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  • Can any of you

    請問在座每個人

  • remember what you wanted to be

    還能夠想起在你17歲的時候

  • when you were 17?

    想要成為什麼樣的人嗎?

  • Do you know what I wanted to be?

    你知道我想要成為什麼嗎?

  • I wanted to be a biker chick.

    我想成為一位飛車騎士

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • I wanted to race cars,

    我想要賽車

  • and I wanted to be a cowgirl,

    我想要成為一名女牛仔

  • and I wanted to be Mowgli from "The Jungle Book."

    以及成為"森林王子"裡的莫格利

  • Because they were all about being free,

    因為他們都渴望自由

  • the wind in your hair -- just to be free.

    享受風輕拂著頭髮,就是要自由

  • And on my seventeenth birthday,

    在我17歲的生日時

  • my parents, knowing how much I loved speed,

    我的父母知道我有多熱愛速度

  • gave me one driving lesson

    於是給我上了駕駛這門課

  • for my seventeenth birthday.

    當作我17歲的生日禮物

  • Not that we could have afforded I drive,

    這不代表家裡負擔的起我開車

  • but to give me the dream of driving.

    只是純粹給了我這個夢想

  • And on my seventeenth birthday,

    在我17歲生日時

  • I accompanied my little sister

    我陪同我的小妹

  • in complete innocence,

    用我一向

  • as I always had all my life --

    天真的想法

  • my visually impaired sister --

    陪我視障的妹妹

  • to go to see an eye specialist.

    去看眼科醫師

  • Because big sisters

    因為做姊姊的

  • are always supposed to support their little sisters.

    總是得支持他們的妹妹

  • And my little sister wanted to be a pilot --

    我的小妹想要成為一名飛行師

  • God help her.

    但願上帝幫助她

  • So I used to get my eyes tested

    我之前定期做眼科檢查

  • just for fun.

    單純是為了好玩

  • And on my seventeenth birthday,

    在我17歲生日

  • after my fake eye exam,

    做完假的眼科檢查之後

  • the eye specialist just noticed it happened to be my birthday.

    眼科醫生注意到這天是我的生日

  • And he said, "So what are you going to do to celebrate?"

    他說:"你打算怎麼慶祝生日"?

  • And I took that driving lesson,

    那時我拿到了駕照

  • and I said, "I'm going to learn how to drive."

    於是我說:"我要去學開車"

  • And then there was a silence --

    在我說完這話一片寂靜

  • one of those awful silences

    一種令你感覺不對勁

  • when you know something's wrong.

    的沉默

  • And he turned to my mother,

    然後醫生轉向我母親

  • and he said, "You haven't told her yet?"

    他說了:"你還沒告訴她嗎"?

  • On my seventeenth birthday,

    在我17歲生日

  • as Janis Ian would best say,

    如同賈尼斯伊恩說得好

  • I learned the truth at 17.

    我在17歲時發現了真相

  • I am, and have been since birth,

    原來打從出生時

  • legally blind.

    我就領有視障手冊

  • And you know,

    你們知道嗎

  • how on earth did I get to 17

    我究竟是如何活到17歲的

  • and not know that?

    而且還完全不知情的?

  • Well, if anybody says country music isn't powerful,

    如果有人說鄉村音樂不好

  • let me tell you this:

    讓我告訴你這個反證吧

  • I got there

    我之所以不知情

  • because my father's passion for Johnny Cash

    是因為我父親對Johnny Cash的熱愛

  • and a song, "A Boy Named Sue."

    Johnny Cash的一首歌叫"A Boy Named Sue."

  • I'm the eldest of three. I was born in 1971.

    我在家中三個小孩排行最大。我在1971年出生

  • And very shortly after my birth,

    在我出生後不久

  • my parents found out I had a condition called ocular albinism.

    我的父母發現我有眼疾-視覺上的白化症

  • And what the hell does that mean to you?

    這是什麼?

  • So let me just tell you, the great part of all of this?

    讓我告訴你,這最大的問題是什麽?

  • I can't see this clock and I can't see the timing,

    我看不見這個時鐘也看不見現在幾點

  • so holy God, woohoo! (Laughter)

    我的天阿,嗚呼!

  • I might buy some more time.

    也許我能多待點時間

  • But more importantly, let me tell you --

    但讓我告訴你們更重要的是

  • I'm going to come up really close here. Don't freak out, Pat.

    我將很快進入話題,別緊張

  • Hey.

  • See this hand?

    看到這隻手了嗎?

  • Beyond this hand is a world of Vaseline.

    在這隻手的背後是一片模糊的視界

  • Every man in this room, even you, Steve,

    在場的每一個人,甚至是你,史蒂夫

  • is George Clooney.

    都是喬治克魯尼

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • And every woman, you are so beautiful.

    以及每一位女性,你們是如此的美麗

  • And when I want to look beautiful, I step three feet away from the mirror,

    當我想要變漂亮時,便退後三呎看著鏡子

  • and I don't have to see these lines etched in my face

    我便無法去看到我臉上

  • from all the squinting I've done all my life

    因長久以來在黑暗中

  • from all the dark lights.

    我瞇著眼睛去看而產生的細紋

  • The really strange part is

    特別的是

  • that, at three and a half, just before I was going to school,

    在我三歲半準備去上學時

  • my parents made a bizarre, unusual

    我的父母做了一個不合常理

  • and incredibly brave decision.

    又非常勇敢的決定

  • No special needs schools.

    我不去殘障學校

  • No labels.

    我不用貼上任何標籤

  • No limitations.

    對我的能力以及潛力

  • My ability and my potential.

    沒有任何限制

  • And they decided to tell me

    他們決定告訴我

  • that I could see.

    我看得見

  • So just like Johnny Cash's Sue,

    就如同Johnny Cash歌裡的Sue

  • a boy given a girl's name,

    一位被給予女孩名字的男孩

  • I would grow up and learn from experience

    我會長大並且從各個經驗中學習

  • how to be tough and how to survive,

    要如何堅強以及如何生存

  • when they were no longer there to protect me,

    當他們都不在我身旁保護我的時候

  • or just take it all away.

    或者一切都被帶走時要如何生存

  • But more significantly,

    但是更重要的是

  • they gave me the ability

    他們賦予我

  • to believe,

    去相信的能力

  • totally, to believe that I could.

    完完全全的相信我所能做的

  • And so when I heard that eye specialist

    所以當我聽到眼科醫生說

  • tell me all the things, a big fat "no,"

    當他告訴我事情的真相,一個從裡到外的一聲"不"

  • everybody imagines I was devastated.

    每個人都覺得我會一蹶不振

  • And don't get me wrong, because when I first heard it --

    但別誤會了,起先聽到時

  • aside from the fact that I thought he was insane --

    我只覺得醫生瘋了

  • I got that thump in my chest,

    我的心被敲了一下

  • just that "huh?"

    發出一聲"啊"

  • But very quickly I recovered. It was like that.

    但很快地我沒事了。就如同上述所言。

  • The first thing I thought about was my mom,

    我想到的第一件事是我母親

  • who was crying over beside me.

    在我身旁激動得哭泣

  • And I swear to God, I walked out of his office,

    然後我對上帝發誓,並且離開他的辦公室

  • "I will drive. I will drive.

    "我能開車,一定能開車

  • You're mad. I'll drive. I know I can drive."

    你瘋了。我一定可以開車的,我知道我可以"

  • And with the same dogged determination

    抱持著一個從小到大頑強的決心

  • that my father had bred into me since I was such a child --

    那就是從小我父親陪育我的觀念

  • he taught me how to sail,

    他教會了我怎麼航海

  • knowing I could never see where I was going, I could never see the shore,

    即便知道我完全看不到方向,也看不見海岸

  • and I couldn't see the sails, and I couldn't see the destination.

    以及看不見帆,也看不見目的地

  • But he told me to believe

    但是他告訴我要相信

  • and feel the wind in my face.

    去感受微風輕拂我的臉頰

  • And that wind in my face made me believe

    而那輕拂我臉頰的微風讓我相信

  • that he was mad and I would drive.

    我絕對能開車

  • And for the next 11 years,

    然而在往後的11年

  • I swore nobody would ever find out that I couldn't see,

    我發誓不讓人發現我看不見

  • because I didn't want to be a failure,

    因為我一點都不想成為一名輸家

  • and I didn't want to be weak.

    而且我也不想要成為弱者

  • And I believed I could do it.

    我相信我能做到

  • So I rammed through life as only a Casey can do.

    所以我過著一種凱西能做到的生活

  • And I was an archeologist, and then I broke things.

    我做過考古學家,我打破了文物

  • And then I managed a restaurant, and then I slipped on things.

    我管理過一間餐廳,我還打破盤子

  • And then I was a masseuse. And then I was a landscape gardener.

    我做過按摩師,我也作過景觀園藝師

  • And then I went to business school.

    然後我去上了商業學校

  • And you know, disabled people are hugely educated.

    殘障人士受非常多的教育

  • And then I went in and I got a global consulting job with Accenture.

    後來我得到了一個全球諮詢性的工作--在埃森哲股份有限公司

  • And they didn't even know.

    而且連他們也不知道

  • And it's extraordinary

    信念帶著我走這麼遠

  • how far belief can take you.

    真的很神奇

  • In 1999,

    在1999年

  • two and a half years into that job,

    得到這個工作的兩年之後

  • something happened.

    精彩的事情發生了

  • Wonderfully, my eyes decided, enough.

    我的眼睛決定罷工了

  • And temporarily,

    是暫時性的

  • very unexpectedly,

    非常異想不到地

  • they dropped.

    它們罷工了

  • And I'm in one of the most competitive environments in the world,

    而我卻在當時世界上最具競爭力的環境之下

  • where you work hard, play hard, you gotta be the best, you gotta be the best.

    需要非常努力的工作,而且不擇手段,必須要做到最好

  • And two years in,

    過了兩年

  • I really could see very little.

    我確實只能看見一點點

  • And I found myself in front of an HR manager

    我走到了一位人力資源的經理面前

  • in 1999,

    在這時是1999年

  • saying something I never imagined that I would say.

    並說出一些我從沒沒想過會說出的話

  • I was 28 years old.

    我那時28嵗

  • I had built a persona all around what I could and couldn't do.

    我一直在做得到與做不到之間掙扎逞強

  • And I simply said,

    我就只說

  • "I'm sorry.

    很抱歉

  • I can't see, and I need help."

    我看不見,請給我點幫助

  • Asking for help can be incredibly difficult.

    向人要求協助真的很難

  • And you all know what it is. You don't need to have a disability to know that.

    你們應該都能了解,而這並不需要身患殘疾才能體會

  • We all know how hard it is

    大家都知道

  • to admit weakness and failure.

    承認自己的軟弱和失敗有多難

  • And it's frightening, isn't it?

    這是很令人驚恐的,對吧

  • But all that belief had fueled me so long.

    但我的信念卻支持了我這麼久

  • And can I tell you, operating in the sighted world when you can't see,

    當你看不見,卻得在這依賴雙眼的世界工作時

  • it's kind of difficult -- it really is.

    這確實很困難

  • Can I tell you, airports are a disaster.

    跟你們說,機場真是恐怖的地方

  • Oh, for the love of God.

    噢!我敬愛的上帝

  • And please, any designers out there?

    請問有設計師在場嗎?

  • OK, designers, please put up your hands, even though I can't even see you.

    麻煩舉個手,雖然我不一定看得見

  • I always end up in the gents' toilets.

    我常常進到男生廁所

  • And there's nothing wrong with my sense of smell.

    我的嗅覺是完全沒問題的

  • But can I just tell you,

    但是我可以跟你說

  • the little sign for a gents' toilet or a ladies' toilet

    男女廁的小標誌

  • is determined by a triangle.

    得靠下面的三角形裙襬來分別

  • Have you ever tried to see that

    你是否曾經試過

  • if you have Vaseline in front of your eyes?

    當你眼前有一層凡士林的時候來看

  • It's such a small thing, right?

    那會真的小到令人看不見,對吧

  • And you know how exhausting it can be

    而當你並不完美,卻渴求變的完美

  • to try to be perfect when you're not,

    或者變成你想成為的對象

  • or to be somebody that you aren't?

    這真的很累

  • And so after admitting I couldn't see to HR,

    而在向經理承認我看不見之後

  • they sent me off to an eye specialist.

    我被送去看眼科醫師

  • And I had no idea that this man was going to change my life.

    當時我還不知道他會是改變我一生的人

  • But before I got to him, I was so lost.

    在去看醫生之前,我非常低落

  • I had no idea who I was anymore.

    我對於自己感到迷惘

  • And that eye specialist, he didn't bother testing my eyes.

    而這眼科醫師,他根本懶得檢查我的眼睛

  • God no, it was therapy.

    喔不,那是心理治療

  • And he asked me several questions,

    他問了我一些問題

  • of which many were, "Why?

    而問題通常是"為什麼?"

  • Why are you fighting so hard

    為什麼你要這麼拚命地

  • not to be yourself?

    抗拒自己的條件限制?

  • And do you love what you do, Caroline?"

    你所做的是你喜愛做的嗎,卡洛琳?

  • And you know, when you go to a global consulting firm,

    你知道當你去了一家全球諮詢公司

  • they put a chip in your head, and you're like,

    他們將一片晶片放進你的頭,而你會說

  • "I love Accenture. I love Accenture. I love my job. I love Accenture.

    "我愛埃森哲,我愛我的工作,我愛埃森哲

  • I love Accenture. I love Accenture. I love my job. I love Accenture." (Laughter)

    我愛埃森哲,我愛我的工作,我愛埃森哲"

  • To leave would be failure.

    離開的人就輸了

  • And he said, "Do you love it?"

    他問我"你喜歡這樣嗎"

  • I couldn't even speak I was so choked up.

    我當下真是激動得答不出話來

  • I just was so -- how do I tell him?

    我只是……該怎麼說呢

  • And then he said to me, "What did you want to be when you were little?"

    接著他說"你小時候想成為什麼?"

  • Now listen, I wasn't going to say to him, "Well, I wanted to race cars and motorbikes."

    我不想對他說"我想成為賽車手和摩托車手"

  • Hardly appropriate at this moment in time.

    在當時的情境很不適合

  • He thought I was mad enough anyway.

    反正他應該覺得我滿瘋的

  • And as I left his office,

    在我離開他辦公室時

  • he called me back

    他叫住了我

  • and he said, "I think it's time.

    他說"我認為時候到了

  • I think it's time

    該是時候

  • to stop fighting and do something different."

    不要再抗拒,去做點別的事吧"

  • And that door closed.

    接著門就關上了

  • And that silence just outside a doctor's office,

    門外就只剩下一陣寂靜

  • that many of us know.

    之後像大家知道的

  • And my chest ached.

    我的胸口痛起來了

  • And I had no idea where I was going. I had no idea.

    我不知道我何去何從,我真的不知道

  • But I did know the game was up.

    我只覺得一切結束了

  • And I went home, and, because the pain in my chest ached so much,

    於是我回到家,而胸口真的很痛

  • I thought, "I'll go out for a run."

    我想著"去外頭跑一下好了"

  • Really not a very sensible thing to do.

    這不是什麼明智之舉

  • And I went on a run that I know so well.

    我去跑我非常熟悉的路綫

  • I know this run so well, by the back of my hand.

    我閉著眼都可以跑的路綫

  • I always run it perfectly fine.

    我總是跑得很好

  • I count the steps and the lampposts and all those things

    我數著步伐、路燈等事物

  • that visually impaired people have a tendency to have a lot of meetings with.

    這些都是視障人士比較容易看到的

  • And there was a rock that I always missed.

    而那邊有個石頭我總是能避開

  • And I'd never fallen on it, never.

    我從來沒被絆倒過

  • And there I was crying away,

    我邊哭邊跑

  • and smash, bash on my rock.

    結果卻用力地撞在石頭上

  • Broken, fallen over

    我很慘地摔倒了

  • on this rock

    就在這石頭上

  • in the middle of March in 2000,

    當時是2000年的三月中

  • typical Irish weather on a Wednesday --

    典型愛爾蘭天氣的星期三

  • gray, snot, tears everywhere,

    到處都灰灰的,而我涕淚縱橫

  • ridiculously self-pitying.

    可笑地自艾自憐

  • And I was floored, and I was broken,

    我非常的失望及挫折

  • and I was angry.

    而且生氣

  • And I didn't know what to do.

    因為我不知道該做什麼好

  • And I sat there for quite some time going,

    我就在那邊坐了好一段時間

  • "How am I going to get off this rock and go home?

    "我要怎麼離開這塊石頭然後回家?

  • Because who am I going to be?

    而我想成為什麼人

  • What am I going to be?"

    究竟我想成為什麼人

  • And I thought about my dad,

    於是我想到了我的父親

  • and I thought, "Good God, I'm so not Sue now."

    我就想"天啊,我已經不是Sue了"

  • And I kept thinking over and over in my mind,

    我不斷反覆思索著

  • what had happened? Where did it go wrong? Why didn't I understand?

    到底怎麼了?我哪裡做錯了?我怎還看不透?

  • And you know, the extraordinary part of it

    而最特別的是

  • is I just simply had no answers.

    這些我都想不到答案

  • I had lost my belief.

    我的信念已完全消失了

  • Look where my belief had brought me to.

    看看我的信念帶給我的成就

  • And now I had lost it. And now I really couldn't