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  • It's easy to be pessimistic about many things:

    我們容易對許多事抱持悲觀想法:

  • the state of the planet,

    地球現況、

  • the economy,

    經濟環境、

  • the future of humanity,

    對人性的指望、

  • ,and yet there's one area where many of us retain a curious sense of optimism.

    但對某件事,我們總是抱持奇怪的樂觀態度

  • We have faith that, from among the millions of our fellow human beings out there,

    我們相信,在茫茫人海中

  • we will one day be able to locate a very special person,

    有天一定會找到那個獨一無二的人

  • a being uniquely well suited to our temperaments, tastes and aspirations;

    完全符合我們的性情、品味及理想

  • someone who will feel like the missing bit of the complicated jigsaw of our deep selves - someone who can make us whole.

    他就像是複雜拼圖中那塊失落的自我,使我們變完整

  • We know it won't be easy to find them. So many people seem nice, at first,

    我們知道要找到他並不容易,很多人一開始看起來都很好

  • and then the problems emerge:

    但問題接著浮現

  • it turns out they have a very annoying sister

    沒想到他有個討人厭的妹妹

  • or they are far too nervous about things; always insisting on arriving at the airport three hours too early

    或他對事情過度緊張,總是堅持提早 3 小時到機場

  • or they have appalling taste in music

    或他的音樂品味很糟

  • or their conversation after a long day at work leaves a lot to be desired.

    或在辛苦工作之後,他的談話表現有待加強

  • That's why we keep searching: calling for more space, taking a break, getting divorced,

    於是我們不斷尋找:要求更多空間、暫停一下、離婚

  • scrolling through future possibilities online

    在網路上尋覓未來的對象 ...

  • And though it seems like we must be very romantic to put such effort to finding the right person,

    付出努力只為了找到對的人,雖然這件事聽起來很浪漫

  • in truth, our perpetual search is really a refusal of love.

    事實是,我們永無止盡的尋找只是把愛情拒之千里

  • It is a guarantee that we can never succeed at relationships,

    絕對會讓你在感情上失敗

  • because in the end, the deep secret to love is that there is no right person.

    因為到頭來,愛情的真諦是「沒有對的人」

  • There are perfect beings, we can imagine them very clearly,

    完美的人是有,我們可以勾勒出他們鮮明的形象

  • but - tragically, they exist only in the upper atmosphere,

    但不幸地,這種人只存在於外太空

  • and never down here on Earth

    你在地球上找不到 ...

  • It's the insistence on people being "right" that's at the root of rage and intolerance,

    感情中的怒火與不耐煩,來自於對於完美伴侶的堅持

  • for we are never more furious than when we believe we had signed up to perfection.

    如果沒這種堅持,我們就不會如此怒氣沖天

  • And given what the human animal is like,

    因為沒有十全十美的人

  • we can be guaranteed always to find something that isn't entirely right.

    我們總是會發現伴侶一些不那麼美好的地方

  • To be really romantic, truly committed to what love requires, we need a vital and rarely mentioned quality:

    參透真愛的浪漫與代價,我們需要一項重要但很少提到的特質:

  • a healthy dose of PESSIMISM.

    適量的悲觀

  • Pessimism about what even the most perfect-seeming person will really be like once one gets to know them

    即使面對近乎完美的人,在進一步認識後對他真正的樣子保持悲觀

  • and with that pessimism comes forgiveness for the inevitably very long range of flaws that we'll discover in them, and they will - of course - discover in us.

    在發現彼此缺點而無可避免地發怒時,這樣的悲觀帶來互相體諒

  • An optimistic search for the perfect person commits us eventually to throwing away everyone we are ever likely to meet

    樂觀的尋覓完美伴侶,最終導致我們放棄所有遇到的對象

  • Yet in truth, the person who is really best suited to us is NOT the person who shares all our tastes,

    事實上,最適合我們的人並不完全與我們志趣相投

  • but the person who negotiates differences in taste intelligently and wisely.

    而是懂得巧妙化解其中差異

  • Compatibility is an achievement of love; it can't be its precondition.

    契合是愛情的果實,而非先決條件

  • To be able to love properly, we have to attend a funeral first: we have to bury a lot of our hopes deep in the ground

    為了學會如何去愛,我們必須先參加一場喪禮:將種種希望深埋在地底

  • That funeral is the most romantic thing we could ever do.

    這場喪禮會是最浪漫的事

  • It will liberate us to go back out into the world and have proper human relationships that can endure, and flourish.

    因為它將解放我們帶我們回到人類情感的真實世界,在當中容忍與茁壯

It's easy to be pessimistic about many things:

我們容易對許多事抱持悲觀想法:

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悲觀主義如何拯救愛情 (How to Save Love with Pessimism)

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    林彥廷 發佈於 2017 年 02 月 19 日
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