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  • [WHOOSH]

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

    (音樂)

  • INTERVIEWER: Why did you want to become a firefighter?

    訪問者:為什麼你想要當一位消防員?

  • SUBJECT: I wanted to become a firefighter because I

    受訪者:我想要當消防員因為

  • saw these guys as superheroes.

    我視這些人為超級英雄。

  • I saw these guys as bigger than life.

    我視他們比什麼都要更了不起。

  • And it wasn't until I got into the job

    直到我加入這一行,

  • that I realized that we are just human.

    才發現我們(消防員)只是一般人,

  • I've seen more in one day than probably someone

    我在一天之內所看到的可能

  • has seen in their whole life.

    比一些人用一生看到的還多。

  • INTERVIEWER: What kind of things do you see?

    訪問者:你看到了哪些事?

  • SUBJECT: I see faces of death.

    受訪者:死亡的臉孔

  • I see old people, young people, kids.

    我看到老人、年輕人、小孩,

  • There are images that are hard to erase.

    這些畫面是難以抹滅的,

  • And it doesn't hit me until I get home

    有些事情直到我回家後才會襲來,

  • that I can't fix someone's death.

    那就是我不能改變一個人的死亡,

  • I can't fix someone who is broken.

    我不能改變一個人的傷痛,

  • I can't fix these things in my head that

    我不能改變這些事在我腦海中,

  • make me feel like I'm crazy.

    讓我覺得我瘋了,

  • Who talks about that?

    誰會講起這些事?

  • The only time you see a firefighter crying

    當你看到一位消防員在哭泣,

  • is when one of their coworkers die.

    那是他的同事夥伴罹難了。

  • OK.

    沒事

  • INTERVIEWER: Can you tell me about one

    訪問者,你可以跟我說一次經驗,

  • of those times when you weren't able to save someone?

    是有關你真的束手無策、沒辦法拯救別人?

  • SUBJECT: I went on a call where the young girl in her early 20s

    受訪者:我接到一通電話是有關一位二十幾歲年輕的女孩

  • was partying on top of an apartment building.

    在公寓頂樓舉辦派對,

  • And she fell and tumbled and hit the sides of the walls

    然後她跌下來然後撞到牆面,

  • and was killed.

    過世了。

  • But she still had signs of a little bit of life in her.

    但她那時仍然有一些生命跡象,

  • And I was the person doing compressions on her,

    我是幫她做心臟復甦術的那個人,

  • but I didn't realize later on that this event was going

    但我沒想到這個事件

  • to send me into a tailspin.

    把我推向深淵。

  • Some of these calls just mess you up.

    有些電話就會把你給搞的亂七八糟

  • And this call messed me up.

    這通電話把我搞砸了。

  • I wanted to start drinking so I'd

    我想要開始喝酒,

  • mask these feelings and these emotions.

    所以我可以掩蓋住這些感覺和情緒,

  • And it didn't help.

    但它並沒有幫助。

  • I would use prescription pills only because I just

    我想用處方簽的藥丸,

  • wanted to get numb.

    因為我想要麻木的感覺,

  • INTERVIEWER: You were diagnosed with post traumatic stress

    訪問者:你被診斷出創傷後壓力症候群。

  • injury-- PTSI.

  • Can you tell me about that?

    你可以說說這個(創傷後壓力症候群)嗎?

  • SUBJECT: I'm healing from my injuries.

    受訪者:我正在治癒我的病症

  • I'm not going to be completely healed,

    我不會完全康復,

  • because I just went on a call last week that messed me up.

    因為我正在經歷上禮拜的一通電話,

  • But I get through them quicker because I'm not drinking.

    但我可以更快的排解(創傷後壓力症候群)因為我沒有酗酒,

  • I'm eating cleaner and stair-climbing.

    我吃的更健康和我會爬樓梯,

  • INTERVIEWER: Tell me how you go from using alcohol

    訪問者:告訴我你如何從利用酒精

  • as a means of escape to climbing stairs as a new ritual.

    來麻痺自己的方法到每天例行公事爬樓梯。

  • SUBJECT: Using drugs and alcohol you get high.

    受訪者:利用藥物和酒精可以讓你情緒高漲,

  • Doing stairs I get high.

    爬樓梯可以讓我更快樂,

  • I try to get in 10,000 steps a day.

    我試著一天爬一萬階,

  • And mentally, it's a great escape,

    在我的心理方面,是一個很好抽離的方式,

  • because you're able to really get out of yourself.

    因為你可以真正的脫離自己,

  • I've begun to realize that I'm trying to control things

    我開始明白我試圖想要控制一些

  • that I have no control over.

    我能力所不能控制的事物,

  • I'm trying to control death.

    我試著想要控制死亡,

  • You can't control death.

    你不能控制死亡。

  • So I focus on trying not to think.

    所以我專注在不要去想

  • I focus on just trying to get myself upstairs the stairs.

    我專注在讓我自己爬上樓梯,

  • And I just focus on just being positive.

    我只專注在讓我自己更積極,

  • I started organizing my coworkers

    我開始召集我的同事,

  • to join in and do this climb as a tribute

    跟我一起爬樓梯,

  • to the guys that were killed in 9/11.

    當作對911傷亡的人的致敬。

  • So now we start wearing gear.

    所以現在我們開始穿上裝備,

  • We start wearing our bunker pants and our firefighting

    我門開始穿上我們的消防褲和我們的消防靴,

  • boots, and we wear our helmets.

    在戴上頭盔,

  • And you get to a point where you just want to quit.

    然後你就會開始想要放棄,

  • And then I think about the people who cannot do this--

    但我舊會接著想有一些人沒辦法做這件事,

  • the people who aren't here anymore, you know.

    有一些人永遠不在這世上了,你知道的。

  • The stairs are a metaphor to life.

    這些階梯是人生的一種暗喻,

  • Just one step at a time.

    一次只能一階,

  • All that excitement, energy, sweat,

    當你一步步往上爬的時候,

  • tears is contained until you get all the way up to the top

    那些刺激、能量、汗水、眼淚是混雜著的。

  • where you just like explode and just feel like the sky

    就想你剛剛爆炸,然後

  • open up to a feeling that everyone should experience.

    經歷到天空為你打開,那種大家都應該經歷的感覺。

  • And I think that a lot of people think

    我想很多人都覺得

  • that they can find that in a pill

    她們可以在藥物裡面找到這種感覺,

  • or at the bottom of a glass.

    或是在酒杯的底部,

  • They don't have go there.

    但他們不需要走到那一步,

  • And then when you're able to really get

    然後當你真的吸入

  • that big breath of fresh air, you're breathing in life.

    一大口新鮮空氣的時候,你正在呼吸著人生。

  • It's amazing.

    這真的很美好。

  • INTERVIEWER: Next on Seeker Stories,

    訪問者:下一次的尋找者故事

  • the ritual I developed while captive in North Korea.

    這是我在北韓被監禁時所開發的規矩,

  • Click now to watch.

    按這裡來觀看

  • It was the scariest time of my life.

    這是我一生中最可怕的時刻,

  • I was isolated in what is perhaps

    我被隔離

  • the most isolated country in the world.

    在一個可能是世界上最封閉的國家,

  • But there was something that I began

    但我開始做一些事

  • to do that helped me get through each day.

    讓我自己可以撐過每一天

  • And it was a very simple act.

    然後這僅僅是很簡單的一些舉止,

  • Rituals is a part of Seeker Stories.

    儀式是一部分的尋找者故事,

  • If you'd like to continue to see more

    如你你想繼續多看一些,

  • stories from around the world, we need you to subscribe.

    世界上發生的故事,那請訂閱我們的頻道。

  • [WHIR NOISE]

[WHOOSH]

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成為一名消防員的真實感受 (What It's Really Like To Be A Firefighter)

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    黃駿祐 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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