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  • It was the middle of summer and well past closing time in the downtown Berkeley bar where my friend Polly and I worked together as bartenders.

    那是仲夏的某日,在柏克萊鬧區一間小酒吧裡,早過了打烊的時間,我和我的朋友波莉在裡面當酒保。

  • Usually at the end of our shift we had a drink -- but not that night.

    通常我們會在下班後小酌一番, 但那晚沒有。

  • "I'm pregnant.

    「我懷孕了,

  • Not sure what I'm going to do yet," I told Polly.

    我還不知道該怎麼辦。」

  • Without hesitation, she replied, "I've had an abortion."

    我沒有一絲猶豫這樣告訴波莉,她回答, 「我以前墮過胎。」

  • Before Polly, no one had ever told me that she'd had an abortion.

    波莉是第一個告訴我 曾有過墮胎經驗的人。

  • I'd graduated from college just a few months earlier

    我在那之前幾個月才從大學畢業,

  • and I was in a new relationship when I found out that I was pregnant.

    當我發現我懷孕了,那時我才剛交了新男朋友。

  • When I thought about my choices, I honestly did not know how to decide,

    我考慮著各式選項, 真的不知道該如何抉擇,

  • what criteria I should use.

    我該用什麼標準。

  • How would I know what the right decision was?

    我怎麼知道哪個才是正確的決定?

  • I worried that I would regret an abortion later.

    我擔心我會後悔墮胎。

  • Coming of age on the beaches of Southern California,

    成年前在南加海灘悠遊的我,

  • I grew up in the middle of our nation's abortion wars.

    在這個國家的墮胎權之爭中長大。

  • I was born in a trailer on the third anniversary of Roe vs. Wade.

    「羅訴韋德案」判決後三週年,我在一輛小拖車中出生。

  • Our community was surfing Christians.

    我們的社區是愛衝浪的基督徒。

  • We cared about God, the less fortunate, and the ocean.

    我們的心中掛念著神、 困乏的人,和海洋。

  • Everyone was pro-life.

    每個人都反對墮胎。

  • As a kid, the idea of abortion made me so sad that I knew if I ever got pregnant

    孩童時,墮胎這個概念讓我非常難過,

  • I could never have one.

    我知道如果我懷孕了, 我一定不要墮胎。

  • And then I did.

    結果我做了。

  • It was a step towards the unknown.

    那是路途茫茫的一步。

  • But Polly had given me a very special gift:

    但是波莉給了我 一項非常特別的禮物:

  • the knowledge that I wasn't alone

    我知道我不是獨自受苦,

  • and the realization that abortion was something that we can talk about.

    我也領悟到原來墮胎 是可以拿出來談的。

  • Abortion is common.

    墮胎很普遍。

  • According to the Guttmacher Institute, one in three women in America

    據古馬社機構所說, 每三位美國婦女

  • will have an abortion in their lifetime.

    就有一位會在一生中墮胎。

  • But for the last few decades, the dialogue around abortion in the United States

    但是在美國,過去幾十年對墮胎的對話

  • has left little room for anything beyond pro-life and pro-choice.

    侷限在生命權對選擇權的討論。

  • It's political and polarizing.

    很政治化及兩極化。

  • But as much as abortion is hotly debated, it's still rare for us,

    即使墮胎的爭論如火如荼, 對我們而言,

  • whether as fellow women or even just as fellow people,

    不管是同為女性, 或僅是同為人,

  • to talk with one another about the abortions that we have.

    我們仍然很難討論彼此墮胎的經驗。

  • There is a gap.

    有一道鴻溝,

  • Between what happens in politics and what happens in real life,

    介在政治議題與現實生活間。

  • and in that gap, a battlefield mentality.

    而在那道鴻溝中,存著殺戮戰場的心態。

  • An "are you with us or against us?" stance takes root.

    「非友即敵」的立場根深蒂固。

  • This isn't just about abortion.

    這不僅限於墮胎議題。

  • There are so many important issues that we can't talk about.

    還有很多重要的問題 我們都不能說。

  • And so finding ways to shift the conflict to a place of conversation

    所以想辦法將衝突改變為對話,

  • is the work of my life.

    是我畢生的工作。

  • There are two main ways to get started.

    有兩個重要的方法可以著手。

  • One way is to listen closely.

    一個是仔細聆聽,

  • And the other way is to share stories.

    另一個就是分享故事。

  • So, 15 years ago, I cofounded an organization called Exhale

    15 年前,我與人共創一家 名叫「舒氣」的組織,

  • to start listening to people who have had abortions.

    開始傾聽人們墮胎的心聲。

  • The first thing we did was create a talk-line, where women and men

    首先我們成立一條輔導專線,不分男女

  • could call to get emotional support.

    都能打電話進來, 在情緒上得到支持。

  • Free of judgment and politics, believe it or not, nothing like our service

    這裡沒有論斷,也不談政治。 信不信像我們這樣的服務

  • had ever existed.

    從不曾出現過。

  • We needed a new framework that could hold all the experiences that we were

    我們需要新的架構能包容

  • hearing on our talk-line.

    我們在專線上聽到的所有經歷。

  • The feminist who regrets her abortion.

    女性主義者後悔墮了胎。

  • The Catholic who is grateful for hers.

    天主教徒慶幸墮了胎。

  • The personal experiences that weren't fitting neatly into one box or the other.

    個人的經歷無法套進現有的框框。

  • We didn't think it was right to ask women to pick a side.

    我們無法認同要求婦女選邊站。

  • We wanted to show them that the whole world was on their side,

    我們想讓她們知道

  • as they were going through this deeply personal experience.

    在她們度過這段深切的個人經歷時, 整個世界都站在她們那邊。

  • So we invented "pro-voice."

    所以我們創立了「優聲權」。

  • Beyond abortion, pro-voice works on hard issues that we've struggled with globally

    除了墮胎,優聲權還處理全球

  • for years,

    歷時多年的棘手問題,

  • issues like immigration, religious tolerance, violence against women.

    像是移民、宗教寬容、 對婦女施暴等問題。

  • It also works on deeply personal topics that might only matter to you

    它也處理切身的個人問題, 只有你自己、

  • and your immediate family and friends.

    你的直系親屬及摯友才會關心。

  • They have a terminal illness, their mother just died,

    有人得了絕症, 有人的母親剛去世,

  • they have a child with special needs and they can't talk about it.

    有人的孩子需要特殊教育 卻無法拿出來談。

  • Listening and storytelling are the hallmarks of pro-voice practice.

    聽故事與講故事是優聲權的兩大特點。

  • Listening and storytelling.

    聽故事與講故事,

  • That sounds pretty nice.

    聽起來很美好。

  • Sounds maybe, easy? We could all do that.

    聽起來好像很容易? 我們都會做。

  • It's not easy. It's very hard.

    這並不容易,而且非常難。

  • Pro-voice is hard because we are talking about things everyone's fighting about

    優聲權很難,因為我們在談的, 是每個人都在爭論

  • or the things that no one wants to talk about.

    或沒有人想提出來談的事。

  • I wish I could tell you that when you decide to be pro-voice, that you'll find

    我真希望我能告訴你, 當你決定要「優聲」,

  • beautiful moments of breakthrough and gardens full of flowers,

    你會發現突破的美麗瞬間, 園子開滿了鮮花,

  • where listening and storytelling creates wonderful "a-ha" moments.

    在那裡,講故事與說故事能產生美妙的頓悟時刻。

  • I wish I could tell you that there would be a feminist welcoming party for you,

    我真希望我能告訴你們會有一個女權歡迎會在等著你們,

  • or that there's a long-lost sisterhood of people who are just ready

    或是你們久違的姊妹淘

  • to have your back when you get slammed.

    在你們被徹底擊敗時張手等你們回來。

  • But it can be vulnerable and exhausting to tell our own stories

    但是訴說自己的故事卻是身心俱疲的,

  • when it feels like nobody cares.

    尤其在你覺得沒人在乎的時候。

  • And if we truly listen to one another,

    如果我們真的傾聽彼此,

  • we will hear things that demand that we shift our own perceptions.

    我們會聽到需要我們設身處地的故事。

  • There is no perfect time and there is no perfect place

    永遠沒有完美的時刻與完美的地點

  • to start a difficult conversation.

    來展開艱難的對話。

  • There's never a time when everyone will be on the same page, share the same lens,

    永遠不會有什麼時刻,大家想法一致、看法一致,

  • or know the same history.

    或經歷相同的過去。

  • So, let's talk about listening and how to be a good listener.

    所以,就來談談傾聽的技巧,怎樣變成好的聆聽者。

  • There's lots of ways to be a good listener and I'm going to give you just a couple.

    有很多方法能成為好的聆聽者,我在這裡跟你們說幾個。

  • One is to ask open-ended questions.

    其中一個就是要問開放式問題。

  • You can ask yourself or someone that you know,

    你能問自己或你認識的人:

  • "How are you feeling?"

    「你覺得如何?」

  • "What was that like?"

    「那像什麼?」

  • "What do you hope for, now?"

    「你現在希望怎麼辦?」

  • Another way to be a good listener is to use reflective language.

    另一個成為好的聆聽者的方法是用反映語法。

  • If someone is talking about their own personal experience,

    如果有人在談他們的個人經驗,

  • use the words that they use.

    你要用他們用的字。

  • If someone is talking about an abortion and they say the word "baby,"

    如果有人在談墮胎時 用了「寶貝」這個字,

  • you can say "baby."

    你也可以用「寶貝」。

  • If they say "fetus," you can say "fetus."

    如果他們說「胎兒」, 你也可以說「胎兒」。

  • If someone describes themselves as gender queer to you,

    如果他們對你描述自己是「酷兒」,

  • you can say "gender queer."

    你也可以說「酷兒」。

  • If someone kind of looks like a he, but they say they're a she -- it's cool.

    如果某人看起來像是男的,可是他說他自己是女的,

  • Call that person a she.

    那也沒關係,就稱他是女性。

  • When we reflect the language of the person who is sharing their own story,

    當我們反映分享者的語言時,

  • we are conveying that we are interested in understanding who they are

    我們就傳達出我們想瞭解他們是誰,

  • and what they're going through.

    以及他們經歷的一切。

  • The same way that we hope people are interested in knowing us.

    就跟我們希望別人也會想瞭解我們一樣。

  • So, I'll never forget being in one of the Exhale counselor meetings,

    所以,我永遠都忘不了 在某次舒氣輔導員會議上,

  • listening to a volunteer talk about how she was getting a lot of calls

    聽一位志工說她如何面對許多

  • from Christian women who were talking about God.

    女基督徒在電話上談到神的故事。

  • Now, some of our volunteers are religious, but this particular one was not.

    我們有些志工是篤信宗教的, 但這位不是。

  • At first, it felt a little weird for her to talk to callers about God.

    一開始,她覺得跟來電者談神有點怪。

  • So, she decided to get comfortable.

    所以她決定要讓自己自在一點。

  • And she stood in front of her mirror at home, and she said the word "God."

    她在家裡站在鏡子前 說「神」。

  • "God."

    「神」。

  • "God."

    「神」。

  • "God."

    「神」。

  • "God."

    「神」。

  • "God."

    「神」。

  • "God."

    「神」。

  • Over and over and over again

    一次又一次的說,

  • until the word no longer felt strange coming out her mouth.

    直到從她口中說出這個字不再感到奇怪。

  • Saying the word God did not turn this volunteer into a Christian,

    說神這個字沒有讓這位志工成為基督徒,

  • but it did make her a much better listener of Christian women.

    但這的確讓她在面對基督徒婦女時 成為更好的聆聽者。

  • So, another way to be pro-voice is to share stories,

    那麼,另一個成為 「優聲」的方法是分享故事。

  • and one risk that you take on, when you share your story with someone else,

    你跟別人分享自己的故事時, 你要承擔的風險是,

  • is that given the same set of circumstances as you

    就算聽者跟你的處境相同,

  • they might actually make a different decision.

    他們也可能做出不同的決定。

  • For example, if you're telling a story about your abortion,

    舉例來說,你說了自己墮胎的故事,

  • realize that she might have had the baby.

    卻發現她可能留下孩子。

  • She might have placed for adoption.

    她也可能送人領養。

  • She might have told her parents and her partner -- or not.

    她可能告訴她的父母或同居人,也可能沒說。

  • She might have felt relief and confidence, even though you felt sad and lost.

    她可能覺得鬆了口氣、很有把握,而你卻覺得悲慘失落。

  • This is okay.

    這沒關係。

  • Empathy gets created the moment we imagine ourselves in someone else's shoes.

    同理心在我們設身處地的瞬間就產生了。

  • It doesn't mean we all have to end up in the same place.

    這不代表我們會有一樣的結局。

  • It's not agreement, it's not sameness that pro-voice is after.

    優聲權追求的並非同意、並非一致。

  • It creates a culture and a society that values what make us special and unique.

    它創造一種文化、一個社會, 珍視讓我們獨特的差異。

  • It values what makes us human, our flaws and our imperfections.

    它珍視我們之所以為人的一切,我們的缺陷和我們的不完美。

  • And this way of thinking allows us to see our differences with respect,

    這種思維讓我們尊重彼此的不同,

  • instead of fear.

    而不是恐懼。

  • And it generates the empathy that we need

    而如此就產生我們所需的同理心,

  • to overcome all the ways that we try to hurt one another.

    以克服試圖傷害彼此的一切。

  • Stigma, shame, prejudice, discrimination, oppression.

    汙名、恥辱、偏見、歧視、壓迫。

  • Pro-voice is contagious, and the more it's practiced

    優聲權具感染力,

  • the more it spreads.

    練習愈多,傳染愈快。

  • So, last year I was pregnant again.

    去年我又懷孕了。

  • This time I was looking forward to the birth of my son.

    這次我很期待我兒子出生。

  • And while pregnant, I had never been asked how I was feeling so much in all my life.

    懷孕時,我接受到的關心真是一生中最多的階段。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • And however I replied, whether I was feeling wonderful and excited

    無論我如何回答,是覺得好奇妙、好興奮,

  • or scared and totally freaked out,

    還是很害怕、完全嚇壞了,

  • there was always someone there giving me a "been there" response.

    總有人對我說:「我也是過來人。」

  • It was awesome.

    真棒。

  • It was a welcome, yet dramatic departure from what I experience

    這是個令人愉快、戲劇性的再出發,

  • when I talk about my mixed feelings of my abortion.

    揮別我五味雜陳的墮胎經驗。

  • Pro-voice is about the real stories of real people

    優聲權要的是用真人真事,

  • making an impact on the way abortion

    衝擊大家對墮胎

  • and so many other politicized and stigmatized issues

    及其他被政治化、汙名化的議題

  • are understood and discussed.

    所持的看法及爭論。

  • From sexuality and mental health to poverty and incarceration.

    從性取向、心理健康、 貧窮到監禁都是。

  • Far beyond definition as single right or wrong decisions,

    我們的經歷形形色色,

  • our experiences can exist on a spectrum.

    遠遠超過二分法的定義。

  • Pro-voice focuses that conversation on human experience

    優聲權的重點 是人類經歷的對話,

  • and it makes support and respect possible for all.

    並支持及尊重所有可能。

  • Thank you.

    謝謝。

  • (Applause)

    (掌聲)

It was the middle of summer and well past closing time in the downtown Berkeley bar where my friend Polly and I worked together as bartenders.

那是仲夏的某日,在柏克萊鬧區一間小酒吧裡,早過了打烊的時間,我和我的朋友波莉在裡面當酒保。

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B1 中級 中文 美國腔 TED 故事 基督徒 聆聽 婦女 志工

【TED】亞絲萍·貝克: 更適當談論墮胎的方法 (Aspen Baker: A better way to talk about abortion)

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    CUChou 發佈於 2015 年 09 月 23 日
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