So I wanted to announce the MacAir winner first of all.

首先呢我要先來公佈 MacAir 得獎者

Congratulations!

恭喜啦！

If this isn't you, don't worry, I'll be giving another MacAir and announcing the winner on September 13th.

如果這不是你，別擔心！我會再送出一台 MacAir 並於今年 9 月 13 日公佈得獎者

Now, I have been a serial monogamist since I was 15.

回歸正題，從 15 歲到現在我都有著愛情潔癖

Right? I'm all about that long term relationship.

懂嗎？我是穩定交往的擁護者

And I've said this a million times but I wanted to say it again,

我已經說過一百萬次了但我還是要再說一遍：

I don't believe in playing games when it comes to dating.

談到感情，我從不相信耍小心機會有用

Okay, so if you want him to like you, you have to be 6 feet away from him at all times.

好的，如果你希望他喜歡上你，你必須無時無刻和他保持 6 呎的距離 (6 呎約等於 182 公分)

If he texts you, calculating the amount of time between all of his texts on average,

如果他密你，把他傳給你的每一則訊息所花的時間平均下來

and then add 2, divided by 14, plus 3,

然後加上 2，再除以 14，最後再加上 3

that's how much time you have to wait before actually hitting him.

得出來的數字就是在你回他訊息前必須先等一陣子的時間

And when the sun is equidistant from the equator on the line of Polaris,

而當太陽到赤道的直線距離和到北極圈等長時

make sure that you absolutely wear short shorts.

千萬記得你一定要穿上超短熱褲

Personally, I like to be as direct as possible.

我個人喜歡越直接越好

I like you!

我超哈你！

And not everybody likes that, and that's fine!

好啦不是每個人都喜歡那樣，不過又沒關係！

You can just move on.

你就繼續過你的生活就好

Trust me.

相信我

Somebody who only wants you because they can't have you is always going to be looking for the next best thing.

如果有人只是因為得不到你而想要擁有你，他們最後一定會去找下一個更好的

Babe, you've been on your phone this entire dinner, what are you doing?

寶貝，你整個晚餐都在用手機，你在幹麻？

Playing a game.

玩遊戲

Babe, can you not play games while we're on a date?

寶貝，你能不能不要在我們約會的時候玩遊戲？

Just give me like 2 more minutes.

再給我兩分鐘

(Sigh)

(嘆氣)

(Swiping on Tinder)

(滑 Tinder )

Yeah.

水啦

Plus, playing hard to get always feels like you're something to be gotten, right?

再說，欲擒故縱會讓人覺得你只是一個物品，不是嗎？

Like you're something to be shopped for.

就像是你只是等著被人消費一樣

We have an array of girlfriend models available, this is our best-seller, called "the Parents' Pleaser".

我們提供了一系列的女朋友展示品。這是我們的暢銷商品，叫做「爸媽最愛」

Made of organic wifey material and comes with the most upgraded cooking software.

由有機好老婆材質做成，同時還搭配了最新版本的烹飪軟體

If you're looking for something a little bit more on the wild side,

如果你是在找個性稍稍狂野的女孩

she has 2,500 spontaneous evenings downloaded into her as well as potentially dangerous advantures.

這位被植入了 2,500 種夜生活選擇，同時還包誇了潛在性危險的各式冒險

And a pension for aggressive bed play.

還有補助激烈床上活動的津貼

What about that one?

阿那個勒？

Ah apology, sir, that one is unfortunately sold out.

喔，先生不好意思，可惜這位已經賣光了

Well can't I just take the display model?

我難道不能直接買下展示品嗎？

Well I suppose you could, would you like to know what she comes with?

是可以啦，那你想知道他有哪些功能嗎？

No, I don't care.

不用了，我不在乎

Take my money.

錢在這

Dating is hard enough as it is.

約會本身就已經夠難了

You're two people who come with your own set of baggage, trying to come together in this lasting emotionally supportive relationship

你們兩個人帶著各自的包袱，試著在精神上給予對方長久的支持

where you still maintain a physical attraction and regular intercourse with each other.

同時還必須保持自己對對方的吸引力，並在生理上適時滿足彼此

Like why would you add to that already complicated system by faking your feelings up front?

幹嘛沒事要在一開始耍那些心機讓談戀愛這個本來就很複雜的事更難上加難？

I'd like to take you to dinner on either the 8th or the 9th at 7pm.

8 號或 9 號晚上七點我想帶你去吃晚餐

Hmm, I've got classes those evenings.

嗯... 那兩晚我都有課耶

How would Thursday the 11th work for you?

不然星期四 11 號你可以嗎？

Brunch? Followed by the museum of modern arts.

早午餐如何？吃完我們去逛當代藝術博物館

Done and done.

就這麼定了

I love a man who can keep up a schedule.

我超愛有行事曆的男人

I love a woman who can plan.

我超愛會規劃的女人

Pencil me in.

快把我記在行事曆上

I write in pen.

早已刻在心上

It worked with my boyfriend.

我跟我男朋友在這方面就沒問題

I mean I met him through mutual friends and I thought he was very cute.

我們透過朋友認識，而我覺得他非常可愛

And so... you guys remember the Facebook feature where you had to "ask" a person's relationship status?

所以... 你們知道臉書上有一個你可以「詢問」一個人的感情狀態的功能嗎？

I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who's ever used that freakin' button.

我非常確定我是唯一一個人用過那莫名其妙的功能

But I asked it, he was single.

不管怎樣我問了，他當時單身

And I said, "Hey! You're Cute! I'd like to take you out to dinner. And it's my birthday so you can't say no."

所以我就說：「嘿！你好帥！我想邀你一起去吃晚餐，然後因為是我的生日所以你不能拒絕。」

And he didn't say no.

他也沒有拒絕

And that was two years ago.

這是兩年前的事了

So I encourage you, just for the realm of possible love in your life

所以我鼓勵你，為了你生命中任何可能的真愛

to just throw away the games and give your heart.

把小心機都丟掉吧！把你的心交出去

I'm Anna Akana, stay awesome Gothem.

我是 Anna Akana，永遠都要這麼棒！