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  • These are your best friends, so close that they're practically family.

    這些就是你最好的麻吉,你們好到彼此就好像家人一樣。

  • Or should I say, literally just like your family.

    或者說,你們根本就是一家人

  • - Happy birthday! - Surprise.

    - 生日快樂!-喔好棒棒!

  • What, me?!

    蝦咪,是我嗎?!

  • Every squad has "the child".

    每一群狐群狗黨裡面都會有這麼一個「小朋友」。

  • Not necessarily the youngest in age, but definitely in spirit.

    雖然這個「小朋友」並不一定是朋友群中年紀最小的,可是心靈上一定最幼稚。

  • Ah, it's the best day of my life!

    我的天啊,今天真的是我人生真最讚的一天!

  • Ah, it's the best day of my life!

    我的天啊,今天真的是我人生真最讚的一天!

  • They have fried chicken here!

    他們這邊有賣炸雞耶!

  • The child runs on the power of positivity without ever running out of something to say.

    這個「小朋友」總是正能量滿滿,而且永遠不會沒話說。

  • I have something to say.

    我有件事情想說一下。

  • As much as I love fried chicken, I love hanging with you guys.

    我再怎麼愛炸雞,也比不上喜愛跟你們鬼混!

  • You know what, I think we're ready to order.

    那個不好意思,我們可以點餐了。

  • Okay, what can I get you guys?

    好喔,你們想要什麼?

  • Hello, well, what is your name?

    哈囉,你叫什麼名字來著?

  • You all remember Kevin, right?

    你們都記得凱文吧?

  • -Yes, welcome. -No.

    -記得喔,歡迎 -不記得。

  • The child also has the uncanny ability to turn any stranger, however strange, into a new friend.

    這個「小朋友」還有一個超奇葩的能力,就是他可以把隨便一個他不熟的人 (不管多不熟) 變成朋友。

  • So, can I get anyone something to drink?

    那個,你們有想要先來點什麼喝的嗎?

  • Oh, you know, actually a seltzer would be nice.

    喔好喔,我們先來點氣泡水好了。

  • Keith, you're getting the remote all greasy.

    基斯,你把遙控整個都弄的油膩膩的啦!

  • Hand it over. We're gonna decide what to watch as a group.

    遙控器拿來,我們來決定要一起看什麼。

  • Keith, no.

    基斯,小心點。

  • And, just like a baby, he sometimes lacks the ability to fully control his own limbs.

    這個「小朋友」有的時候還真的會跟小朋友一樣笨手笨腳的。

  • Hah, look, that dude's just like a baby.

    哈哈,欸你快看看那個矬蛋。

  • Yeah, it's like he lacks the ability to fully control his own limbs.

    對啊,他好像缺乏控制自己肢體的能力。

  • You protect the child at all costs because he's the most fun and sweet friend you'll ever have.

    不管怎麼樣你都會為這個「小朋友」挺身而出,因為他是你一生中最好笑最可愛的朋友。

  • I have just the thing that'll help you feel better.

    我這兒有個好東西可以讓你心情變好喔。

  • Then there's the "adult" of the group.

    再來就是好友群裡面的「大人」了。

  • The one who's stuck in peak mom and dad mode 24/7.

    就是幫著你們全部把屎把尿,全年無休的那個。

  • - It's a gift card! - Oh I love cards!

    -是生日卡片喔!-我超愛卡片的!

  • The adult's parental advisory instincts kick into high gear whenever a resolution needs to be reached.

    每次有重大決策的時候,這個「大人」就會自然而然扮演起家長的角色。

  • Guys, guys!

    喂, 喂!

  • Keith got to pick last time so we're gonna go with Zack's choice.

    上一次選台的人是基斯,所以這一次輪到札克選了喔。

  • - Goody. - The fuck, what about me?

    -爽啦 -搞什麼,我為什麼沒得選?

  • No, your show is super depressing and not appropriate for Keith.

    不行啦,你愛看的那個節目太鬱悶了,也不適合基斯看。

  • Which one's the search button?

    選台的按鍵是哪個啊?

  • What?

    哇賽?!

  • You can draw on your Snapchats?

    Snapchat 上竟然可以畫畫耶?!

  • That's your Instagram story.

    你現在在用的是你的 Instagram 故事模式啦!

  • No, Instagram's for pictures.

    不是啦,Instagram 只能放照片。

  • And like many a parent the ever-changing social media landscape is never immediately apparent to the adult.

    就跟大部份爸爸媽媽一樣,好友群中的「大人」通常都趕不上科技的潮流。

  • Yes!

    水啦!

  • I caught another punchy rockeye.

    我又抓到一隻小拳石了。

  • Cash me outside, how bout dah?

    真心不騙,不服來辯,拉拉拉~

  • Oh my God, you ruin everything.

    天啊,真是夠了。

  • Oh, excuse me, we're ready to order.

    對不起,我們準備好要點餐了。

  • I'd like the tuna salad, and this guy will get the fried chicken combo...

    給我一個鮪魚沙拉,然後給他一個炸雞套餐......

  • But who cares if you're a little behind the times when you're the only one on top of your shit?

    可是如果你是朋友群中總是把一切打理得好好的那個,就算跟不上科技的潮流,又怎樣?

  • Yeah, I have several questions about several of the items.

    那個,我有幾個有關這裡菜色的問題想詢問一下。

  • So the fettuccine alfredo...

    就是那個奶醬義大利寬板麵......

  • Eugene, is that the girl you like?

    尤金,那邊那個不是你喜歡的女生嗎?

  • Oh my God, shut up!

    噢天哪閉嘴!

  • Eugene's got a crush?!

    你有喜歡的人喔?!

  • No, shut up.

    沒有!你閉嘴啦!

  • Eugene's got a crush.

    ♫ 尤金戀愛 ing。

  • No, seriously, can I get another one of these, please?

    真是夠了,可以再給我來一杯一樣的嗎?

  • He's got a crush.

    ♫ 他戀愛 ing。

  • -Cheers. -Let's get shit-faced!

    -乾啦! -喝給他不醉不歸啦!

  • You all know and hope to survive the teenager.

    你們的朋友群中也一定有那位「中二男」。

  • The friend in your group who is awfully good at being awesomely bad.

    「中二男」就是朋友群中那個耍廢技巧高人一等的那個。

  • Someone take this from me. My body is gonna regret that in the morning.

    來人啊,誰快點來阻止我繼續喝,要不然我明天早上會痛不欲生。

  • -I gotcha, buddy. -Thank you.

    - 交給我就對了 -謝謝。

  • Aw, that dude's body is gonna regret it in the morning.

    天啊,你看那個矬蛋,喝個酒明天就不行了呢。

  • Oh yeah, his little Benjamin Button body.

    對啊,就像 「班傑明的奇幻旅程」裡面那個臭老頭一樣虛啊。

  • - Hold my shit. -What?

    -幫我拿著一下 -幹嘛?

  • That was an Oscar nominated movie, I don't--

    那部片還被奧斯卡提過名,你們膽敢侮辱它? 我跟你們勢不兩立.....

  • Although the teenager is violent and unpredictable, you can always rely on him to come to your defense.

    雖然「中二男」超暴力又陰晴不定,可是不管什麼時候他都是最讓大家靠得住的那個。

  • - Taken care of. - No, no it's not.

    -搞定 -不。

  • We have to go.

    我們得走了。

  • -Kevin, how are you? - Who's Kevin?

    -凱文,近來如何啊? - 凱文是哪位啊?

  • Let's face it, on the outside the teenager can be a shady bitch.

    我們就大方承認吧,「中二男」有時候真的會表現得很「顧人怨」。

  • I will kill you in your sleep.

    我真的會趁你在睡覺的時候把你宰了。

  • -Go talk to her! - Shut up, you're embarrassing me!

    -快過去找你喜歡的女生講話啊! -閉嘴啦!你這樣我很尷尬耶!

  • Hi, I'm Keith, what's your name?

    嗨,我叫基斯,你叫什麼來著?

  • No, don't talk to them.

    喂,不要亂跟他們說話啦!

  • Oh, my crayons.

    啊喔,我的蠟筆...

  • But, on the inside, the teenager is a profoundly sensitive friend.

    可是「中二男」的內心呢,其實是非常敏感纖細的。

  • That's Ned and that's Zack, and I don't know where Eugene went.

    這邊這個是奈德,然後那邊那個是札克,然後我不知道我們家尤金跑到哪裡去了。

  • Happy birthday, buddy. (slide whistle whooshing)

    生日快樂啊兄弟 (滑回來的聲音)。

  • Oh, oh my God, a pepper shaker!

    哇賽,是裝胡椒的瓶子耶!

  • I've always wanted one of these.

    我從以前就超想要了。

  • Did you steal that from Kevin?

    這個是你從凱文那邊幹來的嗎?

  • -Who's Kevin? - Is anyone else freezing?

    -凱文是哪位啊? -只有我覺得這邊超冷的嗎?

  • Am I crazy?

    還是只是我壞去了?

  • They just turn...every time I sit underneath a vent, they turn the vent and it's like so freaking...

    每次我坐在出風口的時候他們就會把風開超大,快冷死了。

  • And finally, everyone knows the old person, who's stuck-- (record scratching).

    最後要來跟大家介紹的是「老頭子」說到「老頭子」呢... (刮唱片的聲音)。

  • No, no, can you not freeze-frame on my face?

    喂,哈囉,可以麻煩你不要把鏡頭對焦在我臉上嗎?

  • We get it. I'm the grumpy old man.

    好啦我懂啦,反正我就是又老脾氣又臭嘛。

  • We're kind of too far in the video right now.

    我們也已經拍夠多了。

  • We get it. We can move...can you get this out of here

    我都懂,我們可以直接...拜託可以把這個東西拿走開一下嗎?

  • What are you even doing here? -Zack, you gotta be nice to the narrator. - No, no, we're done--

    你到底在這裡幹嘛? -札克,你喔要對人家旁白好一點啦 -管他的,我們拍完了啦。

  • Okay, well, as I was saying, the old person-- -Oh my God, bla bla bla.

    痾,所以我剛剛說到這個「老頭子」呢... -天啊,講太多了。

  • You are so boring.

    你有夠悶的啦。

  • Can we cut to the apartment?

    我們可以直接跳到公寓那一段嗎?

  • It's cold in here.

    這裡超冷的。

  • Anyone else think it's really hot in here?

    只有我覺得這裡超熱的嗎?

  • Am I crazy?

    還是我壞去了?

  • Hey, Carl, can you go... -Kevin.

    -哈囉,卡爾 ... -人家叫凱文啦。

  • Whatever.

    哎隨便啦。

  • Go to the thermostat, turn it down like two degrees, not three.

    幫我去調溫器那邊把溫度調低個兩度,不要調低三度喔。

  • Uh, hey, excuse me.

    那個,不好意思喔。

  • It's my job to narrate here--

    我還要繼續做我的旁白......

  • No, no, we're all aware.

    好,好,我們都知道啦!

  • Stop interrupting me.

    不要一直打岔啦!

  • To the restaurant please. (snapping fingers)

    來去餐廳囉 (彈指)。

  • Why is everyone so incompetent these days?

    怎麼最近的人都那麼廢啊?

  • Um, I'm sorry, rude.

    不好意思喔,可是你超失禮的耶。

  • Hey, ladies, excuse me.

    哈囉,漂亮小姐們,照過來照過來。

  • My moody friend here with the spiky hair.

    有沒有看到我們家這個悶騷刺蝟頭帥哥?

  • He wants to boink one of you.

    他說想要跟你們其中一個「輕鬆一下」。

  • I'm not sure who, maybe-- -And I'm dead.

    我是不知道他在說的是你們其中的誰啦,可能是... -你們看不到我。

  • I'm dead. -Anyway, I'm going to hand my friend a present so we can end the video.

    你們看不到我 -好啦,我現在要送個禮物給我的麻吉,我們就可以結束這個影片了。

  • No need for fancy editing. God damn it, that was good.

    不用華麗的後製編輯,這也轉接的太好了吧!

  • -Oh wow. -Just make it quick.

    -哇塞 -快啦快啦。

  • Wow, oh my god, guys! This is perfect.

    哇賽,天啊,你們看看!太棒了啦!

  • And that, is how your friends are literally just like your family.

    看到這裡,大家應該都知道,為什麼你的死黨基本上就是你的家人。

  • Okay, quick quick, roll the credits before I die.

    不要廢話了,快點把致謝名單放一放啦,要不然我要身亡了。

  • Ooh and Squad Warsthat's the show that we made.

    喔喔,我們也有拍 「突擊小隊」喔!

  • Thanks so much for watching!

    感謝大家收看!

  • Please check out our new YouTube Red show Squad Wars.

    要去 YouTube 看我們拍的 「突擊小隊」喔!

  • This week we have Rebecca Black and Jessica Marie Garcia going head to head against Million Dollar Listing stars in a Bollywood challenge.

    這個禮拜我們有邀請到 Rebecca Black 和 Jessica Maria Garcia 她們會在節目上跟 Million Dollar Listing 裡的明星一起在寶萊烏大挑戰中一較高下。

  • Watch it for us, won't you?

    記得要收看喔!

  • God, I fucking hate smiling.

    我超討厭要裝個笑臉!

  • It's, you know, cause we're a squad and we make other squads do stuff.

    我們這小隊就是愛叫別人做東做西。

  • If you like this you should watch that.

    如果你喜歡這一部的話,你應該也去看一下我們的「突擊小隊」!

  • And if you didn't like this, well, you watched the whole thing so the joke's on you.

    如果你其實沒有很喜歡這片的話,我也沒辦法,你都已經看到這裡了,所以也回不去啦。

  • Did they turn the air conditioning on again?

    他們又把冷氣打開了嗎?

  • Oh my god it is freezing in here.

    天啊這裡有夠冷的啦。

  • Oh look, there's the, if you didn't know, yeah, you're watching a Buzzfeed video.

    喔對了,不曉得你有沒有發現你現在在看的其實是 Buzzfeed 的影片。

  • Really really getting it in your face with that branding.

    我們就是故意要在你面前一直打廣告啦。

  • Oh, and here's another Buzzfeed thing.

    Buzzfeed 攻勢第二波。

  • With some really terrible sound actually, ugh, can we do that again without the sound?

    這聲音難聽到爆,可以再來一次嗎?這次不要加剛剛那些聲音。

  • -It's really grating. -Oh that's so much better.

    -真的超不舒服 -啊這次好多了。

These are your best friends, so close that they're practically family.

這些就是你最好的麻吉,你們好到彼此就好像家人一樣。

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你身旁也有這種奇葩?每個朋友圈都有的4種麻吉!(The Four Types Of Friends You Have)

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    陈肆海 發佈於 2017 年 05 月 18 日
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