜。想了解更多，請馬上點擊下方連結