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  • - You should listen to me, yo.

    你應該聽我的

  • I'm a relationship expert that's single.

    我是單身的愛情專家

  • (Christmas bells)

    (耶誕鈴聲)

  • What up everyone, it's your girl, Superwoman,

    大家一切都好嗎?我是 Superwoman

  • and I am not looking for a relationship right now.

    我現在並不想談戀愛

  • I have no interest in putting my time or effort

    我沒有興趣把時間或精力

  • into another person, nor do I need another person

    放在另一個人身上,或是需要另一個人

  • to put energy into me, okay?

    放他的心力在我身上,好嗎?

  • Because that's what granola bars are for.

    因為那是燕麥營養棒(能量棒)的作用

  • And even though I'm pretty solid on that decision,

    雖然我很確定我自己的這個決定

  • from time to time, a guy will do something and my heart

    但偶爾會有個男人做了些什麼讓我的心

  • will try to convince my brain to think differently.

    嘗試說服我自己去改變這個決定

  • So let me reveal to you the five things guys do

    所以讓我告訴你五件男生會做的事

  • that girls love, AKA, lifehacks for single men

    讓女孩們能愛上,也就是俗稱,單身男人的必殺絕技

  • to get that Netflix and chill.

    讓你能約她回家看Neflix 兩個人一起輕鬆一下(性暗示)

  • Number one, wear distinct cologne.

    第一,噴味道獨特的古龍水

  • Okay now, hold up, I'm sure you've heard that before.

    喔,等等,我相信你以前一定聽過

  • It's not some unique thought.

    這並不是什麼獨特的想法

  • It's not rocket science.

    也不是什麼艱深的學問

  • Let's be real.

    讓我們現實點

  • We both live on thought catalog.

    我們都常常看 thought catalog(一個網站)

  • But let me explain to you why this is so important.

    但讓我解釋這件事為什麼重要

  • You see, because women wear perfume,

    你看,女人噴香水

  • and perfume smells sweet, okay?

    然後香水聞起來很棒,對不對?

  • Reminds you of flowers, fields, okay?

    讓你能聯想到花、草地,對嗎?

  • Nice sunsets, okay, perfume is basically

    美麗的夕陽,香水基本上

  • like Connor Franta's Instagram, okay?

    就像 Connor Franta 的 Instagram

  • It's effin' beautiful.

    真是天殺的美呆了

  • In fact, the whole experience

    事實上,噴香水

  • of wearing perfume is very sensual.

    是非常性感、肉慾的一件事

  • All commercials that advertise perfume are always like

    所有的香水廣告都是

  • a girl touching herself with no real storyline.

    一個女生在撫摸自己,而且完全沒有故事情節

  • A great example is any Miley Cyrus music video.

    麥莉·希拉的 MV 是很好的例子

  • ♫ I came in like a wrecking ball. ♫

    我像一顆大鐵球撞入你心房(歌詞)

  • Perfume by Dior.

    迪奧香水

  • And although perfume smells great,

    雖然香水聞起來很棒

  • it also smells kind of like, delicate,

    也聞起來滿精緻

  • and fragile, and passive and submissive.

    脆弱、被動和順從

  • Like, straight up, if perfume were a person,

    講白一點,如果香水是一個人

  • I would imagine that person having to fight

    那個人應該會必須要抗爭

  • for their right to vote, and that's annoying.

    才能得到選舉權,但這樣非常糟糕

  • I mean like, straight up, even I wanna ask a bottle

    我的意思是,連我都想問一瓶

  • of Chanel to go make me a sandwich.

    香奈兒香水幫我做三明治

  • But cologne, on the other hand, no no no,

    但從另一方面看,古龍水絕對不是這樣

  • cologne smells like confidence, okay?

    古龍水聞起來像自信

  • Like power.

    像力量

  • Cologne smells like you just hit a three-pointer,

    古龍水會讓你好像剛投了一顆三分球

  • won the game, and now Drake is gonna

    贏了比賽,然後 Drake 還會

  • write a rap lyric about you.

    寫一首有關你的饒舌歌

  • Steph cury with the shot boy

    ♫ 斯蒂芬·科里進球!♫

  • And that's hot.

    那真是太帥了

  • So it's hard for a woman to be around you

    所以對你周遭女人的來說,

  • and ignore that scent of victory, okay?

    很難忽略你那種勝券在握的感覺

  • And chances are, if she's pissed at you,

    也非常有可能,她在生你的氣

  • she'll still be captivated by the amazing scent

    但她還是會被你非常驚豔的香味給迷住

  • of your cologne.

    就是你的古龍香水

  • I saw you check her out!

    我看見你在瞄她!

  • - No, I wasn't even looking at her.

    哪有,我甚至沒有看到她

  • - I saw you!

    我看見了!

  • - (sigh) Lilly, I wasn't looking at her.

    (嘆了口氣)莉莉,我真的沒有在看她

  • - I saw you with my own eyes, Dom.

    我親眼看到了,唐

  • - Fine, okay, I'm sorry, alright?

    好吧, 我承認,我很抱歉,這樣可以嗎?

  • I'm sorry.

    對不起

  • - Don't even touch me!

    別碰我!

  • Get away from me!

    走開!

  • - (sigh) Fine.

    (嘆氣)好吧

  • - Get over here!

    過來!

  • Just..

    只是

  • - Uh, okay, I'm sorry.

    喔,我真的很抱歉

  • - Don't touch me!

    別碰我!

  • Get, get away from me!

    走開,離開我的視線!

  • - Ow, ow, that's my neck.

    噢,那是我的脖子

  • - You smell like a miracle, dammit!

    你聞起來就像是個奇蹟,該死的!

  • Not to mention, girls actually

    更不用提,女生實際上

  • remember how guys smell.

    會記得男人的味道

  • True story, I can not tell you how many times

    告訴你一個真實故事,我沒有辦法告訴你有多少次

  • I've hugged a guy and been like, "Oh, my God.

    當我抱一個男生時——我的天啊

  • "He smells like my ex."

    他聞起來就像是我的前任男友!

  • And then I'm like, "Finish him!"

    當下我就想解決掉他

  • (fighting exhalation)

    (戰鬥呼吸聲)

  • What up t-shirt reference. (laughing)

    剛好符合 T-shirt 上的暗示(笑聲)

  • J.K., J.K.

    開玩笑,開玩笑的

  • No, but for real, that's the type

    不,但說真的,那就是你需要的

  • of effed up brainwashing you need.

    洗腦能力

  • Number two, children.

    第二,小孩

  • Now let me make one thing clear.

    讓我先釐清一件事

  • I do not want kids right now.

    我現在並不想要小孩

  • I have absolutely no desire

    我一點也沒有慾望想要

  • to pop a human being out of my vajayjay,

    從我小妹妹(陰道)生出一個人類

  • and then having my vajayjay all stitched up.

    然後再縫合我的小妹妹

  • You know why?

    你知道為什麼嗎?

  • Because snitches get stitches,

    因為只有告密者才需要處罰(英文諺語)

  • and my vajayjay didn't say a damn thing, okay?

    我的小妹妹完全沒告密好嗎?

  • It's that simple.

    這很簡單

  • And you know what?

    你知道嗎?

  • Maybe one day I will want kids,

    也許有一天我會想要孩子

  • just like maybe one day I'll actually update

    就像也許有一天我會升級

  • my computer software and not click remind me tomorrow.

    我的電腦軟體,不會再按「稍後提醒」

  • But today is not that day.

    因為今天不是那天

  • I mean, don't get me wrong.

    我是說,別搞錯我的意思了

  • I love kids in small doses.

    我喜歡偶爾接觸小孩,

  • I mean, I love my nephews.

    我是指,我愛我的姪子們

  • But I ain't trying to be a mom.

    但我並沒有嘗試要變成媽媽

  • So then, why is it that when I see a man

    所以,為什麼當我看到一個男人

  • interacting with a child, suddenly my mind

    和小孩互動時,我的大腦會突然浮現

  • views him as the father to my hypothetical children?

    一個場景,把它當作我未來孩子的爸爸?

  • I swear to God, why does this happen?

    到底為什麼會發生這種事?

  • Is this just me?

    只有我這樣嗎?

  • Because I feel like a man

    因為我覺得男人

  • with a baby attached to him

    抱著嬰兒時

  • could be like a Pokemon character.

    就像是一個寶可夢的角色

  • So I am just like, "I play Fatherhood."

    他會說:「去吧!父親!」

  • And I'mma be over here like, "Ahh, Pika Pika!"

    那我在這裡說:「喔!皮卡皮卡!」

  • It's effin' wizardry.

    就像是該死的巫術

  • - Hey, sweetie, how are you?

    嘿,甜心,你好嗎?

  • Oh my gosh, you're so adorable.

    我的天,你好可愛喔!

  • You know Uncle Dom loves you, right?

    你知道我唐叔叔愛你,對嗎?

  • - [Lilly] Oh my God, he is so cute.

    莉莉:喔,我的天,他真的好可愛。

  • - Christmas presents and we just,

    聖誕節禮物,我們只是

  • we're just gonna have a blast.

    我們就盡情的玩耍

  • - [Lilly] Were his eyes always that nice?

    莉莉:他的眼睛總是這麼好看嗎?

  • - Growing up so fast.

    好快長大

  • - [Lilly] Has he been working out?

    莉莉:他是不是有在健身?

  • Wait, wait, should I marry this guy?

    等等,我應該嫁給這個男人嗎?

  • - Give me a kiss.

    親我一下

  • - [Lilly] Oh my God, he'd make such a good father.

    莉莉:喔我的天,他一定可以當個好爸爸

  • Just look at him.

    看看他

  • - Come on, give me a kiss.

    來嘛,親我一下

  • Don't do that.

    不要這樣

  • - [Lilly] Wait, what's happening down there?

    莉莉:等等,下面發生什麼事?

  • - You're just so cute!

    你真的好可愛

  • - [Lilly] Oh my God, I bet you he could assemble

    莉莉:我的天,我賭他一定能

  • IKEA furniture with his eyes closed.

    閉著眼睛組合 IKEA 的傢俱

  • - Uncle Dom loves you.

    唐叔叔愛你

  • - [Lilly] (sigh) And then we could live on a farm

    莉莉:(嘆氣)然後我們就可以住在一個農場裡

  • and we could be known as that cool family

    我們可以當住在農場上那個

  • that lives on the farm.

    很酷的家庭

  • - Okay, I love you, sweetheart.

    Ok, 我愛你,甜心

  • - And we'd only use organic baby food.

    而且我們只會煮有機的嬰兒食品

  • (moan) This is everything I want.

    這一切就是我想要的

  • Let's make a baby.

    讓我們生個小孩吧

  • But, do not be confused,

    但,別搞錯了

  • because this effect slashes spell

    因為這作用很短

  • only last for about 60 minutes, okay?

    只會維持 60 分鐘

  • You better milk it for as long as you can.

    你最好趁它還在時好好珍惜

  • - So, about that baby.

    所以,關於小孩那件事

  • - Baby?

    小孩?

  • Ew, what?

    噁,什麼?

  • Get away from me, don't touch me.

    走開,別碰我

  • - Yeah, I didn't wanna do that either.

    反正我也沒想做

  • - Tired.

    太累了

  • Don't be trying to bring up no kids

    別輕易在正常情況下

  • in no normal situation, okay?

    提到生小孩好嗎?

  • If the child does not present,

    如果小孩不存在

  • no booty for you, okay, boy?

    那你也別想得到我好嗎

  • Okay, honestly, and to answer your question, yes.

    好吧,誠實一點點,回答你的問題,是的

  • I would make out with you in front of the child

    我願意在孩子前和你一起做愛做的事

  • if that's what you're thinking, okay?

    如果那就是你正在想的

  • Don't judge me, okay?

    別評判我,好嗎?

  • Kids need to learn about the human body at some age, okay?

    小孩到了某個年紀就必須學習人體啊!

  • What better age than three?

    有什麼年紀比三歲更適合?

  • I talk so much crap.

    我說好多廢話

  • I would never do that.

    我當然不會這樣做

  • I sound like a man, man, man,

    哇我聽起來就像男人

  • man, man, hello, my name is Bob.

    男人,男人,哈囉,我的名字是鮑伯

  • Number three, move that body, boy.

    第三,動起來吧,男孩們!

  • Can I just say that there is no greater turn-on

    我可以說沒有任何一件事可以比

  • than a man that can dance well?

    一個會跳舞的男人更吸引人

  • There is very few problems that that can't solve.

    很少有問題不能以跳舞解決

  • I can not believe you forgot our anniversary.

    我不敢相信你竟然忘了我們的紀念日

  • - Alright, well, I apologize, okay?

    好吧,我道歉,好嗎?

  • Come on.

    來嘛!

  • - Okay, that's not gonna work again.

    那只能成功一次!

  • This is a different part of the video.

    這是不同部分的影片了

  • - (sigh) Fine.

    (嘆氣)好吧

  • (dance music)

    (跳舞音樂)

  • Is it too late now to say sorry?

    ♫現在說抱歉會不會太晚?

  • ♫ 'Cause I'm missing more than just your body.

    ♫因為我想念的不只是你的身體

  • Is it too late now to say sorry?

    ♫現在說抱歉會不會太晚?

  • Yeah, I know that I let you down.

    ♫我知道我望你失望了

  • Is it too late to say sorry now?

    ♫現在說抱歉會不會太晚?

  • ♫ I'm sorry, yeah.

    ♫我很抱歉,耶~

  • ♫ I'm sorry, yeah.

    ♫我很抱歉,耶~

  • Sorry. ♫

    ♫抱歉

  • - Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go

    不好意思,我要去

  • get a tattoo of D-Trix on my bosom.

    刺個 D-Trix 的刺青在我的胸口上

  • Number four, food.

    第四,食物

  • Now this could include bringing us food,

    現在這個也包含帶吃的給我們

  • making us food, ordering us food,

    或煮東西給我們吃,或是為我們點餐之類的

  • whatever, as long as it involves you

    不管是哪一種,只要是你

  • allowing food to enter my world.

    帶食物進入我的世界

  • Because honestly, it says a lot when a man

    因為老實說,當一個男人了解他在我心目中的地位

  • understands his place in my life.

    那是件非常了不起的事

  • It goes food,

    第一個是食物

  • Game of Thrones,

    再來是權力遊戲

  • him, slash all my friends that I complain to about him.

    然後是他,及可以讓我抱怨男友的朋友

  • - Hey babe, I want to talk

    嘿,寶貝,我想

  • to you about something.

    跟你談談

  • Oh, you're eating.

    喔,你在吃東西

  • You know what?

    你知道嗎?

  • It's okay, we can talk about it later.

    我們可以待會再談沒關係

  • - Thanks, babe.

    謝了,寶貝

  • - But, babe,

    但是,寶貝

  • did you want fries with that?

    你想要配薯條嗎?

  • (heartbeat)

    (心跳聲)

  • - Come here!

    來這裡!

  • No one has ever understood me like that.

    從來沒有人如此了解我

  • - Yeah, and I can get you, like, ketchup

    當然,我還可以去拿番茄醬

  • and mayo on the side, 'cause it's your favorite, right?

    還有一點美乃滋在旁邊,因為這是你的最愛,不是嗎?

  • (light piano music)

    (輕鋼琴音樂聲)

  • - It's overwhelming.

    真是太受寵若驚了

  • Marry me.

    嫁給我

  • - What?

    什麼?

  • - (hoot) That might have been the sexiest scene

    (呼)那應該是我影片中

  • I've ever included in a video.

    放過最性感的一幕

  • Is it hot in here?

    這裡是不是很熱啊?

  • Number five, thumbs.

    第五,大拇指

  • And by that, I mean clicking the thumbs-up button.

    我指的是點讚的這件事

  • What the hell were you thinking?

    你到底想到什麼去了?

  • Okay, to be fair, you liking this video

    好吧,公平點,你喜歡這部影片

  • might be just be something that, like, I like,

    可能只有我喜歡

  • but like, yo, hey you, yo,

    但,Yo!你,Yo!

  • how are you doin', huh?

    你過得怎麼樣呢?

  • Let's get to know each other.

    讓我們能更瞭解彼此吧

  • And some other quick ones include

    還有一些其他的包括

  • not peeing on the toilet seat,

    不要尿在馬桶座上

  • being funny, playing the guitar,

    要有趣、會彈吉他

  • being David Beckham, wearing just a towel,

    成為大衛貝克漢、只裹一條浴巾

  • driving a manual car,

    開手排車

  • knowing how to properly hold a fork,

    知道怎麼拿叉子的禮儀

  • knowing how to properly hold me,

    知道怎麼抱著我

  • being WWE World Heavyweight Champion.

    成為 WWE 世界重量級冠軍

  • And these are a few of my favorite things. ♫

    ♫ 這些只是我喜歡的一點小事情♫

  • But yo, this is just my opinion.

    但,這只是我的想法

  • At the end of the day, straight up,

    其實到了最後

  • don't change yourself for anyone,

    不要為了任何人而改變你自己

  • not even someone you're in a relationship with,

    包括你正在交往的人也一樣

  • because, can I just tell you?

    因為,我可以這麼說嗎?

  • There's more than enough hours in the day

    一天裡面有足夠的時間

  • and hot strangers on Instagram for us single people.

    也有足夠的帥哥美女在 Instagram上,給我們這些單身的人

  • So, don't stress about it too much.

    所以,別太有壓力了

  • Hope you enjoyed that video with

    希望你喜歡這部和 D-Trix

  • - D-Trix.

    拍的影片

  • - And we shot an awesome video on his channel.

    我們拍了一部很棒的影片在他的頻道上

  • The link is in the description.

    說明欄有連結

  • Make sure you go check it out, give it a thumbs up,

    記得去看一下,順便按個讚

  • show it some love, because he is dope

    給他一點愛,因為他超強

  • and awesome, so support this guy.

    也很棒,所以支持他一下好嗎