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  • It's a skill that's just as important, but far less studied, than knowing how to start things off.

    相較於如何開始一段感情,有一種技巧也相當重要,但卻少有人研究。

  • We're typically appalling at it.

    我們拙于結束一段感情。

  • We mumble, we delay, we become strange, we hedge, and there's one reason we make such a mess of it, it's not that we're inept or dumb or cruel.

    我們含糊、拖延、舉止變得怪異、逃避,而造成這種難堪局面的原因並不是因為我們說了不適當的話、太笨拙或太殘忍。

  • It's that we're trying to be kind.

    而是我們都努力想當個好人。

  • That's the origin of all our ineptness, stupidity and cruelty.

    這才是我們之所以在結束感情時顯得拙劣、愚笨以及殘忍的原因。

  • We hesitate to be cold and try to be nice because we are sentimental.

    我們會猶豫是否要冷淡對待不再愛的人,並且努力顯得友善,因為我們是多愁善感的。

  • The essence of sentimentality is the desire to be liked, even by those you don't like and can no longer be bothered with.

    多愁善感的本質就是渴望被喜歡,即使是對你不再喜歡或今後也不會有交集的人也一樣。

  • It's a narcissistic longing to continue to receive the emotion of love without wanting to pay for it.

    我們自私的渴望持續地被愛著,卻不想為這份愛付出。

  • But kindness has no role whatsoever to play at the charred end of relationships.

    但是這種仁慈在一段熱情燒近尾聲的感情裡,無論如何都是沒意義的。

  • Being sweet and understanding merely prolongs the torture for the other person.

    貼心和善解人意只是在延長折磨對方的時間。

  • If we're being so tender, is it really possible that we truly mean the dark things we are ostensibly saying?

    即使我們表現得很溫柔,有沒有可能我們真的就如我們表面所說的那麼灰暗呢?

  • Could we be so loving and at the same time, calling it a day?

    我們能夠充滿愛意地畫下句點嗎?

  • We need above all else to kill hope.

    我們首先需要抹殺對方的希望。

  • But instead, too often, we just waffle.

    但是事實上,我們通常只會含糊其詞。

  • Marcel Proust wisely observed: "At the end of relationships, it's the one who is not in love who makes the tender speeches."

    Marcel Proust 明察到:「在一段感情結束時,通常是沒有陷入愛河的一方說出了溫柔的話。」

  • Parting lovers may end up in the grotesque situation of one person crying because they are being left.

    戀人分離可能會導致一種奇怪的情境,其中一方在哭泣因為他們被拋棄。

  • And the other crying because of the distress that announcing the departure has caused them, tears that are mistaken by the abandoned party for signs of care.

    另一方也在哭泣,因為宣告離開的悲痛導致他們傷透了心,而被拋棄一方會誤認這種眼淚是在乎的一種表現。

  • The kindest way to end a relationship is just to make extremely brutal speeches of a sort that will leave the other person in no doubt at all that you're not an especially nice person.

    結束一段感情最好的方法就是,說一些可以讓另一方堅信你並不是個很好人的極度殘忍的話。

  • The truly courageous way to leave is to allow yourself to be hated by someone who loves you.

    最有勇氣的一種離開就是讓愛你的那一方厭惡你。

  • That's generosity.

    這是慈悲的表現。

  • There's no excuse for delay.

    沒有拖延的藉口。

  • Don't imagine that you're doing someone a favour by dragging out how long they can persist in the benign illusion that you want them.

    不要認為透過讓對方繼續幻想你也需要他,而拖延這段感情,是在幫對方的忙。

  • Their real priority is to stop wasting their lives.

    首要任務就是不要再浪費他們的年華。

  • Don't imagine that they won't ever find anyone else like you: they may believe that now and might even sweetly tell you so.

    不要認為他們再也不會找到和你一樣「好」的人了:他們可能目前會這樣想,並且這樣和你說。

  • But they won't believe it when they finally understand who you actually are.

    但是當他們最終了解真實的你時,他們就不會這樣想了。

  • Real kindness means getting outeven though the holiday has been booked and it will be terribly awkward to tell everyone at this late stage.

    真正的善意就是離開,即使原本的度假計畫都已安排好,且在這最後時刻告訴大家你們分手了會很尷尬也一樣。

  • There's nothing at all wrong with deciding that someone isn't for you.

    判定一個人適不適合你的是完全沒有錯的。

  • There is something very wrong with ruining large chunks of someone else's life while you squeamishly and sentimentally hesitate to get out of the way.

    有錯的是當你畏縮、多愁善感地猶豫要不要分開時,這才會毀掉對方大半輩子的生活。

It's a skill that's just as important, but far less studied, than knowing how to start things off.

相較於如何開始一段感情,有一種技巧也相當重要,但卻少有人研究。

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如何結束一段感情 (How to End a Relationship)

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    Zoey 發佈於 2020 年 12 月 09 日
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