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  • Almost everyday,

    幾乎每一天,

  • with slightly dispiriting inevitability,

    雖然這麼說有點令人沮喪,

  • someone in our vicinity will hurt us in some way.

    但身邊總會有人以某種方式傷害我們。

  • It could be a friend,

    可能是朋友、

  • a colleague,

    同事、

  • a child, or most likely,

    孩子,或極可能是

  • a partner.

    伴侶。

  • They'll be neglectful of something that matters

    他們會忽略某些對我們來說

  • immensely to us.

    非常重要的事。

  • They'll be, to a greater or lesser extent,

    他們,或多或少地,

  • unkind, thoughtless, offensive or brusque.

    會有不友善、輕率、冒犯或唐突的行為。

  • We may never have given much thought to observing the way

    我們可能從未仔細地去觀察

  • we characteristically respond.

    我們特有的回應方式。

  • And yet, our style of reacting to maltreatment

    然而,我們處理不當對待的方式

  • goes right to the heart of who we are

    直接反映了我們真實的人格,

  • and can make the difference between

    帶來以下不同的結果:

  • a life of constant frustration and bitterness

    充滿挫折及埋怨的人生

  • and one of tolerable coexistence.

    與可以容忍的共存之道。

  • A crucial part of the art of living

    生存藝術的關鍵

  • seems to lie in knowing how to complain constructively and sanely to those who do us wrong.

    似乎是懂得如何有建設性地、理性地投訴傷害我們的人。

  • There are broadly 3 main ways in which one might complain.

    抱怨大致上分成三種:

  • The first is live fury.

    第一種是立刻暴怒。

  • Here, we explode, shout, insult, belittle and

    我們情緒爆炸、吼叫、侮辱、輕視他人,

  • attempted to crush our opponent.

    並試圖粉碎我們的對手。

  • What lies behind this response is, at heart, panic and agitation

    這其實反應了恐慌和不安

  • and a catastrophic feeling of hurt and betrayal.

    以及嚴重的傷害和背叛感。

  • The slight to our dignity cuts us so deep,

    對我們自尊的侮辱深深地傷害了我們,

  • unsettles us so much,

    讓我們極為不安,

  • we attempt to roar our way out of humiliation.

    因此我們試圖用咆哮來擺脫羞辱。

  • Our bark may be loud but it

    我們的叫聲可能很響亮,

  • comes from a place of extreme vulnerability.

    但它源自極端的脆弱。

  • We're living without a psychological skin.

    我們活在沒有心理保護膜的環境中。

  • Unfortunately, of course,

    當然,不幸的是,

  • live fury is guaranteed to

    立刻暴怒肯定會

  • prevent our complaint from ever being heard.

    永遠掩蓋我們的抱怨。

  • In the face of our ranting,

    面對我們的咆哮,

  • those who've offended us, will themselves get offended,

    那些冒犯我們的人也會覺得受到羞辱,

  • begin to resent us,

    並開始怨恨我們、

  • refuse to listen and accuse us of a raft of things

    拒絕傾聽,並對我們提出許多指控。

  • which entirely bury our original

    這會埋沒我們的原本

  • complaint against them.

    對他們提出的怨言。

  • We achieve nothing.

    我們一無所獲。

  • There is a second option.

    還有第二種反應:

  • Cold fury.

    冷暴力。

  • Here one says very little but

    這種情況下話說得很少,

  • hates very deeply and quietly.

    但悄無聲息地深深怨恨。

  • We don't dare to complain directly from a despair

    我們不敢直接提出抱怨,因為我們絕望地認為

  • that the other would ever understand.

    對方永遠不會了解自己。

  • Fuelled with a feeling that we don't

    加上我們覺得我們的話

  • deserve ever to be listened to.

    不值得被傾聽。

  • A primitive self-hatred encases us in

    一種與生俱來的自我厭惡使我們困在

  • cynicism and melancholy.

    憤世嫉俗與憂鬱之中。

  • We become experts at withdrawal.

    我們成為逃避的專家。

  • We've probably been like this from a young age.

    我們應該從小就這樣。

  • The adults we grew up around were probably

    在我們的成長過程中,身邊的大人可能都

  • too touchy, busy, domineering or absent to

    太敏感、太忙碌、跋扈或從不

  • give us much of a hearing.

    花時間傾聽我們的想說什麼。

  • So we learn to swallow our pain and while seething inside,

    所以我們學著吞下所有的痛苦並生悶氣,

  • act with brittle courtesy and veiled aggression against those hated characters who've done us wrong.

    在不善待我們的人面前表現得脆弱有禮並隱藏敵意。

  • Then comes that far rarer achievement.

    接著是極少數人可以做到的:

  • Mature complaint.

    成熟的抱怨。

  • In order to master such a feat,

    為了達成此壯舉,

  • we must work with a background sense that

    我們須有根深柢固的意識,

  • we don't fundamentally deserve meanness

    即我們不應該被惡意對待,

  • and also that it won't on its own ever

    以及惡意永遠

  • be able to destroy us.

    無法摧毀我們。

  • We are calm because we like ourselves well enough,

    我們夠喜歡自己所以能保持冷靜,

  • a legacy of being cared for by people who

    這是愛我們的人贈予我們的禮物,

  • liked us and refuse to endure

    我們拒絕默默地承受

  • punishment quietly or with masochistic patience.

    責罰或如受虐狂般地忍耐。

  • We have the confidence not to

    我們有信心

  • be thrown into complete disarray by insult.

    不因被羞辱而陷入混亂之中。

  • We can seek restitution and

    我們可以索取補償

  • tend to do so fairly fast while the incident is still fresh in everyone's mind,

    並在大家記憶猶新時盡快完成此任務。

  • but with a measured, strategic, calm manner

    用慎重、有策略、平和的態度,

  • of people secure in their right to have their say.

    保障自己和他人表達的權利。

  • We're careful not to insult or

    我們會謹慎發言,不去侮辱或

  • belittle our opponents.

    輕視我們的對手。

  • We always simply say how we feel.

    我們永遠都只表達自己的感受。

  • Rather than declaring, "You're vindictive and selfish for doing X,"

    與其控訴:「你做某件事是不懷好意和自私的」

  • we say, "I feel hurt by the way you do X."

    我們會說:「你做了某件事讓我感到很受傷。」

  • We don't give others easy excuses to get

    我們不輕易給他們藉口來

  • insulted and block their ears in turn.

    反過來說他們被侮辱了或關上耳朵

  • We don't want to make it that simple for them.

    我們不想要輕易地放過他們。

  • Nevertheless, we don't have

    然而,我們並不總是

  • unlimited faith that people are always

    認為別人能夠

  • going to understand and accept what

    理解並接受

  • we're trying to tell them,

    我們試圖表達的東西,

  • yet we want to speak out anyway.

    但我們仍想坦率地表達意見。

  • Because we know it's not good for us to swallow our

    因為我們知道吞下

  • complaints and we don't want ulcers.

    埋怨對自己沒有好處,我們不願留下心結。

  • We are at once realistic about the chances of

    我們實事求是地把握

  • dialogue and determine to talk in any case.

    對話機會,並決定無論如何都要把話說開。

  • We deserve a huge amount of compassion for our failure to know how to complain wisely.

    對於不懂得如何明智地抱怨,我們值得獲得更多同情。

  • Our inability is a snapshot into our past and into some properly troublesome dynamics that occurred long ago.

    我們的無能是過去生活及很久以前發生過的不良事件的縮影。

  • But by sketching the ideal style of complaining,

    但透過描繪理想的抱怨方式,

  • we can start to imagine what we're not natively capable of

    我們就能思考我們天生不具備的能力

  • and to fill in through reason and reflection

    並透過理性和反思填補那些

  • what we haven't been able to achieve through upbringing and love.

    無法用教養和愛實現的事情。

  • We can take our first stumbling steps on the path

    我們可以慢慢地踏出第一步

  • to mature complaint.

    邁向「成熟的抱怨」之途。

Almost everyday,

幾乎每一天,

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B2 中高級 中文 美國腔 抱怨 羞辱 傾聽 達成 友善 惡意

如何抱怨 (How to Complain)

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    Evangeline 發佈於 2021 年 03 月 15 日
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