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  • Hey guys!

    嘿大家!

  • So breakups are one of the many tough things that people have to go through.

    分手是我們生活中,必須經歷的苦差事之一

  • And there's a lot out there on how to deal with it, or how to cope with breakups.

    坊間也有許多方法教你如何面對,或從痛苦中走出來

  • But there actually isn't that much on how to break up with someone.

    但是通常它們並沒有教你怎麼和別人分手

  • And if you have ever had to do that before,

    如果你曾和人分手過

  • You know that breaking up with someone can be even harder that getting broken up with.

    那你就知道,當個「甩別人的人」比「被甩的人」要難得多

  • Especialy if you still care about that other person.

    尤其是當你其實還在乎那人的時候(然後不知怎跟對方開口)

  • Which is why most people end up using the worst breakup tactic of all.

    這也就是為何大多數人,最後都用最爛的分手招數

  • THE TEXT MESSAGE BREAKUP.

    簡訊分手(或通訊軟體分手)

  • As many of you know, this is one of the absolute WORST ways to break up with someone.

    大家都知道這根本是最爛的分手方式啊

  • And I know from personal experience that it's just the worst feeling ever. It's downright rude and cowardly.

    我用親身經驗告訴你,那感覺超讓人不爽,不但沒禮貌而且很孬

  • Unless of course, they did something terrible to you and you don't care about them anymore.

    當然除非他們對你超差,然後你也不想管他們死活

  • But if that's the case, you've come to the right place. Here are a bunch of other terrible ways to breakup with people that you no longer care about.

    如果是那樣的話,你來對了。以下是其他更多超爛分手方式,對付那些你不在乎的舊情人

  • Hey,you ready?

    嘿,你好了嗎

  • What ? Ready to other class?

    蛤?準備去另一堂課啊

  • We don't have chemistry anymore.

    我們沒有上化學課了吧(注:另一意思是我們沒有互相吸引的化學作用了)

  • Exactly.

    沒錯

  • Why didn't you flush?

    你怎麼沒沖水啊

  • It's like a turd in a shape of the "C"

    你便便的形狀好像字母c

  • Ohhhh,that's cause you have to tilt your head to the right

    你要把頭轉向右邊

  • Now what do you see?

    現在看到什麼了

  • Just like a "U" now.

    看起來像 u 了

  • Don't you see?

    你沒發現嗎

  • I dumped "U"

    意思是我甩了你(注:意思是我拉了一個 u 型便便,U 同時是 you 的縮寫,同時是我丟下你的意思)

  • Hey,you must be popular on twitter

    嘿,你在推特上很紅吧

  • with all of those people following you,huh ?

    有這麼多人追蹤你

  • I don't have a lot of people following me.

    我沒很多人追蹤啊

  • Then,how do you explain

    好那你怎麼解釋

  • all the people I've been seeing behind your back?

    那些我看到在你後頭趕不走的蒼蠅

  • Oh,actually,could you not

    老實說你能不能不要

  • stand on my right side ?

    站在我右邊啊

  • Why?

    怎麼了

  • Cause I realize,that you actually not right for me

    因為我發現你不是我對的人(注:right 除了右邊,還有正確的意思)

  • and it's time I left you.

    是時候我該離開啦(注:left 除了左邊,也是 leave 離開的過去式)

  • It's that hair in the jar ?

    罐子裡是不是頭髮啊

  • Yeah,it's a part.

    對啊,我一部分的頭髮吧

  • Are you watering it ?

    那你幹嘛對它澆水

  • No,we're watering it

    是我們一起澆水哦

  • We're growing apart.

    我們漸行漸遠了(注:表面句意為我們一起澆這部分的頭髮,讓它長長)

  • Ah..man.I'm tired

    喔我好累啊

  • Are you tired?

    你累嗎

  • No,why ?

    沒啊怎了

  • Well,I mean you have been ran through my mind all day.

    哎唷,因為你整天都盤旋在我腦海裡啊

  • I think it's time we took a break.

    我想是時候我們分手了吧(注:take a break 可以指運動後休息或分離)

  • Aanndd...done !

    完成啦

  • I just put this above you real quick.

    把這放在你頭上,很快的

  • What is this? And why you pick the "E" red?

    這啥,而且為什麼其中一個字母是紅的

  • Oh,just to let you know,that

    喔,這只是要讓你知道

  • That I'm already over you.

    我早就已經不喜歡你了

  • Our relationship it's just like a broken mirror

    我們的關係像一只破碎的鏡子

  • It's better to just leave it alone

    乾脆不要處理它

  • And also,if you look into it

    還有,當你仔細看

  • you can see how much a crazy crackhead you are.

    你就知道你根本是瘋女人(注:crackhead 是瘋子,而表面句意為:你可以看到你的頭根本支離破碎)

  • Why did you tell me to met you at a gym,

    你幹嘛叫我在健身房見你啊

  • if we're just going to sit here?

    我們根本只是一直坐著而已

  • Oh you know,just to let you know

    我只是要讓你知道

  • that we're not working out.

    我們合不來(注:work out 可指運動健身或是事情有問題)

  • Alright.what about this peephole?

    好,你覺得這個小洞怎樣

  • I don't see anything

    我什麼都沒看到

  • I don't think it's working

    我不覺得這有用耶

  • Huh... it might be right.

    你說得對

  • Maybe we should just...

    也許我們應該

  • see other peepholes?

    「開發」別的「洞」?(注:此指和別人交往)

  • What are you doing?

    你到底在說什麼

  • Obviously not you anymore.

    反正不是你的「洞」就對了

  • Hey ,can I ask you a question ? Sure.

    嘿我能請教你一件事嗎 好啊

  • Do you like this movie ?

    你喜歡這部電影嗎

  • I get it. I know what are you gonna do

    我懂了,我知道你要幹嘛

  • What?

    幹嘛

  • You're gonna break the dvd,

    你要把這光碟弄壞

  • and say "We should break up"

    然後說,我們要分手(注:這片光碟是天外奇蹟 Up,把 up 折壞,雙關為分手)

  • Good one.

    這梗不賴嘛

  • What? No. I was just gonna show you this

    不,我只是要讓你看

  • and tell you to look up.

    然後叫你抬頭看天花板

  • Seriously?

    你認真?

  • What?

    什麼啦

  • You did this whole thing, just to break up with me ?

    你搞這麼多飛機,就是要分手嗎

  • just to make a joke?

    然後只是要搞笑

  • No,I didn't....

    不,我不是

  • If our relationship meant so little to you

    如果我們的感情對你不重要

  • even you can make a joke out of all of this,

    然後讓你可以耍這麼多花招

  • Then I have nothing to be sad about,

    那我完全也不需要傷心

  • because it was never real to begin with.

    因為從一開始,這一切都不是認真的

  • Gee, Look...

    聽我說

  • Honestly,I... I didn't want to break up with you earlier

    說實話,我從剛剛都不是要跟你分開

  • And....

    而且

  • I didn't know how to do it.

    我不知道該怎麼做

  • So...I made up all of this stupid break up jokes.

    所以我才搞了這麼多齣愚蠢的分手戲嗎

  • And then I realize

    我現在領悟到

  • Breaking up isn't tough at all.

    分手一點都不難

  • Breaking up is easy.

    分手太輕易了

  • Most relationships end because people just give up on them

    多數感情的結束是因為大家放棄經營

  • And ,I know now

    我現在懂了

  • That...I'm not ready to give up on this.

    就是,我還沒準備好跟你分手

  • Not just yet.

    就是還沒

  • Well...

    好吧

  • Neither am I.

    我也是啊

  • Now I'm ready.

    但我現在準備好了呵呵

  • What?

    蛤?!

  • (phone buzzing)

    手機響(注:訊息內容為「我覺得現在該分手啦」,Ryan完全在聲東擊西,趁對方鬆懈時再分手,但如同他最一開始說的,最絕又最爛的莫過於簡訊分手)

Hey guys!

嘿大家!

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想分手的你請避免:12種爛到爆的分手方式! (12 Worst Ways To Break Up With Someone!)

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    Mandy Lin 發佈於 2016 年 12 月 19 日
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