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  • So last year, on a sunny summer morning,

    在去年夏天,一個艷陽高照的早晨,

  • I was in the old city of Antigua in Guatemala,

    我身在一個位於Guatemala,Antigua境內的古城

  • hailing a cab to go visit a client.

    招呼了一輛計程車準備去見一名客戶

  • I got into the car, I was sitting on the back seat,

    打開車門,我坐進那部車的後座,

  • busily preparing for the meeting I was about to have,

    忙著為接下來的會面做準備,

  • when the driver attempted to engage me in conversation.

    那位司機試圖希望我們能有些對話

  • "Where are you from?

    「你從哪裡來的啊?」

  • What is your name?

    「哎,你叫什麼名字?」

  • Are you here for work?

    「你是為了公事才來嗎?」

  • What do you do?"

    「你做什麼工作?」

  • And it didn't take too long for him to ask me:

    問我「你喜歡這裡的天氣嗎?」

  • "How do you like the weather here in Guatemala?"

    不會花他多少時間

  • I've been very fortunate to have a job that allowed me to travel the world,

    我很幸運能夠擁有一份讓我能環遊世界的工作,

  • and to interact with people from all different cultures.

    而且還能和不同文化的人交流

  • From the taxi driver, that drove me around Guatemala City,

    從載我在 Guatemala 城內遊蕩的司機,

  • to the barista, who served me a cup of coffee

    到在澳洲雪梨擁有一間小店的咖啡師傅

  • in a small coffee shop in Sydney, Australia,

    請我喝一杯咖啡,

  • to the photographer, whose photo exhibition I happened to walk in

    還有在倫敦我恰巧進入參訪的展覽,

  • while I was strolling through the streets of London,

    拍攝那些作品的攝影師,

  • all these people started a conversation

    他們都開啟了話題,

  • asking me the same type of questions.

    也同樣問了相似的問題

  • Questions that would make the conversation feel scripted,

    這些都是讓對話變的樣板的提問,

  • and that would put the conversation on a path of what I call:

    而且還會讓彼此的對話走向

  • "Predictable superficiality".

    「例行的表面功夫」一途

  • I mean, how much can you actually learn about a person

    我的意思是,你能夠透過談論天氣

  • if you end up doing small talk about the weather?

    了解一個人多少?

  • All of this changed sometime last year

    不過一切都在去年有了改變

  • when I had the unexpected opportunity

    就在一個偶然的機會下

  • to participate in an event called: "A Conversation Gala."

    我去參加一個名為「A Conversation Gala」的活動

  • Now imagine receiving an invitation to an event

    現在讓我們想像一你收到一張邀請函,

  • where you don't know the host,

    但你不知道主辦人是誰,

  • you don't know the other guests,

    也不知道另外會有哪些賓客,

  • and you also don't know the occasion.

    你更不知道活動的內容

  • However, you do know that there's one rule

    不過,你知道這場活動有一個規定,

  • that everyone has to stick to.

    那就是大家必須互相認識

  • You're encouraged to meet other people, and have conversations,

    你被鼓勵去認識更多人,而且彼此之間要有對話,

  • but you're not allowed to ask questions, or discuss topics

    但你不能詢問或者是討論

  • that can otherwise be discovered

    有可能會在 Facebook 上看到的

  • through the other person's Facebook profile.

    任何話題

  • So I got to the event with absolutely no idea what to expect,

    也就是我參加了一個全然無法預測將會如何進行的活動,

  • and I found myself in a room full of unfamiliar faces,

    而且我處在一個完全沒有熟面孔的空間內,

  • and to break the ice, and to get the conversation going,

    試圖要和大家攀談,並讓場面熱絡起來,

  • the host had provided handwritten cards with questions on them.

    主辦者有提供提示小卡,可以當作我們的開場問題

  • Questions like: "Do you believe in karma?

    例如「你相信輪迴嗎?」

  • What quality do you most appreciate in your mother?

    「你最喜歡你媽媽的什麼特質?」

  • What scar of yours has the most interesting story to tell?

    「你身上的哪一道傷疤背後有最有趣的故事?」

  • Rihanna or Beyonce?

    「哎,你喜歡 Rihanna 還是 Beyonce?」

  • And seriously, do we still need cursive writing?"

    「我很認真的問你哦,你覺得草書還有存在的必要嗎?」

  • So I took one of those cards,

    所以,當天我就拿了其中一張卡,

  • I approached a person and I started a conversation,

    走向前去和一個人搭話,

  • and then another person, and then a couple,

    接著來了另一個人,再來是一對夫婦,

  • and then a group of people, and by the end of the night,

    接下來是一群人,而最後在活動即將結束的時候,

  • we had talked about each other's family values, and childhood details.

    我們彼此討論了大家對於家的價值及定義,還有童年的種種記憶

  • We went deep into the things that keep us up at night,

    我們甚至討論到了什麼會讓我們興奮一整晚,

  • and the things that get us out of bed in the morning,

    或是什麼會讓我們有即刻起床的動力,

  • and we also touched on the things that we felt, and the things we feared.

    更討論到了我們對事物的感受,還有令我們恐懼的東西

  • All of that, with people whom I had met for only one evening,

    我們和從未謀面,且可能不會再見的人,

  • and then never saw again.

    討論如此深入的問題

  • I barely knew their names,

    我幾乎不知道他們的名字,

  • but I had learned about their relationship with their parents.

    但我知道他們和家人的相處狀況

  • And while I didn't know what they were doing for a living,

    雖然我不知道他們做什麼工作,

  • I certainly knew their biggest regrets in life.

    但我卻知道他們人生中最大的遺憾是什麼

  • The evening was very unique, and anything but usual.

    那是個非凡的,獨一無二的傍晚

  • And it got me thinking --

    這件事促使我思考,

  • thinking about how one simple rule

    為什麼這麼簡單的遊戲規則,

  • made all the difference that evening,

    會成就如此非凡的結果,

  • in terms of the strong connections that were built,

    就讓我們在彼此間建構了穩固的連結,

  • and the meaningful stories that were shared.

    和大家分享蘊含深意的小故事

  • And it also got me reflecting.

    這件事也讓我反思

  • Reflecting upon how often

    反思我們多常有機會

  • we have a chance to meet a new person in our lives,

    可以在日常生活中認識新朋友,

  • and how sometimes these encounters end up being yearlong friendships,

    反思有多少次如同這樣的際遇只會從我們記憶中消失,

  • while other encounters, we cannot even remember a few years later.

    而有些卻得以成為深厚的友誼,

  • So what I didn't know that evening

    我不知道的是,

  • was that I was a guinea pig.

    在那次活動中我不過是隻天竺鼠

  • I was a guinea pig in a social experiment

    不過是一隻參與了社會實驗的天竺鼠,

  • hosted by a non-profit company called: "Irrational Labs."

    這個活動是由一個名為 Irrational Labs 的非營利組織舉辦的

  • The social experiment was based on a research paper,

    這個社會實驗,是以一篇刊登在 Psychological Science 的

  • published in the Journal of Psychological Science,

    研究為基礎去舉辦的,

  • which has found that more meaningful conversations

    這個研究指出,更具意義的談話,

  • can actually lead

    確實可以增進

  • to increase levels of happiness, and well-being.

    幸福和愉悅的指數

  • Not necessarily because the content of the conversation

    不是因為對話的內容

  • is of a more positive nature,

    很積極正向,

  • but because deeper conversations

    而是因為深度的談話

  • help us find more meaning, and importance in our own lives.

    會幫助我們找尋生命中更有意義、更重要的事物

  • Nevertheless, even when we're surrounded by the smartest people,

    然而,在日常生活中儘管我們周遭

  • and the people that have the most interesting stories to share,

    有許多人背後藏著有趣的小故事,

  • we default to the lowest common denominator and small talk prevails.

    我們的談話卻淪為庸俗的淺談

  • Researchers have also found that there are some things

    許多學者也發現,我們時常持續做相同的事情,

  • we keep doing even when we understand that they're not ideal for us.

    儘管那些事對我們來說可能有害無益

  • I think most of us would agree

    我想大部分的人都會認為

  • that using the phone behind the wheel can be lethally dangerous.

    在汽機車後面使用手機可能會有致命的危險

  • In fact 94% of all drivers surveyed support a ban on it.

    事實上,經調查後,發現有百分之94的駕駛表示支持立法禁止這樣的行為

  • Nevertheless, drivers still pick up the phone.

    儘管如此,絕大多數的人在同樣的情況下仍會有相同的行為

  • Same thing with projects,

    就連企劃也會遇到有相同的問題,

  • and the fact that we start them very late,

    雖然有日期的限制,

  • even though we have deadlines,

    但通常我們都會拖到很晚才著手,

  • and that always, most certainly, results in high anxiety, and late nights.

    而且我們幾乎都會因此而感到焦慮,還會熬夜

  • But we still procrastinate.

    不過我們仍然會拖時間

  • And what about dinner conversation?

    那關於我們晚餐討論的內容呢?

  • Well, nobody said that talking about the weather

    說實在的,沒有人會說討論天氣

  • is either exciting or fulfilling. Yet we engage.

    會讓人興奮或滿足,不過至少我們參與其中

  • So how can we get ourselves to break this habit of small talk

    那我們又應該在我們了解這樣意義的情況,

  • even when we understand --

    或者不甚了解的情況下,

  • even when it's sometimes harder not to?

    去打破淺談的傳統?

  • So here's the thing to keep in mind --

    那麼,你應該記住的是

  • There are 7 billion people in this world

    世界上有 70 億人口,

  • each with an amazing, and unique story to share.

    每個人都有專屬自己,獨一無二的精采故事能和你分享

  • The dreams that we pursue are different.

    我們追求不同的夢想

  • The challenges that we have to overcome, and that shape us, are different,

    我們經歷過的困難,遭遇的挑戰也全然不同,

  • and the memories that we carry in our hearts are different.

    因此,我們擁有的回憶也是不一樣的

  • That makes 7 billion treasure boxes

    這樣的不同造就了世界上70億的寶藏箱,

  • full of life lessons, wisdom, and experience.

    有的藏有人生課題,有的具有人生智慧,有的富有人生經驗

  • So the next time you meet someone for the first time,

    所以下一次你如果恰巧遇見了新朋友,

  • and you lose yourself to the mere exchange of small talk

    但你忘記善用淺談的技巧來獲取這些寶物,

  • it is as if you went to museum in which you could explore

    這就好比你去了一個藏有

  • the beauties of our past and marvel at the wonders of our future,

    歷史記憶和未來展望的博物館,

  • but instead you just sit there, and you play on your smartphone.

    但你卻將時間花在玩手機上而不是去汲取知識

  • Why would you do that?

    你怎麼會想那樣做?

  • Now imagine how much

    現在你再想像

  • you can actually learn about someone, and from someone,

    你有多願意和其他人來一場新式的淺談,

  • if you approach each conversation with the innate curiosity

    如果你都是用與生俱來的好奇心去加入每個談話

  • that you normally demonstrate as an infant.

    如同你小時候所展現的好奇心

  • How much you could learn if you embrace the unknown

    在你能擁抱未知

  • knowing that each person out there can help you

    知道每一個人都對你有幫助

  • become a better version tomorrow, of who you are today,

    在今天和明天都能成為更好的自己時,學習到多少?

  • and if you open yourself to the vast possibilities

    如果你能敞開心胸,迎接各式各樣的可能性,

  • of how one single encounter with someone

    接受任何一個可能會讓你人生有翻轉性改變的偶遇,

  • can truly change the trajectory of your life?

    你會怎麼做?

  • All it takes for us

    上述的例子

  • could be to be genuinely and authentically interested in the other person.

    都可以讓我們誠心誠意地,對一個人產生極大的興趣

  • Not necessarily by their title, their resume, achievements or status,

    不只是為了他們的頭銜,或是履歷,也不是成就或社會地位,

  • but in who they are as a human being, and the story that they have to share.

    而是因為他們身為一個人,還有他們所乘載的故事

  • And often times it's the simplest people who can teach you the most.

    而且大體來說,我們總能在平凡中學到最深刻的道理

  • I could have asked the barista in Sydney about the weather in Australia.

    我大可以問那位雪梨的咖啡師傅有關澳洲天氣的問題

  • But I was rather interested in his motivation to be a barista.

    但我對它成為一位咖啡師傅的動機更有興趣

  • So I asked him:

    於是我就問他

  • "What makes you so passionate about coffee?"

    「你為什麼對咖啡這麼有熱情,這麼感興趣?」

  • And he told me that his grandfather had migrated from Italy to Australia,

    他就告訴我他的祖父是從義大利移民到澳洲的,

  • and that it has been a family tradition for over 5 generations

    而這個職業

  • to work as a barista.

    已經成了他們家超過五代的傳統

  • The photographer whose exhibition I happened to walk in,

    而我恰巧走進觀賞拍攝作品的攝影師,

  • I didn't ask him how his exhibition went, I was rather interested in his memories.

    我對他的攝影展辦得如何沒有興趣,我想知道他的回憶

  • So I asked him:

    於是我就問他

  • "Which of your pictures evokes the most profound memories?"

    「哪一張照片會勾起你最深刻的回憶?」

  • He then walked me to a photograph, describing it:

    他就領著我走向一幅作品,並且描述它

  • "The last picture he took as a homeless person living on the streets of London."

    「他以流浪漢的視角拍出的這張在倫敦街上的最後一張相片」

  • And my taxi driver in Guatemala,

    還有那位 Guatemala 的計程車司機

  • I could have asked him: "How is your day?"

    我當然可以問他「你今天過得怎麼樣?」

  • But I was rather interested in his emotions.

    但我對他的心情更感興趣

  • So I asked him: "What made you happy today?"

    所以我就問他,「今天發生什麼事讓你這麼開心啊?」

  • It turned out it was his 10-year wedding anniversary,

    原來當天是他結婚10周年的紀念日,

  • and he was sharing this very, very beautiful story with me,

    他就和我分享,在很多年以前一個

  • of how his wife once entered his cab as a passenger, many years ago.

    有關他的老婆有一次搭乘他的計程車,到兩人攜手未來的浪漫故事

  • Yes, all of these conversations started with small talk,

    當然,這些話題都從淺談開始,

  • and yes, to certain degree,

    在某種程度上而言,

  • it was needed to build some initial rapport and comfort.

    你必須先令人感到安心及舒適才有可能聽到他們的人生故事

  • But the key was really

    但最重要的原因

  • to get off this track of predictable superficiality,

    就是你必定先跳脫傳統淺談的規則,

  • and really touch on the things, and topics that make us who we are,

    進而去討論一些讓彼此貼近自我,

  • our motivations, our memories, and our emotions.

    例如我們的動機、我們的回憶、還有情緒。

  • Such slight change in language, and intention

    只要在說話的方法做出這個小改變

  • can really open up a small window into the true spirit of another person,

    就能打開走入他人心靈的那扇小窗口,

  • and allow us to have in-depth conversations

    讓我們能有深度的交流,

  • that can truly lead to such meaningful, and memorable moments.

    來交換我們珍貴的、有意義的回憶

  • Just imagine how many more strong connections we could build,

    只要想像我們能建構出多麼穩固的連結,

  • how much more cross-cultural understanding we could create,

    編織出不同文化思維的作品,

  • and how many interpersonal bridges we could build with people

    和每個人之間築了做能通向彼此心靈的橋

  • that, one day, can impact our lives.

    只要小舉動就能有大改變

  • This way, we could, maybe, finally see that each stranger out there

    就樣一來,我們或許就能明白,

  • is actually just another friend that we haven't met yet.

    任何一個陌生人都只是我們尚未謀面的朋友罷了

  • Thank you.

    謝謝

  • (Applause)

    (掌聲)

So last year, on a sunny summer morning,

在去年夏天,一個艷陽高照的早晨,

字幕與單字

A2 初級 淺談 咖啡 活動 師傅 對話 故事

【TEDx】打破淺談的習慣 (Breaking the Habit of Smalltalk | Omid Scheybani | TEDxKish)

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    Miracle Lee   發佈於 2016 年 08 月 28 日
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