I aspire to some day be a doctor, and my favorite subject is calculus.

我渴望有朝一日能成為一名醫生，我最喜歡的科目是微積分。

My mom and dad are tiger parents,

我的爸爸媽媽是虎爸虎媽。

who won't let me go to sleepovers,

誰也不會讓我去過夜。

but they make up for it by serving my favorite meal every single day.

但他們每天都會提供我最喜歡的食物來彌補。

Rice.

米飯。

And I'm a really bad driver.

而我'是一個非常糟糕的司機。

So my question for you now is,

所以我現在要問你的問題是：

"How long did it take you to figure out I was joking?"

"你花了多長時間才明白我是在開玩笑？

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

As you've probably guessed, today I am going to talk about race

你可能已經猜到了，今天我要講的是關於種族的問題。

and I'll start off by sharing with you my story

我將開始與你分享我的故事。

of growing up Asian-American.

的亞裔美國人的成長。

I moved to the United States when I was two years old,

我兩歲的時候就搬到了美國。

so almost my entire life has been a blend of two cultures.

所以幾乎我的一生都是兩種文化的融合。

I eat pasta with chopsticks.

我是用筷子吃意大利麵的。

I'm addicted to orange chicken, and my childhood hero was Yao Ming.

我'迷上了橘子雞，我的童年英雄是姚明。

But having grown up in North Dakota, South Dakota, and Idaho,

但在北達科他州、南達科他州和愛達荷州長大。

all states with incredible little racial diversity,

所有州的種族多樣性少得不可思議。

it was difficult to reconcile my so-called exotic Chinese heritage

所謂 "洋為中用 "難於登天

with my mainstream American self.

與我的美國主流自我。

Used to being the only Asian in the room,

習慣了作為房間裡唯一的亞洲人。

I was self-conscious at the first thing people noticed about me

我在人們注意到我的第一件事時就很自覺了

was, that I wasn't white.

是，我是不是&#39；不白。

And as a child I quickly began to realize

而作為一個孩子，我很快就開始意識到

that I had two options in front of me.

我的面前有兩個選擇。

Conformed to the stereotype that was expected of me,

符合人們對我的期望的刻板印象。

or conformed to the whiteness that surrounded me.

或符合我周圍的白色。

There was no in between.

沒有中間人。

For me, this meant that I always felt self-conscious about being good at maths,

對我來說，這意味著我總覺得自己的數學好。

because people would just say it was because I was Asian,

因為人們會說這是因為我是亞洲人。

not because I actually worked hard.

不是因為我真的很努力。

It meant that whenever a boy asked me out,

這意味著，每當有男孩約我出去。

it was because he had the yellow fever,

是因為他得了黃熱病。

and not because he actually liked me.

而不是因為他真的喜歡我。

It meant that for the longest time

這意味著，在很長一段時間裡

my identity had formed around the fact that I was different.

我的身份已經形成 圍繞著事實，我是不同的。

And I thought that being Asian was the only special thing about me.

我還以為作為亞洲人是我唯一的特別之處。

These effects were emphasized by the places where I lived.

這些效果被我居住的地方強調了。

Don't get me wrong.

不要誤會我的意思。

Only a small percentage of people were actually racist,

實際上只有一小部分人是種族主義者。

or, even borderline racist,

或者，甚至是邊緣的種族主義者。

but the vast majority were just a little bit clueless.

但絕大多數人只是有點懵。

Now, I know you are probably thinking, "What's the difference?"

現在，我知道你可能在想，"有什麼區別？&quot。

Well, here is an example.

好吧，這裡有一個例子。

Not racist can sound like, "I'm white and you're not."

不種族主義可以聽起來像，"I'm white and you're not.&quot。

Racist can sound like,

種族主義者可以聽起來像。

"I'm white, you're not, and that makes me better than you."

"我'是白人，你'不是，這讓我比你更好。

But clueless sounds like,

但毫無頭緒，聽起來像。

"I'm white, you're not, and I don't know how to deal with that."

"我'是白人，你'不是，我不知道如何處理這個問題.&quot。

Now, I don't doubt for a second

現在，我不懷疑一秒鐘

that these clueless people are still nice individuals

這些無知的人還是好人

with great intentions.

用心良苦。

But they do ask some questions that become pretty annoying after a while.

但他們確實問了一些問題，過一段時間就會變得很煩人。

Here are a few examples.

下面是幾個例子。

"You're Chinese, oh my goodness, I have a Chinese friend, do you know him?"

"你'是中國人，天哪，我有個中國朋友，你認識他嗎？&quot。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

"No.

"號。

I don't know him.

我不認識他。

Because contrary to your unrealistic expectations,

因為與你不切實際的期望相反。

I do not know every single one of the 1.35 billion Chinese people

我不認識13.5億中國人中的每一個人。

who live on Planet Earth."

生活在地球上的人.&quot。

People also tend to ask,

人們也往往會問。

"Where does your name come from?",

"你的名字是怎麼來的？"。

and I really don't know how to answer that,

而我真的不知道該如何回答。

so I usually stick with the truth.

所以我通常堅持真理。

"My parents gave it to me.

"我父母給我的。

Where does your name come from?"

你的名字是怎麼來的呢&quot。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Don't even get me started

不要讓我開始

on how many times people have confused me with a different Asian person.

有多少次，人們把我和另一個亞洲人搞混了。

One time someone came up to me and said,

有一次，有人走過來對我說。

"Angie, I love your art work!"

"安琪，我喜歡你的藝術作品！&quot。

And I was super confused,

而我卻超級迷茫。

so I just thanked them and walked away.

所以我就謝過他們，然後走了。

But, out of all the questions

但是，在所有的問題中

my favorite one is still the classic, "Where are you from?",

我最喜歡的還是那句經典的，"你從哪裡來"。

because I've lived in quite a few places,

因為我'住過不少地方。

so this is how the conversation usually goes.

所以這就是通常的對話方式。

"Where are you from?"

"你是哪裡人？&quot。

"Oh, I am from Boise, Idaho."

"哦，我來自愛達荷州的博伊西.&quot。

"I see, but where are you really from?"

"我明白了，但你到底是哪裡人呢&quot。

"I mean, I lived in South Dakota for a while."

"我的意思是，我在南達科他州住了一段時間.&quot。

"Okay, what about before that?"

"好吧，那之前呢？&quot。

"I mean, I lived in North Dakota."

我的意思是，我住在北達科他州.&quot。

"Okay, I'm just going to cut straight to the chase here,

"好吧，我'就在這裡直接切入正題。

I guess what I'm saying is,

我想我'要說的是。

have you ever lived anywhere far away from here,

你有沒有住過任何地方 遠離這裡。

where people talk a little differently?"

在那裡，人們說話的方式有點不同？&quot。

"Oh, I know where you talking about, yes I have, I used to live in Texas."

"哦，我知道你說的是哪裡，是的，我有，我曾經住在德克薩斯.&quot。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

By then, they usually have just given up and wonder to themselves

到那時，他們通常已經放棄了，自己也在想

why I'm not one of the cool Asians like Jeremy Lin or Jackie Chan,

為什麼我不像林書豪或成龍那樣是個酷酷的亞洲人。

or they skip the needless banter and go straight for the,

或者他們跳過無謂的戲謔，直奔。

"Where is your family from?"

"你的家人來自哪裡？&quot。

So, just an FYI for all of you out there, that is the safest strategy.

所以，只是給大家提個醒，這是最安全的策略。

But, as amusing as these interactions were,

不過，雖然這些互動很有趣。

oftentimes they made me want to reject my own culture,

很多時候，它們讓我想拒絕自己的文化。

because I thought it helped me conform.

因為我覺得這能幫助我適應。

I distanced myself from the Asian stereotype

我與亞洲人的刻板印象保持距離。

as much as possible, by degrading my own race,

儘可能的貶低自己的種族。

and pretending I hated math.

並假裝我討厭數學。

And the worse part was, it worked.

更糟糕的是，它的工作。

The more I rejected my Chinese identity, the more popular I became.

我越是排斥自己的中國身份，越是受歡迎。

My peers liked me more, because I was more similar to them.

我的同齡人更喜歡我，因為我和他們更相似。

I became more confident, because I knew I was more similar to them.

我變得更加自信，因為我知道我和他們更相似。

But as I became more Americanized,

但隨著我越來越美國化。

I also began to lose bits and pieces of myself,

我也開始失去自己的點點滴滴。

parts of me that I can never get back,

我的一部分，我永遠無法恢復。

and no matter how much I tried to pretend

無論我多麼想假裝

that I was the same as my American classmates,

說我和美國同學一樣。

I wasn't.

我不是'沒有。

Because for people who have lived in the places where I lived,

因為對於在我生活過的地方生活過的人來說。

white is the norm, and for me, white became the norm too.

白色是常態，對我來說，白色也成了常態。

For my fourteenth birthday, I received the video game The Sims 3,

十四歲生日時，我收到了電子遊戲《模擬人生3》。

which lets you create your own characters and control their lives.

讓你可以創建自己的角色並控制他們的生活。

My fourteen-year-old self created the perfect little mainstream family,

我十四歲的自己創造了一個完美的主流小家庭。

complete with a huge mansion and an enormous swimming pool.

配有一座巨大的豪宅和一個巨大的游泳池。

I binge-played the game for about three months,

我狂玩了大約三個月的遊戲。

then put it away and never really thought about it again,

然後把它收了起來，再也沒有真正想過。

until a few weeks ago,

直到幾周前。

when I came to a sudden realization.

當我突然意識到。

The family, that I had custom-designed, was white.

這家，是我定製設計的，是白色的。

The character that I had designed for myself, was white.

我為自己設計的角色，是白色的。

Everyone I had designed was white.

我設計的每個人都是白人。

And the worst part was,

而最糟糕的是。

this was by no means a conscious decision that I had made.

這絕不是我有意識地做出的決定。

Never once did I think to myself

我從來沒有對自己說過

that I could actually make the characters look like me.

我真的可以讓角色看起來像我。

Without even thinking, white had become my norm too.

不經意間，白色也成了我的常態。

The truth is,

事實是：

Asian Americans play a strange role in the American melting pot.

亞裔美國人在美國大熔爐中扮演著一個奇怪的角色。

We are the model minority.

我們是模範少數派。

Society uses our success to pit us against other people of color

社會利用我們的成功讓我們和其他有色人種對立起來

as justification that racism doesn't exist.

作為種族主義不存在的理由。

But was does that mean for us, Asian Americans?

但這對我們亞裔美國人來說，意味著什麼呢？

It means that we are not quite similar enough to be accepted,

意思是我們還不夠相似，不能被接受。

but we aren't different enough to be loathed.

但我們還沒有不同到被人厭惡的地步。

We are in a perpetually grey zone,

我們永遠處於灰色地帶。

and society isn't quite sure what to do with us.

和社會是不太確定 什麼與我們做。

So they group us by the color of our skin.

所以他們根據我們的膚色把我們分組。

They tell us that we must reject our own heritages,

他們告訴我們，我們必須拒絕自己的遺產。

so we can fit in with the crowd.

這樣我們就能適應人群。

They tell us that our foreignness

他們告訴我們，我們的外國性

is the only identifying characteristic of us.

是我們唯一的識別特徵。

They strip away our identities one by one,

他們把我們的身份一個個剝掉。

until we are foreign, but not quite foreign,

直到我們成為異類，但又不完全是異類。

American but not quite American,

美國人，但不完全是美國人。

individual,

個人。

but only when there are no other people from our native country around.

但只有當週圍沒有其他祖國人的時候，才會這樣。

I wish that I had always had the courage to speak out about these issues.

我希望自己一直有勇氣說出這些問題。

But coming from one culture that avoids confrontation,

但來自於一種避免對抗的文化。

and another that is divided over race,

和另一個因種族而分裂的。

how do I overcome the pressure to keep the peace,

我如何克服壓力，保持和平。

while also staying true to who I am?

同時也要忠於自己的身份？

And as much as I hate to admit it, often times I don't speak out,

雖然我不願意承認，但很多時候，我不'說出來。

because, if I do,

因為，如果我這樣做，

it's at the the risk of being told that I am too sensitive,

它'是在風險被告知，我太敏感。

or that I get offended too easily,

或者說我太容易得罪人了。

or that it's just not worth it.

或者說，它只是不值得。

But I would point, are people willing to admit that?

但我想指出，大家願意承認嗎？

Yes, race issues are controversial.

是的，種族問題是有爭議的。

But that's precisely the reason why we need to talk about them.

但這正是我們需要談論它們的原因。

I just turned eighteen,

我剛滿18歲

and there are still so many things that I don't know about the world.

和還有很多事情，我不知道的世界'。

But what I do know is that it's hard to admit

但我知道的是，這很難承認

that you might be part of the problem,

你可能是問題的一部分。

that, all of us might be part of the problem.

那，我們所有人都可能是問題的一部分。

So, instead of giving you a step-by-step guide

所以，與其說是給你一步步的指導，不如說是給你一步步的指導。

on how to not be racist towards Asians,

關於如何不對亞洲人有種族歧視。

I will let you decide what to take from this talk.

我將讓你決定從這次談話中得到什麼。

All I can do,

我所能做的。

is share my story.

是分享我的故事。

My name is Canwen, my favorite color is purple.

我叫燦文，我最喜歡的顏色是紫色。

And I play the piano, but not so much the violin.

我還會彈鋼琴，但不太會拉小提琴。

I have two incredibly supportive, hardworking parents,

我有兩個非常支持我的、勤勞的父母。

and one very awesome ten-year-old brother.

還有一個非常厲害的十歲弟弟。

I love calculus more than anything,

我愛微積分勝過一切。

despise eating rice, and I'm a horrendous driver.

鄙視吃米飯，我'是個可怕的司機。

But most of all, I am proud of who I am.

但最重要的是，我為自己的身份感到驕傲。

A little bit American,

有點美國人的味道。

a little bit Chinese,

有一點中國特色。

and a whole lot of both.

和一大堆兩者都有。

Thank you.

謝謝你了

(Applause)

(掌聲)