Placeholder Image

字幕列表 影片播放

已審核 字幕已審核
  • So hi, my name is Katerina Vrana,

    哈囉,我的名字是 Katerina Vrana

  • I am Greek, I live in the UK, I live in London,

    我是希臘人,我住在英國倫敦。

  • I am stand-up comedian.

    我是一位獨角滑稽秀演員

  • As far as the power to create goes, I am stand-up comedian.

    自從創造力的概念出現後,我就是一位獨角滑稽秀演員

  • I've got two brothers, one is 30 the other is 14;

    我有兩個哥哥,一個三十歲,另一個十四歲;

  • the 30 years old is a drummer and a photographer.

    三十歲的那位是位鼓手和攝影師。

  • In fact, he is the drummer of the band that's going to be closing

    事實上,他是樂隊的鼓手,一個靠近

  • TEDThessaloniki this year, TEDx.

    薩羅尼加的 TED (Thessaloniki,希臘東北的城市)的地方。

  • So our Greek parents are very proud of our professional choices.

    所以我們的希臘父母對我們的職涯選擇感到很驕傲

  • Like, "Will you ever make money?" "No."

    就像是:「那會賺錢嗎?」「不會」

  • The 14-year-old wants to be a lawyer.

    14歲的那位想當一位律師。

  • He is hoping!

    他希望!

  • So yeah...

    所以,好了....

  • Oh, and my hair, my hair.

    喔!還有我的頭髮,我的頭髮。

  • My hair is like this because this is how it is, OK?

    我的頭髮會這樣是因為他本來就是這樣,好嗎?

  • No discussion about it.

    不准討論我的頭髮!

  • In Greece, this doesn't stand out that much.

    在希臘,他沒有那麼明顯(這麼蓬)。

  • It's big, but it's not that extraordinary.

    是很大,但沒有那麼特別。

  • In the UK, it's become a sightseeing thing.

    在英國,就會變成是注目的焦點。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • People stop me in the street, people touch it without asking me.

    人們會在路上把我攔下來,沒有問過我就去觸摸它。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • And then, there's teachers that bring little children out

    然後,會有老師把小孩帶離

  • of the classrooms and go, "Look, look at the lady who looks like a tree!"

    教室然後做出(以下這樣的行為)「快看,看這位看起來像棵樹的女士」

  • Is very annoying.

    這真的很困擾。

  • I've been in the UK now for 10 years;

    我已經在英國有十年了,

  • oh, and also, I am 100% Greek.

    喔,並且,我是個純希臘人。

  • I was born here, I was raised here, both my parents are Greek,

    我出生在這裡,我在這裡長大,我的雙親都是希臘人,

  • my whole family lives here.

    我整個家庭都住在這裡。

  • I have no idea why I speak English like this.

    我也不知道為什麼我的英文會講的像這樣。

  • Absolutely none! It's a fluke.

    當然不!這只是一個僥倖。

  • The rest of my family doesn't speak English like this,

    我大部分的家人講的英文都不是這樣,

  • they speak like proper Greek people.

    他們說的就像是完完全全的希臘人。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • So I asked my mum, I said,

    所以我就問我媽,我說

  • "How come when I speak English I sound awesome?

    「為什麼當我說英文時,我聽起來很屌(如此的英國腔)?

  • And the rest of the family sounds like bloody foreigners."

    然後我其他的家人聽起來卻像是個完全的外國人。」

  • And my mum went,

    然後我媽這樣回應,

  • "Ah, darling, when you were born, you were so very, very ugly!"

    「啊,親愛的,當你出生的時候,你超級超級醜!」

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • Don't clap that!

    別為此鼓掌!

  • You bastards!

    沒禮貌!

  • And she went,

    然後她說,

  • Your father and I thought, "This one will need personality, and language helps.

    你爸和我想說「這個孩子可能需要有個性一點,學習語言會有幫助。

  • I wanted French and maybe piano, your father wanted English."

    我希望是法文,或者是鋼琴,但你爸希望是英文。」

  • "Yes Katerina, I wanted English," - that is my father -

    「是的,Katerina,我希望是英文。」這就是我爸

  • "I will tell you why: because British royalty marries very ugly women.

    「讓我告訴你為什麼:因為英國皇室會娶很醜的女生。」

  • Go!"

    快去學英文!」

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • No! No. William is already married, and Harry has very red hair.

    才不呢!威廉已經結婚了,然後哈利有非常紅的頭髮。

  • And I haven't got anything against red hair, right?

    我沒有什麼力場能紅頭髮有意見(我自己就有著爆炸頭),對吧?

  • It's because I would totally have the sex with Harry.

    就只是因為我一定會跟哈利做愛。

  • I am telling you this now.

    我是認真的啊

  • I just, I wouldn't do it in the sun, I'd do it in the shade.

    我只是,我無法在光天化日下做,我會想要低調一些

  • Do you know what I mean?

    你們知道我在說什麼嗎?

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • If you have sex with Harry in the sun, he'll explode, "Aaa!"

    如果你在大太陽底下跟哈利做愛,他會曝光的。啊啊啊啊!

  • It's not a good idea!

    這不是個好主意!

  • So, having lived in London--

    所以,在倫敦生活---

  • The thing is that I've been living in London as I said, for about a decade,

    就像我說的,我已經在倫敦生活了近十年,

  • and what's happened is, over there I feel definitely Greek,

    而情況是,在英國我就是個完全的希臘人,

  • but what happens is when I come back home

    但是,當我回到家的時候

  • there's been a bit of a shift in my identity, and suddenly,

    我對我是希臘人的自我認同卻有些許改觀

  • I find myself saying things like,

    突然我發現我會像這樣說

  • "Why can't the Greeks form orderly queues? God damn it!"

    「為什麼希臘人就無法好好排隊呢?我的老天!」

  • I am trying to balance out the things to not feel foreign in two countries.

    我試著在兩者之間去平衡,不要在兩個國家中覺得自己哪裡都部屬於

  • One of the things I've really come to find endearing about the British,

    我發現英國很可愛的其中一件事是

  • for example, is how they get angry.

    他們是怎麼生氣的

  • They don't!

    他們不會生氣!

  • When a British person gets angry, they write you a strongly-worded letter,

    當一個英國人生氣時,他們會給你寫一封嚴厲譴責的信,

  • "Dear Sir..., regret to inform..., ... most upset!"

    「親愛的先生...很遺憾的我必須要告訴你.....最糟糕的!」

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • An English friend of mine was in a train.

    有一次我的一位英國朋友搭火車

  • The train got stuck, they stopped in the middle of nowhere between two stations,

    火車停了下來,停在兩站之間一個什麼都沒有的地方

  • and they left them there for an hour and a half;

    然後就讓他們在那裏乾等一個半小時

  • they didn't explain why, they just kept apologizing.

    他們沒有解釋火車為什麼停下來,他們只是不停道歉

  • My friend's telling me this story said, "Katerina, I was so angry, I was livid.

    我朋友跟我說的這個故事是要表達:「Katerina,我很生氣,我面色鐵青。

  • I was so livid, I was tempted to complain!"

    我臉色超級臭,我被搞的要抱怨了!

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • I was like, "What?!"

    我無解地回答:「啥?」

  • (Applause)

    (鼓掌)

  • I said, "In Greece,

    我說,「在希臘,

  • there is no strongly-worded letter, there wouldn't have been a train."

    那裡沒有時麼遣詞嚴厲的信件,也不會有人會待在火車上」

  • You keep the Greeks five minutes longer than they need to be anywhere,

    你讓希臘人等超過五分鐘,他們一定無法忍受。

  • you know, like in the boat at the time of "disembarkation"

    你知道的,就像是船要靠岸的時候

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • you keep the Greeks inside that boat,

    你要讓希臘人待在船上

  • and it's like, "What? What you keep us here like animals, like animals?

    那就會像是「啥?你要把我們像動物一樣關在這,我們是動物?

  • You call this an European country? This is not Europe, I don't understand!"

    你說這是一個歐洲國家?這不是歐洲,我不懂」

  • (Laughter) (Applause)

    (笑聲)(鼓掌)

  • Wait, there is so much more!

    等等,還有很多例子!

  • And then someone always goes,

    然後,總有人會這樣做,

  • "Where is the manager? I want to speak to the manager!"

    「經理在哪裡?我要跟經理說話?」

  • "Please sir, please sit down, you are becoming hysterical!"

    「抱歉,先生,請你坐下,你變得歇斯底里了!」

  • "Who are you to tell me what to do? Who are you?"

    「你誰呀?憑什麼跟我說要做什麼?你是誰?」

  • "Screw you!" "I screw your mother!"

    「管好你!」「我管你媽!」

  • Wow!

    哇!

  • It takes five seconds to escalate that level.

    只要五分鐘場面就會昇華成這樣

  • And also, as far as that goes,

    而且他們也會越來越超過

  • the "Screw your mother!" It makes no sense!

    「管你媽!」其實沒有什麼意思!

  • Like, "I screw your mother!" "No, really?"

    就像是「我管你媽!」「痾,你認真嗎?」

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • What a coincidence!

    好巧呀!

  • Of all the boats in all of Attiki, you walk into mine!

    在整個 Attiki 的所有船隻,你向我走來!

  • The son of whose mother you are screwing, and it is...

    被你管的那個媽的兒子,他是...

  • Hello, Yannis, the son.

    哈囉,Yannis,兒子。

  • The lady who you're having carnal relations with.

    跟你有肉體關係的女性

  • What a-- A pleasure to meet you!

    多麼的~~歡迎你!

  • This kind of-- also, right?

    這一類的---也,是吧?

  • No one you ever want to say it to you ever does, right?

    你想要這樣跟你說的人,永遠都不會這樣說的,沒錯吧?

  • Because if Bill Gates comes up to me and goes, "I screw your mother."

    因為如果比爾蓋茲向我走來,並且說「我跟你媽做了」

  • I'll be like, "Daddy...! You're home!"

    我會像這樣「爹地...!你回來了!」

  • "And will all be going to Cannes, on my jet."

    「然後我就會坐在我私人噴射機上飛到坎城」

  • So I wish the Greeks would temper their rage

    所以我希望希臘人可以調整他們的脾氣

  • that immediate "Mmm!" that happens.

    調整那「痾」之後接下而來的暴怒

  • I don't expect them to become like the English, no,

    我不指望他們變得像是英國人,不。

  • "Dear Sir..., I regret to inform..., I screwed your mother."

    「親愛的......先生,我很抱歉要告知你.....我跟你媽做了。」

  • just a little bit more of a thing...

    還有一件事

  • Also, the other thing I've really come to enjoy about the UK,

    另一件讓我真正享受在英國生活的事

  • and I know this is weird for a Greek person, is the weather.

    我知道這對一個希臘人說很奇怪,那就是英國的天氣

  • I know, I know, I know, I know!

    我知道,我知道,我知道,我知道!

  • Oh, one person going, "Yes! You tell them! It rains!"

    喔!有人說「對!你提到了!下雨!」

  • The thing is I keep trying to explain to the British

    我一直嘗試向英國人解釋

  • that everywhere else in the world,

    世界上的每個地方

  • clouds are functional rather than an aesthetic choice.

    雲朵其實是有功用的,而不是一種美感

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • In the UK, the clouds arriving, just go, "Hi, we are here.

    在英國,當雲出現的時候,就會說「嗨,我們在這裡。

  • We're going to just sit here, maybe a bit lower, do nothing, hi."

    我們會乖乖地待在這裡,或許會在靠近你們一點點,但是我們什麼都不做,嗨~」

  • In other countries, when the clouds arrive,

    在其他國家,當雲層出現的時候

  • it's going to rain and the heaven is open, water pours down,

    他會下雨,然後天堂打開,雨水傾盆而下

  • water so thick you cannot see through it.

    水超多以至於你無法看穿他。

  • So it's like, "Where is my Tzatziki?" "Behind the rain? Who knows?"

    所以他就像「我的 Tzatziki 在哪裡?」、「在雨幕之後?誰知道呢?」

  • That lasts for two hours, then stops, the sun comes out, and we forget about it.

    持續暴雨兩小時,雨停了後,太陽出來了,我們習以為常

  • In the UK, the same amount of water, takes 24 hours to come down.

    在英國,同樣的雨量,可以下 24 小時

  • Because in the UK, rain is that really soft mist,

    因為在英國下得都是毛毛雨啊

  • it's like a cat spraying your tent to show it's its territory,

    就像是貓撒尿在你的帳棚以宣示這是牠的領土

  • you know what I mean?

    你知道我在說什麼嗎?

  • It's a very gentle thing. It's a tipi-tap, it's called drizzle,

    這是個很紳士的事情。這是 tipi-tap,我們稱為毛毛雨

  • and that's what I've come to love

    這也是我為何會愛上英國天氣的原因

  • because drizzle is rain being quintessentially British, right?

    因為毛毛細雨即是典型的英國,是吧?

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • It's rain going, "I'm terribly sorry, I'm coming down,

    就像是雨對你說著「我很抱歉,我要下來了唷

  • I don't need to be in the way, I'm just going to came around you,

    我不會擋在你前面,我只是想要走過你身邊

  • I won't get anyone wet, I promise, just pretend I am not here.

    我不會讓任何人濕了,我保證,假裝我不在這裡就好

  • Shh, no, no! Everyone's gonna know I am here! You are not-- Missing the point...

    噓,噓,不!大家都會知道我在這裡!你沒有錯過著重點

  • I don't-- Did I get you wet?

    我沒有--我淋濕你了嗎?

  • How clumsy of me! I do apologize. I didn't mean to do that,

    我多麼的不雅呀!我道歉,這不是我的本意

  • I'm just going to come over here, I'll be gone in 5 minutes. I promise!

    我只是短暫經過這。我五分鐘後就會走,我保證!

  • I am so sorry, I do apologize. 24 hours, and I am still here,

    我很抱歉,我道歉,24小時了,而我還在這裡

  • It's getting awkward now, isn't it? I don't mean to be doing this.

    現在這變得很尷尬了,不是嗎?我不是有意這樣的

  • I'm going to be go. Really.. I'm so sorry. Really, don't-- I am just going--

    我要走了。真的。我很抱歉,真的,不要---我只是要走了---

  • I am the Hugh Grant of moisture."

    我得濕度就跟 Hugh Grant 一樣紳士

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • And my hair absorbs moisture! So whenever it drizzles my hair goes pfff!

    且我的頭髮吸濕!所以只要下毛毛雨,我的頭髮就會 噗~~(爆炸了?)

  • And a mile radius around me stays completely dry.

    而且我的半徑一哩內完全保持乾燥!

  • And I look like I've all of the Jackson 4 on my head.

    然後我看起來就像是把 傑克森五人組的頭髮(爆炸頭) 都戴在我的頭上

  • Because he is dead!

    因為他是死的!

  • The thing is that I am in the UK;

    事實就是我在英國

  • well, I went in the UK to act.

    嗯,當我去英國演戲

  • And that's when I discovered that I am not Greek enough

    就在那時我才發現我還不夠希臘人

  • because I used to be sent up for auditions for Greek and Mediterranean parts,

    因為我總是去試鏡那些和希臘或地中海有關的戲劇

  • only to be told that I don't look Greek enough.

    但每次都被回絕因為我長得不夠像希臘人

  • I'll translate that for you;

    讓我解譯給你聽

  • it means that I don't have a mono-brow and a mustache,

    這是指說我沒有單眉毛跟鬍子。

  • because Irini Papa has cast a very long shadow.

    因為 Irini 爸爸有很長的影子

  • I usually got feedback,

    我常常得到的回覆是:

  • "We are looking for someone who looks like Salma Hayek."

    「我們在找某個像 Salma Hayek 的人」

  • She is Mexican!

    她是個墨西哥人!

  • So I went up for casting for the movie "Troy";

    然後我去試鏡電影「特洛伊」

  • Do we remember? The movie "Troy"?

    大家還記得嗎?電影「特洛伊」?

  • So I went up for one of the small parts,

    我去試鏡了一個小角色

  • one of the slave girls that had only one line.

    其中一個是只有一句台詞的奴隸女孩中

  • And my line was, "More chicken, my Lord?"

    而我的台詞是「我的主人,需要更多雞肉嗎?」

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • And I did that really well,

    而我真的做的不錯

  • so I ended up in the final five,

    最後我進到最終的五人選角

  • and they line us up, and the casting director comes in,

    然後他們叫我們排排站,選角負責人走過來

  • and goes, "Oh, no, no, no, no. You're too fair to be Greek!"

    對我說「喔!不不不不,妳太漂亮了不能演希臘人!」

  • I said, "Who? What now...?"

    我說,「誰?現在是什麼情況....?」

  • "You're too fair to be Greek!"

    「妳太漂亮了不能演希臘人!」

  • I was like, "I am too fair to be Greek? I am the only Greek in the room!"

    我傻眼,想著「我太漂亮了所以不能演希臘人?拜託我是這房間裡唯一的希臘人!」

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • I am too fair to be Greek in a movie where the Greek warrior Achilles,

    在一部關於希臘戰神阿基里斯的電影中,我因為太漂亮了不能演希臘人

  • is played by Brad freaking Pitt!

    重點是這部片還由布萊德彼特飾演!

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • I'm too fair to be Greek?!

    太漂亮了所以不能演希臘人!?!

  • I didn't get the part.

    你在跟我開玩笑吧

  • An Albanian girl got it.

    最後一個阿爾巴尼亞女孩得到這個角色

  • Go over there, take our jobs.

    到那裏去,拿了我們的工作。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • Where is Kaplani?

    Kaplani 在哪裡?

  • But even, I mean, acting and comedy are just steps

    但即使,我是說,動作片跟喜劇都只是

  • for my final twelve-step-plan for global domination!

    通往我統治世界最終十二階段計畫的步驟而已

  • I'll find the pose, it'll be better than this, I promise!

    我會找到我的立足點,會比這還好,我保證!

  • Because you know, I think I'm Greek, we did it before I can do it again.

    因為你知道的,我覺得我很希臘,之前我們做到了,我可以再做一次

  • Bring it on!

    把角色弄到手!

  • I think the world will be lovely place if everyone listens to me.

    我覺得如果每個人都聽我的話,世界就可以變成美麗的地方

  • It's going to be a little bit like Hitler,

    這會有點像是希特勒,

  • with less genocide, more hair, and really good shoes!

    但是少一點種族屠殺,有更多頭髮跟真正好的鞋子!

  • So more like Dubai.

    倒更像是杜拜

  • I am going to wear a crown and a robe, tell people what to do and they'll do it,

    我將帶上皇冠並披上長袍,告訴人們要做什麼然後他們會做到

  • it's going to be lovely!

    會變得很美麗

  • I've recently realized

    我最近才意識到

  • I'll probably end up looking like a kindergarten teacher

    我最後可能會像個幼稚園老師

  • trying to manage an unruly classroom,

    嘗試管理一個失控的教室

  • so I'll turn up in a crown and a robe looking a bit stupid,

    所以我帶上皇冠披上袍子,看起來有點蠢

  • making grandiose announcements like, "Hello! I am Katerina Vrana, hello!

    做很偉大的宣示,像是「哈囉,我是Katerina Vrana,哈囉!

  • I am going to be your global dominator for the foreseeable future!"

    我將成為你可預見的未來的世界統治者!」

  • Please lay all gifts by my-- What is it, Thailand?

    請留下所有的貢品,放在我--那啥,泰國?

  • Yes, Thailand, you may massage my feet. You are very good.

    是的,泰國,你可以按摩我的腳。你很棒

  • Israel, Palestine, be quiet! They don't shut up.

    以色列,巴勒斯坦,安靜一點!他們超吵

  • Somalia darling, why are you dressed up as a pirate?

    親愛的索馬尼亞,為什麼你要穿得像是個海盜?

  • No, that's slightly inappropriate. What...? Well done, America.

    不,那有點不恰當。什麼...?幹的好,美國

  • Everyone, America has done a drawing.

    各位,美國已經畫好了一張圖

  • Yes, dear. No, we can all see, yes! The black man is in the white house!

    是的,親愛的。不,我們全都能看到,是的!黑人在白宮

  • And he's still alive. Hasn't America done well, everyone?

    而且他還活著。各位,難道美國做的不好嗎?

  • OK, now darling stop drawing and and look to your sums,

    好了,親愛的,現在停止畫圖並看看你的總額,

  • because the numbers are all wrong.

    這數字全是錯的

  • England! Stop copying from America!

    英國!不要再抄美國了!

  • You're old enough to know better.

    你已經夠老到該比美國聰明

  • Greece, you're making me look really bad!

    希臘,你讓我很丟臉!

  • I don't know-- Palestine, I don't care who started it.

    我不知道--巴勒斯坦,我不在乎誰先開始的

  • Israel, give Palestine her Gaza back, now!

    以色列,把加薩還給巴勒斯坦吧!

  • The two of you, learn to share!

    你們兩個,學著分享吧!

  • Iran, put the stone down!

    伊朗,把石頭放下!

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • No my love, that's not democracy, no dear...

    不,我的愛,那不是民主,不,親愛的...

  • I know, I am Greek, I gave it to you!

    我知道,我是希臘人,我把它給你!

  • (Laughter)

    (希臘人)

  • Bloody Persians. And what's that in your mouth?

    血緣兄弟波斯。你在吃啥?

  • Spit it out, spit...

    吐出來,快吐...

  • Who gave uranium to Iran?

    誰把鈾給了伊朗?

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • You know they don't know what to do with it.

    你明知道他們不知道該怎麼弄這個

  • I just... I don't...

    我只是...我不要...

  • (Applause)

    (鼓掌)

  • OK, Italy! Italy, tell your dad

    好的,義大利!義大利,告訴你爸

  • to stop playing with the little girls in the class.

    停止在課堂上跟小女孩們玩耍

  • What's that? Cyprus, I don