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  • I realized a mile is pretty far

    我發現一英里真的很遠

  • and uh

    而且、呃

  • it is dark.

    很黑

  • Why didn't you go after me?

    為什麼你剛才沒有跟著我來

  • I thought you were a nice guy.

    我以為你是個好人

  • You seemed really upset

    你看起來不太高興

  • and I wanted to give you some space

    我想給你多一點空間

  • and I was probably going to go find you after another minute,

    而且我大概再過幾分鐘就忍不住要去找你了

  • and uh-

    而且、呃...

  • I don't want to be a "nice guy" anymore.

    我不想再當「好人」了

  • The truth is, Derek, I don't want you to change.

    可是,德瑞克,我不想要你改變

  • I like you just the way you are

    我喜歡你現在的這個樣子

  • emphasis on "I like you"

    重點是「我喜歡你」

  • What about everything else you said tonight?

    那你今晚說的那些話呢?

  • Maybe I'm just afraid.

    也許我只是害怕

  • My last relationship was crap and

    我上一段感情糟透了

  • I'm afraid that if we date and it doesn't work out

    我怕我們如果在一起然後不是很順利的話

  • then not only will we lose our friendship, but we'll hate each other, too.

    不只會失去我們的友情,我們甚至會討厭彼此

  • I'd never want that.

    我絕不想變成這樣

  • Audrey

    奧黛莉

  • I'd never hate you

    我絕不會討厭你

  • I'd only hate it if

    我只會討厭你

  • you never gave

    如果你從未給

  • "us" a chance.

    「我們」一次機會

  • Then let's go for it.

    那我們就試試看吧

  • F**K

    **消音**

  • ARE YOU SERIOUS??

    開什麼玩笑??

  • "Nice guys finish last"

    「好男人難出頭」

  • As a naive high schooler, I didn't want to believe it.

    當我還是一個純真的高中生,我不願意相信這個事實

  • As a hopeful college student, I wanted to disprove it.

    我滿懷希望地進入大學時,我想去證明這是錯的

  • But here I was,

    但這就是現在的我,

  • the morning after getting rejected by my dream girl and best friend, Audrey.

    身處被自己的夢中情人兼好友奧黛莉拒絕後的隔天早上

  • And all the evidence was right there in front of me;

    所有的證據都擺在眼前

  • despite avoiding the friendzone

    儘管不被發好人卡

  • and being upfront about my feelings

    坦然面對自己的感覺

  • I was still turned down.

    我還是一樣被拒絕

  • There was no hope for nice,

    好人是沒有任何機會的

  • never has-

    從來沒有...

  • Are you in the middle of one of your internal monologues?

    你正在演自己內心的小劇場嗎?

  • yes

  • thanks for interrupting.

    謝謝妳中斷演出

  • Please finish.

    請你繼續演完

  • never will.

    我不會的

  • what do you want?

    你要幹嘛?

  • I'm guessing last night didn't go well?

    我猜昨天晚上進行得不是很順?

  • Well, let's just say that Audrey

    反正就是奧黛莉

  • chose walking a mile alone at night versus spending another five minutes with me.

    寧願在深夜獨自多走一英里也不要多花五分鐘跟我在一起

  • What happened?

    發生什麼事了?

  • I messed up.

    我搞砸了

  • I thought she had feelings

    我以為她也有感覺

  • but she didn't see me that way.

    但是她對我其實沒有感覺

  • Sorry.

    真遺憾

  • And then?

    然後呢?

  • And then I-

    然後我...

  • went and told her it wasn't worth being friends if we weren't going to be anything more.

    就說如果我們不能更進一步那也沒必要當朋友了

  • Holy crap! Dude, why would you say that???

    我的老天!你幹嘛這樣說啊???

  • What?

    什麼啦?

  • You're supposed to be on my side.

    你應該站在我這邊吧

  • You're always talking about how you're the nice girl

    你總是說你是一個好女生

  • who also gets overlooked.

    但常常被忽略

  • Don't compare me to you.

    別拿我跟你比

  • Nice girls have our own unique set of problems,

    好女孩有好女孩的問題

  • the difference is you guys feel entitled to something because of your niceness,

    差別在於好男生認為應該因為自己的好而獲得一些權利或名分,

  • us girls don't get that same privilege.

    而我們女生才沒有這種權利

  • I don't feel entitled, I-

    我才沒有自我感覺良好,我..

  • I just feel-

    我只是覺得...

  • used.

    被當工具人

  • or you're just feeling unwanted and you're taking it out on her.

    所以你因為自己不被需要的不安全感遷怒於她

  • STOP.

  • Arghhhh! You're making me think things

    啊啊啊啊!你讓我越來越煩惱

  • I need someone to blindly validate my feelings.

    我需要有人無條件支持我

  • I knew it, man.

    我懂你,老兄

  • I

  • knew it.

  • And you know what pisses me off the most?

    你知道最讓我不爽的是什麼嗎?

  • She's probably going to start dating some douchebag

    她有可能要開始跟某個渣男約會

  • with a douchy shirt and a douchy jacket that matches his douchy haircut.

    那個傢伙穿超屁的衣服、超屁的夾克來配超屁的髮型

  • What makes you say that?

    為什麼你會這樣覺得?

  • I don't know.

    不知道啦

  • It's a completely baseless accusation,

    我只是隨便說說的

  • but I know that's what's going to happen

    但我知道這就是即將發生的事

  • See, that's the problem with guys like you, Derek.

    你看,這就是你們這種男生的問題,德瑞克

  • You get rejected and your world comes crashing down

    你被拒絕之後你的世界就崩潰了

  • but you never look at yourself

    但是你從來沒有好好看看自己

  • and instead blame everyone else.

    而是開始怪東怪西

  • What if this guy that she's dating is an amazing person?

    如果她交往的這個男的說不定真的很讚呢?

  • and just because it isn't you, he is the douchebag

    而因為這個男的不是你,所以就是個渣男

  • and SHE'S a b*tch

    而「她」就成了賤人

  • What is with you and Julia today?

    你跟茱莉亞今天串通好了是嗎?

  • I'm just trying to say that

    我只是想說

  • I've been that other guy before.

    我曾經就是那個渣男

  • I know for a fact that when I dated this girl

    我知道跟我交往的這個女生

  • the guy before that she rejected thought I was a douchebag.

    拒絕的那個男生覺得我是個渣男

  • But I'm not!

    但我不是啊!

  • I'm awesome.

    我超讚的

  • Why do you think you're friends with me?

    不然我們怎麼會是朋友?

  • And let's be real, he just wasn't right for her,

    說實話,他就是不適合跟他在一起

  • and a little lame.

    而且有點土

  • But Lawrence,

    但是勞倫斯

  • you are a douchebag.

    你就是個渣男

  • ohhh I'm a-

    喔喔,我是..

  • Hey, you called me lame. Okay?

    喂 你說我土欸,好嗎?

  • and you can't deny girls like guys

    而且你不能否認女生就是喜歡

  • with more of an edge.

    壞壞男吧

  • Look, I'm not going to sit here and tell you to be something that you aren't.

    我不可能坐在這裡叫你去變成一個根本不是你的人

  • Then what are we doing?

    那不然我們現在在幹嘛?

  • We're playing cards.

    我們在打牌啊

  • Bear with me now,

    等我一下,

  • let's say...we're playing poker.

    我們現在在打撲克牌

  • And you get dealt

    你手牌拿到

  • a seven deuce.

    7和2

  • You're trying to be make it straight with Audrey but

    你如果要跟奧黛莉攤牌

  • you just can't with these cards

    絕不能用這手爛牌

  • I'd like to think

    我是覺得

  • Audrey dealt a seven too

    奧黛莉也拿到一張7

  • and I'm trying to build a full house

    而我們剛好湊成一套葫蘆

  • even if she did

    就算她真的有一張7

  • the odds of you guys making a two seven full house

    你們湊成葫蘆的機會還是

  • VERY unlikely

    非常小

  • oh cool

    喔,很棒

  • so you're saying I never had a shot with her

    所以你就是說我跟他永遠不可能

  • thanks a lot Lawrence that was REALLY helpful

    你真是幫大忙了勞倫斯

  • nonono

    不不不

  • what you forgot to see is that

    你忘記你是

  • you have two clubs

    你還有一張梅花二

  • so instead of going for a straight or a fullhouse

    所以不要為了葫蘆而攤牌

  • why not try a flush?

    幹嘛不試試看同花?

  • you gotta rethink your strategy

    你要重新思考自己的策略

  • or

  • cut your losses

    減少失敗的機會

  • fold

    蓋牌

  • and start a new hand

    重新玩一手

  • or bluff

    或吹牛

  • I'm lost

    我不懂

  • she said it'd be messed up if I decided not to be friends with her anymore

    她說我和他如果不能當朋友的話他會很難過

  • BUT

    但 是

  • she KNOWS that I'm nice

    她知道我是個好人

  • and that I wouldn't be that petty

    我不會這麼雞腸鳥肚

  • and you want to prove to her that you

    所你打算向她證明

  • are

    你就是這麼小心眼

  • I think she believes that I would never truly remove myself from her

    她覺得我絕對不會從她身邊消失

  • so

    所以

  • I'm going to show her what it's like to really be gone

    我決定讓她知道我消失之後會是怎樣

  • not a friend

    不再是朋友

  • not a nice guy

    不再是個好人

  • and she might be pissed off at first

    她一開始也許會挺生氣的

  • BUT

    但是

  • ultimately she'll realize how important I was

    最終她會了解我有多重要

  • and in that absence of THAT guy

    最後她會從失去我的經驗中

  • she'll realize that she actually DID like me

    了解她「其實」喜歡我

  • that's REALLY risky

    這麼做「真的」很冒險

  • you're going against the house

    這跟你想要的完全背道而馳

  • I'm going all in

    我決定梭哈了

  • I'm going to stop this analogy

    我要阻止繼續聯想下去

  • is it too much?

    這樣太超過了嗎?

  • just a little bit

    有一點

  • sorry

    抱歉

  • song: stampede by year of the ox

    音樂:stampede by year of the ox

  • hey Derek !

    嘿、德瑞克!

  • oh hey Abe !

    噢,嘿、艾比!

  • Where were you Saturday?

    你星期六上哪去了?

  • for Audrey's potluck for the game?

    你去奧黛莉家的聚會嗎?

  • oh we don't really hang out anymore

    噢,我們已經沒有一起出去了

  • um she was sorta leading me on

    呃,她假裝她喜歡我

  • what?! really?

    什麼?!真假?

  • don't tell her I said that though

    不要跟她說這是我說的

  • and um be careful around her

    然後,你自己小心點

  • Derek

    德瑞克

  • how many outfits should we bring for our graduation photoshoot?

    我們拍畢業照要帶多少套衣服去換?

  • oh uh about that ...

    噢,呃、關於這件事...

  • um I can't anymore...

    呃、我可能沒辦法拍了...

  • what?!

    啥?!

  • that's so last minute !

    你現在才講!

  • Audrey and all of us had made plans !

    奧黛莉和我們都計畫好了!

  • I just...can't

    我..真的無法

  • um

  • that day uh my camera is

    我的相機那天

  • broken

    會壞掉

  • so sorry

    所以...抱歉

  • hey !!

    嘿!!

  • hi

  • Sandra right?

    珊卓,對吧?

  • Audrey's cousin

    奧黛莉的表妹

  • yea we met last quarter

    我們之前見過一次

  • right..

    對..

  • I think she gave you my ladder

    我記得她好像把我的梯子借給你

  • could I get that back?

    我可以拿回來嗎?

  • oh yea sure

    噢,當然可以

  • hey Derek ?

    嘿 德瑞克?

  • yea

    什麼事?

  • do you

    你...

  • happen to know anyone with an ID that I can borrow?

    你有沒有管道可以借別人的身分證?

  • what for?

    要幹嘛用?

  • some of my friends are going to a party this weekend

    這周末我有些朋友要去一個派對

  • and we just need to get in

    我們需要證件才能進場

  • Audrey obviously isn't helping

    奧黛莉絕對不會幫我的

  • is he still not responding?

    他還是沒回應嗎?

  • no! and he doesn't even open my snaps anymore

    沒有! 他連我傳給他的照片都不讀了

  • what?!

    什麼?!

  • hey guys!

    嗨!各位!

  • finally!! where you been?

    終於!!你消失去哪了?

  • I dropped my phone two days ago

    我的手機兩天前掉了

  • it was this whole thing..

    事情就是這樣

  • why are you dressed like a fckboi?

    你幹嘛穿得像個 8+9 ?

  • yeaaa

    真的欸

  • you look like me you biter!

    你根本就抄我的嘛!

  • I'm just

    我只是

  • dressing

    穿得

  • fashionably

    潮一點

  • wait

    等一下

  • is this part of your bet against Audrey?

    這是你對抗奧黛莉的招數之一嗎?

  • no

    才不是

  • yes

    對啦

  • ack

    唉唷

  • I don't know

    我不知道啦

  • it wasn't at first but

    一開始不是這樣

  • but now that I've unfollowed her

    但是我已經取消關注她

  • unfriend her

    取消朋友關係

  • and told all her friends I'm not taking their graduation photos anymore

    跟她所有的朋友說我不幫她們拍畢業照了

  • hold up

    等一下

  • you petty

    你超小心眼

  • whatever

    隨便啦

  • ok it felt good to be selfish for once

    偶爾當個自私鬼感覺挺好

  • to not care what other people think

    不用管其他人怎麼想

  • so yes I bought a long a$$ t-shirt

    所以我就買了一件潮T

  • well should we go in?

    我們要進去了嗎?

  • in a sec I told Sandra I'd wait for her outside

    再等一下,我跟珊卓說我會在外面等她

  • wait wait wait

    等一下等一下

  • Sandra?

    珊卓?

  • Audrey's little cousin Sandra?

    奧黛莉的小表妹,珊卓?

  • yea she needs an ID from me

    對啊,她需要我幫她借的證件才能進場

  • did you ask Audrey?

    你問過奧黛莉了嗎?

  • why?

    幹嘛問?

  • that's what a NICE guy would do

    那種是只有「好人」才會做

  • hey Derek!

    嗨,德瑞克!

  • hey Sandra!

    嗨 ,珊卓!

  • good to see ya

    看見你真好

  • this is Lawerence and Julia

    這是勞倫斯和茱莉亞

  • hi

  • you guys wanna go in?

    你們要進去了嗎?

  • you know

    你猜怎麼樣

  • we'll let you guys go first and get kicked out and then we'll go in

    我們等妳們被踢出來之後再進去

  • we'll see you guys in there

    裡面見

  • wait are we?

    等等,我們會被踢出來嗎?

  • no don't worry

    不用擔心啦

  • what is this? bring your daughter to work day?

    搞什麼鬼?職場親子日嗎?

  • this is bad

    這真的不對

  • song: double dip by far east movement

    音樂: double dip by far east movement

  • oh my gosh !! my heart is beating so fast

    我的老天!!我心跳超快的

  • I can't believe that actually worked!!

    我不敢相信真的可以混過去!!!

  • I TOLD you the bouncers wouldn't be able to tell

    我早說過門口安管看不出來的

  • all Asians look the same

    亞洲人看起來都一個樣

  • hey thanks again for helping

    欸再次謝謝你幫我

  • I've asked Audrey SO many times

    我問奧黛莉「超」多次