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  • Every year in the United States alone,

    在美國,每年有

  • 2,077,000 couples

    207萬7千對新人,

  • make a legal and spiritual decision

    許下神聖且合法的承諾

  • to spend the rest of their lives together ...

    要與另一半攜手共度他們往後的人生...

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • and not to have sex with anyone else,

    並且承諾絕對不會跟任何其他的人有染。

  • ever.

    絕對不會。

  • He buys a ring, she buys a dress.

    他會買下婚戒,她會挑選好婚紗,

  • They go shopping

    兩人一起購物

  • for all sorts of things.

    一起做任何事情。

  • She takes him to Arthur Murray

    她也會帶著他

  • for ballroom dancing lessons.

    去學跳愛的雙人舞。

  • And the big day comes.

    然後當那重大的日子來到,

  • And they'll stand before God and family

    他們會站在上帝,親友,家人

  • and some guy her dad once did business with,

    還有一些她父親生意夥伴的面前,

  • and they'll vow that nothing,

    對眾人起誓,

  • not abject poverty,

    不計較貧困,

  • not life-threatening illness,

    任何健康疾病,

  • not complete and utter misery

    任何不幸災難,

  • will ever put the tiniest damper

    都改變不了兩人之間

  • on their eternal love and devotion.

    永恆不變的愛與承諾。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • These optimistic young bastards

    這些天真的年輕小鬼們

  • promise to honor and cherish each other

    信誓旦旦會珍惜彼此一輩子,

  • through hot flashes

    從熱戀期

  • and mid-life crises

    到中年危機,

  • and a cumulative 50-lb. weight gain,

    體重默默增加了50磅,

  • until that far-off day

    一直到很久後的某一天,

  • when one of them is finally able

    其中的一個人,終於,

  • to rest in peace.

    安詳的睡去。

  • You know, because they can't hear the snoring anymore.

    你知道的,因為他們終於不用聽到對方的鼾聲了。

  • And then they'll get stupid drunk

    他們還會在婚禮那天一起發酒瘋

  • and smash cake in each others' faces and do the "Macarena,"

    然後用蛋糕砸對方的臉,

  • and we'll be there

    而我們這些朋友會在一旁,

  • showering them with towels and toasters

    拉禮炮,開香檳,

  • and drinking their free booze

    享受免費的喜酒,

  • and throwing birdseed at them

    還有祝福他們夫妻百年好合,

  • every single time --

    一次次的重複。

  • even though we know,

    雖然,我們都心知肚明,

  • statistically,

    經過統計,

  • half of them will be divorced within a decade.

    這些夫妻們有一半會在十年內離婚。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • Of course, the other half won't, right?

    當然,還是有半數的夫妻沒有離婚,對吧?

  • They'll keep forgetting anniversaries

    他們只是會不停的忘記結婚紀念日,

  • and arguing about where to spend holidays

    為了要去哪度假起爭執,

  • and debating which way

    還有激烈的辯論,到底,

  • the toilet paper

    廁所的衛生紙捲

  • should come off of the roll.

    應該要向內還是向外。

  • And some of them

    然而,還是有一小部分的夫妻

  • will even still be enjoying each others' company

    會持續的享受彼此的陪伴,

  • when neither of them can chew solid food anymore.

    即使髮白齒搖仍舊鶼鰈情深。

  • And researchers want to know why.

    研究員們想知道他們是如何辦到的。

  • I mean, look, it doesn't take a double-blind, placebo-controlled study

    你也知道,用不著大費周章的做科學考證

  • to figure out what makes a marriage not work.

    我們也知道什麼會使婚姻出現問題。

  • Disrespect, boredom,

    例如彼此不尊重,厭倦對方,

  • too much time on Facebook,

    成天上網玩臉書,

  • having sex with other people.

    或者是有了外遇。

  • But you can have the exact opposite of all of those things --

    即使是一些完全相反的例子,

  • respect, excitement,

    彼此尊重,生活有驚喜,

  • a broken Internet connection,

    家裡沒網路,

  • mind-numbing monogamy --

    這些徹底的遵守一夫一妻制的婚姻,

  • and the thing still can go to hell in a hand basket.

    仍舊會因為雞毛蒜皮的小事而破裂。

  • So what's going on when it doesn't?

    所以說,那些成功的幸福婚姻,

  • What do the folks who make it

    到底是怎麼維繫的?

  • all the way to side-by-side burial plots

    這些白頭到老的夫妻們

  • have in common?

    有什麼共同點?

  • What are they doing right?

    他們都是怎麼做的?

  • What can we learn from them?

    我們要如何向他們學習?

  • And if you're still happily sleeping solo,

    甚至,如果你是個快樂的單身貴族,

  • why should you stop what you're doing

    為什麼要放棄既有的生活,

  • and make it your life's work

    自討苦吃的

  • to find that one special person

    去找一個所謂的特別的人,

  • that you can annoy for the rest of your life?

    來讓你下半輩子都不得安寧?

  • Well researchers spend billions of your tax dollars

    多虧你們的納稅錢,研究員們得以

  • trying to figure that out.

    去找出原因。

  • They stalk blissful couples

    他們像偵探一樣跟蹤那些幸福小夫妻,

  • and they study their every move and mannerism.

    觀察他們的一舉一動,特殊癖好,

  • And they try to pinpoint what it is

    試著找出哪些關鍵原因

  • that sets them apart

    讓他們得以與眾不同

  • from their miserable neighbors and friends.

    不被身邊朋友與鄰居的悲劇同化。

  • And it turns out,

    研究結果發現,

  • the success stories

    這些幸福的愛情故事,

  • share a few similarities,

    都存在著一些共同點,

  • actually, beyond they don't have sex with other people.

    不單單只是不偷吃沒亂來。

  • For instance, in the happiest marriages,

    舉例來說,其中一個共同點就是

  • the wife is thinner and better looking than the husband.

    太太的身材還有外型保持的比先生好。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • Obvious, right.

    挺能理解的吧。

  • It's obvious that this leads to marital bliss

    這樣的現象在幸福婚姻中屢見不鮮,

  • because, women, we care a great deal

    原因很簡單,因為我們女人,

  • about being thin and good looking,

    就是愛漂亮,

  • whereas men mostly care about sex ...

    然後男人成天想著的就是性,

  • ideally with women

    男人對性的最高理想,就是對象能

  • who are thinner and better looking than they are.

    比他們自己的外型更正點。

  • The beauty of this research though

    這個研究的可貴之處在於,

  • is that no one is suggesting

    我們女人其實不用

  • that women have to be thin to be happy;

    為了討好另一半而拼命減肥,

  • we just have to be thinner than our partners.

    只要維持著比我們的先生瘦一點就好。

  • So instead of all that laborious

    所以說,與其耗費心神的

  • dieting and exercising,

    去節食或上健身房,

  • we just need to wait for them to get fat,

    我們只需要讓老公變胖一點就好啦。

  • maybe bake a few pies.

    或許多烤兩塊派。

  • This is good information to have,

    這對我們女人來說是個天大的好消息,

  • and it's not that complicated.

    而且可以輕鬆上手。

  • Research also suggests

    另外,研究員們還說,

  • that the happiest couples

    最快樂的夫妻們,

  • are the ones that focus on the positives.

    都懂得善用正面思考。

  • For example, the happy wife.

    例如,一個快樂的太太,

  • Instead of pointing out her husband's growing gut

    與其去酸丈夫的啤酒肚有多大,

  • or suggesting he go for a run,

    或去催促對方慢跑減肥,

  • she might say,

    她可以聰明的說,

  • "Wow, honey, thank you for going out of your way

    "哇,親愛的你好貼心唷,辛苦的把肚子養大,

  • to make me relatively thinner."

    這樣我站在旁邊就顯得比較瘦囉!"

  • These are couples who can find good in any situation.

    這樣的小倆口懂得樂觀地去發掘生活中美好的一面。

  • "Yeah, it was devastating

    "是的,這的確令人沮喪,

  • when we lost everything in that fire,

    那場大火把我們的所有家當都燒光了。

  • but it's kind of nice sleeping out here under the stars,

    但能因此有機會睡在星光下也挺不賴的,

  • and it's a good thing you've got all that body fat

    而且也幸好你有好好保存體脂肪,

  • to keep us warm."

    這樣抱著你就不怕冷囉。"

  • One of my favorite studies found

    我最喜歡的研究報告之一就是

  • that the more willing a husband is to do house work,

    越樂意幫忙做家事的丈夫

  • the more attractive his wife will find him.

    在妻子眼裡就越迷人。

  • Because we needed a study to tell us this.

    我們就是需要一個這樣的研究。

  • But here's what's going on here.

    這整個流程就是,

  • The more attractive she finds him, the more sex they have;

    當她越覺得丈夫迷人,她就越願意有性愛;

  • the more sex they have, the nicer he is to her;

    他們越享受性愛,他就對妻子越好;

  • the nicer he is to her,

    而他對她越好,

  • the less she nags him about leaving wet towels on the bed --

    她就越少去抱怨他亂丟臭襪子,

  • and ultimately, they live happily ever after.

    然後良性循環下,他們過著幸福快樂的日子。

  • In other words, men, you might want to pick it up a notch

    換句話說,男人你們該把眼光拉長

  • in the domestic department.

    好好當家裡的廁所所長。

  • Here's an interesting one.

    這裡有個有趣的例子,

  • One study found

    研究指出,

  • that people who smile in childhood photographs

    在童年相片裡露出笑容的人,

  • are less likely to get a divorce.

    比較不會離婚。

  • This is an actual study,

    這個研究是有根據的,

  • and let me clarify.

    先澄清一下,

  • The researchers were not looking

    這個研究不是根據你自己

  • at documented self-reports of childhood happiness

    精挑細選的歡樂相簿,

  • or even studying old journals.

    也不是調查你的舊日記,

  • The data were based entirely

    整個數據是純粹取決於

  • on whether people looked happy

    你的幼年照片看起來

  • in these early pictures.

    快樂不快樂。

  • Now I don't know how old all of you are,

    我不太清楚各位的年齡,

  • but when I was a kid,

    但就我那個年代,

  • your parents took pictures with a special kind of camera

    父母們拍照必須拿一種很特殊的相機,

  • that held something called film,

    裡面塞著一個叫底片的東西,

  • and, by God, film was expensive.

    這個底片沖洗是要花大錢的,

  • They didn't take 300 shots of you

    他們不可能開啟連拍功能,

  • in that rapid-fire digital video mode

    隨便亂拍個300張,

  • and then pick out the nicest, smileyest one

    然後挑選笑容最燦爛的

  • for the Christmas card.

    來當聖誕卡。

  • Oh no.

    嘖嘖嘖,沒這麼好康。

  • They dressed you up, they lined you up,

    我們整裝排排站,

  • and you smiled for the fucking camera like they told you to

    攝影師說笑我們就得笑,

  • or you could kiss your birthday party goodbye.

    然後喀嚓一聲,派對結束。

  • But still, I have a huge pile

    但是,我仍舊有很多

  • of fake happy childhood pictures

    裂嘴大笑的童年照片,

  • and I'm glad they make me less likely than some people

    非常慶幸它們讓我

  • to get a divorce.

    減少了離婚的機率。

  • So what else can you do

    所以,我們還能做些什麼

  • to safeguard your marriage?

    來捍衛幸福婚姻?

  • Do not win an Oscar for best actress.

    千萬不要,贏得奧斯卡最佳女演員獎。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • I'm serious.

    我是很正經的。

  • Bettie Davis, Joan Crawford, Hallie Berry, Hillary Swank,

    貝蒂戴維斯,珍克勞馥,荷莉貝瑞,希拉莉史旺,

  • Sandra Bullock, Reese Witherspoon,

    珊卓布拉克,瑞絲薇絲朋,

  • all of them single

    她們得到奧斯卡獎後

  • soon after taking home that statue.

    馬上就變單身了。

  • They actually call it the Oscar curse.

    這是小金人的詛咒,

  • It is the marriage kiss of death

    婚姻的死亡之吻,

  • and something that should be avoided.

    我們該全力避免得到這個獎。

  • And it's not just successfully starring in films

    而且危險的不只是

  • that's dangerous.

    當女主角,

  • It turns out, merely watching a romantic comedy

    連隨便看個浪漫喜劇片

  • causes relationship satisfaction to plummet.

    都導致婚姻幸福指數下降!

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • Apparently, the bitter realization

    顯然的,很殘酷的事實就是

  • that maybe it could happen to us,

    我們本來有機會體驗浪漫情節,

  • but it obviously hasn't and it probably never will,

    但身邊那位讓一切都變成不可能了。

  • makes our lives seem unbearably grim

    浪漫喜劇讓我們的生活

  • in comparison.

    相對顯得慘不忍睹。

  • And theoretically,

    所以理論上來說,

  • I suppose if we opt for a film where someone gets brutally murdered

    我們該反向操作,選看演員都很不幸被謀殺的電影,

  • or dies in a fiery car crash,

    或是被車撞,然後車子還爆炸,

  • we are more likely to walk out of that theater

    這樣我們離開戲院時,

  • feeling like we've got it pretty good.

    會感到自己的人生還是有光明的。

  • Drinking alcohol, it seems,

    喝酒,好像也

  • is bad for your marriage.

    會對婚姻有負面影響。

  • Yeah.

    就這樣,

  • I can't tell you anymore about that one

    我沒有辦法多著墨,因為我

  • because I stopped reading it at the headline.

    讀完這標題就不想看下去了。

  • But here's a scary one:

    但是接下來這個就驚悚了:

  • Divorce is contagious.

    離婚是會傳染的。

  • That's right -- when you have a close couple friend split up,

    是的,當你有個好朋友離婚了,

  • it increases your chances of getting a divorce

    你自己也離婚的機率

  • by 75 percent.

    就提高了百分之七十五。

  • Now I have to say, I don't get this one at all.

    我必須說,我不太贊成這一點。

  • My husband and I

    我跟我先生

  • have watched quite a few friends divide their assets

    身邊有許多朋友離婚分家,

  • and then struggle

    然後很辛苦的

  • with being our age and single

    在不惑之齡過單身生活,

  • in an age of sexting and Viagra

    仰賴威而鋼或是情色電話

  • and eHarmony.

    還有網路交友。

  • And I'm thinking they've done more for my marriage

    我暗自慶幸擁有這些朋友借鏡,

  • than a lifetime of therapy ever could.

    這比婚姻輔導更有威信力。

  • So now you may be wondering,

    現在,你們大概在想,

  • why does anyone get married ever?

    為什麼人要結婚?

  • Well the U.S. federal government

    關於這點,美國政府

  • counts more than a thousand legal benefits

    列出上千條合法益處

  • to being someone's spouse --

    保障婚姻關係,

  • a list that includes visitation rights in jail,

    其中包括合法探監權。

  • but hopefully you'll never need that one.

    希望你們不太需要用到這條。

  • But beyond the profound federal perks,

    除了這些聯邦特權,

  • married people make more money.

    已婚的夫婦有更好的收入,

  • We're healthier,

    更健康的身體,

  • physically and emotionally.

    更開朗的心胸。

  • We produce happier, more stable

    我們能養出更快樂,更穩定

  • and more successful kids.

    且更成功的下一代。

  • We have more sex

    不管你們相不相信,

  • than our supposedly swinging single friends --

    我們比那些單身朋友們

  • believe it or not.

    享受更多性愛。

  • We even live longer,

    我們甚至活得更久,

  • which is a pretty compelling argument

    這是個挺誘人的好處,

  • for marrying someone you like a lot

    代價就只是去跟一個

  • in the first place.

    你本來就很喜歡的人結婚。

  • Now if you're not currently experiencing

    如果你還沒有親身體會過

  • the joy of the joint tax return,

    夫妻共同節稅的快感,

  • I can't tell you how to find a chore-loving person

    我也無法教你該如何找到一個

  • of the approximately ideal size and attractiveness

    喜歡做家事,身材適中,臉蛋標緻,

  • who prefers horror movies and doesn't have a lot of friends

    朋友不多,喜歡恐怖片,

  • hovering on the brink of divorce,

    又剛好正要離婚的對象。

  • but I can only encourage you to try,

    但我可以鼓勵你去開始尋找,

  • because the benefits, as I've pointed out,

    因為婚姻生活的種種好處,

  • are significant.

    是超乎想像的。

  • The bottom line is, whether you're in it or you're searching for it,

    無論已婚未婚,你該了解的是

  • I believe marriage is an institution

    結婚就像是合開一間公司,

  • worth pursuing and protecting.

    需要雙方去經營與維護。

  • So I hope you'll use the information I've given you today

    我希望你們能善用今天得到的情報

  • to weigh your personal strengths

    來幫助你們衡量

  • against your own risk factors.

    你們婚姻的優勢與劣勢。

  • For instance, in my marriage,

    譬如說,我的婚姻生活

  • I'd say I'm doing okay.

    目前還算過得去。

  • One the one hand,

    我婚姻的劣勢就是,

  • I have a husband who's annoyingly lean

    我有個身材很健美的老公

  • and incredibly handsome.

    還很不幸的長得很帥,

  • So I'm obviously going to need fatten him up.

    所以顯然我必須加把勁養肥他。

  • And like I said, we have those divorced friends

    而且我們身邊有很多離婚的朋友

  • who may secretly or subconsciously

    或許會下意識的

  • be trying to break us up.

    導致我們分手。