and uh

而且、呃

it is dark.

很黑

Why didn't you go after me?

為什麼你剛才沒有跟著我來

I thought you were a nice guy.

我以為你是個好人

You seemed really upset

你看起來不太高興

and I wanted to give you some space

我想給你多一點空間

and I was probably going to go find you after another minute,

而且我大概再過幾分鐘就忍不住要去找你了

and uh-

而且、呃...

I don't want to be a "nice guy" anymore.

我不想再當「好人」了

The truth is, Derek, I don't want you to change.

可是，德瑞克，我不想要你改變

I like you just the way you are

我喜歡你現在的這個樣子

emphasis on "I like you"

重點是「我喜歡你」

What about everything else you said tonight?

那你今晚說的那些話呢？

Maybe I'm just afraid.

也許我只是害怕

My last relationship was crap and

我上一段感情糟透了

I'm afraid that if we date and it doesn't work out

我怕我們如果在一起然後不是很順利的話

then not only will we lose our friendship, but we'll hate each other, too.

不只會失去我們的友情，我們甚至會討厭彼此

I'd never want that.

我絕不想變成這樣

Audrey

奧黛莉

I'd never hate you

我絕不會討厭你

I'd only hate it if

我只會討厭你

you never gave

如果你從未給

"us" a chance.

「我們」一次機會

Then let's go for it.

那我們就試試看吧

F**K

**消音**

ARE YOU SERIOUS??

開什麼玩笑？？

"Nice guys finish last"

「好男人難出頭」

As a naive high schooler, I didn't want to believe it.

當我還是一個純真的高中生，我不願意相信這個事實

As a hopeful college student, I wanted to disprove it.

我滿懷希望地進入大學時，我想去證明這是錯的

But here I was,

但這就是現在的我，

the morning after getting rejected by my dream girl and best friend, Audrey.

身處被自己的夢中情人兼好友奧黛莉拒絕後的隔天早上

And all the evidence was right there in front of me;

所有的證據都擺在眼前

despite avoiding the friendzone

儘管不被發好人卡

and being upfront about my feelings

坦然面對自己的感覺

I was still turned down.

我還是一樣被拒絕

There was no hope for nice,

好人是沒有任何機會的

never has-

從來沒有...

Are you in the middle of one of your internal monologues?

你正在演自己內心的小劇場嗎？

yes

對

thanks for interrupting.

謝謝妳中斷演出

Please finish.

請你繼續演完

never will.

我不會的

what do you want?

你要幹嘛？

I'm guessing last night didn't go well?

我猜昨天晚上進行得不是很順？

Well, let's just say that Audrey

反正就是奧黛莉

chose walking a mile alone at night versus spending another five minutes with me.

寧願在深夜獨自多走一英里也不要多花五分鐘跟我在一起

What happened?

發生什麼事了？

I messed up.

我搞砸了

I thought she had feelings

我以為她也有感覺

but she didn't see me that way.

但是她對我其實沒有感覺

Sorry.

真遺憾

And then?

然後呢？

And then I-

然後我...

went and told her it wasn't worth being friends if we weren't going to be anything more.

就說如果我們不能更進一步那也沒必要當朋友了

Holy crap! Dude, why would you say that???

我的老天！你幹嘛這樣說啊？？？

What?

什麼啦？

You're supposed to be on my side.

你應該站在我這邊吧

You're always talking about how you're the nice girl

你總是說你是一個好女生

who also gets overlooked.

但常常被忽略

Don't compare me to you.

別拿我跟你比

Nice girls have our own unique set of problems,

好女孩有好女孩的問題

the difference is you guys feel entitled to something because of your niceness,

差別在於好男生認為應該因為自己的好而獲得一些權利或名分，

us girls don't get that same privilege.

而我們女生才沒有這種權利

I don't feel entitled, I-

我才沒有自我感覺良好，我..

I just feel-

我只是覺得...

used.

被當工具人

or you're just feeling unwanted and you're taking it out on her.

所以你因為自己不被需要的不安全感遷怒於她

STOP.

停

Arghhhh! You're making me think things

啊啊啊啊！你讓我越來越煩惱

I need someone to blindly validate my feelings.

我需要有人無條件支持我

I knew it, man.

我懂你，老兄

I

我

knew it.

懂

And you know what pisses me off the most?

你知道最讓我不爽的是什麼嗎?

She's probably going to start dating some douchebag

她有可能要開始跟某個渣男約會

with a douchy shirt and a douchy jacket that matches his douchy haircut.

那個傢伙穿超屁的衣服、超屁的夾克來配超屁的髮型

What makes you say that?

為什麼你會這樣覺得？

I don't know.

不知道啦

It's a completely baseless accusation,

我只是隨便說說的

but I know that's what's going to happen

但我知道這就是即將發生的事

See, that's the problem with guys like you, Derek.

你看，這就是你們這種男生的問題，德瑞克

You get rejected and your world comes crashing down

你被拒絕之後你的世界就崩潰了

but you never look at yourself

但是你從來沒有好好看看自己

and instead blame everyone else.

而是開始怪東怪西

What if this guy that she's dating is an amazing person?

如果她交往的這個男的說不定真的很讚呢？

and just because it isn't you, he is the douchebag

而因為這個男的不是你，所以就是個渣男

and SHE'S a b*tch

而「她」就成了賤人

What is with you and Julia today?

你跟茱莉亞今天串通好了是嗎？

I'm just trying to say that

我只是想說

I've been that other guy before.

我曾經就是那個渣男

I know for a fact that when I dated this girl

我知道跟我交往的這個女生

the guy before that she rejected thought I was a douchebag.

拒絕的那個男生覺得我是個渣男

But I'm not!

但我不是啊！

I'm awesome.

我超讚的

Why do you think you're friends with me?

不然我們怎麼會是朋友？

And let's be real, he just wasn't right for her,

說實話，他就是不適合跟他在一起

and a little lame.

而且有點土

But Lawrence,

但是勞倫斯

you are a douchebag.

你就是個渣男

ohhh I'm a-

喔喔，我是..

Hey, you called me lame. Okay?

喂 你說我土欸，好嗎？

and you can't deny girls like guys

而且你不能否認女生就是喜歡

with more of an edge.

壞壞男吧

Look, I'm not going to sit here and tell you to be something that you aren't.

我不可能坐在這裡叫你去變成一個根本不是你的人

Then what are we doing?

那不然我們現在在幹嘛？

We're playing cards.

我們在打牌啊

Bear with me now,

等我一下，

let's say...we're playing poker.

我們現在在打撲克牌

And you get dealt

你手牌拿到

a seven deuce.

７和２

You're trying to be make it straight with Audrey but

你如果要跟奧黛莉攤牌

you just can't with these cards

絕不能用這手爛牌

I'd like to think

我是覺得

Audrey dealt a seven too

奧黛莉也拿到一張７

and I'm trying to build a full house

而我們剛好湊成一套葫蘆

even if she did

就算她真的有一張７

the odds of you guys making a two seven full house

你們湊成葫蘆的機會還是

VERY unlikely

非常小

oh cool

喔，很棒

so you're saying I never had a shot with her

所以你就是說我跟他永遠不可能

thanks a lot Lawrence that was REALLY helpful

你真是幫大忙了勞倫斯

nonono

不不不

what you forgot to see is that

你忘記你是

you have two clubs

你還有一張梅花二

so instead of going for a straight or a fullhouse

所以不要為了葫蘆而攤牌

why not try a flush?

幹嘛不試試看同花？

you gotta rethink your strategy

你要重新思考自己的策略

or

或

cut your losses

減少失敗的機會

fold

蓋牌

and start a new hand

重新玩一手

or bluff

或吹牛

I'm lost

我不懂

she said it'd be messed up if I decided not to be friends with her anymore

她說我和他如果不能當朋友的話他會很難過

BUT

但 是

she KNOWS that I'm nice

她知道我是個好人

and that I wouldn't be that petty

我不會這麼雞腸鳥肚

and you want to prove to her that you

所你打算向她證明

are

你就是這麼小心眼

I think she believes that I would never truly remove myself from her

她覺得我絕對不會從她身邊消失

so

所以

I'm going to show her what it's like to really be gone

我決定讓她知道我消失之後會是怎樣

not a friend

不再是朋友

not a nice guy

不再是個好人

and she might be pissed off at first

她一開始也許會挺生氣的

BUT

但是

ultimately she'll realize how important I was

最終她會了解我有多重要

and in that absence of THAT guy

最後她會從失去我的經驗中

she'll realize that she actually DID like me

了解她「其實」喜歡我

that's REALLY risky

這麼做「真的」很冒險

you're going against the house

這跟你想要的完全背道而馳

I'm going all in

我決定梭哈了

I'm going to stop this analogy

我要阻止繼續聯想下去

is it too much?

這樣太超過了嗎？

just a little bit

有一點

sorry

抱歉

song: stampede by year of the ox

音樂：stampede by year of the ox

hey Derek !

嘿、德瑞克！

oh hey Abe !

噢，嘿、艾比！

Where were you Saturday?

你星期六上哪去了？

for Audrey's potluck for the game?

你去奧黛莉家的聚會嗎?

oh we don't really hang out anymore

噢，我們已經沒有一起出去了

um she was sorta leading me on

呃，她假裝她喜歡我

what?! really?

什麼？！真假？

don't tell her I said that though

不要跟她說這是我說的

and um be careful around her

然後，你自己小心點

Derek

德瑞克

how many outfits should we bring for our graduation photoshoot?

我們拍畢業照要帶多少套衣服去換？

oh uh about that ...

噢，呃、關於這件事...

um I can't anymore...

呃、我可能沒辦法拍了...

what?!

啥？！

that's so last minute !

你現在才講！

Audrey and all of us had made plans !

奧黛莉和我們都計畫好了！

I just...can't

我..真的無法

um

呃

that day uh my camera is

我的相機那天

broken

會壞掉

so sorry

所以...抱歉

hey !!

嘿！！

hi

嗨

Sandra right?

珊卓，對吧？

Audrey's cousin

奧黛莉的表妹

yea we met last quarter

我們之前見過一次

right..

對..

I think she gave you my ladder

我記得她好像把我的梯子借給你

could I get that back?

我可以拿回來嗎？

oh yea sure

噢，當然可以

hey Derek ?

嘿 德瑞克？

yea

什麼事？

do you

你...

happen to know anyone with an ID that I can borrow?

你有沒有管道可以借別人的身分證？

what for?

要幹嘛用？

some of my friends are going to a party this weekend

這周末我有些朋友要去一個派對

and we just need to get in

我們需要證件才能進場

Audrey obviously isn't helping

奧黛莉絕對不會幫我的

is he still not responding?

他還是沒回應嗎？

no! and he doesn't even open my snaps anymore

沒有！ 他連我傳給他的照片都不讀了

what?!

什麼？！

hey guys!

嗨！各位！

finally!! where you been?

終於！！你消失去哪了？

I dropped my phone two days ago

我的手機兩天前掉了

it was this whole thing..

事情就是這樣

why are you dressed like a fckboi?

你幹嘛穿得像個 8+9 ？

yeaaa

真的欸

you look like me you biter!

你根本就抄我的嘛！

I'm just

我只是

dressing

穿得

fashionably

潮一點

wait

等一下

is this part of your bet against Audrey?

這是你對抗奧黛莉的招數之一嗎？

no

才不是

yes

對啦

ack

唉唷

I don't know

我不知道啦

it wasn't at first but

一開始不是這樣

but now that I've unfollowed her

但是我已經取消關注她

unfriend her

取消朋友關係

and told all her friends I'm not taking their graduation photos anymore

跟她所有的朋友說我不幫她們拍畢業照了

hold up

等一下

you petty

你超小心眼

whatever

隨便啦

ok it felt good to be selfish for once

偶爾當個自私鬼感覺挺好

to not care what other people think

不用管其他人怎麼想

so yes I bought a long a$$ t-shirt

所以我就買了一件潮T

well should we go in?

我們要進去了嗎？

in a sec I told Sandra I'd wait for her outside

再等一下，我跟珊卓說我會在外面等她

wait wait wait

等一下等一下

Sandra?

珊卓？

Audrey's little cousin Sandra?

奧黛莉的小表妹，珊卓？

yea she needs an ID from me

對啊，她需要我幫她借的證件才能進場

did you ask Audrey?

你問過奧黛莉了嗎？

why?

幹嘛問?

that's what a NICE guy would do

那種是只有「好人」才會做

hey Derek!

嗨，德瑞克！

hey Sandra!

嗨 ，珊卓！

good to see ya

看見你真好

this is Lawerence and Julia

這是勞倫斯和茱莉亞

hi

嗨

you guys wanna go in?

你們要進去了嗎？

you know

你猜怎麼樣

we'll let you guys go first and get kicked out and then we'll go in

我們等妳們被踢出來之後再進去

we'll see you guys in there

裡面見

wait are we?

等等，我們會被踢出來嗎？

no don't worry

不用擔心啦

what is this? bring your daughter to work day?

搞什麼鬼？職場親子日嗎？

this is bad

這真的不對

song: double dip by far east movement

音樂: double dip by far east movement

oh my gosh !! my heart is beating so fast

我的老天！！我心跳超快的

I can't believe that actually worked!!

我不敢相信真的可以混過去！！！

I TOLD you the bouncers wouldn't be able to tell

我早說過門口安管看不出來的

all Asians look the same

亞洲人看起來都一個樣

hey thanks again for helping

欸再次謝謝你幫我

I've asked Audrey SO many times

我問奧黛莉「超」多次