Probably they're not awful.

但是可以確信的是　他有一點無趣　畢竟也一段時間了

But they are almost certainly a bit boring.

做愛是可接受的　但不能說是真的很棒

After all it's been a long time.

因為首次脫去對方衣服　感受到對方的興奮感

Sex with them is ok

充滿慾望地對你說不文雅的字　這些都有特別的感觸

but not great in every possible way.

但你不想放棄現在的關係　因為他也有可取之處：像是

There's something so special about undressing someone for the first time

你們已經共組家庭　花費很大心力　你不想失去所有

feeling their excitement in your hands

你只想要享受一些經驗　很多人於是想

and hearing them say rude words to you in lust.

「多邊戀呢？」你覺得自己挺勇敢嘗試

But you don't want to give up the relationship you're already in

部分原因在於多邊戀聽起來多麼可行　它可以超越社會

which is pretty good in some key ways.

集體對於性慾的虛偽觀念　說不定你在網球

Maybe you've got children or a joint home you've put a lot of work into.

社團認識人說他是多邊戀　他們看起來正常且快樂

You don't want to lose everything.

有個雜誌說巴黎開始流行多邊戀

You just want to enjoy a few new scenarios.

在溫哥華也有名　顯然很多人成功了　那自己呢？

At such points, like many people you think:

多邊戀如同它的捍衛者所說　是感情的未來走向

"What about polyamory"?

不論是對於一般社會或是個體來說　也就是你

And you feel quite brave and adventurous for going this far.

多邊戀的理論聽起來很可行　大型籠統的想法通常如此

Part of the problem is that polyamory sounds so plausible.

舉另外一個例子來說　很多人覺得搬到鄉村

An ideal way out of our societies' collective hypocrisy around sexual desire.

而放棄都市生活是個好選擇：更健康　住的成本更低

Maybe you know someone from the tennis club who said to be into polyamory.

你還可以種菜且與自然結合

They seem normal, very sane and extremely cheerful.

或是政治例子　很多人覺得直接民主

There was an article in a magasine describing how polyamory is becoming fashionable in Paris

也就是每周末都有個會議決定每個決策是個好方法

and is gaining popularity in Vancouver.

我們就終於可以有理想的政府　瑞士就是如此

Apparently, plenty of others manage it. Why shouldn't you?

所以它是可能的　且科技也使我們能夠如此

Polyamory looks like it could be, as its advocates suggest, the future of relationships in general.

但理論背後的問題在於忽略很多細節　細節又是

And, more urgently, of yours in particular.

最容易產生問題的　你會忘記若搬去鄉村

Like many aspects of existence, polyamory is convincing in principle.

就無法臨時去壽司店　而且鄰居會每天5:30把你吵醒

Big, general ideas, usually are.

東西都會變得異常貴　而且被邊緣化的感覺並不好

To take another exemple:

（當直接民主發生）我們會忘記群眾發表意見時

In principle, many people feel it would be nicer to give up on the rat-race in the city and relocate to the countryside.

可能造成荒誕不羈的結果　再加上我們對於施政的冷漠

It's healthier, housing costs are lower.

也沒有考量瑞士社會本身的特殊性

You'll be able to grow vegetables and reconnect with nature.

多邊戀也是如此　即使原則上看起來

Or, to take an exemple from politics:

好像成熟且適合用來規範情慾生活　我們最好顧慮細節

In principle, many people feel that direct democracy with referendum every weekend

我們可以想像當狂歡後　伴侶對我們

to determine every decision sounds like a great idea.

拋媚眼後　立刻回到有氣氛的床上找其他人

We'd finally get the kind of government we want.

我示意想要加入　但是其中一個陌生人拒絕

It happens in Switzerland so it's obviously possible.

問穿著奇怪內衣的人是誰　又聽見一個伴侶達到高潮

And technology has made it much more possible to organise.

而是由另一個陌生人引發的　這經驗很複雜　我們也會忘記

But the problem with principles is that they are perilously prone to leave out the details.

當接受多邊戀　便不容易找到適合取悅我們的人

Which is where the problems are located

當然　我們可能接受到不和自己胃口的人的邀請

They encourage us to forget that if we move to the country, we'll be hampered in our plans to order sushi at short notice.

但現在就變得難以拒絕他　即使我們找到喜歡的類型

The neighbor's tractor will wake us up at 5:30.

他的情慾胃口也許又跟我們不合　他可能也喜愛拍打

Things will be surprisingly expensive.

但跟我理想相比　力道不是太大就是太小

And we'll have a terrible sense of being left out of the party.

抑或他喜歡打扮成海盜卻拒絕戴眼罩　讓你受不了

Or when it comes to direct democracy we forget the whimsical and terrifying nature of mass public opinion

或他真的會吐露不雅言詞　但他真的太沒有創意

along with our own disinterest in the details of policy

還有討厭的口音　我們的伴侶可能

and the entirely exceptional nature of Swiss society and public life.

找的到很多新奇美妙的朋友　我們假定他們對我有興趣

Things are no different with polyamory.

但事實可能不是這樣　我們也可能忘記當東西全歸自己

When at certain times the general principle of polyamory strikes us as a mature and viable option for organising our sex lives

擁有的感受多好　小時候我們都不太愛分享玩具　但是借借是不錯

we'd be advised to hold a few details in mind:

五歲時　其他小朋友搶走我們的瓦斯爐玩具假裝做飯

- We should picture how challenging it can be

我們會感到深深厭惡　我們每個人都有這種

when at, an orgy, a partner gives us a wink as they disappear

強烈佔有慾　另外　我們挺忙碌的

into a softly lit bedroom with two other people.

多邊戀需要花時間　伴侶們在我們可以的時間

We make a sign to join them but are politely, yet firmly

可能很忙　好不容易找到空檔　他又想要跟那個

rebuffed by one of the strangers who asks gruffly who the weirdo with the strange underwear might be.

我討厭的牙醫一起　即使多邊戀看似自由

Hearing a partner orgasm at the hands of another is a complex experience.

它還是涉及了許多詭異奇妙的情緒　它會導致

- We may forget too that once we sign up to polyamory

分離　悲傷結尾　被拋棄感和怒氣　我們必須去掌握

it won't be entirely straightforward to locate other people who excite us deeply.

很多人內心的紛擾　而不只是較能理解的

Of course, we may have offers from types we don't much fancy

單一伴侶　有些伴侶會突然哭泣並提及自己母親

except it will now be agony to explain why we don't want them.

但我其實只想追求短暫情慾刺激而已　其他人或許會

However, even if we do find someone we favor, it may turn out their sexual tastes don't quite match our own.

在我們戴上面具接受鞭打時控訴我們的自私　然後假裝

They may share our love of spanking, but it could be harder or softer that we would ideally prefer.

閱讀雜誌不告訴我們哪裡錯了　不可否認　多邊戀對

Or, they'll love dressing as a pirate, but they might refuse to wear an eyepatch

有些人是可行的　但對我們來說像理論可能無法做到

which is a deal breaker for us.

很有可能我們成為多邊戀者後　會面臨全部單一戀情

Or, they might indeed shout obscenities but their repertoire risks being sadly unimaginative

所遭遇的問題　只是它更頻繁　更有破壞力　而且

and their accent grating.

更辜負我們的期望

Our partner, on the other hand

might all the while be having no trouble at all locating some pretty amazing new friends.

We had assumed we'd be in demand, but that's not how it could turn out.

We also tend to forget how nice it is when something is fully ours.

As children, we never actually liked sharing our toys much

though borrowing them was pretty nice.

When we were five

we deeply resented if other children took the fire engine

or started a cooking game with the miniature kitchen.

A disavowed possessive streak runs quite deep in many of us.

Furthermore, we've got a busy life

and polyamory takes a lot of time to organise.

Our prospective partners may be busy just that night we're free or more inclined

– exactly when we had a slot –

to hook up with that dentist who is slightly repugnant in our eyes.

Despite the freewheeling atmosphere

even in polyamory

there will be some surprisingly tricky and intractable emotions to deal with.

There will be splits, painful endings, feelings of abandonment and moments of rage.

We'll be exposed to the inner tribulations of a great many people

rather than just those of a single well-charted spouse.

Certain partners will burst into uncontrollable sobs and talk urgently of their mothers

when all we were looking for was a rapid sexual thrill.

Others will, as we stand at the bedside with a whip or a mask, accuse us of selfishness

pretend to read a magazine and refuse to explain what's wrong.

There's no dispute at all that polyamory will work very well for some people

but like many alluring ideas, that doesn't mean it will work for us.

Mostly likely, if we become polyamorous

we will once again encounter almost all of the problems we'd once known so well in monogamy

only far more often

more chaotically

and with a greater sense of violated expectation.