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  • Speaking up is hard to do.

    坦率直言是件難事。

  • I understood the true meaning of this phrase exactly one month ago,

    直到一個月前 我和妻子晉身為新手爸媽,

  • when my wife and I became new parents.

    我才理解這句話的真義。

  • It was an amazing moment.

    那是不可思議的一刻。

  • It was exhilarating and elating,

    讓人欣喜若狂,

  • but it was also scary and terrifying.

    但同時也令人提心吊膽。

  • And it got particularly terrifying when we got home from the hospital,

    出院回家後這種擔憂變得尤為強烈,

  • and we were unsure

    因我們不確定

  • whether our little baby boy was getting enough nutrients from breastfeeding.

    寶寶是否能從母乳中 獲得足夠的營養。

  • And we wanted to call our pediatrician,

    我們想打電話諮詢我們的兒科醫生,

  • but we also didn't want to make a bad first impression

    但又不想留下不好的第一印象

  • or come across as a crazy, neurotic parent.

    或被認為是個奇怪、神經質的家長。

  • So we worried.

    所以我們十分擔心

  • And we waited.

    但我們只是枯等著。

  • When we got to the doctor's office the next day,

    第二天當我們去看醫生時,

  • she immediately gave him formula because he was pretty dehydrated.

    她立刻給寶寶喝了配方奶粉, 因為他已經嚴重脫水了。

  • Our son is fine now,

    孩子現在已經沒事了,

  • and our doctor has reassured us we can always contact her.

    醫生也一再保證 我們可以隨時聯繫她。

  • But in that moment,

    但在那關鍵時刻,

  • I should've spoken up, but I didn't.

    我應該為自己發聲, 我卻選擇緘默。

  • But sometimes we speak up when we shouldn't,

    但有時候我們不該為自己發聲, 我們卻說了。

  • and I learned that over 10 years ago when I let my twin brother down.

    我明白這一點是十多年前,

  • My twin brother is a documentary filmmaker,

    我讓自己的孿生兄弟 感到失望的時候。

  • and for one of his first films,

    他是一位紀錄片製作人,

  • he got an offer from a distribution company.

    他的一部早期作品

  • He was excited,

    得到了一家影片發行公司的青睞。

  • and he was inclined to accept the offer.

    他很興奮

  • But as a negotiations researcher,

    且打算接受對方開出的價格。

  • I insisted he make a counteroffer,

    但身為一個談判學研究者,

  • and I helped him craft the perfect one.

    我堅持建議他得跟對方議價,

  • And it was perfect --

    並且幫他擬定了完美的新價格。

  • it was perfectly insulting.

    這是個完美的價格──

  • The company was so offended,

    完美地獅子大開口。

  • they literally withdrew the offer

    發行公司對此十分惱火,

  • and my brother was left with nothing.

    以致於他們直接撤銷了發行計畫,

  • And I've asked people all over the world about this dilemma of speaking up:

    而我的兄弟落得空歡喜一場。

  • when they can assert themselves,

    就是否該為自己發聲這個問題, 我詢問過世界各地的人們:

  • when they can push their interests,

    什麼時候可以捍衛自己的權益,

  • when they can express an opinion,

    什麼時候可以追求自己的利益,

  • when they can make an ambitious ask.

    什麼時候可以表達自己的觀點,

  • And the range of stories are varied and diverse,

    什麼時候能提出一個有抱負的訴求。

  • but they also make up a universal tapestry.

    我聽到的故事各式各樣,

  • Can I correct my boss when they make a mistake?

    但大家的困惑卻相差無幾。

  • Can I confront my coworker who keeps stepping on my toes?

    當老闆犯錯時,我能指正他嗎?

  • Can I challenge my friend's insensitive joke?

    同事總是不斷冒犯我時, 我該直言不諱嗎?

  • Can I tell the person I love the most my deepest insecurities?

    朋友的調侃讓我不舒服時, 我該反駁嗎?

  • And through these experiences, I've come to recognize

    面對摯愛的人,我應該坦白 內心深處最脆弱的那個部分嗎?

  • that each of us have something called a range of acceptable behavior.

    透過這些經驗,我體認到

  • Now, sometimes we're too strong; we push ourselves too much.

    每個人都有一個所謂的 「可接受行為範疇」。

  • That's what happened with my brother.

    然而,有時候我們太強勢, 用力過猛。

  • Even making an offer was outside his range of acceptable behavior.

    如同我兄弟的例子一樣。

  • But sometimes we're too weak.

    即使是開價這樣的行為, 也超出了他可接受的行為範疇。

  • That's what happened with my wife and I.

    而有時候我們太軟弱,

  • And this range of acceptable behaviors --

    那就是我和妻子遇到的情況。

  • when we stay within our range, we're rewarded.

    這個可接受行為範疇──

  • When we step outside that range, we get punished in a variety of ways.

    當我們的行為落在這個範圍內, 就會獲得獎勵。

  • We get dismissed or demeaned or even ostracized.

    當我們超出了這個範圍, 就會受到不同形式的懲罰。

  • Or we lose that raise or that promotion or that deal.

    我們可能被解雇、 被貶低,甚至被排斥。

  • Now, the first thing we need to know is:

    也有可能會錯失加薪、升職的機會 或者丟掉一筆生意。

  • What is my range?

    現在,首先我們需搞清楚的是:

  • But the key thing is, our range isn't fixed;

    我的範圍在哪裡?

  • it's actually pretty dynamic.

    但關鍵問題在於, 這個範圍並不是固定不變的;

  • It expands and it narrows based on the context.

    實際上它是非常靈活機動的,

  • And there's one thing that determines that range more than anything else,

    會根據情況擴大或縮小。

  • and that's your power.

    而有一個要素 對這個範圍的影響,最具決定性:

  • Your power determines your range.

    那就是你的權力。

  • What is power?

    權力的大小決定了範圍的大小。

  • Power comes in lots of forms.

    什麼是權力呢?

  • In negotiations, it comes in the form of alternatives.

    權力以各種不同形式呈現出來。

  • So my brother had no alternatives;

    在談判中,它呈現出來的是 選擇的多寡。

  • he lacked power.

    我兄弟並沒有其他選擇;

  • The company had lots of alternatives;

    他缺乏權力。

  • they had power.

    而那家公司有很多選擇;

  • Sometimes it's being new to a country, like an immigrant,

    他們滿具權力。

  • or new to an organization

    有時候它表現在初到異國時, 像新移民那樣,

  • or new to an experience,

    或者新到一家公司,

  • like my wife and I as new parents.

    或者面對新的體驗──

  • Sometimes it's at work,

    就像成為新手父母的我和妻子。

  • where someone's the boss and someone's the subordinate.

    有時候它體現在職場上,

  • Sometimes it's in relationships,

    有的人是老闆,而有的人是下屬。

  • where one person's more invested than the other person.

    有時候體現在戀愛關係裡,

  • And the key thing is that when we have lots of power,

    一方付出得比另一方更多。

  • our range is very wide.

    關鍵在於,當我們權力強大時,

  • We have a lot of leeway in how to behave.

    我們的範圍就很廣。

  • But when we lack power, our range narrows.

    我們行事就會有很多周旋的餘地,

  • We have very little leeway.

    而當我們權力變弱時, 範圍就縮小了。

  • The problem is that when our range narrows,

    我們沒有什麼籌碼可用。

  • that produces something called the low-power double bind.

    問題在於當我們的範圍被縮小時,

  • The low-power double bind happens

    就會產生一種叫 「弱勢兩難」的困境。

  • when, if we don't speak up, we go unnoticed,

    當弱勢兩難的困境產生時,

  • but if we do speak up, we get punished.

    如果不為自己發聲、表態, 我們就會被忽視。

  • Now, many of you have heard the phrase the "double bind"

    但如果發了聲、表了態, 我們又會受到懲罰。

  • and connected it with one thing, and that's gender.

    在場的很多人都聽過 「雙重束縛」這個說法,

  • The gender double bind is women who don't speak up go unnoticed,

    也會將它與性別聯想在一起。

  • and women who do speak up get punished.

    在性別兩難困境中, 不為自己發聲的女性會被忽視;

  • And the key thing is that women have the same need as men to speak up,

    而為自己發聲的女性又會受到懲罰。

  • but they have barriers to doing so.

    關鍵在於,女性和男性一樣 有為自己發聲的需求,

  • But what my research has shown over the last two decades

    但她們的需求受到許多限制。

  • is that what looks like a gender difference

    我過去二十年的研究的結果顯示,

  • is not really a gender double bind,

    那些看起來像是性別差異的情形,

  • it's a really a low-power double bind.

    其實並不是性別兩難困境,

  • And what looks like a gender difference

    而是弱勢兩難困境。

  • are really often just power differences in disguise.

    而看起來像是性別差異的情形,

  • Oftentimes we see a difference between a man and a woman

    其實常常只是權力差異 偽裝成的幌子。

  • or men and women,

    常常當我們看到一個男人 和一個女人之間的差異,

  • and think, "Biological cause. There's something fundamentally different

    或者是男性和女性間的差異,

  • about the sexes."

    就認為「先天生理不同,

  • But in study after study,

    而造成兩性本質上的差異。」

  • I've found that a better explanation for many sex differences

    但經由不斷地研究之後,

  • is really power.

    我找到了對性別差異更好的解釋:

  • And so it's the low-power double bind.

    那就是權力。

  • And the low-power double bind means that we have a narrow range,

    回到弱勢兩難困境。

  • and we lack power.

    弱勢兩難困境意味著 我們可接受行為的範圍很窄,

  • We have a narrow range,

    且我們缺乏權力。

  • and our double bind is very large.

    我們的範圍越窄,

  • So we need to find ways to expand our range.

    我們兩難的困境越嚴重。

  • And over the last couple decades,

    所以,我們需要找到 擴大範圍的方法。

  • my colleagues and I have found two things really matter.

    過去的幾十年,

  • The first: you seem powerful in your own eyes.

    我和同事們發現了兩個決定性因素。

  • The second: you seem powerful in the eyes of others.

    第一:在自己眼裡,你是有權力的。

  • When I feel powerful,

    第二:在他人眼裡,你是有權力的。

  • I feel confident, not fearful;

    當我覺得自己權力滿滿時,

  • I expand my own range.

    我充滿自信,沒有恐懼;

  • When other people see me as powerful,

    我擴展了自己的範圍。

  • they grant me a wider range.

    而當別人認為我強大有權時,

  • So we need tools to expand our range of acceptable behavior.

    他們就會給我更大的可接受範圍。

  • And I'm going to give you a set of tools today.

    所以我們需要能擴展我們 可接受行為範圍的工具。

  • Speaking up is risky,

    而今天我就要把這套工具給你。

  • but these tools will lower your risk of speaking up.

    為自己發聲是有風險的,

  • The first tool I'm going to give you got discovered in negotiations

    但這些工具將降低你 為自己發聲的風險。

  • in an important finding.

    我要給你的第一個工具 是在協商領域中發現的,

  • On average, women make less ambitious offers

    是一個重要的發現。

  • and get worse outcomes than men at the bargaining table.

    通常來說,相較於男性, 女性在談判桌上

  • But Hannah Riley Bowles and Emily Amanatullah have discovered

    開出的條件相對不那麼具有野心, 並且常常談判效果較差。

  • there's one situation where women get the same outcomes as men

    但漢娜.雷利.鮑爾斯 與阿瑪那.圖拉發現,

  • and are just as ambitious.

    在一種情況下, 女性和男性一樣野心勃勃

  • That's when they advocate for others.

    也能得到相同的結果。

  • When they advocate for others,

    那就是當她們維護別人、 為他人發聲的時候。

  • they discover their own range and expand it in their own mind.

    在維護別人時,

  • They become more assertive.

    她們找到自己的範圍, 並且在腦海中將它擴寬。

  • This is sometimes called "the mama bear effect."

    她們變得更加堅定。

  • Like a mama bear defending her cubs,

    有時稱,這被稱為「熊媽媽效應」。

  • when we advocate for others, we can discover our own voice.

    就像一個熊媽媽維護她的熊仔一樣,

  • But sometimes, we have to advocate for ourselves.

    當我們維護他人時, 我們就能聽到自己內心的聲音。

  • How do we do that?

    但有些時候,我們必須維護自己。

  • One of the most important tools we have to advocate for ourselves

    該怎麼做呢?

  • is something called perspective-taking.

    我們維護自己最重要的工具之一

  • And perspective-taking is really simple:

    叫做「換位思考」。

  • it's simply looking at the world through the eyes of another person.

    換位思考很簡單:

  • It's one of the most important tools we have to expand our range.

    就是從別人的角度來看這個世界。

  • When I take your perspective,

    這是擴大我們自己範圍 最強而有力的工具之一。

  • and I think about what you really want,

    當我站在你的角度、立場上,

  • you're more likely to give me what I really want.

    去思考你真正想要的是什麼,

  • But here's the problem:

    你就更有可能給我,我真正想要的。

  • perspective-taking is hard to do.

    但問題在於:

  • So let's do a little experiment.

    換位思考很難做得到。

  • I want you all to hold your hand just like this:

    我們來做個小小的實驗,

  • your finger -- put it up.

    我想要你們都把手這樣舉起來:

  • And I want you to draw a capital letter E on your forehead

    把手指豎起來。

  • as quickly as possible.

    在你們自己的額頭上 寫下一個大寫的英文字母 E。

  • OK, it turns out that we can draw this E in one of two ways,

    越快越好。

  • and this was originally designed as a test of perspective-taking.

    好,結果發現 我們有兩種寫 E 的方法,

  • I'm going to show you two pictures

    這原是設計來測試換位思考能力的。

  • of someone with an E on their forehead --

    我要給你們看兩張頭上寫了

  • my former student, Erika Hall.

    E 的人的照片──

  • And you can see over here,

    我以前的學生,艾瑞卡.豪爾。

  • that's the correct E.

    你們可以看到

  • I drew the E so it looks like an E to another person.

    這邊是正確的的 E 。

  • That's the perspective-taking E

    我畫了在對方看來是正確的 E。

  • because it looks like an E from someone else's vantage point.

    這是換位思考的 E ,

  • But this E over here is the self-focused E.

    因為從他人的視角來看,它是 E。

  • We often get self-focused.

    但這邊的 E 是個很自我的 E,

  • And we particularly get self-focused in a crisis.

    我們常常會以自我為中心。

  • I want to tell you about a particular crisis.

    尤其是危機緊要關頭, 我們更容易陷入以自我為主的情況。

  • A man walks into a bank in Watsonville, California.

    我想跟各位分享一個危機處理故事。

  • And he says, "Give me $2,000,

    一名男子走進加州沃森維爾的銀行,

  • or I'm blowing the whole bank up with a bomb."

    他說:「給我 2000 美金,

  • Now, the bank manager didn't give him the money.

    不然我就用炸彈把整個銀行炸掉。」

  • She took a step back.

    銀行經理並沒有給他錢,

  • She took his perspective,

    她退後了一步。

  • and she noticed something really important.

    她站在他的角度思考,

  • He asked for a specific amount of money.

    然後發現一件非常重要的事。

  • So she said,

    他要錢的數目非常具體。

  • "Why did you ask for $2,000?"

    所以她說:

  • And he said, "My friend is going to be evicted

    「你為什麼要 2000 美金?」

  • unless I get him $2,000 immediately."

    他回:「我朋友就要被趕出公寓了,

  • And she said, "Oh! You don't want to rob the bank --

    除非我能馬上幫他 弄到 2000 美金。」

  • you want to take out a loan."

    於是她說:「噢! 其實你並不是想要搶銀行,

  • (Laughter)

    你是想要申請貸款。」

  • "Why don't you come back to my office,

    (笑聲)

  • and we can have you fill out the paperwork."

    「不如你跟我回辦公室,

  • (Laughter)

    我們可以讓你填寫申請文件。」

  • Now, her quick perspective-taking defused a volatile situation.

    (笑聲)

  • So when we take someone's perspective,

    她迅速地換位思考 化解了一場棘手的危機。

  • it allows us to be ambitious and assertive, but still be likable.

    當我們能站在別人的角度 去思考的時候,

  • Here's another way to be assertive but still be likable,

    我們不僅變得強勢、果敢, 同時還變得討人喜歡。

  • and that is to signal flexibility.

    還有另一個讓我們既具果決力 又有人緣的方法,

  • Now, imagine you're a car salesperson, and you want to sell someone a car.

    就是展現出彈性靈活度。

  • You're going to more likely make the sale if you give them two options.

    想像你是一個銷售人員, 想把車子給賣出去。

  • Let's say option A:

    如果你給對方兩種選擇方案, 你成功搞定這筆生意的機率更高。

  • $24,000 for this car and a five-year warranty.

    好比說,方案 A:

  • Or option B:

    車子的售價 24,000 美金 外加 5 年的保固;

  • $23,000 and a three-year warranty.

    或者方案 B:

  • My research shows that when you give people a choice among options,

    23,000 美金 外加 3 年的保固。

  • it lowers their defenses,

    我的研究結果表示, 當你能讓人們在選項中做抉擇時,

  • and they're more likely to accept your offer.

    可以降低人們的防備心,

  • And this doesn't just work with salespeople;

    且人們更有可能接受你的提議。

  • it works with parents.

    這不只適用於銷售人員,

  • When my niece was four,

    家長也可以用這個方法。

  • she resisted getting dressed and rejected everything.

    我姪女四歲的時候,

  • But then my sister-in-law had a brilliant idea.

    她抗拒穿衣服,拒絕所有衣服。

  • What if I gave my daughter a choice?

    我嫂子想了個聰明的點子,

  • This shirt or that shirt? OK, that shirt.

    如果我讓女兒自己去選擇呢?

  • This pant or that pant? OK, that pant.

    這件襯衫還是那件?嗯,那件。

  • And it worked brilliantly.

    這條褲子還是那條?嗯,那條。

  • She got dressed quickly and without resistance.

    這招出奇地有效。

  • When I've asked the question around the world

    她很快地就著好裝,不再抗拒。

  • when people feel comfortable speaking up,

    當我在世界各地提問:

  • the number one answer is:

    人們在何時 能毫無顧忌地為自己發聲?

  • "When I have social support in my audience; when I have allies."

    出現頻率最高的答案是:

  • So we want to get allies on our side.

    「聽眾中有支持我的人時、 當我有盟友時。」

  • How do we do that?

    所以,我們想要有盟友的支持。

  • Well, one of the ways is be a mama bear.

    怎樣才能做到呢?

  • When we advocate for others,

    其中一個方法便是做一個熊媽媽。

  • we expand our range in our own eyes and the eyes of others,

    當我們維護別人的時候

  • but we also earn strong allies.

    無形中我們在自己和他人眼中, 擴展了自身的範圍,

  • Another way we can earn strong allies, especially in high places,

    與此同時, 我們也獲得了堅實的後盾。

  • is by asking other people for advice.

    另一個獲得穩固盟友的方法, 特別是我們位居高位時,

  • When we ask others for advice, they like us because we flatter them,

    是向他人尋求建議。

  • and we're expressing humility.

    當我們向他人尋求建議時, 他們會覺得受到重視

  • And this really works to solve another double bind.

    且因我們的謙遜而喜歡我們。

  • And that's the self-promotion double bind.

    這非常有助於解決另一種兩難困境,

  • The self-promotion double bind

    那就是「自我行銷的兩難困境」。

  • is that if we don't advertise our accomplishments,

    自我行銷的兩難困境就是

  • no one notices.

    如果我們不展現自己的成就,

  • And if we do, we're not likable.

    就沒有人會知道。

  • But if we ask for advice about one of our accomplishments,

    如果我們展現了,又讓人討厭。

  • we are able to be competent in their eyes but also be likeable.

    但如果我們就自己的一些成就 去徵詢別人的建議,

  • And this is so powerful

    在別人眼中我們就 既具能力又討人喜歡。

  • it even works when you see it coming.

    這個方法太管用了。

  • There have been multiple times in life when I have been forewarned

    就算你知道別人要這麼做 也依然奏效。