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  • Trying to be a better friend to yourself

    試著成為自己更好的朋友

  • sounds like an odd idea.

    聽起來是個奇怪的點子

  • initially

    一開始

  • Because we naturally imagine a friend

    因為我們理所當然想像一個朋友

  • as someone else,

    是其他人

  • not as a part of our own mind.

    而不是我們腦子的一部分

  • But there is value in the concept

    但這個概念是有意義的

  • because of the extent to which we know how

    因為以我們所知的程度

  • to treat our own friends,

    去對待我們自己的朋友

  • with the sympathy and imagination

    帶著同情心與想像力

  • we seldom apply,

    我們卻鮮少

  • to ourselves

    將它用在我們自身

  • If a friend is in trouble

    如果一個朋友遭遇了麻煩

  • our first instinct is rarely to tell them

    我們的第一直覺很少會是告訴他們

  • that they are fundamentally

    就是他們徹底的

  • a sh*thead and a failure

    是一個蠢蛋 失敗者

  • If a friend complains that their partner

    如果一個朋友抱怨他們的父母

  • isn't very warm to them,

    沒有很溫暖地對待他

  • we don't tell them they're getting what they deserve

    我們不會告訴朋友他就只值得這樣被對待

  • we try to re-assure them that they're essentially likeable

    我們會向他們再三保證他們著實值得喜愛

  • and that it's worth investigating

    並且這值得進一步研究

  • what might be done.

    還可以怎麼做

  • In friendship

    在友誼的關係裡

  • we know instinctively

    我們本能地知道

  • how to deploy strategies of wisdom and consolation

    如何善用智謀與綜合判斷

  • that we stubbornly refuse to apply

    但我們卻很偏執地拒絕將它

  • to ourselves.

    應用來對待自己

  • There are some key moves

    這裏有一些重要的步驟

  • a good friend would typically make

    一個好朋友通常會做的

  • which can provide a model

    能夠當作一個範例

  • for what we should, ideally

    理想上應當讓我們

  • be doing with ourselves, in our own heads.

    在自己的腦海中,應用在自己身上

  • Firstly, a good friend likes you pretty much as you already are

    首先 一個好朋友喜歡你之所以是你

  • any suggestion they make or

    任何他們提出的建議

  • ambition they have about how you could change

    或是他們認為你還可以改變得更好的企圖

  • builds on a background of acceptance.

    是奠基在接受之上

  • When they propose that you might try a different tack

    當他們建議你或許可以嘗試不同

  • it's not an ultimatum or a threat

    不會是最後通牒或威脅

  • they're not saying that you have to change or be abandoned

    他們不會說 你要不就改變 要不就被拋棄

  • a friend insists

    一個朋友會堅持

  • we're good enough, already.

    我們已經夠好了

  • but they want to join forces with us

    但他們會加入我們一起

  • to solve a challenge they feel

    去解決他們感覺到的挑戰

  • we would properly benefit, from overcoming.

    我們或許或從克服中得到利益

  • Without being flattering,

    但不帶著諂媚

  • good friends also constantly keep in mind

    好朋友總會把這放在心上

  • certain things, we're getting right!

    有些事我們做對了

  • They don't think anything wrong (background cheering)

    他們不會感覺哪裡怪怪

  • with the odd compliment (background cheering)

    給些言不由衷的讚美

  • and emphasis on our strengths. (background cheering)

    而會強調這是我們的優點

  • It's quietly galling

    一種沈寂的耗損

  • how easily we can lose sight of

    使我們很容易看不見

  • all our own good points,

    我們自身所有的美好

  • when troubles strike.

    當困難來襲時

  • A friend doesn't fall into this trap.

    但朋友不會落入這樣的圈套

  • They can acknowledge the difficulties

    他們可以察覺這些困難

  • while still holding on to a memory

    但仍然能夠緊記著

  • of our virtues.

    我們的美德

  • The good friend is compassionate;

    好朋友是充滿慈悲心的

  • when we fail, as we will

    當我們失敗 我們會失敗的

  • they are understanding

    他們能夠理解

  • and generous around our mishaps.

    從容陪伴我們的狼狽

  • Our folly, doesn't exclude them from the circle of their love.

    我們的荒唐 不會讓我們被排除在他們愛的圈圈之外

  • The good friend definitely conveys

    好朋友絕對能克服

  • that to err, fail and screw up

    不論是犯錯 跌倒或搞砸

  • is just what we humans do.

    也不過就是我們人類會幹的事

  • We all emerge from childhood

    我們都是從童年發展出

  • with various biases in our character

    各種在性格裡面的缺陷

  • which evolved to help us cope with our

    這些性格缺陷的發展讓我們能夠應付

  • necessarily imperfect parents

    我們一定不可能完美的父母親

  • and these acquired habits of mind

    這些都導致了一些內心的慣性

  • will reliably let us down in adult life.

    保證會讓我們的成年生活有麻煩

  • But, we're not to be blamed because

    但是 我們不會苛責這些

  • we didn't deliberately set out to be like this.

    我們不是故意要變成這個樣子

  • We didn't realistically, have a lot of better options

    實際上 我們可能也沒有太多更好的選擇

  • We're indelibly required

    我們不可抹滅地被迫

  • to make big decisions

    做出重大的決定

  • before we ever really understand what's at stake

    遠在我們能真正了解那是什麼之前

  • or how our choices will play out.

    或是我們的選擇將帶來什麼結果

  • We steering blind in all our large moves around love

    我們在愛的大決定上蒙著眼掌舵

  • and work.

    在工作也是

  • We opt for a move to a different city

    我們決定搬到另一個城市

  • but we can't possibly know whether we're going to flourish there

    但我們無法知道會在那裡如何開花結果

  • We have to select a career path when we're still young

    我們必須在還年輕的時候做出職涯抉擇

  • and we don't know what our latent needs will be

    而我們不知道這需要具備什麼樣的才能

  • in long term relationships

    在長期的關係裡

  • We have to make a commitment to another person

    我們必須要向對方許下承諾

  • before we understand what it will be like

    在我們知道它究竟會是如何

  • to tie our lives, so deeply to theirs'

    捆綁住我們以及他人的生活之前

  • The good friend knows

    好朋友會知道

  • that failures are not in fact, rare

    失敗實際上不會是鳳毛麟角

  • They bring as a starting point

    他們會在一開始

  • their own and humanity's vivid experience of messing up

    就把自己以及人類栩栩如生的搞砸經驗

  • into play

    帶入這個遊戲

  • as key points of reference.

    當作是主要的參考點

  • They're continually telling us

    他們會不斷告訴我們

  • that our specific case, might be unique

    我們這個特定的狀況 也許是獨一無二的

  • but that the general structure, is common.

    但在架構上來說 這稀鬆平常

  • People, don't just sometimes fail

    人類 不是偶爾遇到挫折

  • Everyone fails,

    人人都會遭遇挫折

  • only, we don't know about it

    只是我們不知道罷了

  • It's ironic, yet essentially hopeful

    這很諷刺 但是非常有幫助

  • that we usually know quite well

    我們通常都很清楚知道

  • how to be a better friend

    如何更好地當個陌生人的朋友

  • to near strangers

    勝過知道如何當自己的朋友

  • than we know how to be, to ourselves.

    好在我們實際上知道

  • The hopefulness lies in the fact that we do

    實際上已經擁有

  • actually already possess

    友誼所需要的相關技巧

  • the relevant skills of friendship.

    只差在我們或許還沒有將這個技巧導向

  • It's just, we haven't as yet directed them

    那個或許是

  • to the person, who probably

    最需要的人身上

  • needs the most

    尤其是

  • namely,

    當然是

  • of course

    我們自己

  • ourselves.

Trying to be a better friend to yourself

試著成為自己更好的朋友

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B1 中級 中文 英國腔 好朋友 失敗 挫折 友誼 性格 搞砸

如何做自己的朋友 (How to be a Friend to Yourself)

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    Zoey 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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