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  • So, it's that time of the year again! A time for spookiness!

    又到了一年中的那個時間了!毛骨悚然的時間!

  • A time for horror! A time for...SCARES!

    恐怖的時間!驚嚇的時間!

  • Wait...where's-where's the thing?

    等等...那個呢...那東西在哪?

  • I thought that--OH SON OF A-

    我以為...噢他x的

  • See, I was originally gonna put that picture up to scare you guys,

    看吧,我本來是要放那張照片出來嚇你們的

  • but I'm not a jerk, so--

    但我沒那麼壞,所以…

  • (screaming)

    (尖叫聲)

  • Alright, maybe a little jerky.

    好啦,可能有一點壞

  • Jerky?

    肉乾?

  • Hey guys!

    嘿大家!

  • So it's been made pretty clear to me by some of you guys

    你們有些人暗示的很明顯

  • that I have been neglecting my vlogging for a little bit.

    我有點疏忽我的影音網誌了

  • A lot of you guys have been saying things like:

    很多人一直在說:

  • (in whiny voice) Why do you only do skits now?

    (發牢騷的語氣)為什麼你現在只發諷刺文?

  • You only make fake trailers now!

    你現在只做假的預告片!

  • First Candy Crush: The Trailer, then Naruto: The Trailer

    一開始是Candy Crush預告.然後是火影忍者預告

  • and now Aquaman: The Trailer?

    而現在是水行俠預告?

  • Bring back the Off The Pill videos!

    還我Off The Pill影片!

  • I miss the vlogging days.

    我想念那些有影片的日子

  • I don't know why you guys all sound the same and sound like Regina.

    我不懂為什麼你們全都聽起來一樣而且聽起來像Regina

  • First of all, I don't just make trailers now.

    首先,我現在不只做預告片而已

  • That's like three videos out of the whole year!

    那樣是整整一年只做了三部影片!

  • But being that I post about three videos a year,

    但因為我一年大概po了三部影片

  • yeah, I guess you're right.

    好吧,我想你們是對的

  • Second of all, what's wrong with trailers?

    第二,預告片有哪裡不好?

  • Trailers are fun! They're fast, they're quick, they're nice

    預告片很好玩啊!它們很快,它們很迅速,它們很好

  • and-and mixed up with a bunch of shots--

    而且還融合了很多鏡頭

  • Yeah, okay, I haven't vlogged in a while. And that's why I'm here!

    好,ok,我有一陣子沒有發影片了,所以我才在這裡!

  • Back to the subject!

    回到主題!

  • So it is that time of the year again.

    又到了一年中的那個時候

  • The scariest month of the year: October.

    一年中最可怕的月份:十月

  • And, for whatever reason, someone thought it'd be a good idea

    基於某種原因,有人覺得這是個好主意

  • to make this month all about celebrating fear.

    讓頌揚恐懼成為這個月的重點

  • Well, growing up I actually hated October.

    嗯,在成長過程中我其實恨透了十月

  • Because all they would show on TV, and all the new movies were always horrors.

    因為電視上播的,還有新上映的電影都是恐怖的

  • And it's a little embarrassing, but when I was younger,

    說來有點不好意思,但我小時候

  • I used to be the biggest chicken.

    我是個超級膽小鬼

  • (clucking)

    (喀喀...)

  • (mooing)

    (哞~~)

  • And, also, I used to really hate horror movies.

    而且,我也非常討厭恐怖片

  • I honestly couldn't watch them when I was younger because

    我小時候真的不敢看因為

  • I was so afraid of them that it would actually affect me in real life.

    我怕恐怖片怕到我的生活都被它們影響了

  • I mean, I used to have to hold my pee in late at night

    我是說,我半夜得憋尿

  • because I was too scared to go to the bathroom by myself.

    因為我怕到不敢一個人去廁所

  • Sometimes I was so afraid that I didn't even brush my teeth

    有時候我會怕到不敢刷牙

  • 'cause I was afraid that I was gonna see something in the bathroom mirror.

    因為我怕會在浴室鏡子裡看到怪東西

  • And every single time I went to the bathroom, I would always

    而且我每次進浴室

  • have to check behind the shower curtain to make sure

    都一定會檢查浴簾後面,好確保

  • there was no dead bodies laying inside the tub.

    浴缸裡沒有屍體

  • Come to think of it, anything bathroom related after a scary movie

    想一想,所有和浴室有關的東西在看完恐怖片後

  • is scary as...fff--F***.

    都可怕的像...fff-F***

  • When you're as much of a B****, as I was.

    當你和我一樣像個B****

  • Sorry, guys, I'm just trying to keep this PG because I know

    抱歉各位,我只是想盡量保持輔導級因為我知道

  • a lot of the people that need these tips aren't used to reading

    很多需要這些建議的人不習慣

  • our language and sh*t.

    讀我們的語言還有sh*t

  • Sh*t!

    Sh*t!

  • Oh, sh*t!

    喔,sh*t!

  • (whispers) Don't tell your parents.

    (小聲)不要跟你爸媽說

  • What was I talking about? Oh yeah!

    剛剛講到哪了?喔對!

  • Once I decided that I was sick and tired of being afraid,

    在我下定決心,我已經厭倦了懼怕

  • and letting fear overcome my mind and control my actions

    厭倦了讓恐懼盤據我心、控制我的行動

  • and tell me who I can and cannot be...

    告訴我何去何從...

  • I created the following tips that would not only help you get over that fear,

    我想出底下幾招幫你不僅克服恐懼

  • but to help you enjoy it! To cause it!

    還讓你享受恐懼!創造恐懼!

  • To teach it to people like you!

    教你們這種人恐懼!

  • (evil chuckle)

    (奸笑)

  • HA HA HA HA--

    哈哈哈哈…

  • (hacking)

    (咳嗽)

  • I got sick from the Aquaman video last week.

    我上星期拍水行俠影片時感冒了

  • Don't swim at night.

    絕不要在晚上游泳

  • So the main way I got over my fear of horror movies

    所以我克服對恐怖片的恐懼的主要方法

  • is by bringing them into perspective.

    就是透視它們

  • If you think about how easy it really is to survive in a horror movie,

    你想想看在恐怖片裡有多容易生還

  • you'll find it pretty easy to survive watching one.

    你就會發現活著看完恐怖片還滿簡單的

  • These are some of the tips I would tell you if you were in a horror movie.

    如果你們在一部恐怖片裡,我有些建議要告訴你們

  • (floorboards creak)

    (地板吱嘎聲)

  • First tip: Don't be an idiot.

    第一招:別耍智障

  • Use common sense! Never go towards the sound.

    用點常識!絕不要朝聲音走

  • The number one thing that pisses me off in horror movies

    恐怖片裡最惹火我的

  • is that why are all the characters stupid?

    就是那些人為什麼那麼笨?

  • If you're running away from a ghost or a killer and you hear something

    如果你正在逃離一個鬼或一個殺人魔,而你聽見聲音

  • in the other room, why the hell would you go check it out?!

    從其他房間傳來,你為什麼要去檢查?!

  • When you hear something freaky, stay away from it! That's common sense.

    當你聽到可怕聲音的時候,趕快離開!這是常識

  • Next tip: Have basic coordination and cardio.

    第二招:有基本的協調能力和心臟功能

  • Why is it that when there's something chasing you,

    為什麼只要有東西在追你

  • you guys always seem to fall down?

    你就一定會跌倒?

  • I mean, honestly, how often do you really fall down when you run?

    我是說,認真想一想,你跑步是有多常跌倒?

  • Seriously, how hard is it to keep running when a killer's chasing after you?

    拜託,殺人魔在追你的時候拼命一直跑是有多難?

  • If you have normal coordination, you should be able to outrun a killer.

    如果你有正常的協調能力,你應該可以跑的比殺人魔快

  • I mean, most of the time the killer's at a huge disadvantage.

    我的意思是,殺人魔通常都處於劣勢

  • For example, take the Chainsaw Massacre guy.

    舉例來說,德州電鋸殺人狂

  • The guy is dressed in a suit-- that's already hard to run in,

    那傢伙穿著西裝--那已經夠難跑了

  • let alone the fact that he has to wear a mask, which limits his vision.

    更不用說他還戴著面具阻礙了他的視野

  • He should be the one that's tripping--not you!

    他才應該要跌倒--而不是你!

  • And the fact that he has to carry a chainsaw!

    而且他還要戴著一把電鋸!

  • Do you know how heavy a chainsaw is?!

    你知道電鋸有多重嗎?!

  • Me neither--but it's probably a lot heavier than not carrying anything,

    我也不知道--但那很有可能比什麼都不帶還要重多了

  • which is what you should be carrying!

    那就是你應該帶著的!

  • Nothing, that is.

    什麼都不帶,就是這樣

  • I mean, if you can't outrun that guy, honestly,

    我的意思是,如果你跑不過那傢伙,老實說

  • you deserve whatever he has coming to you.

    不論他對你做了什麼都是你活該

  • (screaming)

    (尖叫)

  • Oh no! (screaming)

    喔不!(尖叫)

  • Uh, did you really need me for this?

    呃,你真的需要我這麼做嗎?

  • I ain't tryin' to get no splinters!

    我在試著不要製造碎片!

  • This next one might sound a little messed up,

    下一個可能聽起來有點刻薄

  • but if you're in a horror movie, it's always good to have a clumsy, dumb friend.

    但當你身處恐怖片裡,有個既不靈活又愚笨的朋友總是好的

  • See, this is the guy or girl that's gonna trip when you're running away.

    看吧,他就是當你們在逃跑時會跌倒的那個人

  • I mean, it's not that bad. Think of it as an honorable sacrifice.

    其實沒那麼糟,把它當成光榮的犧牲吧

  • Don't ever film yourself sleeping.

    絕對不要錄自己睡覺

  • If you really think your house is haunted, either you ignore it or get out!

    如果你真的覺得你家鬧鬼,要嘛忽視它不然就離開!

  • Because, really, if you film yourself sleeping, you only have two options:

    因為,說真的,如果你錄自己睡覺,你只會有兩個結果:

  • Either you're gonna see something that'll scare you even more--

    要不是你會看到更嚇人的東西

  • or you're gonna have hours of boring ass footage to watch.

    不然就是你會花好幾個小時在看無聊得要死的影片

  • And, honestly, I don't know what's worse.

    老實說,我不知道哪個比較糟

  • Basements and attics should always be off limits.

    地下室和閣樓應該永遠都禁止進入

  • For some reason, every single bad thing starts off in an attic or a basement.

    因為某些原因,每件壞事都是從閣樓或地下室開始的

  • Am I the only one that never had a basement or attic in my house?

    我是唯一一個家裡從來沒有地下室或閣樓的人嗎?

  • I've lived in four different houses now and I've never had a basement or an attic.

    我住過四棟不同的房子而我從來沒有地下室或閣樓

  • I feel like I'm missing out on something.

    我好像錯過了什麼

  • If you're hiding from the bad guy, always keep your cell phone on silent.

    如果你在躲壞人,千萬要把手機設成靜音

  • Cell phones always ring at the absolute worst time.

    手機總是在最糟糕的時間點響起來

  • When you're taking a test, during a movie, at church,

    考試中,看電影時,做禮拜的時候

  • hiding from a serial killer-- Yeah, Tony the Tiger.

    躲避連續殺人狂的時候--對,Tony虎

  • Come on, it's basic hide-and-seek etiquette.

    拜託,這是基本的躲貓貓禮儀

  • Never open mirror cabinets.

    絕對不要打開鏡櫃

  • Once you open a mirror cabinet, the moment you close it

    一但你打開了鏡櫃,當你關上的那一刻

  • there's gonna be somebody behind it.

    一定有人在鏡子後面

  • And if not, the moment you turn after that there's gonna be someone there too.

    如果沒有,你一轉身也一定有人在那裡

  • Go on the offensive.

    採取進攻態勢

  • This may not apply for all Horror movie antagonists.

    這也許不適用於所有的恐怖片反派角色

  • These are more for the possessed dolls and ghosts and whatnot.

    比較適用於鬼娃和鬼和諸如此類的東西

  • All these killers or ghosts or whatever are used to people running

    所有的殺人魔或鬼或隨便什麼東西都習慣人們

  • away from them and hiding.

    逃離他們或躲避他們

  • The last thing they would expect is for you to attack back.

    它們最意想不到的就是你反擊

  • Some of the most scary Horror villains are actually the least intimidating

    有些最可怕的恐怖片壞蛋其實是最不嚇人的

  • if you really think about it.

    假如你認真想想

  • For example, the girl from The Ring.

    例如,七夜怪談裡的女孩

  • If a little creepy girl were to crawl out of your TV and try to kill you--

    假如有個恐怖的小女孩爬出你的電視而且要殺死你--

  • Yes, she's creepy, but she's a little girl!

    對,她很恐怖,但她是個小女孩!

  • Kick her ass!

    踹她屁股!

  • Or say you have a little possessed doll named Chucky

    或是假設你有個被鬼附身的小娃娃名叫恰吉

  • chasing after you and your family.

    追著你和你的家人

  • Just have somebody hold him down and punt that sh*t!

    只要叫某個人壓制住他然後踢那狗*!

  • And if you somehow do manage to get them down, just remember:

    如果你成功壓制住他們了,記住:

  • Finish the job!

    把你的任務完成!

  • Don't ever walk over to what you think is the dead body.

    千萬不要走向你以為是屍體的東西

  • Why do you have to check anyway? They're never dead the first time.

    你為什麼非得檢查不可呢?他們第一次絕對不會死

  • Do not own a record player.

    不要擁有電唱機

  • Seriously, it's 2013.

    認真的,現在是2013年

  • You should not--no one should have a record player anymore.

    你不應該--沒有人應該還有電唱機

  • Unless you want to hear it turn on by itself or maybe change track at one time

    除非你想聽到它自己啟動或改變磁軌

  • or just start spinning backwards and start reversing everything

    或開始倒帶然後讓一切倒轉

  • and have some demonic voice come out--

    然後冒出惡魔般的聲音--

  • (singing) Tip toe by the window! By the window!

    (唱)踮腳走過窗邊!走過窗邊!

  • That is where I'll be...

    我就在那兒...

  • Never look into a small peephole or a small crack or a little space

    千萬別朝窺視孔或小裂縫或小空間裡面看

  • 'cause chances are-- I'm not even exaggerating--

    因為很有可能--我沒有誇大--

  • you're gonna see another eyeball.

    你會看到另一顆眼球

  • Never lean on a door to listen for the killer.

    別靠在門上聽殺人魔

  • The killer knows exactly where you are at all times!

    殺人魔總是知道你確切的位置

  • He has [inaudible]! And because physics do not apply

    而且因為物理不適用於

  • in Horror movies, he's gonna stab you right through that door.

    恐怖片,他會直接穿過那扇門刺傷你

  • If you're gonna be a hider, do not hide under the bed.

    如果你想躲起來,不要躲在床底下

  • In Horror movies, hiding under the bed is not hiding.

    在恐怖片裡,躲在床底下根本不是躲

  • You're gonna get dragged by a clown or a killer or something

    你會被小丑或殺人魔或什麼東西拖出來

  • because that's your own fault. That's the first place I would look.

    那都是你的錯。那會是我第一個檢查的地方

  • If there's signs telling you to GTFO...

    如果有任何徵兆叫你滾開...

  • GTFO.

    那就滾開

  • For example, if you walk into a room and there's one single light source

    舉例來說,如果你走進一間房間,而且只有單一個光源

  • hanging from a ceiling, you should probably GTFO.

    懸掛在天花板上,你應該滾開

  • If you walk into a room and any of the lights are flickering,

    如果你走進一間房間,所有的燈都在閃爍

  • you should probably GTFO.

    你應該滾開

  • If you get a new house for a really good deal

    如果你用非常划算的價格買到一棟新房子

  • and all the other neighbors are scared of you, GTFO!

    而所有的鄰居都很怕你,滾開!

  • If you see someone in a reflection of a window or a mirror

    如果你在窗戶或鏡子看見某個

  • that's not supposed to be there...

    不應該在那裡的人...

  • If you hear that the previous owner was murdered in your house...

    如果你聽說前屋主在你的房子裡被謀殺...

  • If you ever see anyone that's in your house that's NOT supposed

    如果你看到某個不該出現的人

  • to be in your house...

    出現在你家裡...

  • If you have a kid that knows how to astral project...

    如果你有個小孩可以遙控物體...

  • If you have no cell phone service...

    如果你的手機沒有訊號...

  • If it's always storming....

    如果那裡總是狂風暴雨...

  • If there's a sign that says BEWARE...

    如果那裡有個告示說「注意」...

  • If there's a sign that says KEEP OUT...

    如果那裡有個告示說「禁止進入」...

  • and if there's literally a sign that says GTFO...

    或是假如那裡真的有個告示寫著「滾開」...

  • Get it, because I would like to have that sign. That's really cool.

    拿走它,因為我很想要有那個告示牌,超酷的

  • And last, and probably the most important tip:

    最後,很有可能是最重要的一招:

  • Don't do anything that a PSA would tell you not to do.

    別做任何PSA會叫你別做的事

  • You know, like drugs, sex and violence.

    你知道的,像是毒品、性、和暴力

  • Do not do drugs.

    不要吸毒

  • Don't be the Stoner Guy. He's guaranteed to die.

    別當毒蟲,他必死無疑

  • Abstinence.

    禁慾

  • If you're having sex, most often in a car for some reason,

    如果你在做愛,基於某些原因通常是在車上

  • you're gonna die.

    你會死

  • And do not be a violent person.

    不要當一個暴力的人

  • The killer will out-violent you. 'Cause the more violent you are,

    殺人魔會比你更暴力,你愈是暴力

  • the more violent your death is gonna be.

    你就會死的愈悽慘

  • Come to think of it, Horror movies actually have really good morals.

    想想看,恐怖片其實有很好的寓意

  • I mean, if people really wanna stop kids from doing drugs,

    我是說,如果人們真的想要阻止小孩接觸毒品、

  • sex and violence, they should start showing these movies in classes.

    性、和暴力,他們應該在課堂上放這些電影

  • I mean, that's more persuasive than Sex-Ed and Drug-Ed

    那比性教育和毒品教育

  • and Violin-Ted.

    和小提琴...教學(雙關:暴力教育)有說服力多了

  • (scary violin music)

    (恐怖小提琴音)

  • Anyway, that's pretty much all the tips I could think

    總之,這大概是所有我

  • of off the top of my head.

    不經考慮所能想到的方法了

  • I'm sure I missed a lot of horror movie survival tips.

    我一定漏掉了很多恐怖片生存招數

  • Feel free to leave them in the comments below if you have a better one.

    如果你有更好的方法歡迎在下面留言

  • But thank you guys so much for watching. I know I haven't vlogged in a while.

    非常謝謝你們的收看,我知道我有好一陣子沒有發影片了

  • And for all the new subscribers, I know you guys aren't used

    對新的訂閱者,我知道你們還不習慣

  • to this sort of me, so let me know if you like this style of video

    這樣的我,所以如果你喜歡這類型的影片請告訴我

  • or if you absolutely hated it.

    如果你超級討厭它也可以

  • I'll have another video up before Halloween,

    我在萬聖節前會有一支新的影片

  • but just in case it's not a vlog and I don't get the chance to say it,

    以防萬一它不是影音網誌而我沒有機會告訴你們

  • just remember: I hope you guys have a very happy Halloween.

    記住:我希望你們都有非常開心的萬聖節

  • Be safe and just remember...

    注意安全還要記住...

  • When the night is young and fear runs deep...

    夜未央,恐懼漸深...

  • those who fear will find the creep!

    膽小者,將被嚇昏!

  • So check your bathrooms and check your beds

    所以檢查浴室和床鋪

  • - and check all the--CHECK ALL THE-- - (scary music drowns out Ryan's voice)

    還有檢查所有的...檢查所有...(恐怖音樂蓋過Ryan的聲音)

  • CHECK ALL--Ted!

    檢查所有...Ted!

  • Can you stop playing that violin so loud?! I'm trying to vlog here.

    小提琴不要拉那麼大聲好嗎? 我在拍影音網誌欸

  • But this isn't a violin. This is an ukulele.

    但這不是小提琴,是烏克麗麗

  • (scary violin music)

    (恐怖小提琴音)

  • (panting)

    (喘氣)

  • Whew, sorry guys. It's--

    呼,抱歉各位,這真的...

  • This is a weird video, but it's been a while since I've vlogged

    這支影片有問題,但是距離我上次拍這種自由風的

  • freestyle like this before, so give me some time.

    影像網誌已經一段時間了,所以給我一點時間

  • I'll get back to the normal stuff.

    我會回去拍正常的東西

  • But not right now.

    但不是現在

  • (scary violin music)

    (恐怖小提琴音)