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  • This week in case you didn't know

    假如你不知道的話

  • is teacher appreciation week.

    這禮拜其實是謝師週

  • And it's very important to be

    有禮貌地對待老師

  • nice to your teachers.

    是非常重要的事情

  • You know, the NRA has their way,

    美國全國步槍協會則有他們自己的方法

  • they'll all have machine guns soon

    很快地,他們全部人都會有機關槍

  • and you'll have to be nice

    所以你也就得

  • to them.

    對他們很好

  • And most people have one or more teachers

    大部分的人都曾經讓

  • from the past that they

    一個或更多個老師

  • put through the wringer.

    飽受折磨

  • When I was in high school, we

    讀高中的時候

  • had a spanish teacher named

    我們有個西班牙老師

  • Mr. Gretz.

    叫做 Gretz 先生

  • And every day Mr. Gretz would write ten questions on the

    Gretz 先生每天都會寫十個問題在黑板上

  • chalkboard and then he'd pull down the map to cover them until quiz time.

    在考試前,他會拉下地圖來蓋住它們

  • And then he'd lift them up and we'd have to take the quiz.

    當他把地圖掀起來,我們就得進行考試

  • And every day someone would somehow sneak into the classrooms

    每一天,某個人都會不知道用什麼方式地潛進教室裡

  • and erase all the questions and replace them with a cartoon penis.

    把那些問題給擦掉,然後畫上雞雞的圖案

  • [ Laughter ]

    (笑聲)

  • And then Mr. Gretz either retired or disappeared, I'm not sure after that year.

    經過那一年,我不確定 Gretz 先生是退休了還是消失了

  • But I feel like we owe him an apology.

    但我認為我們欠他一句道歉

  • Teachers have difficult jobs.

    當老師是一份辛苦的工作

  • So today in honor of teacher appreciation week we went out to Hollywood boulevard

    所以今天為了向謝師週表示敬意,我們到好萊塢大道上

  • to give people a chance to say sorry for the awful, awful things they did.

    讓人們對於他們曾經做過的壞事有一個道歉的機會

  • It's teacher appreciation week.

    現在是謝師週

  • Are there any teachers you would like to apologize to?

    有沒有你想向他說聲抱歉的老師?

  • Sure. My fifth grade teacher. Her name was Miss Glasser.

    當然。那就是我五年級的老師,Glasser 小姐

  • I gave her the nickname gassy goo, and it stuck with her the whole year.

    我幫她取了一個綽號叫囉唆黏土,然後這個綽號跟了她一整年

  • My senior year of high school. I want to apologize to Miss Seawall because I arrived at

    我想向高中四年級時的 Seawall 小姐說聲對不起

  • very drunk to my last final for math and I completely failed it.

    因為我喝醉酒地去考數學期末考,然後我完全考爛掉了

  • And I knew what I was taking. I knew the stuff, but I failed it cause I was very, very drunk.

    我知道我在考什麼,內容也都懂,但還是不及格,因為我非常非常地醉

  • I want to apologize to my kindergarten teacher for kicking her every day.

    我想跟我的幼稚園老師說抱歉,因為我每天都踢她

  • Almost every day.

    幾乎是每一天

  • I would come in and kick her for no reason.

    我會走進教室然後沒來由地踢她

  • And after that first grade, my first grade teacher I would hit her with a rubber band and paper.

    之後是一年級,我都會用橡皮擦和紙丟我一年級的老師

  • - So Things Got Worse. - Yeah.

    - 所以是每況愈下 - 是的

  • - There was a teacher at Desoto high school in orange county who had very, very big curly hair

    - 橘郡的 Desoto 高中有位老師有一頭超級大捲髮

  • and when she'd turn around to write on the board we would roll up little pieces much paper and

    她轉身過去寫黑板時,我們都會把小張的紙捲起來

  • see how many we could stick in her hair without her knowing.

    然後看看在不被她發現的情況下,可以丟多少個在她的頭髮裡

  • What was your record?

    那你的紀錄是多少個?

  • I think it maybe was like eight or nine, not anything crazy.

    大概八九個吧,很普通

  • I don't remember her name but I took a Spanish class my freshman year of high school and

    我不記得她的名字,但高一時我有修西班牙文課

  • I'm from mexico city. I was born there. But I didn't tell the teacher until

    我來自墨西哥城,我在那裡出生。但我一直都沒有告訴那位老師

  • like the last week during like a final presentation, where I got up -- [ Speaking Spanish ]

    直到期末呈現的最後一週,我突然 (口若懸河地講起西班牙文)

  • And yeah. I spoke spanish better than her. I think she was Russian.

    我西班牙文講得甚至比她還好。我覺得她應該是俄羅斯人。

  • Just one.

    只有一個

  • Mr. McCrary.

    McCrary 先生

  • He's a high school teacher in Prince George's, Virginia.

    他是維吉尼亞州喬治王子郡的一個高中老師

  • What did you do?

    你做了什麼?

  • We stole his car and put it on the roof.

    我們偷了他的車然後把車放到屋頂上

  • I want to apologize for telling a marijuana joke in first grade.

    我想為我在一年級時說了一個大麻笑話的事道歉

  • What was the joke?

    那個笑話是什麼?

  • Miss Kraus, why don't balloons do drugs?

    Kraus 小姐,為什麼氣球不吸毒?

  • And you know, panic on her face.

    她一臉恐慌

  • And she said, I don't know, amy.

    然後她說,Amy,我不知道

  • And I said, because they're afraid they'll get too high and get busted.

    我說,因為氣球害怕他們飛得太高 (也可以譯作吸毒吸得的太嗨) 會爆炸

  • And yeah. She didn't like that.

    然後顯然她並不喜歡這個笑話

  • And what do you do now?

    那妳現在的工作是什麼?

  • I'm the mayor of Manhattan Beach, California.

    我是加州曼哈頓海灘的市長

  • Are there any teachers you'd like to apologize to?

    有沒有哪位老師你想要向他道歉?

  • Yeah.

  • I'd like to apologize to the teacher I stole a checkbook from in high school.

    我想跟高中時我偷了他的支票簿的那位老師道歉

  • Stealing my teacher's checkbook trying to cash a check and got caught and went to jail.

    我偷了老師的支票簿然後試圖要兌現一張支票,不過我被逮到了然後做了牢

  • That was embarrassing, man.

    超級尷尬的

  • In front of all of my student co- -- My friends seeing me locked up.

    在我所有的朋友面前,讓他們看到我被銬起來

  • It was crazy. I apologize.

    這真的太瘋狂了,我道歉

  • Forgive me.

    請原諒我

  • I want to apologize to Miss Amundson, my ESL teacher.

    我想跟我的英文第二外語課程老師, Amundson 小姐,說對不起

  • She used to send me to go get cigarettes from the liquor store, and I would steal two or three cigarettes, you know.

    她之前都會請我幫她去商店買菸,然後我會偷個兩三根

  • And that's the way I learned how to smoke, you know.

    我就是這樣學會抽煙的

  • And be cool.

    以及學會裝酷

  • At least I learned something in school, you know.

    至少我從學校學到了點東西

  • [ Applause ]

    (掌聲)

  • Jimmy: That's one way to looking at it.

    吉米:這確實是看待事情的一種角度

  • Yeah. Best way.

    是最好的角度

This week in case you didn't know

假如你不知道的話

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A2 初級 中文 美國腔 JimmyKimmel 老師 高中 小姐 先生 笑話

人們向當年的老師致歉 (People Apologize to Their Teachers)

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    Evangeline 發佈於 2018 年 11 月 17 日
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