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  • [AUDIENCE CHEERING]

  • Welcome to Full Frontal.

  • I am Samantha Bee.

  • Oh, my gosh.

  • You are so nice.

  • While these amazing kids were providing the leadership

  • on guns we sorely need, our actual leaders

  • continue to do nothing but hope that the news

  • cycle will move on.

  • Oh, thoughts and prayers, guys.

  • They're proving to be as tone deaf

  • as a guy who owns all of Mike Huckabee's albums.

  • That's too mean.

  • You know, say what you want about Huckabee's music,

  • but his son did murder a dog.

  • Of course, pundits think they know

  • the real reason we can't have "not riddled with bullet holes"

  • things.

  • You have a Congress that is bought

  • and sold and owned by the special interests--

  • that is the NRA.

  • A majority have been bought and owned by the NRA.

  • Bought and paid for by the NRA.

  • They're not completely wrong.

  • Politicians are bought, and they're pretty cheap.

  • You can buy Ted Cruz for just four

  • cans of Chunky Soup and a promise

  • to come to his improv show.

  • But tracking how the NRA actually influences lawmakers

  • is a little more complicated than buy and sell.

  • REPORTER: The explosion of money that the NRA is spending

  • in elections, most of it-- the yellow part-- most of it

  • is outside spending, meaning not directly to the candidates.

  • This is why the NRA is so feared in Congress.

  • It all has to do with the ad spending.

  • A "Washington Post" analysis finds the NRA ads were critical

  • in several battleground states, including North Carolina, Ohio,

  • and Pennsylvania.

  • Guns don't kill political careers--

  • the NRA does, and lawmakers are scared stiff of attack ads

  • like this one.

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • [PHONE BUZZING]

  • [MESSAGE SIGNAL]

  • [CLANG] [BANG]

  • WOMAN (ON VIDEO): It happens like that.

  • The police can't get there in time,

  • but Mary Landrieu voted to take away your gun rights.

  • Defend your freedom.

  • Defeat Mary Landrieu.

  • Oh, my god.

  • Mary Landrieu is outside and she's gonna kill your family.

  • Why did your husband go to Miami on the full moon?

  • That's when Mary Landrieu hungers.

  • And it works.

  • Lawmakers know they have to appear to be

  • faithful disciples of the NRA.

  • Look, I get it.

  • I'd never say that Ted Turner's mustache

  • looks like a bed skirt.

  • My job is too important to me.

  • H of us know the NRA is a lobbying group for gun

  • manufacturers, but to its hard-core members,

  • it is more than that.

  • J. WARREN CASSIDY (ON VIDEO): The base of the National Rifle

  • Association believes so strongly, it's more a religion

  • or what a religion used to be.

  • Yes, the NRA is like a religion, specifically

  • the best religion--

  • Scientology.

  • Now look, I am not saying that Scientology and gun culture

  • are exactly the same.

  • I mean, for one, Scientology's got way better songs.

  • [MUSIC - "WE STAND TALL"]

  • Hey la-di-la, hey la-di we stand tall.

  • Oh, yes.

  • Oh, Scientologists.

  • Any group that has Tom Cruise as its figurehead

  • cannot call themselves tall.

  • You know, at first I thought it was ridiculous to compare

  • these two organizations, but then I

  • did a Google Image Search and I thought,

  • maybe there is something here.

  • Both of these cults are based on fanciful myths

  • that when repeated enough, their otherwise intelligent followers

  • start to believe.

  • One says that 75 million years ago, an intergalactic warlord

  • nuked billions of people in volcanoes,

  • and then there's the really crazy

  • myth that guns have nothing to do with gun violence.

  • Both organizations despise the media.

  • Scientology has no greater enemy than the press, except maybe

  • whoever's in charge of painting on John Travolta's hair,

  • and the NRA attacks the media with glammed-up spokes-Glock,

  • Dana Loesch.

  • They use their media to assassinate real news.

  • To every lying member of the media, to the Joy-Ann Reids,

  • the Morning Joes, the Mikas--

  • to those who are stain honest reporting with partisanship,

  • to those who bring bias and propaganda to CNN,

  • the "Washington Post," and "The New York Times,"

  • your time is running out.

  • Well, why didn't she mention the Samantha Bees?

  • We think she's awful, too.

  • Both the NRA and Scientology also

  • have delusions of grandeur.

  • The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun

  • is a good guy with a gun.

  • Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident,

  • it's not like anyone else.

  • As you drive past, you know you have to do something about it,

  • because you know you're the only one that can really help.

  • Oh, if I had known how crazy Tom Cruise is,

  • I wouldn't have wasted so many nights

  • making out with his picture.

  • Both of these messianic calls push the narrative that only

  • they can save the world, but if you join them,

  • you can share in their power.

  • They'll make you a superhero, whether that means healing

  • the sick with your mind or making a kill

  • shot on a mass murderer despite being unable to even hit

  • the toilet bowl when you're taking a leak,

  • and the only thing you need to do to get that awesome power is

  • keep buying things from them.

  • Scientologists may spend hundreds of thousands

  • of dollars on all the books, courses, and E-meters

  • that the church presses them to buy.

  • Well, NRA members are constantly told

  • to buy guns, ammo, accessories, even gun-related home

  • furnishings, so you're always ready to blow

  • someone away in style.

  • Oh, that's so weird.

  • Why would he put a gun in his tactical sandwich cubby?

  • Sleeping makes me so hungry.

  • Fortunately, much like Scientology,

  • the money-making scheme that is the NRA

  • is starting to crack under scrutiny.

  • Corporate America is slowly pushing back against the gun

  • lobby's demands.

  • Last fall in the NRA's home state of Virginia, Democrats

  • swept all of the state's major offices

  • after campaigning against the organization,

  • and in Florida, we're seeing slight concessions

  • to gun control from Governor Rick Scott--

  • a fiercely pro-gun Republican and America's only

  • elected official who also happens to be half bullet.

  • It's not easy, but you can break free from this brainwashing

  • cult, so if any NRA members are hate-watching us right now,

  • there is hope.

  • NRA members, we're calling on you to break free from the NRA

  • and join Scientology instead.

  • Scientology can fill all the holes in your soul

  • that the NRA currently does.

  • It will bless you with fear, power

  • fantasies, a creepily ageless leader, and merch.

  • Is Scientology safe?

  • [SCOFFING] Oh, of course not.

  • It's bonkers, but it's like, safer for the rest of us,

  • so if it keeps you from feeling like you

  • need to load up on AR-15s then hail Xenu or whatever the fuck.

  • Who needs a rifle to defend themselves when as an OT-7,

  • you could blow someone away with your brain?

  • Pew.

  • That's the stopping power of Scientology.

  • Hey, buddy.

  • I know you like to be part of something

  • small and universally dis--

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

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NRA是個邪教組織|2018年3月7日第一幕|TBS上的《正面全遮蓋》。 (The NRA is a Cult | March 7, 2018 Act 1 | Full Frontal on TBS)

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    Sereta 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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