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  • - No.

    - 不可以

  • - Ow. - [Ned] Ow.

    - 噢 - [Ned] 噢

  • - Ah!

    - 啊!

  • - Young lady, if you don't go to sleep in 30 seconds,

    - 小姐,30 秒內你再不去睡覺的話

  • it's gonna be bad news.

    會有壞消息

  • Today, I'm going to learn how to become a dad.

    今天我要來學習如何當爸爸

  • My wife and I are gonna have kids soon,

    我跟我太太就快要有小孩了

  • but I'm completely terrified and overwhelmed by that idea.

    不過我一想到就感到非常害怕、招架不住

  • It seems like it's a huge change in your life.

    這似乎是人生中一個巨大的改變

  • Can you still have a date night?

    晚上還能去約會嗎?

  • Do you have to find a babysitter every single time?

    每一次都得找個保姆嗎?

  • - Being a dad is way harder than you think

    - 當個爸爸比你想像中還難

  • it's gonna be.

  • Accepting that you're not gonna be super dad or perfect

    承認你不會是個超級老爸還有你的不完美

  • is part of being a super dad--

    就是當個超級老爸的一部分...

  • - Daddy, daddy.

    - 爸爸,爸爸

  • - I think often times you want things

    - 我覺得很多時候你希望事情

  • to go one way and they don't always go that way.

    如你所願但卻不盡然

  • - Shoes back on.

    - 鞋子穿回去了

  • I'm gonna care for my friend Mike's kids

    我要來照顧我朋友Mike的小孩

  • for a whole day and I'll see just how hard it is.

    一整天,看看會有多難

  • - [Mike] Throw yourself into it--

    - [Mike] 你要全身投入

  • - [Ned] Ok.

    - [Ned] 好

  • - And don't be afraid to do stuff.

    - 儘量嘗試

  • - You guys wanna take the stairs or the elevator?

    - 你們要走樓梯還是坐電梯?

  • - [Voiceover] Stairs.

    - 樓梯

  • - Stairs, taking the stairs was a difficult choice.

    - 樓梯,走樓梯是個困難的抉擇

  • Whew, I'm exhausted.

    呼,我累了

  • - The other thing that's really hard is patience.

    - 另一個很難做到的就是耐性

  • You've gotta have amazing patience

    面對小孩要非常有耐性

  • when it comes to kids.

  • - Do you guys like healthy snacks?

    - 你們喜歡健康的點心嗎?

  • - What about this?

    - 這個呢?

  • What about this?

    這個呢?

  • Can I have this?

    我可以要這個嗎?

  • - Anne did you pick up something?

    - Anne 你選好了嗎?

  • - They're gonna annoy you.

    - 他們會煩你

  • They're gonna take a long time to do things,

    他們做事會花很長的時間

  • like brushing their teeth.

    例如刷牙

  • They'll brush their teeth for 20 minutes.

    他們刷牙可以刷 20 分鐘

  • - No, no, no we don't eat ice cream.

    - 不不不,我們不吃冰淇淋

  • - [Girl] Ah! - [Ned] Can't get

    - [女孩] 啊! - [Ned] 不可以買

  • a zebra print heart pillow, you're not getting balls today.

    斑馬紋心型枕,你今天不能買球

  • - Gotta just wait.

    - 只能等

  • - Is he ok, or should we?

    - 他還好嗎,我們要不要?

  • - He's ok, I got the eyes in the back

    - 他沒事,我頭後面有眼睛

  • of the head watching.

    在看

  • - What is that?

    - 那是什麼?

  • Why are you hitting my head?

    你為什麼打我的頭?

  • - Kids love to play pretend,

    - 小孩喜歡玩角色扮演

  • but one of the things that you're gonna--

    不過有件事你要...

  • - We'll take that back.

    - 我們重來

  • - One of the tough--

    - 其中比較艱難的...

  • James, shh.

    James,噓

  • - One more time.

    - 再一次

  • - One of the tough things about playing pretend

    - 跟小孩玩角色扮演的難事之一

  • with your kids is that it takes a lot of mental,

    就是很費精神

  • like concentration.

    像是要很專心

  • - This whole castle's made of cookies.

    - 這整個城堡都是餅乾做的

  • - That's right, this whole castle's made of cookies

    - 沒錯,這整個城堡都是餅乾做的

  • and a cookie moster.

    還有一個餅乾怪物

  • Well this is fun you guys, we're just hanging out.

    好吧是蠻好玩的,我們就是一起玩

  • Oh boy, James, James, James, ok.

    天啊,James, James, James,好了

  • - It's time to go to the ball.

    - 是時候參加舞會了

  • - We're all going to the ball.

    - 我們大家都要參加舞會

  • You doing ok there James?

    James 你還好嗎?

  • Pose the dolls next to each other.

    把娃娃放一起擺姿勢

  • - We love Daddy, we love Daddy.

    - 我們愛爸爸,我們愛爸爸

  • - Daddy's not here anymore.

    - 爸爸不在這了

  • - One of the tough things about being a parent,

    - 當父母的難事之一

  • especially with this age, is making sure

    尤其是對於這個歲數,就是要確保

  • that they eat healthy food.

    他們飲食健康

  • - If you eat the broccoli, then I will give you the candy.

    - 你先吃完花椰菜,我再給你這個糖果

  • Do we have a deal?

    我們有達成協議嗎?

  • Oh no!

    噢不!

  • - It's good to not make a big show of it being weird.

    - 最好不要太誇張太奇怪

  • - Woo woo!

    - 嗚嗚!

  • Broccoli delivery for Captain James.

    運送James隊長的花椰菜

  • - And you've gotta eat it yourself

    - 而且你自己也要吃

  • 'cause if they see that you eat,

    因為他們看到你吃

  • then they'll wanna eat it.

    他們也會要吃

  • - Got it.

    - 吃到了

  • Once you tip your hand that there's C-A-N-D-Y somewhere--

    一旦你手上出現 C-A-N-D-Y (糖果拼法)

  • - [Mike] You should probably,

    - [Mike] 也許你

  • you and I should probably stop

    也許我跟你都該停止

  • even spelling out the word candy.

    連拼字都不要拼出糖果 (candy) 這個字

  • - [Ned] Oh really?

    - [Ned] 真的嗎?

  • - You should have like a safe word, you know,

    - 你要有個安全的用詞,你知道嗎

  • call it like asparagus.

    像是叫它蘆筍

  • - Would you rather have the lollipop or the broccoli.

    - 你比較想要棒棒糖還是花椰菜?

  • Classic.

    經典

  • - Putting your kids to bed is definitely difficult,

    - 讓小孩睡覺非困難

  • because kids don't wanna go to bed.

    因為小孩根本不想睡覺

  • - Bouncy, bouncy, bounce.

    - 跳跳跳

  • - Can't bounce too much.

    - 不能一直跳

  • How many stories do you normally have before bed?

    你睡前通常聽幾個故事?

  • - 600 million.

    - 6億

  • - 600 million?

    - 6億?

  • Why?

    為什麼?

  • I love sleep.

    我超愛睡覺

  • I really am getting sleepy.

    我真的睏了

  • - So they're gonna fight you on it

    - 他們會反抗

  • and they've tried to stretch out that time routine

    他們會儘可能拖時間

  • as long as it can possibly be.

    看可以拖多久就多久

  • - Ready for bed.

    - 準備睡覺

  • - Another one.

    - 再一本

  • - Ok, bass drums are big, but whistles are little.

    - 好,低音鼓很大不過哨子很小

  • Wait now I said we're only doing two books.

    等等,我說了我們只讀兩本

  • - Last book.

    - 最後一本

  • - We're only doing two books.

    - 我們只讀兩本

  • - Last book.

    - 最後一本

  • - We're reading, apparently, as many books as it takes.

    - 顯然的,我們會讀很多本

  • I stirred it all together, it was yummy,

    我全部攪拌在一起,很美味

  • but it wasn't pink.

    但不是粉紅色

  • And that is the end of Pinklicious.

    我們看完「粉紅美味」了

  • - And that's how you stay awake.

    - 而你就是這樣保持清醒

  • - I was only with the kids for a small period of time.

    - 我只跟孩子們相處一小段時間

  • I want to go into a hot bubble bath

    我要泡熱泡泡浴

  • and drink white wine.

    還要喝白酒

  • How did I do?

    我表現如何?

  • - You know, I think you did actually really well.

    - 你知道嗎,我認為你做得相當好

  • You were really engaged, you were really dedicated,

    你很投入、很用心

  • and you were trying really hard.

    而且你很努力

  • - Even though it was really difficult

    - 雖然很難應付

  • and exhausting on my body,

    也很耗費體力

  • seeing the way Mike interacted with his kids

    看著 Mike 跟他的孩子之間的互動

  • and how much they loved him and he loved them,

    還有他們彼此多麼的相愛

  • that was, it was such a nice feeling.

    那就是,一種很美好的感覺

  • Thumbs up or thumbs down, how do you think I did?

    你認為我表現得好還是不好?

  • - Sideways.

    - 邊邊

  • - So I've got some work to do.

    - 我需要再努力

  • I think of all the things that my dad did for me

    我想起所有爸爸為我做過的事

  • and I'm so thankful.

    我很感恩

  • - So what do you think, do you think your ready

    - 你怎麼想,你準備好

  • to possibly in the near future take the leap?

    在不久的將來跨出那一步嗎?

  • - I'm gonna call my wife.

    - 我要打給我太太

  • How's it going?

    你好嗎?

  • I've been shooting the video on taking care of a toddler.

    我在拍攝一段照顧幼兒的影片

  • I hope so, yea.

    希望如此,對啊

  • It seems really hard.

    好像很艱難

  • Wee, let's make babies.

    耶,我們生小孩吧

  • - [Voiceover] Bye, I love you.

    - 再見,我愛你

  • - [Ned] Bye, I love you too.

    - [Ned] 再見,我也愛你

  • She said, "let's make babies."

    她說「我們生小孩吧」

  • Which is pretty awesome as well as terrifying.

    其實還蠻棒的,也很嚇人

- No.

- 不可以

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學習如何當爸爸 (Clueless Dude Cares For Toddlers For A Day)

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    Pedroli Li 發佈於 2017 年 10 月 14 日
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