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  • I tell you what, it's spring.

    告訴你,春天到了

  • I think it starts next week, right?

    是下個禮拜,對嗎?

  • Yeah, love is in the air.

    是啊,空氣中瀰漫著愛

  • (applause) Yeah, think about it.

    (掌聲) 是啊,想想

  • Love is literally in the air, because everyone uses their mobile devices to

    愛意確實瀰漫在空氣中,因為大家都在行動裝置上

  • find dates, so at any, moment there are millions of dirty messages and

    找對象,所以不管任何時候都有上百萬條充滿挑逗的訊息

  • sexy pictures flying through the air, right past our faces.

    以及性感照片在空中穿梭,就在我們眼前

  • It's disgusting, it's what it is.

    噁心,就是這樣

  • How many of you use dating apps?

    你們有多少人在使用交友軟體的?

  • (applause) All right, some proud,

    (掌聲) 好,有些人滿自豪的

  • some not going to raise your hand.

    有些不願意舉手

  • (laugh) Been a long time since

    (笑聲) 我已經好一段時間

  • I've had to date.

    沒有約會了

  • But back then, a dating app was when you took someone out for

    過去,交友軟體是讓你可以帶個人出去

  • an appetizer because you couldn't afford the entire entrée.

    吃個開胃菜,因為你付不起前菜的錢

  • But now there's all sorts of dating apps.

    而現在,有各式各樣的交友軟體

  • There's a popular one called Bumble.

    這是其中一個很受歡迎的交友軟體叫 Bumble (搞砸)

  • And it is free.

    而且免費

  • You know Bumble.

    你們知道 Bumble 吧

  • Yeah. (applause)

    耶 ..... (掌聲)

  • It is free and

    這個不用花錢

  • encourages women to make the first move, which I fully support.

    而且鼓勵女生採取主動,我完全支持這個作法

  • Back when I was dating, it was pretty much always the woman making the first move.

    當我還有在約會的時候,幾乎都是由女生採取主動的

  • (laugh) It's a great idea,

    (笑聲) 這真的是個很棒的想法

  • because they wanna empower women, and

    因為這讓女性擁有主導權

  • make sure they feel comfortable, and they say the best quality people are on bumble.

    並確保使用的女性感覺舒服,而且據說最棒的人都在 Bumble

  • And I've always said that I have the best quality people in my audience, and

    我也一直認為我的觀眾都是最棒的

  • it turns out.

    事實上

  • (applause) Yes, yes.

    (掌聲) 是吧,是吧

  • (applause) Well, it turns out both are true.

    (掌聲) 好,事實證明這都是真的

  • Because a lot of you have bumble profiles, and I wanna ask you about them.

    因為在你們當中有許多人在 Bumble 上有帳號,而我有些問題要問問你們

  • Sarah Isley is here.

    莎拉艾思莉

  • Where's Sarah Isley?

    莎拉艾思莉在哪?

  • Hi.

  • (applause How are you doing?

    (掌聲) 妳好嗎?

  • Hi, Ellen. (laugh)

    嗨,艾倫

  • Hi, Sarah.

    嗨,莎拉

  • How are you doing?

    妳好嗎?

  • Are you on a date?

    妳最近有在約會嗎?

  • Are you with somebody?

    有跟什麼人交往中嗎?

  • (laugh) No, unfortunately.

    (笑聲) 沒有耶,很不幸

  • This will be a great first date.

    這將會是非常棒的第一次約會

  • Yeah, it wouldn't be a great first date.

    是吼,這不會是很棒的第一次約會哦

  • I think. Everybody

    我想,各位

  • should keep that in mind out there.

    坐在那的各位請記住這一點

  • (laugh) Let's look at your Bumble

    (笑聲) 我們來看看妳的 Bumble

  • profile, okay?

    資料,可以嗎?

  • Good. All right.

    好,好吧

  • (laugh) Now, how's that workout for you so far?

    (笑聲) 到目前為止妳的進展如何?

  • It's really not too well yet.

    並不大好耶

  • Well. Okay.

    哦,好吧

  • You know why?

    妳知道原因嗎?

  • I'll tell you.

    讓我告訴妳

  • I'm gonna giving you some advice, you kind of, are hiding your face on a (laugh).

    我要給你一些建議,妳有點,把妳的臉藏著了 (笑聲)

  • There's one that's not on here but you were hiding your face with a dog,

    有一張不在這上面的相片是妳用狗狗遮著臉

  • you're hiding your face with a cat, and you're covering your face and

    妳用貓遮著臉,妳蓋住了臉

  • making your eye ball look gigantic.

    妳的眼睛看起來超級大

  • Then obviously this is a horse,

    (笑聲) 另外這張很明顯的有隻馬

  • you're on a horse there.

    這張妳在騎在馬上

  • So maybe you just needed one good picture of yourself.

    所以妳需要的是一張妳自己的漂亮相片

  • Okay, okay.

    好吧,好吧

  • Yeah, I'll try it.

    我會試試

  • Yeah. At least you use your profile in a very

    嗯,還好妳的資料中有一個

  • intriguing way because down at the bottom you have two truths and a lie.

    吸睛的東西,在這下面妳列了跟妳有關的真實與謊言

  • And I'm going to try to guess right now what it is cuz I like things like this.

    我要來猜猜看,因為我還滿愛玩這個的

  • So, one, I have a tattoo of a horse.

    好,第一個,我有一個馬的紋身

  • Two, I've been swimming with sharks.

    第二,我和鯊魚一起遊過泳

  • Three, I can say the alphabet backwards.

    第三,我可以倒著念出英文字母

  • I think... well, I don't think you have a tattoo of a horse.

    我猜,我不認為妳會有馬的紋身

  • You do?

    妳真的有?

  • I do.

    我有

  • Then my second choice was going to be swimming with sharks.

    那我的第二個選項是和鯊魚一起游泳

  • No. I've done that too.

    我真的有

  • I'm very adventurous.

    我非常有冒險精神

  • (laugh) My third choice was going to be.

    (笑聲) 我的第三個選擇是....

  • Good effort.

    做得好

  • It's a great conversation starter, right?

    這是展開對話的好方法,是吧?

  • It is, it is.

    是啊,是啊

  • I always wanted to talk to you, so it's working.

    我一直好想和你說話,所以,這真的有效

  • (laugh) It is. Yeah.

    (笑聲) 是啊

  • That's

    這...

  • Not really working working,

    不是真的有效的有效啦

  • cuz I'm married. Right.

    因為我已經結婚了

  • You're right, you're right.

    好吧,是啊

  • But I see what you mean.

    但我知道你的意思

  • So, you cannot... just try it, you've never tried to do the alphabet backwards.

    所以,妳不能,就試試吧,妳從沒有試過倒著唸出英文字母

  • You said you were adventurous, try to do it backwards right now.

    妳說妳有冒險精神的,試著現在倒著唸唸看

  • - Okay. Um.. Z, X.. Z, Y - All right. Nevermind.

    -好, Z、 X.. Z、 Y - 好吧,算了

  • We don't have that kind of time.

    我們沒有那麼多時間

  • I've got people on the show that I have to talk to.

    我還有其他來賓要聊聊

  • Okay.

    好的

  • Well, good luck to you and

    祝妳好運

  • you got some camera times so maybe people would go to your profile now and they.

    妳上鏡頭了,所以現在可能會有人去看看妳的個人資料

  • Maybe we could do a profile pic later.

    或許等等我們可以一起拍個檔案照片

  • Yeah, no.

    是啊,不要

  • I will. I'll do that for sure.

    我絕對會跟你拍的

  • Teerica Patterson, hi did I say that right?

    蒂亞里卡·帕特森,嗨,我唸對了嗎?

  • Terick. Teerika it's Erika but

    蒂莉卡。這原本是埃莉卡

  • then you added a T in the front of it.

    妳加了個蒂在前面

  • Fancy .

    花俏吧

  • Yeah.

    是啊

  • - It's fancy. Teerika - Yeah.

    - 花俏欸,蒂莉卡 - 對呀

  • All right. Let's take a look at your profile, okay?

    我們來看看妳的檔案

  • Here you are here.

    這就是了

  • Now, first of all.

    首先呢

  • Ooh, ooh. They like that.

    哦,哦,大家喜歡耶

  • That's good.

    很好

  • Why did you decide to join Bumble?

    妳當初怎麼會加入 Bumble 的?

  • Well, my friend was telling me about all the hot,

    嗯,我朋友說所有性感

  • white successful guys that are on the site.

    成功的白種男性都在那個網站上

  • She thinks I should start dating white guys.

    她覺得我應該要跟白種男人交往

  • She says give them a shot.

    她叫我試試看

  • - And? - There are so

    -然後呢? - 是有

  • many successful hot white guys on that site. She was right.

    很多成功性感的白種男人在那個網站上,這個她說對了

  • Have you met any of the men that now? No?

    那妳有認識任何那樣的男人了嗎?沒有嗎?

  • - I couldn't do it... I couldn't do it, I pick a black guy when I got on there. - No?

    - 我沒辦法,我在網站上還是挑了個黑人 - 不行嗎?

  • Yeah okay.

    好吧

  • Well, let me, did you take this with your webcam?

    讓我們看看,妳用網路攝影機拍的這張相片嗎?

  • Is that how you took the picture?

    妳都是這樣拍照的嗎?

  • - Yes, I did. - Okay, well,

    - 我是 -好吧

  • I'm not sure you know how to put a picture up either, because there's this one, and

    我不確定妳知不知道該怎麼放相片在網站上,因為這裡有一張

  • then here's one that's entirely too close.

    還有這一張真的太近了

  • I don't know,

    我不知道

  • I mean, this is like to examine your pores, or something like that.

    我是說,這張像是要來檢查妳的毛孔的,或是這一類的

  • And then you have one that's a full shot, but look what happened, there you're-

    還有這張妳的全身照,但是,看看發生了什麼是,在這

  • You're sideways.

    妳被放倒了

  • That's kinda weird, don't you think?

    這樣怪怪的吧,妳不覺得嗎?

  • I couldn't fix it.

    我不知道怎麼弄

  • I know, but you still put it up.

    我了解,但妳還是把它放上去了

  • Well.

  • What do you do?

    妳的工作是?

  • I am a relationship coach.

    我是感情諮商師

  • (laugh) (applause)

    (笑聲) (掌聲)

  • So you're helping other people and

    所以妳幫助別人建立關係

  • you can't find somebody yourself.

    卻沒辦法幫自己找個男人

  • They need me to help them to make their relationships better.

    他們需要我幫助他們改善關係

  • Right. Maybe you should split away them up so

    是啊,也許妳應該分開他們

  • you could be with the guy.

    妳就能找到男人了

  • (laugh) Or girl.

    (笑聲) 或者女孩

  • Yeah, maybe figure out who a good guy is and then say that y'all aren't right

    或者找到一個好的男人,然後告訴他們

  • for each other, and then you. - No, I wouldn't do that.

    他們不應該在一起,然後妳... - 不行啦,我不會那麼做的

  • No? All right. You're more ethical than I am.

    不要,好吧,妳比我有道德多了

  • All right.

    好吧

  • Where is Chris Romo?

    克莉絲羅莫在哪?

  • - Hi. - Hi.

    - 嗨 - 嗨

  • Hi Kris, how are you?

    嗨,克莉絲,妳好嗎?

  • I'm well. How are you?

    我很好,妳呢?

  • I'm fantastic.

    我超棒的

  • So here's your Bumble profile, let's take a look at this.

    這是妳的 Bumble 檔案,讓我們來看一下

  • And you start out saying I'm easy.

    妳在一開頭就說妳很隨便

  • And what is that?

    這是怎麼回事?

  • My God, there's such a-

    天啊,那真是太...

  • I mean, what do you mean by that?

    我是說,妳真正的意思是什麼?

  • I should have said it's easy, not I'm easy.

    我應該說這很容易,不是我

  • I guess. - Well

    - 我想 - 好吧

  • I guess.

    我猜

  • Yeah, but then you posted this, so it kinda...

    是的,但是妳又放了這個,這有點**** ****

  • My God.

    我的天啊

  • I mean have you gotten many responses to your profile?

    有很多人回應妳的個人資料了嗎?

  • Ah. A lot.

    阿,可多著

  • (laugh) I don't, I don't.

    (笑聲) 我不是,我不是

  • All right, Teerica and Sarah, pay attention to what you should be putting on

    好吧,埃莉卡和莎拉,看看妳們該放些什麼

  • your (laugh)

    在妳們的 (笑聲)

  • I'm easy and wear a **** t-shirt.

    我很隨便而且我穿了一件 **** T恤

  • (laugh) I thought you would like,

    (笑聲) 我猜妳們在比

  • who **** it better?

    誰是比較好的 ****

  • That would have been better.

    那樣好像比較好

  • Yeah, all right.

    是啊

  • Well, thank you for talking to me and hopefully all of you find love and

    好的,謝謝妳們的參與並且希望妳們找到真愛

  • I would like to spread love right now with the dance.

    我要用跳舞來散播愛意

I tell you what, it's spring.

告訴你,春天到了

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【艾倫秀】愛意就在空中:讓戀愛大師艾倫建議你怎麼做! (Ellen's Dating App Advice)

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    郭璧如 發佈於 2017 年 11 月 16 日
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