how we woke needing coffee

我們是如何依賴咖啡保持清醒，

but discovered instead cadavers strewn about our morning papers,

卻發現悲劇大篇幅 佔據了我們的早報

waterlogged facsimiles of our sisters, spouses, small children.

和來自姐妹、伴侶和孩子的 那些令人沮喪的消息。

Say to your baby of this year when she asks, as she certainly should,

你的孩子理應問及這一年 而當她問起時，請你與她談談

tell her it was too late coming.

告訴她這一切都來得太遲。

Admit even in the year we leased freedom, we didn't own it outright.

承認吧，這一年，我們仍未能 理所當然擁有那些爭取來的自由。

There were still laws for every way we used our privates

還是有各種法律 限制我們如何使用自己的身體；

while they pawed at the soft folds of us,

然而當他們侵略我們柔軟之處的時候，

grabbed with no concern for consent,

當他們不在乎我們意願的時候，

no laws made for the men that enforced them.

竟然沒有規範去要求男人。

We were trained to dodge,

我們被迫學會閃躲，

to wait, to cower and cover,

等待、退縮、掩飾，

to wait more, still, wait.

越來越多的等待、無盡的等待，

We were told to be silent.

我們被要求保持沉默。

But speak to your girls of this wartime,

但請與你的女兒 談談這個戰爭的年代，

a year preceded by a score of the same,

和先前沒什麼不同的一年，

so as in two decades before,

也和二十年前一樣 沒什麼不同的一年。

we wiped our eyes,

我們拭去眼淚，

laced caskets with flags,

在棺材邊插上旗幟，

evacuated the crime scene of the club,

疏散犯罪現場的人們，

caterwauled in the street,

在大街上大聲疾呼，

laid our bodies on the concrete against the outlines of our fallen,

我們躺在水泥地上， 身軀緊挨著革命先驅的精神，

cried, "Of course we mattered,"

叫喊著 ：「我們女人當然重要！」

chanted for our disappeared.

並吟誦著我們所失去的事物。

The women wept this year.

女人真的為了這一年流了眼淚。

They did.

真的。

In the same year, we were ready.

但與此同時，我們也做好準備。

The year we lost our inhibition and moved with courageous abandon

這一年，我們不再畫地自限， 並勇敢前進，

was also the year we stared down barrels,

同時，我們用眼神擊退了槍支，

sang of cranes in skies, ducked and parried,

歌頌高飛的鶴群，

caught gold in hijab, collected death threats,

回避並閃躲著死亡威脅，

knew ourselves as patriots,

自詡為愛國者

said, "We're 35 now, time we settled down and found a running mate,"

說：「我們已經三十五歲了， 該是時候安頓下來，找個伴侶了。」

made road maps for infant joy, shamed nothing but fear,

不為任何事感到羞愧，

called ourselves fat and meant, of course,

稱自己是胖的，當然是指

impeccable.

無可挑剔。

This year, we were women,

這一年，我們身為女人，

not brides or trinkets,

既不是新娘，也不是裝飾品，

not an off-brand gender,

不是不受歡迎的性別，

not a concession, but women.

不是一味讓步，而是女人。

Instruct your babies.

請你教育你的孩子，

Remind them that the year has passed to be docile or small.

並提醒她們，要順從和低微的 年代已經過去了。

Some of us said for the first time that we were women,

我們當中有人第一次

took this oath of solidarity seriously.

認真對待這同心同德的誓言。

Some of us bore children and some of us did not,

我們當中有人生了孩子， 而有些沒有。

and none of us questioned whether that made us real

沒有人應該因此質疑 這是否使我們真實地存在，

or appropriate or true.

或適當或者真正地存在。

When she asks you of this year,

當她向你問起這一年，

your daughter, whether your offspring or heir to your triumph,

你的女兒、子嗣 或是那些繼承你榮耀的人，

from her comforted side of history teetering towards woman,

從她知道的歷史

she will wonder and ask voraciously,

她會懷疑地大聲問

though she cannot fathom your sacrifice,

雖然她不能理解你的犧牲

she will hold your estimation of it holy,

她會抱著你，神聖地，

curiously probing, "Where were you?

好奇地試探：「那個時候你在哪裡？

Did you fight? Were you fearful or fearsome?

你打架了嗎？ 你害怕嗎，還是令人畏懼？

What colored the walls of your regret?

你後悔嗎？

What did you do for women in the year it was time?

那一年你為女人做了什麼？

This path you made for me, which bones had to break?

你為我鋪的這條路， 哪些骨頭必須打破？

Did you do enough, and are you OK, momma?

你做足夠了，你還好嗎，媽媽？

And are you a hero?"

你是英雄嗎？」

She will ask the difficult questions.

她會問非常難的問題。

She will not care about the arc of your brow,

她不會在乎你的眉毛的弧度，

the weight of your clutch.

或你手拿包的重量，

She will not ask of your mentions.

她不會問你的。

Your daughter, for whom you have already carried so much, wants to know

你如此在乎的女兒想知道

what you brought, what gift, what light did you keep from extinction?

你帶來什麼、什麼禮物， 你讓哪一盞燈持續發光不滅？

When they came for victims in the night,

晚上當他們再來襲擊時，

did you sleep through it or were you roused?

你繼續裝睡，或者醒來了？

What was the cost of staying woke?

保持清醒的後果是什麼？

What, in the year we said time's up, what did you do with your privilege?

當我們說時間到了， 你用你的特權做了什麼？

Did you sup on others' squalor?

你覺得別人骯髒嗎？

Did you look away or directly into the flame?

你撇過臉，或者直視火焰？

Did you know your skill or treat it like a liability?

你知道你的技能 或者將其視為負擔？

Were you fooled by the epithets of "nasty" or "less than"?

你被“討厭的”還是 “少於”的註釋愚弄了嗎？

Did you teach with an open heart or a clenched fist?

你用開放的心 還是握緊的拳頭教導？

Where were you?

你在哪裡？

Tell her the truth. Make it your life.

請你告訴她事實的真相。

Confirm it. Say, "Daughter, I stood there

確認這些，並說： 「女兒，我站在那裡

with the moment drawn on my face like a dagger,

像一把匕首畫在我的臉上

and flung it back at itself,

並把它甩回自己，

slicing space for you."

為你建構空間。」

Tell her the truth, how you lived in spite of crooked odds.

請你告訴她事實的真相， 你是如何披荊斬棘的存活。

Tell her you were brave,

請你告訴她，你曾多麼勇敢，

and always, always in the company of courage,

勇氣也總是相伴左右，

mostly the days when you just had yourself.

在那些你獨自一人的日子裡。

Tell her she was born as you were,

請你告訴她，她的出生就像你一樣，

as your mothers before, and the sisters beside them,

更如同你的母親和她身旁的姐妹們，

in the age of legends, like always.

都是出生在一個傳奇的年代。

Tell her she was born just in time,

請你告訴她，她生恰逢時，

just in time

正好來得及，

to lead.

去領導。

(Applause)

（掌聲）