字幕列表 影片播放 列印所有字幕 列印翻譯字幕 列印英文字幕 Trying to be a better friend to yourself 試著成為自己更好的朋友 sounds like an odd idea. 聽起來是個奇怪的點子 initially 一開始 Because we naturally imagine a friend 因為我們理所當然想像一個朋友 as someone else, 是其他人 not as a part of our own mind. 而不是我們腦子的一部分 But there is value in the concept 但這個概念是有意義的 because of the extent to which we know how 因為以我們所知的程度 to treat our own friends, 去對待我們自己的朋友 with the sympathy and imagination 帶著同情心與想像力 we seldom apply, 我們卻鮮少 to ourselves 將它用在我們自身 If a friend is in trouble 如果一個朋友遭遇了麻煩 our first instinct is rarely to tell them 我們的第一直覺很少會是告訴他們 that they are fundamentally 就是他們徹底的 a sh*thead and a failure 是一個蠢蛋 失敗者 If a friend complains that their partner 如果一個朋友抱怨他們的父母 isn't very warm to them, 沒有很溫暖地對待他 we don't tell them they're getting what they deserve 我們不會告訴朋友他就只值得這樣被對待 we try to re-assure them that they're essentially likeable 我們會向他們再三保證他們著實值得喜愛 and that it's worth investigating 並且這值得進一步研究 what might be done. 還可以怎麼做 In friendship 在友誼的關係裡 we know instinctively 我們本能地知道 how to deploy strategies of wisdom and consolation 如何善用智謀與綜合判斷 that we stubbornly refuse to apply 但我們卻很偏執地拒絕將它 to ourselves. 應用來對待自己 There are some key moves 這裏有一些重要的步驟 a good friend would typically make 一個好朋友通常會做的 which can provide a model 能夠當作一個範例 for what we should, ideally 理想上應當讓我們 be doing with ourselves, in our own heads. 在自己的腦海中，應用在自己身上 Firstly, a good friend likes you pretty much as you already are 首先 一個好朋友喜歡你之所以是你 any suggestion they make or 任何他們提出的建議 ambition they have about how you could change 或是他們認為你還可以改變得更好的企圖 builds on a background of acceptance. 是奠基在接受之上 When they propose that you might try a different tack 當他們建議你或許可以嘗試不同 it's not an ultimatum or a threat 不會是最後通牒或威脅 they're not saying that you have to change or be abandoned 他們不會說 你要不就改變 要不就被拋棄 a friend insists 一個朋友會堅持 we're good enough, already. 我們已經夠好了 but they want to join forces with us 但他們會加入我們一起 to solve a challenge they feel 去解決他們感覺到的挑戰 we would properly benefit, from overcoming. 我們或許或從克服中得到利益 Without being flattering, 但不帶著諂媚 good friends also constantly keep in mind 好朋友總會把這放在心上 certain things, we're getting right! 有些事我們做對了 They don't think anything wrong (background cheering) 他們不會感覺哪裡怪怪 with the odd compliment (background cheering) 給些言不由衷的讚美 and emphasis on our strengths. (background cheering) 而會強調這是我們的優點 It's quietly galling 一種沈寂的耗損 how easily we can lose sight of 使我們很容易看不見 all our own good points, 我們自身所有的美好 when troubles strike. 當困難來襲時 A friend doesn't fall into this trap. 但朋友不會落入這樣的圈套 They can acknowledge the difficulties 他們可以察覺這些困難 while still holding on to a memory 但仍然能夠緊記著 of our virtues. 我們的美德 The good friend is compassionate; 好朋友是充滿慈悲心的 when we fail, as we will 當我們失敗 我們會失敗的 they are understanding 他們能夠理解 and generous around our mishaps. 從容陪伴我們的狼狽 Our folly, doesn't exclude them from the circle of their love. 我們的荒唐 不會讓我們被排除在他們愛的圈圈之外 The good friend definitely conveys 好朋友絕對能克服 that to err, fail and screw up 不論是犯錯 跌倒或搞砸 is just what we humans do. 也不過就是我們人類會幹的事 We all emerge from childhood 我們都是從童年發展出 with various biases in our character 各種在性格裡面的缺陷 which evolved to help us cope with our 這些性格缺陷的發展讓我們能夠應付 necessarily imperfect parents 我們一定不可能完美的父母親 and these acquired habits of mind 這些都導致了一些內心的慣性 will reliably let us down in adult life. 保證會讓我們的成年生活有麻煩 But, we're not to be blamed because 但是 我們不會苛責這些 we didn't deliberately set out to be like this. 我們不是故意要變成這個樣子 We didn't realistically, have a lot of better options 實際上 我們可能也沒有太多更好的選擇 We're indelibly required 我們不可抹滅地被迫 to make big decisions 做出重大的決定 before we ever really understand what's at stake 遠在我們能真正了解那是什麼之前 or how our choices will play out. 或是我們的選擇將帶來什麼結果 We steering blind in all our large moves around love 我們在愛的大決定上蒙著眼掌舵 and work. 在工作也是 We opt for a move to a different city 我們決定搬到另一個城市 but we can't possibly know whether we're going to flourish there 但我們無法知道會在那裡如何開花結果 We have to select a career path when we're still young 我們必須在還年輕的時候做出職涯抉擇 and we don't know what our latent needs will be 而我們不知道這需要具備什麼樣的才能 in long term relationships 在長期的關係裡 We have to make a commitment to another person 我們必須要向對方許下承諾 before we understand what it will be like 在我們知道它究竟會是如何 to tie our lives, so deeply to theirs' 捆綁住我們以及他人的生活之前 The good friend knows 好朋友會知道 that failures are not in fact, rare 失敗實際上不會是鳳毛麟角 They bring as a starting point 他們會在一開始 their own and humanity's vivid experience of messing up 就把自己以及人類栩栩如生的搞砸經驗 into play 帶入這個遊戲 as key points of reference. 當作是主要的參考點 They're continually telling us 他們會不斷告訴我們 that our specific case, might be unique 我們這個特定的狀況 也許是獨一無二的 but that the general structure, is common. 但在架構上來說 這稀鬆平常 People, don't just sometimes fail 人類 不是偶爾遇到挫折 Everyone fails, 人人都會遭遇挫折 only, we don't know about it 只是我們不知道罷了 It's ironic, yet essentially hopeful 這很諷刺 但是非常有幫助 that we usually know quite well 我們通常都很清楚知道 how to be a better friend 如何更好地當個陌生人的朋友 to near strangers 勝過知道如何當自己的朋友 than we know how to be, to ourselves. 好在我們實際上知道 The hopefulness lies in the fact that we do 實際上已經擁有 actually already possess 友誼所需要的相關技巧 the relevant skills of friendship. 只差在我們或許還沒有將這個技巧導向 It's just, we haven't as yet directed them 那個或許是 to the person, who probably 最需要的人身上 needs the most 尤其是 namely, 當然是 of course 我們自己 ourselves.