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  • I knew when I said goodbye to him that it wasn't goodbye forever

    我知道當我對他說再見時,那並不是永遠的道別,

  • and I'd see him again and when I see him again

    而我可以再看到他,且當我再次看到他時

  • he won't be in pain anymore.

    他已經不再有任何病痛了。

  • And he won't be weak.

    且不再虛弱。

  • When My Parent Passed Away

    當我的父母過世

  • I was six years old when my mom passed away.

    當我六歲時,我媽媽逝世了。

  • My mom died when I was 17, she was sick.

    當我十七歲時,我媽媽去世,她生病了。

  • She had cancer the majority of my childhood.

    在我大半的童年時光中,她罹患癌症。

  • My dad was sick for as long as I can remember.

    從我有記憶以來,我爸爸已在病痛之中。

  • When I was born he was just recently diagnosed

    當我出生的時候,他正被診斷出

  • with multiple sclerosis.

    出罹患「多發性硬化症」。

  • You know, I went and talked to my mom and I,

    你知道的,我去找我的媽媽並和她說

  • you know, I sat down next to her bed and I told her,

    你知道的,我坐在他床圍並告訴她

  • I said, "This is what the doctors have told us."

    我說:「醫生是這麼告訴我們的。」

  • They said there might be a solution, but we might have to,

    他們說有可能有救治的方法,但我們可能需要去

  • you know, go across the country to this doctor's place

    你知道的,跨越其他州到這位醫生的所在地,

  • to try it out.

    去試試看。

  • And she just looked at me and she's like, "No more."

    然後她就只是看著我,就像是在說:「不要了。」

  • I can't.

    我承受不住。

  • My father who was young and didn't smoke

    我父親很年輕,而且並不抽菸,

  • came down with pancreatic cancer and within less than

    卻罹患胰臟癌,而且只剩下不到

  • six months he had passed away.

    六個月的時間。 他去世了。

  • My father died first.

    我爸爸先去世。

  • He had arterial sclerotic heart disease so he had a

    他罹患動脈性硬化心臟病,所以他有

  • massive heart attack.

    急性的心臟病。

  • And then my mother, she died about five months later

    接著是我的母親,她則是於五個月後去世

  • and she just had, like, a sudden cardiac arrest and I was

    然後她就像是心臟驟停一般,而當此事發生時,

  • on the phone with her when it happened, but I didn't know

    我正在電話的另一端,但我卻不知道。

  • that she had died.

    然後她也去世了。

  • We always had the thing in our family when you,

    我們總是有過和家人...當你...

  • you know, love you, love you more.

    你知道的...,愛你、我更愛你...

  • I believe it was me to him, "Love ya."

    我相信我對他是:「愛你啊!」

  • And then on my way out the door I heard, "Love you more."

    接著當我在門外時聽到:「我更愛你。」

  • And that was the last thing he ever said to me.

    然後這是他對我說過的最後一句話。

  • And he was throwing up due to the chemo therapy.

    接著他開始因為化療的副作用而嘔吐。

  • I was young and I walked past it and I recoiled and said

    當時我很年輕,並走避嘔吐物,接著我退縮地說

  • gross and ran away.

    好噁心,然後跑掉了。

  • Ever since then, that's just replayed in my head

    自從那一刻起,這一段畫面不斷在我腦中重演

  • since childhood.

    從我的孩童時光起。

  • There were so many unknowns happening.

    有太多太多未知的事情發生。

  • Like, I felt that it was my fault, then I realized

    就像是,我感覺到這是我的錯,然後到我瞭解

  • it wasn't my fault.

    這其實並不是我的錯。

  • I remember walking out of the funeral home

    我記得當我步出殯儀室時,

  • holding the casket and I grabbed my little brother

    捧著骨灰罈,然後我緊抓著弟弟

  • and I hugged him, I said, "I promise you everything's

    接著我抱住他,我說:「我向你承諾一切

  • "gonna be okay, I'm gonna make sure of it.

    都會好起來的。 我向你保證。」

  • "Everything's gonna be fine."

    「一切都會好起來的。」

  • And I hope I did the right thing.

    我希望我做對了。

  • I'm hoping that I was able to do what, at least half

    我希望我能做到像媽媽,或至少像媽媽的一半

  • my mother was able to do for me.

    她曾經對我做過的。

  • It was mother's day and everyone was, like,

    到了母親節這天,每個人就像是...

  • crocheting these like things for their mom and I was the only

    別上這些像是要給媽媽的東西,而我是唯一一位

  • kid in class that, like, didn't.

    在班上的孩子...就像...沒有一樣...

  • So then I just did it for my grandma which sounds weird.

    所以我就給我的祖母做了一個,聽起來很奇怪...

  • So, yeah, that's when

    是啊... 就是那時候...

  • I kind of understood that, like,

    我開始有一點理解...就像是...

  • that everyone else kind of had this thing and I didn't.

    其他人都有,但我卻沒有。

  • You never really lose certain memories or certain parts

    你從未真正失去對他們真切的記憶或部分

  • of their personality and I, to this day, will be watching

    且直至今日,我還是會看個電影

  • a movie that I watched with him several times or a TV show

    看著那已經和他看過好幾次的電視節目,

  • that I watched several times with him and I can still hear

    那個我和他一起看過好幾次...並會聽到

  • the parts where he laughed.

    他曾為幾個片段大笑的笑聲。

  • That void is always gonna be there and it's a part of

    這個空間他一直都會在那而,而且是我現在的我

  • who I am today, but it doesn't have to pull me in,

    的一部分,不過它不需要把我拉進(悲傷)漩渦之中,

  • it doesn't have to take over me.

    它不會使我迷失。

  • And it's something that I work on all the time.

    這是一直以來我所奉行的。

  • I had a therapist for the first six months after it

    在事情發生後的六個月,我有一位治療師,

  • happened 'cause it helps to talk to someone without bias.

    因為他能夠不偏頗地幫助我說出來。

  • I go to therapy.

    我去接受治療。

  • Yeah, I go to therapy because this isn't an issue that's

    摁,我去接受治療因為這並不是什麼大不了的事

  • just gonna, like, go away.

    就只像是,他需要...離開了

  • You are going to deal with the loss of your parents

    你將要去面對父母親過世的消息,

  • for years.

    好幾年...

  • If there's somebody that you care about,

    如果有任何人是你所關心的,

  • you need to let them know.

    你需要讓他們知道。

  • And just don't waste time cause the biggest things

    然後真的不要浪費時間,因為你學到最多的事情是,

  • you learn because you can be taken today, tomorrow,

    你不知道你什麼時候會離開,今天?明天?

  • in 50 years, you don't know.

    或是五十年後,你並不知道。

  • I learned a lot in those 16 years and I, like,

    在這十六年間我學到很多,而且我...喜歡

  • cherish those memories.

    珍惜這些記憶。

  • I always tell my friends, you know, cherish your parents.

    我常常告訴我的朋友,你知道的,好好珍惜你的父母。

  • You never know when they're gonna go.

    你永遠不會知道他們什麼時候會走。

  • Cherish the time you had about (with them) and share that

    珍惜你和他們擁有的時光,並分享它

  • with people because everyone's in it together and we all

    因為我們都一同擁有過,而且我們

  • are going through the same thing.

    都同樣經歷過一樣的事情。

  • We are in a struggle together and together we become stronger.

    我們一起陷入掙扎,但我們也一起獲致成長的茁壯。

I knew when I said goodbye to him that it wasn't goodbye forever

我知道當我對他說再見時,那並不是永遠的道別,

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人生課題:當你面臨的父母親過世的難過時刻 When My Parent Passed Away

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    葉子維 發佈於 2015 年 09 月 12 日
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