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  • Translator: Thu-Huong Ha Reviewer: Youna Jung

    讓我告訴各位一件我很苦惱的事

  • I'm going to tell you about an affliction I suffer from.

    而且直覺告訴我,這裡不少人

  • And I have a funny feeling that quite a few of you

    跟我一樣有這種苦惱

  • suffer from it as well.

    當我在畫廊看畫的時候

  • When I'm walking around an art gallery,

    走過一間又一間滿是畫作的房間

  • rooms and rooms full of paintings,

    看了15到20分鐘後

  • after about 15 or 20 minutes,

    我領悟到我其實沒有在看畫

  • I realize I'm not thinking about the paintings.

    我對這些畫一點感覺也沒有

  • I'm not connecting to them.

    我腦袋裡想著的其實是咖啡

  • Instead, I'm thinking about that cup of coffee

    我亟需讓自己清醒

  • I desperately need to wake me up.

    我的苦惱就是畫廊困倦症

  • I'm suffering from gallery fatigue.

    這裡有多少人也有這種苦惱?

  • How many of you out there suffer from --

    是吧!哈哈哈哈!

  • yes. Ha ha, ha ha!

    那麼,有時候大概可以撐

  • Now, sometimes you might last longer

    超過20分鐘,有時甚至撐不了那麼久

  • than 20 minutes, or even shorter,

    但我想我們都有著這種苦惱

  • but I think we all suffer from it. And do you have

    那你會伴隨著愧疚的感覺嗎?

  • the accompanying guilt?

    對我來說,當我看著牆上的畫作

  • For me, I look at the paintings on the wall

    我想,某個人決定要把這些畫掛在牆上

  • and I think, somebody has decided to put them there,

    想著,這些畫是値得掛出來的

  • thinks they're good enough to be on that wall,

    但我不見得看得懂好在哪裡

  • but I don't always see it.

    事實上,絕大部分時間我都看不懂

  • In fact, most of the time I don't see it.

    所以我離開畫廊時很不開心

  • And I leave feeling actually unhappy.

    我自覺內疚,不快樂

  • I feel guilty and unhappy with myself,

    我認為我看不懂是因為我有問題

  • rather than thinking there's something wrong with the painting,

    而不是這些畫有問題

  • I think there's something wrong with me.

    所以像這樣離開畫廊的經驗很差

  • And that's not a good experience, to leave a gallery like that.

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    我認為我們應該對自己好一點

  • The thing is, I think we should give ourselves a break.

    你想,如果你去了一家餐廳

  • If you think about going into a restaurant,

    當你看菜單的時候,你會想去點

  • when you look at the menu, are you expected to order

    菜單上的每一道菜嗎?

  • every single thing on the menu?

    不會!你會選菜

  • No! You select.

    如果你去百貨公司買襯衫

  • If you go into a department store to buy a shirt,

    你會試穿店裡的每一件襯衫嗎?

  • are you going to try on every single shirt

    而且每一件都買嗎?

  • and want every single shirt?

    當然不會!你有所選擇,本應如此

  • Of course not, you can be selective. It's expected.

    那爲什麼不行在

  • How come, then, it's not so expected

    畫廊裡選擇性地看畫呢?

  • to be selective when we go to an art gallery?

    憑什麼我們對每一幅畫都要有感覺?

  • Why are we supposed to have a connection with every single painting?

    所以我試著用不同的方法

  • Well I'm trying to take a different approach.

    我做兩件事

  • And there's two things I do:

    我去畫廊的時候 我很快地先把畫廊走一遍

  • When I go into a gallery, first of all, I go quite fast,

    把所有的畫都瀏覽一下 然後我選出幾幅

  • and I look at everything, and I pinpoint the ones

    因為某些因素讓我想慢慢看的畫

  • that make me slow down for some reason or other.

    我甚至不知道為什麼這些畫吸引我佇足

  • I don't even know why they make me slow down, but something

    但是他們像磁鐵般吸住我的目光

  • pulls me like a magnet

    然後我不再回顧其他的畫 就直接走去那幅我想看的

  • and then I ignore all the others, and I just go to that painting.

    所以這是我先做的事 自己當博物館館長

  • So it's the first thing I do is, I do my own curation.

    我先選一幅畫,可能是50選一

  • I choose a painting. It might just be one painting in 50.

    然後第二件事是我站在那幅畫前

  • And then the second thing I do is I stand in front of that painting,

    自己編一個有關這畫的故事

  • and I tell myself a story about it.

    為什麼是一個故事?嗯,我想這是天生的

  • Why a story? Well, I think that we are wired,

    我們的DNA告訴我們要講故事

  • our DNA tells us to tell stories.

    我們總是拿各式題材說故事

  • We tell stories all the time about everything,

    我認為我們之所以這麼做 是因為這是個瘋狂混亂的世界

  • and I think we do it because the world is kind of a crazy, chaotic place,

    有時候我們用故事來讓這個世界更合理一點

  • and sometimes stories, we're trying to make sense of the world a little bit,

    試著在混亂中找秩序

  • trying to bring some order to it.

    為什麼不在看畫時如法炮製呢?

  • Why not apply that to our looking at paintings?

    所以現在我就像在餐廳裡選菜一般

  • So I now have this sort of restaurant menu

    選畫廊裡的畫

  • visiting of art galleries.

    接下來我要展示三幅畫

  • There are three paintings I'm going to show you now

    這些畫讓我駐足良久

  • that are paintings that made me stop in my tracks

    想對人訴說他們的故事

  • and want to tell stories about them.

    第一幅需要解釋一下它的背景

  • The first one needs little introduction --

    揚‧維梅爾的「戴珍珠耳環的女孩」

  • "Girl with a Pearl Earring" by Johannes Vermeer,

    他是十七世紀的荷蘭畫家

  • 17th-century Dutch painter.

    這是最棒的一幅

  • This is the most glorious painting.

    我第一次看到這幅畫是十九歲

  • I first saw it when I was 19,

    後來我馬上就去買了一張它的海報

  • and I immediately went out and got a poster of it,

    其實我仍保留著那張海報 30年後我還把它掛在家裡

  • and in fact I still have that poster. 30 years later it's hanging in my house.

    我搬到哪裡都要帶著它

  • It's accompanied me everywhere I've gone,

    總是百看不厭

  • I never tire of looking at her.

    一開始讓我在畫廊佇足欣賞這幅畫的理由

  • What made me stop in my tracks about her to begin with

    只是因為他用了好漂亮的顏色

  • was just the gorgeous colors he uses

    還有那映照在她臉上的光影

  • and the light falling on her face.

    但是我想會讓我年復一年的回來看這幅畫

  • But I think what's kept me still coming back

    一定有另外的原因

  • year after year is another thing, and that is

    那就是她臉上的表情,充滿矛盾的表情

  • the look on her face, the conflicted look on her face.

    我不知道她是快樂還是悲傷

  • I can't tell if she's happy or sad,

    我每次看都有不同的結論

  • and I change my mind all the time.

    所以這讓我一直回來看這幅畫

  • So that keeps me coming back.

    在我買了那張海報16年後的某一天

  • One day, 16 years after I had this poster on my wall,

    我躺在床上看著她

  • I lay in bed and looked at her,

    我突然想著,到底

  • and I suddenly thought, I wonder what

    畫家對她做了什麼 使她有那樣的表情

  • the painter did to her to make her look like that.

    這是我第一次思考到

  • And it was the first time I'd ever thought that

    她臉上的表情其實反映了

  • the expression on her face is actually reflecting

    她對畫家的感情

  • how she feels about him.

    在那之前,我僅僅把它視為一幅女孩的肖像

  • Always before I'd thought of it as a portrait of a girl.

    現在我開始認為它在描繪一段關係

  • Now I began to think of it as a portrait of a relationship.

    然後我就想,喔,那這是段什麼樣的關係?

  • And I thought, well, what is that relationship?

    所以我就開始找答案,我發現

  • So I went to find out. I did some research and discovered,

    我們對她一無所知

  • we have no idea who she is.

    事實上,我們對維梅爾畫作裡的模特兒

  • In fact, we don't know who any of the models

    都一無所知

  • in any of Vermeer's paintings are,

    我們對維梅爾本身的瞭解也不多

  • and we know very little about Vermeer himself.

    這讓我大呼,「妙極了!」

  • Which made me go, "Yippee!"

    我可以盡情發揮編造出各式各樣的故事

  • I can do whatever I want, I can come up with whatever story I want to.

    所以以下就是我編的故事

  • So here's how I came up with the story.

    首先我認為

  • First of all, I thought,

    我要想辦法讓她進到房子裡面

  • I've got to get her into the house.

    維梅爾是如何認識她的呢?

  • How does Vermeer know her?

    嗯,有人是這麼說的:

  • Well, there've been suggestions that

    她是他12歲的女兒

  • she is his 12-year-old daughter.

    他的女兒在他畫這幅畫時的確是12歲

  • The daughter at the time was 12 when he painted the painting.

    然後我想,不對,這個表情的確很親密

  • And I thought, no, it's a very intimate look,

    卻不是女兒看父親的那種親密

  • but it's not a look a daughter gives her father.

    有件事情該提一下,在當時荷蘭的畫風是

  • For one thing, in Dutch painting of the time,

    如果女模特兒的嘴巴張開,表示性引誘

  • if a woman's mouth was open, it was indicating sexual availability.

    對維梅爾而言, 把女兒畫成那樣

  • It would have been inappropriate for Vermeer

    的確很不妥當

  • to paint his daughter like that.

    所以這不是他的女兒,而是一個

  • So it's not his daughter, but it's somebody

    與他關係很親近,肉體關係很近的人

  • close to him, physically close to him.

    還有誰可能在他的宅邸內呢?

  • Well, who else would be in the house?

    僕人,一個漂亮的僕人

  • A servant, a lovely servant.

    所以,她在房子裡

  • So, she's in the house.

    那要如何讓她進到畫室裡呢?

  • How do we get her into the studio?

    我們對維梅爾真的瞭解不多

  • We don't know very much about Vermeer,

    但就我們所知的那一點點,有一件事我們的確知道

  • but the little bits that we do know, one thing we know

    就是他與一位天主教女士結婚,他們與岳母同住在

  • is that he married a Catholic woman, they lived with her mother

    一間有他專屬的房間的屋子裡

  • in a house where he had his own room

    有他自己的畫室。他還有11個小孩

  • where he -- his studio. He also had 11 children.

    這個房子大概很亂很吵吧

  • It would have been a chaotic, noisy household.

    如果你看過維梅爾的畫

  • And if you've seen Vermeer's paintings before,

    你會發現這些畫表現出不可思議的恬靜安詳

  • you know that they're incredibly calm and quiet.

    一個畫家如何在有11個小孩圍繞的情況下 畫出如此恬靜安詳的畫?

  • How does a painter paint such calm, quiet paintings with 11 kids around?

    他把他的生活分成好幾部分

  • Well, he compartmentalizes his life.

    他到了畫室,他會說:「沒有人可以進來這裡。」

  • He gets to his studio, and he says, "Nobody comes in here.

    「太太不能,小孩也不能,好吧!女僕可以進來打掃。」

  • Not the wife, not the kids. Okay, the maid can come in and clean."

    女僕進到了畫室,他把她引進了畫室,他們在一起

  • She's in the studio. He's got her in the studio, they're together.

    然後他決定畫一張她的肖樣

  • And he decides to paint her.

    他讓她穿上非常普通的衣服。

  • He has her wear very plain clothes.

    所有維梅爾畫裡的女人,或者是大部分的女人

  • Now, all of the women, or most of the women in Vermeer's other paintings

    都穿著以非常昂貴的絨、絲、毛皮材質所做的衣服

  • wore velvet, silk, fur, very sumptuous materials.

    而這件衣服非常普通,整張畫裡唯一上得了台面的

  • This is very plain; the only thing that isn't plain

    是她的珍珠耳環

  • is her pearl earring.

    如果她是女僕,她不可能買得起

  • Now, if she's a servant, there is no way she could afford

    這樣一對珍珠耳環

  • a pair of pearl earrings.

    所以這對耳環不是她的,那是誰的?

  • So those are not her pearl earrings. Whose are they?

    剛好我們知道他太太凱薩琳娜的衣服清單中

  • We happen to know, there's a list of Catharina, the wife's clothes.

    有一件帶有白色皮毛的黃大衣

  • Amongst them a yellow coat with white fur,

    一件黃黑兩色的緊身馬甲

  • a yellow and black bodice,

    你在他其他的畫作裡都看得到這些衣服

  • and you see these clothes on lots of other paintings,

    維梅爾的畫作裡不同的女人穿著這些衣服

  • different women in the paintings, Vermeer's paintings.

    所以很顯然,她的衣服借給不同的女人穿

  • So clearly, her clothes were lent to various different women.

    所以如果說這女孩拿了他太太的耳環來戴

  • It's not such a leap of faith to take

    也不是太不可思議的解釋吧

  • that that pearl earring actually belongs to his wife.

    所以我們把故事的重要元素都湊齊了

  • So we've got all the elements for our story.

    她與他在畫室裡獨處很長一段時間

  • She's in the studio with him for a long time.

    這些畫要花很久時間來完成

  • These paintings took a long time to make.

    他們可能經常獨處很長一段時間

  • They would have spent the time alone, all that time.

    她戴著他太太的珍珠耳環

  • She's wearing his wife's pearl earring.

    她很迷人,她顯然愛著他,但她也很矛盾

  • She's gorgeous. She obviously loves him. She's conflicted.

    他太太知道嗎?大概不知道吧

  • And does the wife know? Maybe not.

    如果她不知道,嗯......

  • And if she doesn't, well --

    故事就這麼寫下去了

  • that's the story.

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    下一幅畫我要談一談

  • The next painting I'm going to talk about

    夏丹的「堆卡片的男孩」

  • is called "Boy Building a House of Cards" by Chardin.

    他是18世紀法國畫家,以靜物畫出名

  • He's an 18th-century French painter best known for his still lifes,

    不過他偶爾也會畫人像

  • but he did occasionally paint people.

    事實上,這幅畫他畫了四個版本

  • And in fact, he painted four versions of this painting,

    不同版本裡的男孩都很專心地堆疊著

  • different boys building houses of cards, all concentrated.

    我最喜歡這個版本,因為其他版本的男孩

  • I like this version the best, because some of the boys

    不是太老就是太年輕。對我而言,這個

  • are older and some are younger, and to me, this one,

    就像金髮小女孩的麥片粥(英語繪本童話)一樣,剛剛好

  • like Goldilocks's porridge, is just right.

    他不太像是個小孩,卻又還不能算是個大人

  • He's not quite a child, and he's not quite a man.

    他的樣子恰好展現出純真與老成間的平衡

  • He's absolutely balanced between innocence and experience,

    這讓我佇足在這幅畫前觀賞

  • and that made me stop in my tracks in front of this painting.

    我看著他的臉,有點像維梅爾的畫

  • And I looked at his face. It's like a Vermeer painting a bit.

    他的臉沈浸在從左邊照過來的光線中

  • The light comes in from the left, his face is bathed

    他就在這幅畫的中央

  • in this glowing light. It's right in the center of the painting,

    而且你看,我發現當我看著他

  • and you look at it, and I found that when I was looking at it,

    我居然站在那裡說著

  • I was standing there going,

    看我!請看看我!

  • "Look at me. Please look at me."

    但他沒有看我,他還是看著他的卡片

  • And he didn't look at me. He was still looking at his cards,

    這就是這幅畫的誘人的要素之一

  • and that's one of the seductive elements of this painting is,

    他是如此專心在手上的工作以致於看都不看我們一眼

  • he's so focused on what he's doing that he doesn't look at us.

    這對我而言,是一幅畫的傑作的象徵

  • And that is, to me, the sign of a masterpiece,

    尤其是當我們對這幅畫缺乏解答的時候

  • of a painting when there's a lack of resolution.

    他永遠都不會看我一眼

  • He's never going to look at me.

    所以我構思了一個故事

  • So I was thinking of a story where,

    如果我是那個小男孩,誰會在那裡看我?

  • if I'm in this position, who could be there looking at him?

    不是這位畫家,我不想去想這位畫家

  • Not the painter, I don't want to think about the painter.

    我想的是這個男孩的大人版

  • I'm thinking of an older version of himself.

    一個成年僕人,一個凝視著年輕一點的僕人的老一點的僕人

  • He's a man, a servant, an older servant looking at this younger servant,

    說著:「看看我。我要警告你

  • saying, "Look at me. I want to warn you about

    你將要經歷的人生。 請看看我。」

  • what you're about to go through. Please look at me."

    但他並沒有因為這樣就看著他

  • And he never does.

    這種無解的感覺,就像「戴珍珠的女孩」那種無解的感覺

  • And that lack of resolution, the lack of resolution in "Girl with a Pearl Earring" --

    我們不知道她是喜還是悲

  • we don't know if she's happy or sad.

    即使我已針對她寫了一整本小說

  • I've written an entire novel about her,

    我仍然不知道她是喜還是悲

  • and I still don't know if she's happy or sad.

    我一次又一次地回去看這幅畫

  • Again and again, back to the painting,

    想找出答案,想找個故事來解釋這個缺口

  • looking for the answer, looking for the story to fill in that gap.

    我們當然可以編個故事來暫時滿足自己

  • And we may make a story, and it satisfies us momentarily,

    但卻沒有達到我們想要的效果,所以我們一次又一次地回來看

  • but not really, and we come back again and again.

    我要談的最後一幅畫

  • The last painting I'm going to talk about

    叫做「無名氏 」,畫家也是「無名氏 」(笑聲)

  • is called "Anonymous" by anonymous. (Laughter)

    這幅都鐸時代的畫由英國國家肖像美術館買下

  • This is a Tudor portrait bought by the National Portrait Gallery.

    他們原本以為這是詩人托馬斯·奧弗伯理爵士

  • They thought it was a man named Sir Thomas Overbury,

    但是後來他們發現原來不是他

  • and then they discovered that it wasn't him,

    而且他們也不知道這到底是誰

  • and they have no idea who it is.

    所以,在國家肖像美術館裡

  • Now, in the National Portrait Gallery,

    如果你不知道一幅畫的背景

  • if you don't know the biography of the painting,

    對你而言這畫沒什麼用處

  • it's kind of useless to you.

    這幅畫不能掛出來展覽,因為他們不知道他是誰

  • They can't hang it on the wall, because they don't know who he is.

    所以很不幸地這幅「孤兒」畫 大部分時間都跟其他一樣為數不少的

  • So unfortunately, this orphan spends most of his time in storage,

    「孤兒」畫一樣存放在儲藏室裡

  • along with quite a number of other orphans,

    其中有些畫真的很漂亮

  • some of them some beautiful paintings.

    這幅畫讓我停下來看的原因有三個

  • This painting made me stop in my tracks for three reasons:

    第一是他嘴與眼的表情不一致

  • One is the disconnection between his mouth

    他的嘴在微笑,但他的眼卻顯出哀愁

  • that's smiling and his eyes that are wistful.

    他並不快樂,而他為什麼不快樂?

  • He's not happy, and why isn't he happy?

    第二個很吸引我的原因

  • The second thing that really attracted me

    是他亮紅色的雙頰

  • were his bright red cheeks.

    他臉紅了。他因為被畫而臉紅

  • He is blushing. He's blushing for his portrait being made!

    這個傢伙一定常常臉紅

  • This must be a guy who blushes all the time.

    他到底想到什麼使他臉紅呢?

  • What is he thinking about that's making him blush?

    第三個讓我停下腳步的原因

  • The third thing that made me stop in my tracks

    是他那件非常華麗的上衣

  • is his absolutely gorgeous doublet.

    絲綢,灰色,還有那些美麗的鈕扣

  • Silk, gray, those beautiful buttons.

    你知道這些讓我想到什麼嗎?

  • And you know what it makes me think of,

    它看起來又貼又蓬,好像床上鋪的羽絨被

  • is it's sort of snug and puffy; it's like a duvet spread over a bed.

    我老是想到床和紅臉頰

  • I kept thinking of beds and red cheeks,

    當然,當我看著他我也總是聯想到性

  • and of course I kept thinking of sex when I looked at him,

    而且我在想,他是不是也在想這個?

  • and I thought, is that what he's thinking about?

    然後我想,如果我要根據他寫個故事

  • And I thought, if I'm going to make a story,

    我最後要寫的是什麼?

  • what's the last thing I'm going to put in there?

    喔,都鐸時代的男性都在想什麼?

  • Well, what would a Tudor gentleman be preoccupied with?

    我想到亨利八世

  • And I thought, well, Henry VIII, okay.

    他也許每天都在想誰能繼承他的位子

  • He'd be preoccupied with his inheritance, with his heir.

    誰將繼承他的名號及財富

  • Who is going to inherit his name and his fortune?

    你如果把這些都放在一起,你的故事就可以

  • You put all those together, and you've got your story

    填補讓你一直反覆回來看畫的那些缺口

  • to fill in that gap that makes you keep coming back.

    那麼這就是我想到的故事

  • Now, here's the story.

    很短

  • It's short.

    「小紅玫」

  • "Rosy"

    我仍然穿著卡洛琳送我的白色絲綢上衣

  • I am still wearing the white brocade doublet Caroline gave me.

    它是件有著可拆式袖子的普通高領上衣

  • It has a plain high collar, detachable sleeves

    還有著以絲線纏扭出的精緻鈕扣

  • and intricate buttons of twisted silk thread,

    縫得很密,所以很貼身

  • set close together so that the fit is snug.

    這件緊身上衣使我想起床上的床罩

  • The doublet makes me think of a coverlet on the vast bed.

    或許這就是她的意圖吧

  • Perhaps that was the intention.

    我第一次穿它是在她父母為我們舉辦的豪華晚宴上

  • I first wore it at an elaborate dinner her parents held in our honor.

    我知道在我站起來發言之前