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  • Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business

    嘿,我是瑪莉.芙萊奧(美國跨多行業專家),你正在收看的是Marie TV,這裡能讓你學會創造

  • and life you love.

    你所熱愛的事業與生活

  • So this is an episode that I’ve wanted to do for so long.

    老實說,我一直以來都很想要做這一集

  • It’s something that I’ve personally struggled with and I have a feeling some of you may

    是關於我自己一直以來不斷碰到的難題,而我相信這樣的情況

  • struggle with it too.

    你們或多或少也有碰過

  • So here’s what were talking about: what exactly should you say and not say when someone

    所以我們接下來要來談談:當你知道有人深受喪親、疾病,又或是某些希望上帝阻止其發生

  • you know is suffering from a loss or an illness or, God forbid, something devastating happens.

    的慘劇所苦時,哪些話是你應該說、而哪些話是你不應該說的

  • In other words, how can you truly comfort and support someone in a way that is genuine

    換句話說,就是你應該要怎麼做才能真正安慰到對方、給予支持,展現出你的真誠

  • and that’s not trite or, worse, unknowingly offensive.

    而不是一味的陳腔濫調、讓事情只會更糟,甚至擾人白目的話語

  • Here’s the thing, these days were all communicating so often via text and email

    但重點來了,只要一發生什麼事,身處現代的我們常會透過簡訊

  • and social media anytime there’s news.

    電子郵件、社群媒體進行溝通

  • So it can get easy to rely on the sad emoji from Facebook or the hug symbol, right?

    所以我們就會很常依賴臉書上的哭臉符號,或是擁抱的符號來安慰人家,沒說錯吧?

  • Now, I wanted to do this episode because I feel like all of us, we all have so much more

    我現在之所以要做一集,是因為我發現很多人,即使心中有再多的關愛

  • love and compassion in our hearts than often were able to express simply because we

    與同情,卻老是言不及義,這是因為我們常常不知道

  • don't know what to say, or worse, were totally afraid of saying the wrong thing so

    如何將愛說出來,或甚至更糟的是我們會因為害怕說錯話

  • we say nothing, which isn’t good.

    所以就乾脆什麼都不講了,這樣可不太好

  • So while the following list isn’t comprehensive, I really believe it’s going to get us started

    雖然接下來要列給你的說與不說清單並不算詳細,但我相信它能幫我們成功跨出第一步

  • and my hope is that youre going to join in and help crowdsource even more wisdom in

    我希望你也能一起在下面留言、討論這個議題,幫助更多人能更有

  • the comments below.

    智慧地說話

  • So let’s get started with what to say and what not to say if someone shares a scary

    那我們就開始吧,要是有人告訴你他得了一個很可怕且有生命危險的疾病時

  • and potentially life-threatening diagnosis.

    有哪些話是該說、或是不該說的呢

  • So I asked one of my best friends in the whole world, Kris Carr, to help me out since she

    所以我就詢問我世上最要好的朋友之一,克里絲·卡爾,來幫助我釐清 (譯註: Kris Carr是紐約時報專欄作家,也曾是亞馬遜書店暢銷書籍排行榜第1名的作家,她是健康主義者,也是癌症倖存者)

  • was diagnosed with cancer well over 10 years ago.

    她在10年前被診斷過患有癌症

  • And here’s what Kris recommends.

    以下是克里絲所建議我的

  • First, don't say, “I know exactly how you feelbecause, here’s the truth.

    首先,不要說「我能理解你的感受」,這是因為

  • Unless youve been through the same experience, you probably don't know exactly how someone

    除非你也有過相同的經驗,否則你根本大概就不會懂得對方的

  • feels.

    感受

  • And most people know that youre trying to empathize, but others may feel like youre

    雖然大多數人知道你這麼做是為了同情他們,但有些人卻會覺得

  • minimizing their experience.

    你在瞧不起他們有這樣的遭遇

  • Number two, don't push your opinions, especially if someone is overwhelmed.

    第二,不要遑亂加上自己的意見,特別是當對方心理遭受到嚴重打擊時

  • So when youre constantly bombarded with advice, it’s hard to tap into your own intuition.

    試想當你被一大堆意見建議轟炸,你就會很難去聆聽自己內心的聲音

  • And depending on the circumstance, it may be just more appropriate to say less and hold

    所以我們要依據當時的情況來判定,有的時候少說話、少給自以為是的意見,而是多予以傾聽

  • back and listen more.

    或許才是最好的

  • Number three, don't share that you knew someone with the same problem or issue and it didn't

    第三,不要跟對方說某人也有相同類似的困境或遭遇,因為那根本

  • turn out well.

    就無濟於事

  • That’s a big no-no, because it will not bring you guys closer.

    這可是大忌,因為那不會讓你們的關係變得更為緊密

  • Number four, do reach out and offer a loving shoulder to lean on and, even better, try

    第四,伸出援手幫助對方、給予溫暖的臂膀讓他有所依靠,可以的話

  • and plan something fun to do together.

    甚至還可以試著計畫一起做有趣好玩的事

  • You know, when youre going through the fire, a little sunshine really helps.

    你也知道,當你走過浩劫萬難的時候,一點和煦的陽光絕對能溫暖你的心房

  • And number five, do keep checking in.

    還有第五,想幫就幫,不用等到對方開口

  • While it’s wonderful to tell your friend or your loved one to reach out if they need

    雖然你告訴你的朋友或所愛的人如果需要任何幫忙,跟你講一聲就好

  • anything, they probably won’t.

    但礙於某些因素,他們可能不會這麼做

  • So just keep checking in and proactively offer specific support.

    所以這時候隨時關注他們的狀態,主動提供特定的協助是很重要的

  • So, for example, “I made a huge pot of veggie chili and I’ll be in your neighborhood at

    好比說,「我做了一大罐素辣椒醬,而我大概會在下午5點的時候到你家

  • 5pm.

    附近

  • Can I drop some off for you?”

    到時我再順便拿一些醬給你吧!」

  • Next up, let’s talk about a few do’s and donts for when tragedy strikes, like a

    接下來,我們來談談當有人遭逢不幸,好比說像是一場大火、天災

  • fire or a natural disaster or something that completely wipes out somebody’s home or

    或者因故導致對方整個家庭、所處環境或是生意遭逢毀滅的不幸時

  • their environment or their business.

    哪些話該說,而又有哪些話是不該說的

  • So these incredibly insightful tips are from Dr. Andi O’Conor.

    而我接下來要介紹這些非常具有獨特見解的小秘訣,是來自安迪.O'.卡娜博士

  • This woman’s house burned down not once, but twice and she’s written about it extensively

    這個女生的家不只被燒掉1次,而是2次,所以她就在她的部落格上

  • on her blog called BurningDownTheHouseBlog.com.

    寫了一篇滿大篇幅的文章,部落格叫做BurningDownTheHouseBlog.com

  • Here’s what Andi says.

    安迪在上面這麼寫道

  • Number one, don’t start with the wordsat least,” as inat least youre alive

    第一,不要一開頭就說「至少」,好比說:「至少妳還活著啊」

  • orat least you have insurance.”

    或是「啊不幸好妳有買保險」

  • Meaning don't try and force gratitude on the person.

    也就是說不要試著強迫對方感激幸好還有什麼

  • Number two, she says don’t sayit’s just stufforit’s just moneyor

    第二,她說,不要說「它不過就只是個東西嘛」或「它不過就只是錢而已嘛」

  • it’s justanything.

    或「它不過就只是......」

  • That dismisses the enormity of what the person is going through.

    這樣做不過只是想快點打發掉對方遭遇重大不幸後的痛苦

  • Number three, don’t make it a discussion of God or faith or religion, even if you think

    第三,不要在這時候談論有關神明、宗教信仰等等,就算你很確定

  • youre sure of the person’s religious or spiritual belief.

    這個人是信什麼宗教或其他精神信仰

  • So, for instance, if they go to your church or youve heard them mention God, don't

    舉例來說,假如他們來到教堂,你聽到他們談論到了神,千萬不要

  • say something like, “God only gives you what you can handle.”

    在這時候白目地說:「上帝不會再讓你承受更多的苦難的」(譯註: 這句話背後的意涵是,如果你連這種事情都處理不好,那你肯定不是個虔誠的基督徒,這對深信基督信仰的人來說,是很傷人的)

  • Remember, an event like this can really rock someone’s faith and their world, so don't

    要記得,像這樣的話可是會摧毀一個人的信仰與世界

  • assume that theyre open to ideas like it was all meant to be, especially at this time.

    所以不要自以為對方對所有觀念,都能開朗樂觀地接受,特別是在這種時候

  • And number four, the only do from Andi, is make sure you say these eight words: “I

    第四,安迪唯一提到的該說什麼,就是確保你有說到這8個字:

  • am so so sorry. How can I help?”

    「我真的十分十分遺憾,我有什麼能夠幫你的呢?」

  • Finally, let’s cover some do’s and donts when someone loses a loved one.

    最後,我們來談談當有人痛失摯愛時,哪些話該說,哪些話不應該說

  • We found some incredible guidance from legendary grief and loss expert David Kessler and from

    這方面我們找到超讚的顧問,包含治癒悲傷與喪親之痛的知名專家大衛·科斯勒

  • Joanna Goddard of Cup of Jo.

    以及Cupofjo.com的喬安娜·戈達德 (譯註: A Cup Of Jo是由Joanna Goddard於2007年開始經營的部落格,內容多與紐約生活方式、時尚、設計與育兒有關)

  • Here’s some of what David shares.

    以下是大衛分享的一些秘訣

  • Don't say things like: he’s in a better place, there’s a reason for everything,

    不要說:「祂會活在更好的地方」、「人生自古誰無死?」

  • it was her time to go, she was such a good person, God wanted her to be with him.

    「她剛好壽終正寢罷了」、「她是一個這麼好的人,所以上帝才會想把她帶走」

  • And don't say be strong.

    還有不要說「節哀順變,堅強點」

  • Now, on the other hand, do say things like this: I’m so sorry for your loss, I wish

    從另一方面來看,我們可以這樣說:「我很遺憾你痛失摯愛」、「我希望

  • I had the right words, just know I care, and I’m always just a phone call away.

    我說的話讓你覺得好點,只要記得我在乎你」、還有「只要你一通電話,我就會立刻趕過來」

  • Cup of Jo has a post specifically about writing sympathy notes, which she posted after she

    至於Cup of Jo則是專門寫了一篇討論如何安慰人家的文章,這是她在她妹夫保羅

  • lost her brother-in-law Paul to lung cancer.

    因肺癌逝世之後所寫的

  • She offers these extremely helpful do’s.

    她提供了以下這些極為有用的「應該做」小撇步

  • So first up, do send a snail mail card.

    首先,親手寫一張熱騰騰的信或卡片 (譯註: sanil mail是指傳統信件,和email是相對的,因為email寄件速度較快,傳統信件相對寄送速度較慢,所以被諷稱為蝸牛般速度的信件)

  • Not that online is wrong, but especially now in the digital age, an actual physical card

    不要用電子郵件的方式,那樣不好,正因為我們身處在一個資訊數位時代,一張親手寫的卡片

  • can be something so special.

    才能顯得格外真誠、打動人心

  • It’s tactile and you can literally hold those words in your hand and reread them again

    那是能夠觸摸得到的,能夠真實感受到字裡行間在你的掌心之間跳動,並能一再而重複地

  • and again.

    閱讀

  • She also shares do offer to help in specific ways.

    她也有提到「以特定的方式來幫助對方」

  • So saying, “anything I can do for you?” is nice, but actually offering specific ideas

    如果說「有什麼我可以幫助你的嗎?」,這句話聽起來不錯,但你可以再改成

  • likecome over for dinner and well grill for youmakes it a lot easier for people

    好比說:「我們一起吃晚餐吧,你要吃的烤肉都包在我們身上」,這樣就會讓對方較能輕易

  • to say yes.

    答應接受你的協助

  • And, finally, do tell stories.

    還有最後,「說故事」

  • The more, the better.

    越多越好,永遠也不嫌多

  • You can share your favorite memories of the person who died or talk about how they had

    你可以說說這些過世的人對你有過哪些最難忘的回憶,或是他們對你的人生

  • an impact on your life.

    造成什麼樣的影響

  • The Cup of Jo post says, “the grieving person is thinking about the person 100% of the time,

    Cup of Jo在貼文中還提到:「沉默在哀傷痛苦的人,時時刻刻都在想著過世的那個人

  • so there’s nothing that youre going to say to make her sadder.

    這時候你什麼都不用說,她就已經非常難過了

  • Instead, the stories you tell are going to make her feel more connected.”

    所以最好的辦法,就是說說以前的故事,讓她對這些故事有所連結、脫離悲傷的情緒」

  • As we wrap up this episode, a few reminders that we all need to hear.

    在我們這集結束之前,還有一個重點是我們一定要銘記在心的

  • So no matter what goes wrong, the most important thing that you can do is be with that person,

    就是不管發生什事情,最重要的就是一定陪伴在那個人身旁

  • like really be there for them without judgment and without expectation.

    完完全全的陪伴,沒有任何批判,也沒有任何期望

  • Listen to them.

    只需用心傾聽他們的感受

  • And if youre physically together, hold their hand and really be by their side.

    如果你就在對方身旁,不妨握住他們的手,在身旁陪伴著他們

  • So let’s close up this episode with a tweetable.

    那我們最後就以下面這則推特轉發訊息作為總結吧

  • Never let your fear of saying the wrong thing, stop you from saying something.

    「永遠不要因為害怕可能講錯話,而錯失掉原本能安慰到他人的良機」

  • Now I would love to hear from you.

    現在我想聽聽看你們的意見

  • If you have some other do’s and donts to share from your experience, please put

    在你過去的經驗,有沒有其他該做或不該做的事情想分享

  • them directly in the comments below.

    請直接在下方留言區寫下來

  • Now, if you do share a don’t, do so with love and compassion.

    聽好,如果你分享的是「不要這麼做」,但真的不小心做了,也請帶著你的愛與同理心

  • Because, after all, most of us genuinely want to be supportive but we can all make mistakes,

    因為畢竟我們很多時候是真正有心想幫助,但總會不小心犯了錯

  • especially if we haven’t been through that experience ourselves.

    特別是在我們自己沒有經歷過那樣的經驗的時候

  • Now, as always, the best conversations happen after the episode over at MarieForleo.com,

    如往常一樣,每一集結束後,在MarieForieo.com網站裡,都會出現熱烈的討論

  • so head on over there and leave a comment now.

    所以現在就請你到網站上,留下你的想法吧

  • Once youre there, be sure to subscribe to our email list and become an MF insider.

    一旦你進到網站,確定是否已經訂閱我們的電子報,以成為Marie Forleo家族的一員

  • Youll get instant access to a powerful training I created called How to Get Anything You Want.

    之後你就會馬上得到一套我自創的超強訓練音樂檔叫做:「如何取得你想的東西」

  • Youll also get some exclusive content, special giveaways, and personal updates that

    你也會獲取一些獨有的內容、特別的免費贈品,或是我沒有分享在其他地方的

  • I just don't share anywhere else.

    我個人最新動態

  • Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special

    繼續闖蕩你的事業,並繼續朝著你的夢想邁進,因為這世界正需要

  • gift that only you have.

    你那獨一無二的天賦

  • Thank you so much for watching and I’ll catch you next time on MarieTV.

    非常感謝你的收看,我們下回再於Marie TV上見囉

  • The most important thing that you can do is be with that person, like really be there

    最重要的就是一定陪伴在那個人身旁,完完全全的陪伴

  • for them without judgment and without expectation.

    沒有任何批判,也沒有任何期望

  • Listen to them.

    只需用心傾聽他們的感受

  • And if youre physically together, hold their hand and really be by their side.

    如果你就在對方身旁,不妨握住他們的手,在身旁陪伴著他們

Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business

嘿,我是瑪莉.芙萊奧(美國跨多行業專家),你正在收看的是Marie TV,這裡能讓你學會創造

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A2 初級 中文 美國腔 身旁 陪伴 譯註 信仰 信件 部落格

當有人死亡或遭遇悲劇時,該說(和不該說)什麼? (What To Say (and Not Say) When Someone Dies or Suffers a Tragedy)

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    Steven 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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