we don't know if..we are having a boy or a g..but we assume the one or the other.

我們不知道他是男的還是女...不過我們假設因該是其中一個

but you never know

不過你永遠不會確定

I have two older kids. My kids are in their forties now. One of them is older than I am.

我有兩個大一點的小孩。他們已經進入四開頭了。其中一個比我還老。

So it's been a long time since I took care of baby. Forget almost everything.

所以我已經很長一段時間沒有照顧寶寶了。我們大概全部都忘了。

or at least I forgot almost everything.

或至少我大概全忘了。

so to brush up and to get some advice on how to raise a child

所以為了要喚起記憶然後索取一些如何帶小孩的建議

I went right to the source.

我去找了最直接的資源

I asked a child to help me figure some things out.

我去問了一個小孩來幫我解答一些事情

a six-year-old girl named Aila and

一個六歲，名叫 Aila的小女孩

well, we had a very enlightening conversation.

我們有個非常有啓蒙的對話

Aila, how old are you?

Aila，你今年幾歲？

Six

六歲

So you've been a kid for a while now.

所以你當小孩已經有一段時間了。

How long?

多久？

I have no idea.

我不知道。

But you were a baby once?

不過你曾經是一個寶寶？

yeah everyone is a baby once.

對啊。 所有人曾經都是個寶寶。

that's true

說的也是。

What am I hoping for is that you can give me some information and teach me how to be a good dad.

我希望說你可以給我一些信息然後叫我怎麼成為一個好爸爸。

Cause my wife is having a baby. Ok?

我老婆懷孕了。 好嗎？

okay..

好...

And I just wondering what you think like what to you is a good dad.

我好奇你覺得怎樣算是一個好爸爸

What does a good dad do.

一個好爸爸會怎麼做。

Well, I suggest you start changing the diaper

我建議你從換尿布開始

Myself?

我來？

yeah!

對啊

yuck... I don't want to do that.

噁心...我不想要做。

Well, you are not gonna really like eat the poop.

你又不會真的吃到大便

Yeah I am.

會我會

No you're not! Yes I am. No you're not.

不會你不會！會我會。不你不會

Well,what am I supposed to do with it? Throw it against the wall?

好，那我因該要拿尿布怎麼辦？把它丟到牆上？

You are supposed to wipe the butt!

你因該要擦屁股！

Ewwww.

噁........

I'm not gonna do that. Who's butt？

我才不要做勒。誰的屁股？

The baby's butt. With the wipe.

寶寶的屁股。用紙巾

Oh no..no way the baby doesn't want that.

喔..不...不 寶寶也不想那樣。

The baby should learn to wipe its own butt.

寶寶因該要學會自己擦屁股

But they don't know how because

不過他們不知道喔怎麼做啊因為

they don't have a smart brain. They don't?

他們沒有一個聰明的腦。他們沒有？

Does baby comes with brain? or do you have to have that put in.

寶寶生出來有頭腦嗎？還是你要幫他們把腦裝進去。

They do come with brains. It's just like they don't know better and they're just like squirming around like

他們生下來就有腦的。不過他們比較不懂事所以他們就會亂鬧。

Are they dumb?

他們是笨蛋嗎？

heheh no! They are not dumb!

呵呵呵不是！他們不是笨蛋！

Well they can't even wipe themselves. That's doesn't sound very smart to me.

可是他們連自己擦屁股都不會。這聽起來不怎麼聰明。

So you're gonna have to do it yourself

所以需要你自己來做。

That's what grown ups do.

這就是大人該做的。

Oh no. I don't want to do that.

喔不。我不想做。

So first you have to open the diaper. Ahh.

所以你需要先打開尿布。額。

and then you're gonna get a wipe then wipe the butt. Hold on.

然後你要拿紙巾來擦它的屁股。等等。

Will you show me how to do that with the baby doll. Will you show me how to do it?

你可以拿一個娃娃來做示範嗎。你可以示範給我看怎麼做嗎？

Ok but just where's the baby doll.

好不過娃娃在哪

Here's the baby doll. Now is this the right way to hold a baby?

在這裏。所以這是抱寶寶對的方式嗎？

Nope.

不是

Well how should I do it

所以該怎麼做

So you should do it like that. Okay.

你因該這麼做。好。

If they are like one-year-old you can do it like this. Hold it by the butt and like that.

如果他們一歲了的話你可以這樣抱。像這樣抱住屁股。

That's..ok..so here we go.

這...好...所以這樣。

No! Not like...What I'm holding by the butt.

不！不是...怎樣？我抱住他的屁股啦

No. no no no no no..

不不不不不不....

Flip it over and hold it like that.

把它轉過來然後這樣抱。

Ohhh the other way. Ok ok

喔～另一邊。好好。

Now this butt I'm holding by, this is where the poops come out so this I don't want to touch.

現在我抱的這邊就是便便出來的地方所以我不想碰。

You're not gonna touch the butt. You're just gonna touch it with wipe.

你不會碰到屁股。你只需要用紙巾碰。

So like your hands are gonna be clean but you are gonna have to wash them

所以你的手會是乾淨的不過你還是需要洗手

Okay. So here we put the baby right here.

好。我們把寶寶放在這。

Yeah and then some..good just diaper on. (Jimmy: the baby has the diaper on)

然後...很好只有尿布。（Jimmy：寶寶穿著尿布）

So like you're gonna pull the side then open it up

所以你要先把兩邊拉開再打開它

right..eww there's poop.

對...額 有大便。

What? It's chocolate!

什麼？那是巧克力！

It is?!

這是？

Yep we just pretend...well but I don't know if it is chocolate

好我們假裝它是...不過我不太確定是巧克力

You're eating the poop

你在吃大便

I'm still not sure if it's chocolate or not.

我還是不太確定這是不是巧克力。

Ok just...you're eating the poop.

好不過...你在吃便便

So I should not do that to the real baby.

所以我不該對真的寶寶這麼做

No! Because it's real poop.

不！因為那是真的大便。

You don't want to eat poop and get all sick.

你不會想要吃便便然後生病。

Right. You are right. Okay

對。你說的沒錯。好

Now, now what do I do?

那現在我怎麼做？

So you're gonna get a wipe and then wipe it like that

然後你拿一個紙巾然後這樣擦。

and then you're gonna lift the baby up. Ok, then you gonna wipe this part. With your hand?

然後你再把寶寶抱起來。好，然後擦這個地方。用你的手？

No! With the wipe

不！用紙巾。

Well why don't you using a wipe. I saw you using your hand.

那為什麼你不用紙巾。我看你都用手。

Well there's no wipes here.

因為現在這裏沒有紙巾。

Oh so what do I do if there's..oh look it out wipes just came in

喔所以如果有的話...喔看紙巾來了

Thanks dad!

謝啦爸！

Yeah thanks dad.

耶 謝謝爸爸

So you wipe the butt. Oh! I have a good idea. what if there's extra poop

然後你擦屁股。喔！我有個好主意。如果有多餘的大便怎麼辦

You should put it in the baby's hat right?

我們因該把它放進寶寶的帽子裡對吧？

No no no! What?

不不不！怎麼了？

You should put it...it's...so..(Jimmy:sorry..here you go.)

你因該把它放在...這...所以（Jimmy：抱歉..這給你）

Put it in here. Okay.

放在這。 好

And then we're gonna roll it up and throw it in the trash but where are the trash.

然後我們要把它捲起來然後丟到垃圾桶里不過垃圾桶在哪

Oh here I'll take it.

喔來我來拿

Umm let's see. Oh! I know we will throw it at the wall.

額 我們來看看。喔！我知道了。我們把它丟到牆上。

No! The trash! The trash. Remember I told you earlier? The trash!

不！垃圾桶！垃圾桶。記得我之前跟你說的嗎？垃圾桶！

But then the trash guy gotta come pick it up and then he doesn't want this.

不過收垃圾的人會來收，這不會是他們想做的

No!

不！

It's such a hard thing to figure out.

這真是個很難解決的問題

Ma ma mia...

我的天啊....

Here's this how it gotta go

這是接下來會發生的事

I'm gonna tell my wife Aila taught me how to change the baby when it has a poopy diaper

我會告訴我的老婆說Aila教我怎麼換寶寶的髒尿布

and what you do is you take a diaper off the baby, you get some wipes, you eat the poop

然後你要做的就是先把尿布拿掉，拿一些紙巾，把大便吃掉

then wipe the baby's butt

然後擦寶寶的屁股

and then you throw it at the garbage man as he drives you by

然後再把尿布朝來收垃圾的清潔工丟去

Yes?

對吧？

Yes.

對的

I think that's what we do.

我覺得這就是我們要做的

N O. No!

不 是。 不！

I'm gonna be a very bad parent.

我會成為一個非常爛的家長。

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊

So were you. hehehe.

你也是。呵呵呵。