People who are afraid of getting close.

害怕親近他人的人們

People who need to sit alone for quite a long time every day.

每天需要獨處很長一段時間的人們

People who don't always find it easy to say what's on their minds.

不太能吐露心事的人們

People who need their space.

需要自己的空間的人們

We say these sort of people have got a fear of intimacy,

我們說這些人們對於親密感有恐懼

and that's not a good thing to have.

而這不是件好事

It can get you in trouble.

這會是個問題

But criticizing the fear of intimacy doesn't seem right or very productive at all.

但對於「恐懼親密感」指指點點是不對的、沒有意義的

We'd be far better off with a different approach.

用另一種方法會更好

For a start, if someone is scared of something,

首先，如果有人害怕某件事

it's never a great idea just to say they're silly and that there's nothing to be worried about.

說他們愚蠢、說這沒甚麼好怕的，都不是個好主意

It's a lot more effective to say: we're a bit scared too, and that it's actually normal to worry.

更好的說法是 : 其實我們也是會怕怕的，會擔心是正常的

Then, it is a good idea to try to understand the fear.

然後，我們該去了解這種恐懼

Where has it come from?

恐懼是從哪來的呢？

There's almost always a history to someone who is afraid of intimacy.

這樣的故事總是說來話長

A history where getting close to other people got them hurt,

在過去他們曾經因為和他人親近而受到傷害

so that closeness has become a problem.

因此「親密」變成了問題

We should also take on board just how much of life is about not being intimate.

我們應該想想，我們的生命中有多少時間是「不親密」的呢？

From an early age we're taught we need to be strong, independent and brave.

從小我們學習要堅強、獨立、勇敢、

We need to hide our emotions, not say how we're feeling,

隱藏自己的情緒、不輕易吐露心事、

bottle up what's going on inside.

隱藏真正的自己

It is no wonder we sometimes find it hard to change gear, and become masters at the art of intimacy.

怪不得，有時我們覺得很難改變自己，很難學習與人親密這門藝術

It's not surprising if we should get a bit stuck and not quite know what to do with the request to say exactly how we feel.

我們會突然愣住，不曉得如何吐露心事，這也不令人訝異

We've been out in the world too long.

我們脫離這個人與人的世界太久了

We're battle-hardened and just not used to it.

我們被戰役洗練得剛毅冷血，對於親密感不再習慣了

We might need a little time.

我們或許需要一點時間

So let's go easy on those with a fear of intimacy.

我們應該對「親密恐懼」放寬心

They're not bad people.

他們不是壞人

They just find a difficult thing tricky,

他們只是暫時走不出陰影

and we should be on hand to help them with gentleness and understanding.

我們應該溫和並且諒解地幫助他們