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  • Perhaps some nights you lie awake next to your partner.

    或許有時你醒來床邊是你的伴侶 或許他們並不糟

  • Probably they're not awful.

    但是可以確信的是 他有一點無趣 畢竟也一段時間了

  • But they are almost certainly a bit boring.

    做愛是可接受的 但不能說是真的很棒

  • After all it's been a long time.

    因為首次脫去對方衣服 感受到對方的興奮感

  • Sex with them is ok

    充滿慾望地對你說不文雅的字 這些都有特別的感觸

  • but not great in every possible way.

    但你不想放棄現在的關係 因為他也有可取之處:像是

  • There's something so special about undressing someone for the first time

    你們已經共組家庭 花費很大心力 你不想失去所有

  • feeling their excitement in your hands

    你只想要享受一些經驗 很多人於是想

  • and hearing them say rude words to you in lust.

    「多邊戀呢?」你覺得自己挺勇敢嘗試

  • But you don't want to give up the relationship you're already in

    部分原因在於多邊戀聽起來多麼可行 它可以超越社會

  • which is pretty good in some key ways.

    集體對於性慾的虛偽觀念 說不定你在網球

  • Maybe you've got children or a joint home you've put a lot of work into.

    社團認識人說他是多邊戀 他們看起來正常且快樂

  • You don't want to lose everything.

    有個雜誌說巴黎開始流行多邊戀

  • You just want to enjoy a few new scenarios.

    在溫哥華也有名 顯然很多人成功了 那自己呢?

  • At such points, like many people you think:

    多邊戀如同它的捍衛者所說 是感情的未來走向

  • "What about polyamory"?

    不論是對於一般社會或是個體來說 也就是你

  • And you feel quite brave and adventurous for going this far.

    多邊戀的理論聽起來很可行 大型籠統的想法通常如此

  • Part of the problem is that polyamory sounds so plausible.

    舉另外一個例子來說 很多人覺得搬到鄉村

  • An ideal way out of our societies' collective hypocrisy around sexual desire.

    而放棄都市生活是個好選擇:更健康 住的成本更低

  • Maybe you know someone from the tennis club who said to be into polyamory.

    你還可以種菜且與自然結合

  • They seem normal, very sane and extremely cheerful.

    或是政治例子 很多人覺得直接民主

  • There was an article in a magasine describing how polyamory is becoming fashionable in Paris

    也就是每周末都有個會議決定每個決策是個好方法

  • and is gaining popularity in Vancouver.

    我們就終於可以有理想的政府 瑞士就是如此

  • Apparently, plenty of others manage it. Why shouldn't you?

    所以它是可能的 且科技也使我們能夠如此

  • Polyamory looks like it could be, as its advocates suggest, the future of relationships in general.

    但理論背後的問題在於忽略很多細節 細節又是

  • And, more urgently, of yours in particular.

    最容易產生問題的 你會忘記若搬去鄉村

  • Like many aspects of existence, polyamory is convincing in principle.

    就無法臨時去壽司店 而且鄰居會每天5:30把你吵醒

  • Big, general ideas, usually are.

    東西都會變得異常貴 而且被邊緣化的感覺並不好

  • To take another exemple:

    (當直接民主發生)我們會忘記群眾發表意見時

  • In principle, many people feel it would be nicer to give up on the rat-race in the city and relocate to the countryside.

    可能造成荒誕不羈的結果 再加上我們對於施政的冷漠

  • It's healthier, housing costs are lower.

    也沒有考量瑞士社會本身的特殊性

  • You'll be able to grow vegetables and reconnect with nature.

    多邊戀也是如此 即使原則上看起來

  • Or, to take an exemple from politics:

    好像成熟且適合用來規範情慾生活 我們最好顧慮細節

  • In principle, many people feel that direct democracy with referendum every weekend

    我們可以想像當狂歡後 伴侶對我們

  • to determine every decision sounds like a great idea.

    拋媚眼後 立刻回到有氣氛的床上找其他人

  • We'd finally get the kind of government we want.

    我示意想要加入 但是其中一個陌生人拒絕

  • It happens in Switzerland so it's obviously possible.

    問穿著奇怪內衣的人是誰 又聽見一個伴侶達到高潮

  • And technology has made it much more possible to organise.

    而是由另一個陌生人引發的 這經驗很複雜 我們也會忘記

  • But the problem with principles is that they are perilously prone to leave out the details.

    當接受多邊戀 便不容易找到適合取悅我們的人

  • Which is where the problems are located

    當然 我們可能接受到不和自己胃口的人的邀請

  • They encourage us to forget that if we move to the country, we'll be hampered in our plans to order sushi at short notice.

    但現在就變得難以拒絕他 即使我們找到喜歡的類型

  • The neighbor's tractor will wake us up at 5:30.

    他的情慾胃口也許又跟我們不合 他可能也喜愛拍打

  • Things will be surprisingly expensive.

    但跟我理想相比 力道不是太大就是太小

  • And we'll have a terrible sense of being left out of the party.

    抑或他喜歡打扮成海盜卻拒絕戴眼罩 讓你受不了

  • Or when it comes to direct democracy we forget the whimsical and terrifying nature of mass public opinion

    或他真的會吐露不雅言詞 但他真的太沒有創意

  • along with our own disinterest in the details of policy

    還有討厭的口音 我們的伴侶可能

  • and the entirely exceptional nature of Swiss society and public life.

    找的到很多新奇美妙的朋友 我們假定他們對我有興趣

  • Things are no different with polyamory.

    但事實可能不是這樣 我們也可能忘記當東西全歸自己

  • When at certain times the general principle of polyamory strikes us as a mature and viable option for organising our sex lives

    擁有的感受多好 小時候我們都不太愛分享玩具 但是借借是不錯

  • we'd be advised to hold a few details in mind:

    五歲時 其他小朋友搶走我們的瓦斯爐玩具假裝做飯

  • - We should picture how challenging it can be

    我們會感到深深厭惡 我們每個人都有這種

  • when at, an orgy, a partner gives us a wink as they disappear

    強烈佔有慾 另外 我們挺忙碌的

  • into a softly lit bedroom with two other people.

    多邊戀需要花時間 伴侶們在我們可以的時間

  • We make a sign to join them but are politely, yet firmly

    可能很忙 好不容易找到空檔 他又想要跟那個

  • rebuffed by one of the strangers who asks gruffly who the weirdo with the strange underwear might be.

    我討厭的牙醫一起 即使多邊戀看似自由

  • Hearing a partner orgasm at the hands of another is a complex experience.

    它還是涉及了許多詭異奇妙的情緒 它會導致

  • - We may forget too that once we sign up to polyamory

    分離 悲傷結尾 被拋棄感和怒氣 我們必須去掌握

  • it won't be entirely straightforward to locate other people who excite us deeply.

    很多人內心的紛擾 而不只是較能理解的

  • Of course, we may have offers from types we don't much fancy

    單一伴侶 有些伴侶會突然哭泣並提及自己母親

  • except it will now be agony to explain why we don't want them.

    但我其實只想追求短暫情慾刺激而已 其他人或許會

  • However, even if we do find someone we favor, it may turn out their sexual tastes don't quite match our own.

    在我們戴上面具接受鞭打時控訴我們的自私 然後假裝

  • They may share our love of spanking, but it could be harder or softer that we would ideally prefer.

    閱讀雜誌不告訴我們哪裡錯了 不可否認 多邊戀對

  • Or, they'll love dressing as a pirate, but they might refuse to wear an eyepatch

    有些人是可行的 但對我們來說像理論可能無法做到

  • which is a deal breaker for us.

    很有可能我們成為多邊戀者後 會面臨全部單一戀情

  • Or, they might indeed shout obscenities but their repertoire risks being sadly unimaginative

    所遭遇的問題 只是它更頻繁 更有破壞力 而且

  • and their accent grating.

    更辜負我們的期望

  • Our partner, on the other hand

  • might all the while be having no trouble at all locating some pretty amazing new friends.

  • We had assumed we'd be in demand, but that's not how it could turn out.

  • We also tend to forget how nice it is when something is fully ours.

  • As children, we never actually liked sharing our toys much

  • though borrowing them was pretty nice.

  • When we were five

  • we deeply resented if other children took the fire engine

  • or started a cooking game with the miniature kitchen.

  • A disavowed possessive streak runs quite deep in many of us.

  • Furthermore, we've got a busy life

  • and polyamory takes a lot of time to organise.

  • Our prospective partners may be busy just that night we're free or more inclined

  • exactly when we had a slot

  • to hook up with that dentist who is slightly repugnant in our eyes.

  • Despite the freewheeling atmosphere

  • even in polyamory

  • there will be some surprisingly tricky and intractable emotions to deal with.

  • There will be splits, painful endings, feelings of abandonment and moments of rage.

  • We'll be exposed to the inner tribulations of a great many people

  • rather than just those of a single well-charted spouse.

  • Certain partners will burst into uncontrollable sobs and talk urgently of their mothers

  • when all we were looking for was a rapid sexual thrill.

  • Others will, as we stand at the bedside with a whip or a mask, accuse us of selfishness

  • pretend to read a magazine and refuse to explain what's wrong.

  • There's no dispute at all that polyamory will work very well for some people

  • but like many alluring ideas, that doesn't mean it will work for us.

  • Mostly likely, if we become polyamorous

  • we will once again encounter almost all of the problems we'd once known so well in monogamy

  • only far more often

  • more chaotically

  • and with a greater sense of violated expectation.

Perhaps some nights you lie awake next to your partner.

或許有時你醒來床邊是你的伴侶 或許他們並不糟

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為什麼一夫多妻制(很遺憾)不適合每個人? (Why Polyamory (sadly) can't be for Everyone)

  • 181 8
    Samuel 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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