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  • Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business

  • and life you love. And today you are in for such a treat because I have on an author who

  • wrote a book I’ve mentioned many times before. If youre interested in living a regret-free

  • life, this is a must watch.

  • Bronnie Ware is an Australian author, an international speaker, and a songwriter. Her bestselling

  • first book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, touched hearts all over the world with translations

  • in 27 languages. Bronnie’s next book, Your Year for Change, is also in many translations.

  • As well as being an author, Bronnie became a late in life mother and is a master of balance,

  • conscious choice, saying no, and regret free living. Bronnie has released 2 albums of original

  • songs and her third book is due to be released in the fall of 2016.

  • Bronnie, thank you so much for being here on MarieTV.

  • It’s my pleasure, absolute pleasure.

  • So I know youve heard weve talked about your book several times on the show, so it’s

  • such an honor to actually get to talk to you about the whole process. So let’s go back,

  • you know, you had the opportunity to be with so many souls through your work in palliative

  • care. How quickly did you start to notice some common threads in the regrets?

  • It was certainly within the first year.

  • Yeah?

  • Yeah. So I worked on and off for 8 years with dying people, so quite soon. Yeah. Quite soon

  • into the journey. It was like, “Hang on, I’ve… I’ve had this conversation before.

  • What’s… what’s going on here?”

  • And did you start writing things down or taking notes?

  • Well, I always kept a journal anyway and because my patients were often asleep or resting,

  • I had a lotlot of long hours. So I would just write in a journal, not having any idea

  • that it was actually a future book coming together. It was more just about my life and

  • how it was being influenced by the people I was looking after individually. So, yeah,

  • I just kept writing andand over time I found myself writing similar things, you know,

  • as well as having those similar conversations.

  • Soand what was the journey like? So you did all of this incredible work and then take

  • us to the point where you were inspired to write the blog post.

  • I’d just finished working with dying people. I was in a place where I really wanted to

  • work where there was some hope and obviously, you know, once people are dying, theyre

  • on their last chapter. So I’d managed to set up a songwriting program in a women’s

  • jail and an editor for a magazine asked me to write an article about that, about how

  • the songwriting course came about. And so I was teaching guitar and songwriting to female

  • inmates at the time and when I wrote that article I thought, “This is crazy. I love

  • writing. You know, why aren’t I writing more? I’ll start a blog.” And so I thought,

  • Well, what do I write about?” And I got some very clear guidance, “Just write what

  • you know.” And I thought, “Ok, well, you know, I’ve just finished working with dying

  • people. I’ll write about that time in my life.” And so I just sat down withwith

  • really no forethought at all and just thought, “Ok, well, how has it affected me the most?

  • Why, you know, what have I learned from the dying people the most?” And straight away

  • it was regrets and I thought, “Oh, of course,” you know. “It’s been shaping my life for

  • the last 8 years.” And, yeah, so I ended up writing the article based on my old notes

  • but also just on my memory of the conversations, posted the article, and then for about 6 months

  • it sat. It had a little bit of movement here and there where people asked to share it and

  • then about 6 months later it just wentand I wasn’t ready for that sort of publicity

  • 6 months earlier. So I was growing into that readiness for it andand then in time that

  • grew into a book andyeah. The rest is history.

  • Yeah. So was it shared about 3 million times?

  • In the first year it was shared 3 million. In the first 2 or 3 years it was well over

  • 8 million views. Yes.

  • Wow.

  • Yes, yeah. It’s hard to comprehend, really.

  • And what were some of the notes and the letters that you were getting from people? Because

  • it’s… I mean, the ideas and the concepts are very simple but they hit you right in

  • the heart and for so many of us, myself included, it resonates as the truth.

  • Yes. Yeah. And I think that’s whatwhat happened is it did resonate with so many,

  • but I think the simplicity of it was part of the appeal and that it gives people permission

  • to actually make those choices because it’s not just someone else telling them, it’s…

  • it’s dying people who havewho were walking their talk. You know, they had the regret

  • at the end. Andand it was so, so strong, the message. So I think it was mostly about

  • just the simplicity of it and the permission to let it go for the reader. Yeah.

  • I’m curious, when you were actually hearing those regrets, as youre a sensitive soul,

  • youre a creative soul, was it hard emotionally to be there and stand there and care for these

  • people at the same time have so much emotion that youre absorbing and listening to?

  • Thethe level of anguish and frustration that the dying people shared, expressed while

  • they were sharing these regrets, was impossible not to be affected by. But I also had to trust

  • that that was their life path and at least they were learning those things at the end.

  • And some of them made me promise that I would share their wisdom on so that people would

  • learn from their mistakes. So if anything I just felt very honored andand grateful

  • to be that messenger and to also have the lesson given to me repeatedly so that I was

  • actually incorporating it into my own life. I couldn’t teach it without walking it myself,

  • so if anything it wasas heartbreaking as it often was for me, there were plenty

  • of tears in the bathroom with the door closed during those years, but as difficult as that

  • was it was also far more an honor than anything to work in that role.

  • Let’s take a look at regret number one, which is so powerful. I wish I’d had the

  • courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. And I was

  • so moved by Grace’s story, specifically when she said, “I mean it. Promise this

  • dying woman that you will always be true to yourself, that you will be brave enough to

  • live the way you want to, regardless of what other people will say.”

  • Yeah. Grace still affects me on a day to day basis. You know, not always consciously but

  • but those months with her were certainly life changing. And she had stayedshe’d stayed

  • in a marriage that was very unhappy and then as soon as her husband went into a nursing

  • home she was diagnosed with terminal illness and it was quite aggressive. So all of the

  • dreams that she’d put on hold thinking maybe she’d get some freedom at some stage in

  • her life were gone. There was nothing she could do about it. And she was just a little,

  • really small lady but she wasshe was fierce in herher resolution and her determination

  • to make me promise her. And, sheyeah, her regret waswas so tangible. It was

  • shocking. Yeah.

  • And did you hear those similar kind of words from so many of the other people?

  • Over and over and over. Just, “Do your own thing, love. Don't listen to what other people

  • say. I wish I hadn’t done this. I wish I hadn’t done that.” You know, it’s…

  • it came from all different angles and men and women. Just all different circumstances,

  • but really in a nutshell the same message over and over and over and over. Yeah.

  • And then regret number 2, which is one that I think will resonate not only with our culture

  • right now but especially for entrepreneurs and hardcore creatives.

  • Yes.

  • The regret I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. Goodness gracious. Every time I pick up your

  • book, I look at the blog post, because I do look at it often because I just feel like

  • it’s so important to be

  • It is.

  • ...reminded of these ideas. And John’s story is something that I don't think anyone watching

  • this show couldn’t relate to. When he says, you know, “Don't create a life where youre

  • going to regret working too hard.” He said, “Even though I didn't know I was gonna regret

  • it, deep in my heart I knew I was working too hard.” And I think there’s so much

  • wisdom in that.

  • Yes. Yes.

  • On one level you don't think youre gonna regret it. But there’s a small voice inside,

  • isn’t there? When were pushing too hard and you can start to feel a soulful tug. I

  • know I’ve experienced it at times where I’m being really hard on myself, trying

  • to push, trying to make something happen, trying to meet a deadline and I can feel Josh

  • or I can, you know, Kuma will come up and, you know, animals do the

  • Yes.

  • ...pawing you kind of thing. And I can feel like a little part of my soul going, “Put

  • the work down.” So I’m just curious if you have anything else to add.

  • Well, itit is, you know, so many of us love our work and so it’s not about not

  • loving your work andand we can get really caught up in it and just get, you know, carried

  • along. Andbut there’s no point of success if there’s not balance with it because work

  • isn't our whole life and there is that little voice. So as much as we can get caught up

  • in the busyness or thethe enjoyment, the striving of it, there is that little voice

  • that will say, “Oh, hang on a sec. This is…” and we can suppress it, but eventually

  • were either going to have to honor that voice or have that regret. Because there’s

  • so much more to life than our work and it’s wonderful when the two become one, when you

  • love your work so much it’s a huge part of your life, but there are plenty of other

  • aspects in our lives that really deserve a lot of attention as well. And sometimes that’s

  • just being and turning off the phone and sitting at the beach or going for a walk. Just acknowledging

  • thatthat it’s ok to switch off from work and give some solid time to other important

  • aspects of our lives.

  • After youve been able to share this message now with millions and millions of people,

  • how has it informed your day to day choices? Did you make any big choices that you feel

  • like because of these regrets, because you know them and youve written them and you

  • shared them that you found yourself at a crossroads where you could go one way or the other and

  • this helped inform…?

  • There’s… I can’t count how many decisions I’ve made based on this and how many small

  • and large crossroads. But if I’m faced with a decision that takes a lot of courage and

  • I find that courage now because I think, “Ok, I can go this way, it might be the easy way,

  • or I can go this way. It feels harder, scarier or whatever, but this is actually where I

  • want to go.” And I think, “I’m either gonna regret this or I’m not, you know,

  • whichwhich way causes no regrets?” The hard way, the challenging way, face the courage

  • way. And so you do become more and more courageous, you know, as you start using this as a tool

  • for living, you know, using the wisdom from the dying as a tool for living. And so many

  • decisions I make, even small decisions now, ultimately theyre affected, theyve been

  • shaped by these regrets. Because if it’s not going to feel good for me, I don't do

  • it anymore. I just… I say no to way more than I say yes to. I… I love yes, don't

  • worry. I, you know, I love the word yes, but I’ve learned to comfortably say no to so

  • many things without guilt, without explanation, just because I know there’s other things

  • that will feel better for me and that no one’s really at a loss if I say no. It doesn't matter,

  • you know, we have to follow our own heart’s calling and that heart’s calling ends up

  • benefiting everyone in the long run anyway.

  • Do you feel like your intuition has gotten stronger?

  • Yes.

  • Yes.

  • Yes. Yeah, it’s a guiding light.

  • Because you probably hear it and listen to it more perhaps than you did in the past.

  • Well, that’s right. Yeah. I often think about the Buddhist quote, the heart knows

  • no questions, the mind knows no answers. And I think all of us have been shaped by, you

  • know, we try and reason with logic in our mind but the more we can actually follow our

  • heart, which is our intuition and, you know, ourour longing, then the louder it speaks.

  • In fact, it starts singing after a while, it doesn't just speak.

  • Yes! I often feel like mine is so loud, like, I cannot ignore it.

  • Exactly.

  • And it’s pretty visceral.

  • Fantastic. Well, thank goodness you did.

  • Yes.

  • Thank goodness you did for all of us.

  • And I will say too, and I just wanted to say how deeply honored I am that youre a B-Schooler

  • in the B-School community. Clearly you were very successful before, but when I found that

  • out my heart cracked open and I was like, “What a pillar of the world,” and we have

  • the honor of being connected in that way as well.

  • Oh, yes. It was wonderful when I realized you were connected to my work in the same

  • way. And B-School has brought some of the most gorgeous women into my life and locally

  • I just have the most wonderful tribe. And were all B-Schoolers, there's nono

  • competition, were all lovingly supporting each other’s journey. If any of them have

  • similar career paths they collaborate rather than compete and it’s all thanks to you,

  • Marie. So B-School is a positive place.

  • I… that is so lovely to hear because I think one of the things many of us are starving

  • for in this day and age is a sense of community and connection and I talk about that with

  • my friends a lot. Because no matter how wonderful technology is and it forms these beautiful

  • connections, in some ways it can feel very isolating as well.

  • Sure.

  • And so I love, love, love to hear that. You know, you write something so beautiful. You

  • say, “The piece each of these dear people found before their passing is available now.

  • Without having to wait until your final hours, you have the choice to change your life, to

  • be courageous, to live a life true to your heart, one that will see you past without

  • regret.” Bronnie, what’s the closing thought you’d like to leave us with today?

  • That it’s ok to be happy and it’s ok to live the life your heart calls you to.

  • Thank you so much. Youre a beautiful, beautiful human being and thank you for putting this

  • work into the world.

  • It’s my pleasure. Thank you so much, Marie.

  • Now Bronnie and I would love to hear from you. What was the biggest insight that youre

  • taking away from today’s episode? As always, the richest discussions happen after the episode

  • over at MarieForleo.com, so go there and leave a comment now. Did you like this video? If

  • so, subscribe to our channel and I would be so grateful if you shared this one with your

  • family and friends. And if you want even more great resources to create a business and life

  • that you love, plus some personal insights from me that I only get to share in email,

  • come on over to MarieForleo.com and sign up for email updates. Stay on your game and keep

  • going for your dreams, because the world needs that special gift that only you have. Thank

  • you so much for watching and I’ll catch you next time on MarieTV.

Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business

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垂死之人的五個遺憾。Marie Forleo & Bronnie Ware (Five Regrets of The Dying: Marie Forleo & Bronnie Ware)

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