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  • - That's 35 extra large pizzas

    -那邊是35份特大號披薩

  • and here's your receipt.

    然後這是收據

  • - And here's my coupon.

    -我要用這張優惠券付錢

  • - Coupon?

    -優惠券?

  • Haven't seen this before.

    為什麼我之前都沒看過?

  • - When I first saw it I said,

    -我第一次看到它的時候,我驚呼

  • "$10 off every $7 pizza?"

    「每塊7美元的披薩都可以便宜10美元?」

  • That means you owe me $3 per pizza.

    那就表示妳每塊披薩都得付3美元給我

  • [sighs] Such a deal.

    (嘆)還挺不賴的,是吧

  • - That can't be right.

    -我想你是說錯了

  • That means we owe you over $100.

    那意思是說我們得付還給你多達100美元

  • - That's what I said! Such a deal.

    -對啦,我的意思就是那樣,真的很划算,對吧?

  • - Sir, as terrible as our food may be,

    -先生,縱使我們的食物再怎麼難吃

  • we do not pay people to eat it.

    我們也絕不會付錢給客人來吃我們的東西

  • - Well, according to this coupon, you do,

    -嗄?可是根據這張優惠券,上面是這樣寫的啊

  • and I want my money.

    我現在就要拿到我的錢

  • - What seems to be the problem, sir?

    -請問發生了什麼問題嗎,先生?

  • - This man is clearly a fraud.

    -這個人明顯根本就是來亂的

  • He tried to pay with that.

    他試著要用那個來付款

  • - Oh, good, my coupon! It's working!

    -喔,太好了,我作的優惠券耶,真的有人在使用了!

  • Mads, please take care of this gentleman.

    麥姿,請妳好好禮待這位男士

  • Here at Pork E. Pine's, the customer's always right.

    在「神埼寶杯」餐廳裡,客人永遠是對的

  • - Thanks, man.

    -謝啦,老兄

  • Hey, we're running a special next door:

    嘿,我們隔壁在辦一個活動:

  • free pizza with car wash.

    免費披薩又能免費洗車

  • You should stop by.

    你待會該去路過看看的

  • - Oh, that's so nice.

    -喔,聽起來真不錯呢

  • Thank you.

    謝謝你

  • - Thank you.

    -謝謝您的蒞臨

  • - Unbelievable.

    -真是不敢置信

  • - I know, right?

    -我知道

  • We're gonna make a fortune.

    我們就要發大財了

  • And make sure to tell all your friends!

    回去記得厝邊招隔壁,樓頂招樓下嘿!

  • - Now they're gonna tell all their friends!

    -現在那些客人都通通跑去跟他們親朋好友講了!

  • - Exactly!

    -沒有錯啊!

  • - Your coupon's gonna tank the business.

    -你的優惠券會毀了我們的生意

  • - I'm getting real tired of you always saying

    -我也真是受夠妳滿口自以為是的生意經

  • I'm gonna tank the business.

    我就是執意要這麼做

  • If anything's bringing this business down,

    如果到最後真的被迫關門大吉

  • it's your poor attitude.

    那也是因為妳那討人厭的態度,好嗎?

  • - How did you even come up with these figures anyway?

    -你腦袋瓜到底為什麼會想出這種鳥點子?

  • - I crunched some numbers, but then my mind got confused

    -那時候我就在咀嚼一些數字,但腦袋卻突然打結了

  • so then I did some crunches on my abacus

    所以我就開始在算盤上推推算算

  • and came up with some new numbers.

    最後得到一組新數字

  • I call it six pack math.

    我叫它:「六塊積」

  • - Wow. - Yeah, I know.

    -哇 -耶,我懂

  • It's not easy being a visionary.

    當一個夢想家是不太容易的

  • Now I know how Steve Jobs must've felt.

    現在我總算能夠體會史提夫·賈伯斯心裡的感受了 (譯註: Steve Jobs是一位美國企業家、行銷家和發明家,蘋果公司的聯合創始人之一亦為皮克斯動畫創辦人,已於2011年逝世)

  • [sighs]

    (嘆)

  • - Look, we've lost a fortune this week.

    -聽好,我們這禮拜損失慘重

  • I need you to consult an accredited financial planner

    我要你和一位合格的理財顧問進行商討

  • to fix this before Pork E.'s becomes destitute.

    好在餐廳破產以前彌補這次損失

  • - Destitute?

    -窮困潦倒?

  • Pork. E.'s would never sell sex for money.

    我們餐廳絕不會為了錢來提供性服務

  • Wait, should we?

    等等,我們不該嗎...

  • [playful music]

    (俏皮音樂)

  • - [man singing] This is America

    - (男聲) 這裡是美國

  • Land of dreams

    夢想的發源之地

  • Everyone can climb higher

    每個人都能高高在上

  • - [women singing] Not you, though

    - (女聲) 你錯了

  • You're stuck here

    你明知道自己被困在這裡

  • 'Cause you're a part-timer, yeah

    因為你只是個實習工讀生,耶~

  • - [man singing] You can do anything

    - (男聲) 想做什麼都隨心所欲

  • - [woman singing] As long as it's not hard

    - (女聲) 前提是不要太難

  • - [man singing] And you can go anywhere

    - (男聲) 想去哪玩也隨心所欲

  • - [woman singing] As soon as you get a car

    - (女聲) 前提是你得有車

  • - [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success

    - (男聲) 你就能坐擁天下

  • - [woman singing] Come on, that's not who you are

    - (女聲) 拜託,你以為你是誰?

  • - [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed

    - (男聲) 實習工讀生是一種詛咒

  • With full-time dreams

    雖然你充滿夢想

  • And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

    但薪水就跟表面看起來一樣的糟

  • Bad as it seems

    一樣糟糕

  • What the [bleep] are you doing here?

    你到底是吃錯什麼藥?

  • Whoa

    哇喔

  • What the [bleep] are you doing here?

    到底為什麼要來這裡啊?

  • Oh

    喔~

  • Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?

    兄弟,認真的嗎? -你到底在這裡做什麼啊?

  • - Of course I'm accredited.

    -我當然是合格認可過的啊

  • Look at all my a-credit cards.

    你看看我所有的信用卡都信用良好

  • - I knew you were the man for the job.

    -我就知道你很適合來做這份工作

  • - As your financial planner, I'll get you all your money back

    -身為你的理財顧問,我要把你所有的錢都拿過來

  • plus my standard business fee of 25%.

    再加上我25%的業務手續費

  • - Half? [inhales sharply]

    -一半的錢?(大力吸氣)

  • I don't know, man. That seems kind of steep.

    我不知道耶,老兄,這聽起來好像有點不太合理

  • - Yeah, it's only that high

    -哈哈,因為我知道你數學超爛

  • because I know how bad you are at math.

    所以我才敢把收費標準調這麼高

  • Do you remember how you spent your sweet 16 birthday cash?

    你還記得16歲生日的時候你怎麼花掉你的錢嗎?

  • - Yeah, I still believe in dry-hump jeans.

    -耶,我到現在都還記得那件摩擦來摩擦去的牛仔褲

  • - Yeah, which is why I'll be doing all the heavy lifting.

    -對啊,那就是為什麼我一直要抬重物的原因

  • So you in?

    那就這樣說定囉?

  • - Congratulations, financial planner.

    -恭喜你成為我的理財顧問

  • So how are we gonna get our money back?

    那我什麼時候可以把錢拿回來?

  • - Oh, crowdfunding.

    -喔,網路募款

  • You just make an awesomely sappy video

    你只需要作一部很炫很讚的影片

  • and put it up on GiveYourMoneyToMe.com,

    然後放到「給我你的錢」網站上面

  • and then people just give you free cash

    然後大家就會無條件給你錢

  • in exchange for dumb thank-you prizes.

    你再給他們愚蠢的感謝狀作為回報

  • - Okay, but how are we supposed to make a video?

    -好喔,那我們該怎麼拍影片?

  • - Oh, don't worry.

    -喔,別擔心

  • I know a guy.

    我知道有一個人可以幫我們

  • [playful music]

    (俏皮音樂)

  • - Quiet on the set.

    -現場安靜點

  • Anton, you're playing the role of Sarah McLachlan.

    安東尼,你負責扮演莎拉·麥克勞克蘭 (譯註: Sarah McLachlan為加拿大創作歌手、音樂家,以其獨特動情的次女高音歌聲而著名)

  • Ian, you're playing the role of sad puppy

    伊恩,你扮演一隻即將要被

  • about to be euthanized.

    安樂死的悲情小狗狗

  • - Got it.

    -了解

  • - Uh, who is Sarah McLachlan?

    -呃,請問一下莎拉·麥克勞克蘭是哪位?

  • - Dude, she's the original crowdsourcer-er.

    -老兄,她可是群眾外包人士的創始人 (譯註: crowdsource指的是用網路串連一大群人,獲取他們的知識、專長、時間或資源的過程)

  • You know, she's the one that talks really dramatically

    你要知道,她可是一個講話很戲劇性

  • and looks really sad and gets everybody's money.

    哭起來又十分到位的人,所以總能拿到大家的捐款

  • - Oh.

    -喔

  • - Yeah.

    -對啊

  • - Slate, please.

    -打板器拿來給我

  • Copy. - All right.

    稿子準備好 -沒問題

  • - Heartfelt crowdsourcing video take one.

    -真心誠意群眾外包影片,第一拍

  • - All right.

    -好,來

  • - [clears throat]

    -(清喉嚨聲)

  • [sighs]

    (嘆氣)

  • Every hour, a human is beaten

    每1個小時,就有1個人類被

  • by math.

    數學擊垮

  • I know because it happened to me.

    我會這麼清楚,是因為我身歷其境過

  • And now this little fella is also a victim of mathematics.

    而現在身旁這可憐的小傢伙也是受害者之一

  • Soon, he'll be jobless

    很快地,牠就會失業

  • and forced to live out on the streets.

    被迫流浪街頭

  • - [woman singing] Na na

    - (女聲) 吶~吶~

  • - But we could stop math before it's too late.

    -但我們可以在一切都來不及以前,消弭數學

  • For just $1 a day,

    1天只需要1美金

  • that's $150 a year--

    1年相當於150美金

  • - [woman singing] Na na

    - (女聲) 吶~吶~

  • - 365?

    -1年竟然有365天?

  • [acoustic guitar strumming]

    (吉他彈奏聲)

  • Oh, God, it's happening again.

    喔,上帝啊,悲劇又發生了

  • - [woman singing] Na na

    - (女聲) 吶~吶~

  • - Please donate.

    -發揮愛心,捐款吧

  • - [woman singing] Na na

    - (女聲) 吶~吶~

  • - [whimpering]

    - (嗚咽)

  • [sobbing]

    (啜泣)

  • [both sobbing]

    (雙方都啜泣)

  • [sobbing] Please donate.

    (啜泣) 拜託來捐錢吧

  • [sobbing] Please donate!

    (啜泣) 捐錢給我們!

  • - Well, if we're gonna be the worst,

    -呃...如果我們被獲選為最糟的影片的話

  • we might as well be the best at being the worst.

    那我們也可能是最爛影片裡最好的那個啊

  • We did it!

    我們成功了!

  • - I can't believe we made the front page of HuffPo

    -我真是不敢相信我們竟然被哈芬登郵報登在頭版 (譯註: 哈芬登郵報是一個美國主要的新聞網站、聚合部落格,創立於2005年)

  • for sucking.

    說我們很爛

  • - Yeah, but we're on the front page.

    -是沒錯啦,但我們登上頭版了啊

  • There's no such thing as bad press.

    就算是負面新聞,那也是一種宣傳啊

  • - You're right.

    -你是對的

  • All that matters is that people are donating,

    重要的是人們捐錢給我們

  • and we got the hits.

    我們有受到關注,這樣就夠了

  • - Mm-hmm. - Hits.

    -是不是? -受到關注

  • [both chanting] Hits, hits, hits, hits, hits!

    (一起叫喊) 關注、關注、備受關注!

  • - Wait. When are we gonna get our money?

    等一下,那我們什麼時候才可以拿到錢啊?

  • - Well, once we fulfill the donation orders,

    -這個嘛,就等捐款落成搞定囉

  • then it's bada-bing, bada-boom, cha-ching, cha-ching.

    然後再來就是巴搭兵、巴搭碰、恰清恰清

  • [rapping] Cash register noise

    (說唱) 收銀機的聲音

  • Your financial woes are over

    金融危機已過去

  • Forget about it

    忘得痛快、忘得徹底

  • You talkin' to me?

    你認同我嗎?

  • - Okay, so how do we fulfill all these orders?

    -好喔,那我們要怎麼實現這些訂單呢?

  • - Well, we promised our donors jewel-encrusted t-shirts,

    -這個嘛,我們承諾會給鑲著寶石的短袖汗衫

  • so do you still have those misprinted tees?

    你之前那些印錯的衣服還在嗎?

  • - Yeah, but I was gonna use them up in the air ducts

    -是還在,可是我打算把它們放在排氣孔

  • to cover up all the asbestos.

    好遮擋所有的石棉

  • - Don't. Don't. Don't bother with that.

    -千萬不要,不需要這麼麻煩

  • No.

    不必

  • We'll just throw some jewels on those,

    我們就只需要丟一些寶石在上面

  • ship them out, and get paid.

    然後運送出去、收捐款費用

  • Problem solved. - How many do we have to make?

    問題就解決啦 -那我們要有多少錢才能這樣做?

  • - Just, like, a pinch over...

    -掐指一算,最少也要...

  • 2,000.

    2000美元吧 (譯註: 2000美元約等於6萬元新臺幣)

  • - What?

    -搞屁啊?

  • That's gonna cost a fortune!

    那要花掉老子一大筆錢耶!

  • - Relax, dude.

    -放輕鬆,老兄

  • I know a great t-shirt guy.

    我認識一個很會做短衫的傢伙

  • [playful music]

    (俏皮音樂)

  • - You know, this design and I

    -你們知道嗎,這件衣服的設計

  • really clicked.

    跟我還真的是一拍即合

  • It only took me seven hours.

    這只花我7個小時的時間製作

  • Just 2,000 more to go. - No!

    只要給我2000美金就幫你搞定啦 -太扯了!

  • Dinger, you're gonna have to work way, way faster on these.

    丁格,你必須要加緊腳步把所有衣服都做出來耶

  • - Said the pope to Michelangelo.

    -你怎麼不乾脆叫米開朗基羅來幫忙? (譯註: Michelangelo是文藝復興時期傑出的雕塑家、建築師、畫家和詩人,與達文西和拉斐爾並稱「文藝復興藝術三傑」)

  • - Dude, just get it done.

    -反正你趕快完成就對了

  • - Okay!

    -好啦!

  • But this one's mine.

    但這一件我要定了

  • [upbeat jazzy music]

    (愉悅的爵士音樂)

  • [horn blares] - Wake up!

    (號角聲) -起床了啦,還在睡!

  • - [screams]

    - (尖叫)

  • I quit!

    我不幹了!

  • These working conditions are starting to seem illegal.

    這樣的工作環境已經顯得不合法了

  • - No, no, no.

    -那可不行

  • If you quit, none of us get our free money,

    要是你不幹了,我們就都拿不到免費的善款

  • and none of us get paid.

    也沒有人會付錢給我們

  • - Well, you guys finish the shirts then!

    -是嗎,那你們自己先來完成這件衣服再說啊!

  • - Hey, I'm the financial advisor.

    -嘿,我可是理財顧問

  • I sign checks. I don't do manual labor.

    我是負責開支票的,我可沒在幹這種手工勞力

  • - Anton, you'll be hearing from my lawyer.

    -安東尼,你等著見我的律師吧

  • - You have a lawyer?

    -你有律師?

  • - No, but I do have someone that's willing to act like one.

    -沒有,但我有朋友很樂意當我的律師

  • - Have you been a victim of harassment in the workplace?

    -你是惡劣工作環境下的受害者嗎?

  • Does your boss chain you to a desk

    你的老闆是否將你綑綁在辦公桌

  • and force you to pee in a bucket?

    還逼你尿尿只能尿在桶子裡呢?

  • Are you underpaid, overworked,

    你是不是薪水太少、工作時數過長

  • and constantly told that you have bad teeth?

    還不斷被人家說你有口臭呢?

  • Well... [chuckles]

    哼哼... (笑)

  • Not anymore!

    你再也不用忍受這種苦了!

  • Howdy!

    大家好! (譯註: howdy相當於hi, hello,是牛仔慣用的招呼方式,在美國德州地區盛行)

  • I'm Peter Petrinovic with Peter & Petrinovic,

    吾乃彼得·彼得林以及彼得·彼得林

  • and I'm here to fight for you!

    吾人來這裡的目的就是要和你共同對抗惡老闆!

  • Good afternoon, gentlemen.

    午安,兩位紳士

  • I'll get straight to the point.

    我就不客氣直接進入正題了

  • Here are my client's demands.

    這是我委託人的請求

  • Mr. Von Ripworth would like overtime, under time,

    梵瑞普沃斯先生要求超時加班、限時完成工作

  • hammer time, and a subscription to "TIME."

    甚至掄起槌子的時間都要加薪,還要訂閱「時代雜誌」

  • - But our whole business is going under.

    -可是我們的公司幾近破產

  • I can't afford to pay him anything.

    我根本什麼都付不出來

  • [video games beeping]

    (電玩遊戲聲)

  • - My client wishes to inform the both of you

    -我的委託人希望我告知你們

  • that he is unionizing.

    他已經加入工會了

  • - What union?

    -哪個工會?

  • - The BGA:

    BGA

  • Bedazzler's Guild of America.

    亮片裝飾美國協會

  • Perhaps you've heard of them.

    不知道你有沒有聽過

  • They are huge.

    這工會規模可是非常龐大的

  • [no audible dialogue]

    (現場無語)

  • [children yelling]

    (孩子吼叫聲)

  • - Rhinestoners have rights! all: Hey!

    -貼水晶人士也要人權! 其他人: 嘿!

  • - Rhinestoners have rights! all: Hey!

    -貼水晶人士也要人權! 其他人: 嘿!

  • - Rhinestoners have rights! all: Hey!

    -貼水晶人士也要人權! 其他人: 嘿!

  • - Rhinestoners have rights! all: Hey!

    -貼水晶人士也要人權! 其他人: 嘿!

  • - Great, now we have to fight a union to get t-shirts

    -太好了,現在我們得對抗這個工會,才能拿到衣服了

  • to fulfill orders so we can get free money

    才能完成訂單,也才能拿到善款

  • to pay our company bills.

    來付公司的帳單了

  • - Minus my 50% off the top, exactly,

    -正確來說,還要從中扣除掉給我的50%利潤

  • but don't worry, dude.

    但別擔心,兄弟

  • I know a guy.

    我還知道一個傢伙

  • He's a union buster.

    他可是工會的剋星

  • - Ian, you always claim to know a guy

    -伊恩,你都說你自己認識某個傢伙

  • and it's always the same guy.

    但到頭來還不都是同一個人

  • Tell me it's not Dinger.

    不要跟我說又是丁格

  • - It's Dinger.

    -是他沒錯啊

  • What? He's affordable.

    怎樣?他比較便宜嘛

  • - You claim to be a fixer,

    -你都說會請來一個解決問題的傢伙

  • and all you do is make things worse.

    但最後都只會讓事情變得更糟

  • - I can't help it if I'm an idea guy and you're not.

    -就算我點子再多也還是解決不了啊,你又不會幫忙想

  • - I have an idea. - Yeah?

    -我想到一個點子 -是啥?

  • - You're fired. - What?

    -你被開除了 -什麼?

  • But, like, fired from Pork E. Pine's

    說清楚,是被這家餐廳開除

  • or fired as your financial advisor?

    還是理財顧問當不成了?

  • - Rhinestoners have rights! all: Hey!

    -貼水晶人士也要人權! 其他人: 嘿!