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  • How many of you are on Instagram?

    你們有誰也在用 Instagram?

  • Okay.

    好的。

  • Did you see that they changed their logo this week?

    大家有注意到他們這個禮拜換了一個全新 logo 嗎?

  • Did you notice that?

    你們有注意到嗎?

  • Yeah.

    有。

  • Here's the original one, and then this is the new one.

    這是原始版,然後這是新的。

  • They thought the original one looked old, and as we all know, looking old is the worst thing that can happen to anybody.

    他們覺得這個原始版看起來老老的,而我們都知道,對所有人來說,顯老大概是最糟糕的事了。

  • A lot of millennials are freaking out about it, which might seem ridiculous to older people, but remember how upset we all got when they switched Darrins on Bewitched?

    很多千禧世代的人都驚慌不已。年紀比較大的人或許會覺得這聽來很荒謬,但記得《神仙家庭》把 Darrin 換角時,大家有多沮喪嗎?

  • That was really frustrating us.

    那對我們來說可是一大挫折呢。

  • You can't just do that.

    你不能就那樣換掉他啊。

  • Thanks to Instagram, now every day has its own different hashtag.

    多虧 Instagram,現在每一天都有專屬的主題標籤了。

  • It used to be simpler.

    以前比較簡單啦!

  • Like people were sad on Monday, and they were happy on Friday, and on Wednesday we would hump.

    比如大家星期一會感到憂鬱、星期五覺得很開心,然後星期三總會來「親密一下」。

  • Now, today, I thought I would actually teach you about the different Instagram days because I am young and hip.

    不過我今天覺得我可以教你們一些不一樣的 Instagram 日,因為我既年輕又潮。

  • And I know what the kids are up to and down with, and I Netflix and chill.

    而且我知道現在的年輕人都在做什麼,而且我個人也會 Netflix and chill 一下。

  • And I know what Fetty Wap means.

    我也知道 Fetty Wap 是什麼意思。

  • And I do alcohol.

    我還會喝點酒。

  • And I know about Instagram.

    然後我還知道 Instagram 究竟是什麼。

  • So, today is Monday.

    今天是星期一。

  • So you're supposed to post a picture of a guy that you have a crush on.

    所以你應該要發一張你暗戀的男生的照片。

  • It's called Man Crush Monday.

    這個叫做「暗戀男人星期一」。

  • This is a tough one for me.

    這對我來說蠻難的。

  • Because I haven't had a real man crush since about 1974, but I did come up with a perfect guy for this one.

    因為大概從 1974 年開始,我就沒有真正暗戀過男生了。但我還是為這一天找到了一個完美人選。

  • He's young, he's handsome, he has amazing hair.

    他年輕、俊美,留著一頭帥氣髮型。

  • Not Harry Styles; it is my puppy, Kid.

    不是 Harry Styles(一世代團員)喔!我是說我的小狗狗 Kid。

  • Aw.

    噢。

  • I have a crush on my puppy.

    我家狗狗讓我著迷。

  • #Adorable

    #超級可愛

  • Now Tuesday is known as booze day, which I think it's always been.

    星期二是為「豪飲日」,我個人覺得一直都是這樣啦!

  • Wednesday is woman crush Wednesday.

    星期三是「暗戀女人星期三」。

  • Now we're talking.

    現在我可有興趣了!

  • Obviously mine would be Portia.

    我的人選當然非 Portia(艾倫的老婆)莫屬。

  • But some people post pictures of women that they fantasize about; like my writer Troy posted this sexy green M&M.

    但有些人會發讓他們有遐想的女人照片,比如我的編劇 Troy 就發了一張性感的綠色 M&M 巧克力照片。

  • That's who he fantasizes about.

    讓他有遐想的就是這個人。

  • You have to know Troy really.

    你們得認識 Troy 才會了解的。

  • Then I think everybody knows it, throwback Thursday.

    接著就是眾所皆知的「回顧星期四」。

  • And then Friday they call flex day Friday.

    然後大家稱星期五為「繃肌星期五」。

  • You post a picture of yourself after you go to the gym.

    你會發一張你去完健身房後的照片。

  • I didn't go to the gym so I'm gonna just show you a shirtless picture of tWitch because that's...

    我沒有去健身房,所以我就讓大家看一張 tWitch 裸上身的照片,因為這照片...

  • That's pre Magic Mike, that's before you really ...

    這是拍魔力麥克前拍的吧,在你真正...

  • Yeah, that was the day right there, that was...

    沒錯,照片正是那一天拍的...

  • That I waxed you? Yes, that was the day I waxed you!

    我幫你用熱蠟除毛那天嗎?沒錯,就是我幫你除毛的那一天!

  • Yeah, what happened after that, yeah that was the last time I smiled for that day, that was it.

    沒錯,這是那之後發生的事,那是我那天最後一次笑了。

  • So, Saturday, I think, is my favorite.

    再來,星期六應該是我最喜歡的。

  • Saturday is Caturday, they call it, so you post pictures of cats.

    大家稱星期六為「貓咪星期六」,所以你得發貓咪的照片。

  • So, I mean... like, for example, this one here.

    我的意思是... 你可以拿這張當例子。

  • I know!

    很可愛吧!

  • Or this one here.

    或者是這張

  • Or this one here.

    或是這張。

  • Or this one here.

    又或者是這張。

  • I could do this all day.

    叫我整天做這事都可以。

  • One more.

    再來一張吧!

  • There.

    看吧!

  • Okay, this is why I don't have time to go out on Caturday nights.

    這就是為什麼我在貓咪星期六晚上都沒時間出門。

  • Because I'm home.

    因為我都在家。

  • But here's the thing.

    但事情是這樣的。

  • I don't think that you should have to stick to these themes.

    我不覺得你必須得完全遵循這些主題。

  • I mean, you can make up your own.

    我的意思是,你可以創造自己的主題。

  • For instance, Kim Kardashian decided that on every day that ends with a y, she posts a naked selfie.

    比如說,Kim Kardashian 就決定每個 y 結尾的日子都要放上一張裸體自拍。

  • That's what she does.

    她是這樣做的。

  • And for me, every day is #dancingday.

    而對我來說,每天都是 #跳舞日。

How many of you are on Instagram?

你們有誰也在用 Instagram?

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【艾倫秀】#每天都要 Instagram 一下才夠潮 (#InstagramEveryDay)

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    黃冠瑋 發佈於 2017 年 06 月 22 日
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