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  • This is where your ice cream comes from-- the creamy poop of a mystic unicorn. Totally

    你的冰淇淋是這樣來的 -- 一隻神秘獨角獸的綿密便便

  • clean, totally cool, and soft-served straight from a sphincter.

    括約肌直送,絕對乾淨、爽口、軟綿

  • Mmm. They're good at pooping. But you know who sucks at pooping? You do.

    嗯,他們很擅長便便。但你知道誰最不會大便了嗎?就是你

  • That's 'cause when you sit on the porcelain throne, this muscle put a kink in the hose

    那是因為當你坐在瓷器寶座上時,肌肉會把你的腸子揪起來,

  • and stops the Ben & Jerry's from sliding out smoothly.

    使你的冰淇淋沒辦法順暢地出來

  • Is that a problem? I don't know, are hemorrhoids a problem? 'Cause sitting at this angle can

    這會帶來問題嗎?我不知道耶,痔瘡是不是問題呢?因為這樣的角度坐著

  • cause hemorrhoids, bloating, constipation, and a buttload of other crap.

    會造成痔瘡、腹脹、便秘和其他一肚子的廢物

  • And seriously, unicorn hemorrhoids? - The glitter gets everywhere.

    而且講真的,獨角獸得痔瘡? 亮粉會撒得到處都是呀

  • But what happens when you go from a sit to a squat?

    但要是你從坐姿改為蹲姿呢?

  • Voila-- the muscle relaxes and that kink goes away faster than Pegasus laying a sweet sherbet

    見證奇跡吧!肌肉放鬆,腸子的結就會解開,大便速度比飛馬拉屎還快

  • dookie. Now your colon's open and ready for battle.

    現在你的結腸開了,做好開戰準備

  • That's 'cause our bodies were made to poop in a squat. And now there's a product that

    那是因為我們的身體就是適合以蹲姿大便。而現在有一種產品

  • lets you squat in your own home.

    讓你在家也能蹲了!

  • Introducing the Squatty Potty.

    向你介紹,蹲便器

  • No, it's not a joke. And yes, it will give you the best poop of your life, guaranteed.

    沒在開玩笑哦,保證讓你拉出你生平拉過最棒的便便

  • I don't just mean you bloated lords and hemorrhoidal ladies -- I mean everyone.

    指的不僅是腹脹氣的大爺和便秘的女士,我指的是所有人

  • Kink Unkink. Kink, unkink. It's simple science really.

    揪起來,放開,揪著,又放開了。這道理其實很簡單

  • Can't get the last scoop out of the carton?

    最後一勺就是挖不出來嗎?

  • With the Squatty Potty you get complete elimination.

    有了蹲便器,你能夠得到全然的淨空

  • Spend too much time on the chamber pot?

    總是在馬桶上坐很久嗎?

  • Squatty Potty makes you go twice as fast, or your money back.

    蹲便器讓你的效率兩倍快,不然就退費

  • I scream, you scream, and plop plop, baby.

    我尖叫,你尖叫 (冰淇淋繞口令),然後便便啪啦啪啦,寶貝你懂的

  • Maybe you're sore from squeezing out solid globs of rocky road.

    或許你疲於將硬塊擠出石子路

  • The Squatty Potty gives you a smooth stream of froyo that glides like a virgin swan.

    蹲便器讓你拉出條條流水霜優格,滑得順暢如同幼天鵝

  • Plus when you're done, it tucks neatly out of sight, thanks to its innovative patented

    更加分的是,當你完事,你可以把它完好收納,都歸功於創新的專利設計

  • design. Truly a footstool fit for a constipated king!

    恰恰適合便秘皇上的腳凳啊!

  • So if you're a human being who poops from your butt, click here to order your Squatty

    要是你是個從屁股拉大便的人類,點選這裡訂購你的蹲便器,

  • Potty today at SquattyPotty.com. You'll wish you tried it years ago.

    網址就是 SquattyPotty.com。用了才知道相見恨晚

  • And if you don't trust a prince, how about your Doctor? Shark Tank? HuffPost? NPR? Men's

    若是你不相信一位王子的話,那麼醫生的話呢?創業鯊魚幫?《赫芬頓郵報》?美國國家公播電台?

  • Health? Howard Stern?--He poops from his butt.

    《男士健康》雜誌?Howard Stern呢?他也是用屁股大便的哦

  • They're all crazy about the Squatty Potty. Not to mention the 2,000 Amazon users who

    他們都對蹲便器讚譽有加。遑論兩千名亞馬遜用戶,

  • gave the Squatty Potty 5 stars, including the author of this moving haiku:

    都給了蹲便器五顆星評價,其中包括了這位俳句作者:

  • Oh Squatty Potty

    噢,蹲便器

  • You fill me with endless joy

    你填滿我以莫大歡喜

  • Yet leave me empty.”

    還我一身輕

  • So order your Squatty Potty today. I'm not saying it will make your poop as soft as this

    所以今天就趕緊訂購你的蹲便器吧!我不是說你的便便會因此變得

  • cookies'n'cream. But I'm not saying it won't.

    和餅乾冰淇淋一樣軟。但我也沒說不會

  • Squatty Potty. The stool for better stools.

    蹲便器。為了更佳的便便 (stools) 而生的腳凳 (stool)

  • Pooping will never be the same

    大便經驗從此改變...

  • And neither will ice cream.

    你對冰淇淋的印象也是

  • One for you, very good. How does it taste, is that delicious?

    來哦給你,好極了。如何,好吃嗎?

  • Is that the best thing you have ever had in your life?

    是不是你一生吃過最棒的東西呢?

  • There you are.

    給你擦擦

This is where your ice cream comes from-- the creamy poop of a mystic unicorn. Totally

你的冰淇淋是這樣來的 -- 一隻神秘獨角獸的綿密便便

字幕與單字

影片操作 你可以在這邊進行「影片」的調整,以及「字幕」的顯示

C1 高級 中文 美國腔 大便 冰淇淋 獨角獸 便便 便秘 腸子

這隻獨角獸改變了我的便便方式--#SquattyPotty#。 (This Unicorn Changed the Way I Poop - #SquattyPotty)

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    April Lu 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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