What up everyone is your girl Superwoman, and it's a regular day, alright.

大家好我是 Superwoman！今天又是普通的一天。

So you're having that relationship talk with one of your friends.

你又在跟你朋友討論關於戀愛的話題。

Honestly, I can't even imagine being in a relationship right now.

老實說，我沒辦法想像現在這個時候談戀愛。

Totally.

對啊！

It's like I'm too independent, you know?

我太獨立了，你懂嗎？

For sure!

完全！

Also, I don't need to seek validation from someone else's love.

而且我才不需要靠別人的愛來得到認可。

You don't need no validation.

你根本不需要被認可啊。

I'm just too like woke as a person, you know?

我覺得自己天生就適合單身，你知道嗎？

Like I'm drinking a kale smoothie right now.

你看我現在在喝羽衣甘藍奶昔。

This is gluten-free, cruelty-free, a recyclable cup.

這既無麩質、無動物實驗，還用環保材質的杯子。

This company, they employ abandoned puppies, yeah.

這間公司甚至雇用流浪狗狗當員工。

So I can't do all of this plus be in a relationship, it's too much work.

這些對我來說已經夠了，如果又談戀愛的話，實在吃不消。

And then she hits you with.

然後你朋友跟你說。

I heard Kenny has a crush on you.

聽說 Kenny 喜歡妳。

What?

什麼？

Yeah, Kenny told me he has a crush on you.

對啊，Kenny 說他喜歡妳。

Kenny has a crush on you.

Kenny 喜歡妳。

Kenny has a crush on you.

Kenny 喜歡妳。

Kenny has a crush on you.

Kenny 喜歡妳。

Kenny has a crush on you.

Kenny 喜歡妳。

Kenny has a crush on you.

Kenny 喜歡妳。

Kenny has a crush on you.

Kenny 喜歡妳。

Kenny has a crush on you.

Kenny 喜歡妳。

- (honks) Hurry the hell up. - Someone has a crush on me.

- (按喇叭) 走快一點啦！- 有人喜歡我喔！

Ho, call me a parking ticket 'cause I just got validated.

叫我停車費，因為我剛被繳囉！(註：validated 此處有「被認可」的詞義雙關)

When you find out someone has a crush on you, on the outside you might act like you're un-phased but on the inside you're like, yo, I'm the most bomb person on the planet.

當你發現有人喜歡你的時候，表面上你看起來完全無感，但其實你的內心就像，噢！我是世界上最棒的人！

And for some reason it makes you want to be even hotter.

而不知為何，你會想要變得更辣、更性感。

Like let me put in a little bit of extra effort and see who else I can snatch on these streets.

讓我來多用點小心機看看路上還有誰會被我煞到。

Let me catch these crushes like Pokemon.

就像抓寶可夢一樣抓住他們的心。

Just absolutely feeling myself.

完全陷入自戀。

Feeling myself all on the 'gram.

在 Instagram 上自戀。

Feeling myself while staying hydrated.

喝水時自戀。

Feeling myself in my bed.

在床上自戀。

Lilly?

Lilly？

Get out, I'm busy!

出去啦！我在忙！

And all of this leads to phase one of someone having a crush on you: The Lead On.

而這些會導致你發現有人喜歡你之後的第一階段：優越感。

Now I hate to say it, when someone has a crush on you, shut-up, shut-up you're gonna deny this, shut you face!

我很不想承認，但當有人喜歡自己的時候，閉嘴，閉嘴，我知道你要否認，但不要吵。

When someone has a crush on you, whether you like them back or not, you are going to lead them on.

當有人喜歡你的時候，不管你喜不喜歡對方，你都會有種優越感。

Why? Because it's human nature.

為什麼？因為這就是人的天性。

Why for real? 'Cause it makes you feel powerful.

為什麼？因為它讓你覺得自己很厲害。

You go hit them with the mild interactions like, yo, I'ma drop this pencil in front of you,

你用再平常不過的小小互動，像是，噢我不小心在你面前掉了一枝鉛筆。

I'ma bend over, I'ma allow you to look at this booty okay.

我要彎下腰，允許你看看我的翹臀。

Consider it a charitable donation.

好像我在做慈善一樣。

Wait, don't charities only take non-damaged goods?

等等，做慈善不應該讓人傷眼吧？

Shut the eff up, zoomed in Lilly.

閉嘴，比較近的 Lilly。

It's like reverse flirting like you have a crush on me, okay, cool, yeah.

就像是反向的撩妹，你喜歡我，很好，很酷。

Let me talk to you here and there, you know, make your day.

那我就來撩撩你，跟你說說話？你知道的，讓你覺得很快樂。

Um, hey, I'm totally lost, can you help me?

呃，嘿！我完全聽不懂，你可以教教我嗎？

But I wasn't lost, I just enjoy the power of making someone nervous.

其實我聽得懂，我只是在享受讓對方手足無措的快感。

Uh, it's a factorial so you just, multiply each one by n.

呃，這要用階乘去算，所以妳就把全部都乘以 n。

Wrong. Is that summation?

最好是。是要算出總和嗎？

Yeah, they're the same thing.

對啊，它們是一樣的東西。

Wrong, he was so wrong.

才怪，他根本不會。

Maybe he only had skills in picking beautiful crushes.

他大概除了眼光好，其他都很爛。

This leads to phase two, delusions.

而這又進入第二階段：幻想。

When someone has a crush on you, you start to read into everything they do and you conclude like, yo, this person's life revolves around me, psh, obviously.

當有人喜歡你時，你會開始解讀他們所有舉動，然後得到一個結論：這個人的生活完全繞著我轉，呿，很明顯。。

And you throw them a pity party every opportunity you have because damn it must be so hard to have a crush on someone as fine as you.

然後你會不斷同情他們，因為喜歡上像自己這麼棒的人實在是太辛苦了。

Aww, look at him over there just crushing on me so hard.

噢，看看他有多喜歡我。

He's literally just drinking juice.

他只是在喝果汁。

Duh, the juice is a metaphor for how he's bottling up his emotions for me.

拜託，那果汁就是在暗示他在壓抑對我的情感。

I think he might just be thirsty.

我覺得他可能只是口渴。

Exactly, he's so thirsty, he's practically shaking.

是啊，他很渴望我，他渴望到顫抖了。

He's just shaking his juice.

他只是在搖果汁。

You know, when he talks to me, he chokes.

你知道嗎？他跟我說話甚至會噎到。

(coughs)

(咳嗽)

Oh my god, I think he's actually choking.

天啊，我覺得他真的噎到了。

(coughs)

(咳嗽)

He literally dies over me.

他可以為我付出生命。

(coughs)

(咳嗽)

I think Kenny just died.

我覺得 Kenny 好像真的死掉了。

It's like watching an episode of South Park over and over again.

這就像是不斷重複地看南方四賤客一樣。

Poor Kenny, he used to have a crush on me.

可憐的阿尼，他曾經喜歡我的說 (註：南方四賤客的阿尼也叫 Kenny)。

Are you okay?

你沒事吧？

Now for this, one of two things are gonna happen alright?

接下來有兩種可能會發生：

Number one: you like the person back and ya'll go and get jiggy with it.

第一：你也會喜歡上對方，然後你們就會陷入熱戀。

Number two: you don't.

第二種可能：你不喜歡他。

And when you don't, it's just another regular day except the idea of romance has been infiltrated into your mind,

當你不喜歡對方的時候，一切就跟平常一樣，除了你會開始出現一些浪漫的想像。

so you're having a conversation with your friend like, I can honestly imagine myself in a relationship these days.

你就會跟朋友出現這樣的對話，其實這幾天我可以想像我去談一段戀愛。

Totally.

是喔。

You know, it's nice to depend on people sometimes.

其實有時候依賴別人感覺也不錯。

For sure.

對啊！

I even stopped recycling and eating healthy because I'm like what's the point, people crush on me either way.

我甚至不再做環保，也沒在健康飲食了，反正還是有人會喜歡我，那些根本沒意義。

I think I'm just like, naturally quirky and attractive.

我覺得我可能天生就很迷人又有魅力吧！

And then she hits you with-I heard Kenny doesn't like you anymore.

接著你朋友說了一句：我聽說 Kenny 不喜歡妳了。

What?

什麼？

Yeah, Kenny likes Tricia now, he told me.

他說他現在喜歡 Tricia，他親口說的。

Thus entering phase three: the break up.

這就是第三階段：分手。

Yo, straight up, breaking up with someone you're not in a relationship with is the worst.

老實說，跟一個沒有在一起的人分手感覺是最糟糕的。

How dare you not be dating me, and be cheating on me.

你怎麼有膽沒跟我在一起就劈腿？

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, listen, hey, hey, hey.

噢噢噢，聽著，嘿嘿嘿！

What's all this with you not liking me anymore.

你為什麼不喜歡我了？

Hey, well I thought you weren't into me.

嘿，呃，因為我以為妳不喜歡我。

So that's it, what you're not gonna like fight for me?

就這樣？你不打算爭取我嗎？

Fight who?

跟誰爭？

Anyone, honestly is chivalry dead?

任何人，現在男人都沒有紳士風度了嗎？

I'm sorry, I like Tricia now.

我很抱歉，但我現在喜歡 Tricia。

No, no you don't, listen, focus, okay, I am your crush.

不，你不喜歡她。聽著，我才是你喜歡的人。

But you said you didn't like me.

可是妳說妳不喜歡我。

That's irrelevant.

兩件事又無關。

Listen, you're supposed to have a crush on me for a really long time.

聽好，你應該要喜歡我很長一段時間。

Why, because it makes me feel good.

為什麼？因為這樣我才會覺得很快樂。

God, you know nothing about girls.

天啊，你完全不懂女生。

Okay, fine, I like you?

好啦，好啦，我喜歡妳？

Damn straight you like me.

你當然喜歡我。

Now pull yourself together, God, you're practically drooling over me.

天啊，振作點好嗎？你口水都流下來了

He has a crush on me.

他喜歡我。

What?

搞什麼？

And all of this is my cheeky way of saying that I have a huge crush.

說了這麼多我只是不要臉地想表達我也有一個很喜歡的人 (註：huge crush 此處雙關很大瓶的 Crush 飲料)

Ah, sike, go to the end card.

(哈氣聲) 好！進結尾吧！

Yo, my lipstick matches my shirt okay?

我今天的口紅跟衣服很搭吧？

For that alone, give this video a thumbs up.

所以快按這部影片一個讚！

Check out my last video right over there.

去看看我最新的影片。

Second vlog channel right over there.

還有我的影音網誌頻道。

Yo, super 60 starts right now, which means for the next hour, I'll be responding to comments down below, so go ahead and comment, make sure you subscribe because I make new videos every Monday and Thursday.

然後 Super 60 馬上就開始，意思是接下來一整個小時，我都會回覆影片下方的留言，所以快去留言，記得訂閱，我每週一和週四都會發布新影片。

One love, Superwoman.

Superwoman 愛你們！

That is a wrap and zoop!

就這樣，再見啦！