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  • - I love you so much, and I thought I could get you.

    我超愛你的,我以為我剛成功嚇到你了!

  • I didn't get you. - You did get me.

    我好像沒嚇到你。你嚇到我了。

  • - No, I didn't get you. - You scared me--you did.

    我剛沒有嚇到你。有啦! 你剛剛有嚇到我。

  • You scared me, and I'm a fan of yours,

    你竟然嚇我,我是你的粉絲耶

  • and you know I love you, and you still scared me.

    而且你知道我是愛你的,你竟然還敢嚇我

  • - Yeah.

    對啊

  • - And you just did it, and you just--

    你剛竟然還是做了,你竟然

  • You're not mean-spirited. - No.

    你絕對不是卑鄙。絕不是。

  • - You're just cr-- a little cruel.

    你只是很狠-有點狠心

  • - Yeah. - And, yeah.

    對。嗯, 對啊

  • I came in--

    我剛一走進去

  • - It's not cruel. It's just sneaky.

    不是狠心,只是有點偷偷摸摸

  • - [laughing] It's sneaky.

    哈哈, 對 。就是偷偷摸摸

  • But I kind of felt something was gonna happen,

    但我那時本來就有一種預感

  • and I came in, and the producer said to me,

    我走進去的時候,製片跟我說

  • "Go on into the-- this is your dressing room.

    快走進去呀,這裡是你的更衣間

  • "Go into the bathroom.

    走到最裡面是洗手間

  • Ellen has an old picture of you and her from years ago."

    艾倫有張你和她一起在幾年前拍的老照片

  • And I go, "Ugh, it's probably an awful picture."

    然後我就說,額,大概是一張拍得很爛的照片吧

  • He goes, "It's pretty funny. You'll laugh at it.

    他接著說,是張搞笑的照片,你看了一定會笑死的

  • She hung it in the bathroom."

    她把那張照片掛在洗手間裡

  • And I go, "Okay," and I go to the bathroom.

    我就說,喔 好吧,然後我就走進了洗手間

  • The door is creaked a little bit closed.

    那門開了一點小縫

  • - Well, all right, let's show--

    好吧,讓我們看看

  • this is me trying to scare him.

    我剛是怎麼試著嚇他的

  • - This was minutes ago.

    這大概是幾分鐘前

  • I'm walking in, and I go. What the heck?

    我一走進去,我就在想「到底在搞什麼鬼?」

  • That's the bathroom. I'm about to go in there.

    這裡就是那間梳洗間。我也正準備要走進去

  • [men speaking indistinctly]

    [男人說話不清的聲音]

  • You sure? - Yep.

    你確定嗎?對啊

  • - I knew it.

    我就知道

  • Oh, God, something's gonna jump out and scare me.

    天哪,我覺得有東西會突然跑出來嚇我

  • Yeah, I knew it. [laughter]

    對啊 我知道,哈哈哈 [笑聲]

  • I'll just do it.

    算了我還是走進去吧

  • I don't like getting scared.

    但是我實在是不喜歡被嚇啊!

  • [shouts] - [screams]

    [大叫聲]-[尖叫聲]

  • - [screams]

    [尖叫聲]

  • [laughter]

    [笑聲]

  • [speaking indistinctly]

    [模糊的說話聲]

  • I knew it! - You knew it.

    我就知道!- 你知道啊

  • How did you know it?

    你怎知道的?

  • - I did get scared too, 'cause you go, "Whoo-ha-ha."

    但是我還是有被你嚇到,因為你說 「呼哈」

  • - Yeah, but then-- [both laugh]

    對啊,但是 [兩人都同時笑了]

  • But then I was thinking, "Oh, I wish I wasn't there,

    然後我就在想,「真希望我剛沒出現在那

  • 'cause then you would've just done that all by yourself.

    所以你就只能自己嚇自己了」

  • [laughter] That would've been--

    [哈哈笑聲] 那這樣子的話

  • - That would've been really embarrassing.

    那這樣的話就超尷尬了

  • - That would've been better. - Yeah.

    大概這樣尷尬點會比較好吧 - 是啊

  • I'm always getting embarrassed. Yeah.

    其實我常覺得尷尬啊。是喔

  • But I'm so happy to be here.

    但是我還是很開心今天來這節目啦!

  • I never get a chance to see you because...

    我之前都沒機會來看你因為....

  • - I know. - I'm in New York, but now--

    對啊我知道 - 我在紐約,但是我現在

  • - I watch you all the time. [cheers and applause]

    一直看著你 [歡呼鼓掌聲]

  • Such a great job.

    幹得好啊你

  • - I got to come out. You do the best show.

    我一走出來,你就搞了一場好秀

  • And I got to thank you for always supporting me.

    我還真得感謝你這麼支持我呢!

  • And you sent me and my staff a bunch of fun things

    你總是帶給我這麼多無厘頭的事

  • like cotton candy one day and popcorn and snow cones

    像上次棉花糖那天還有爆米花跟挫冰那次

  • and just made everyone's day.

    你可是讓大家開心一整天了

  • You're just so cool.

    你就是這裡厲害

  • - Yeah, well, you're doing a great job.

    是啊,你每次都做得很好呀

  • I'm loving the show, and it's so much fun.

    我超愛你的節目,每次來都那麼好玩

  • -Thanks. - And you're doing

    尤其妳真的做的--謝謝。

  • - I mean, were you nervous about actually even going--

    我的意思是,你那時進去的時候有那麼緊張嗎

  • I mean, you're doing-- you've been doing a show anyway,

    我的意思是,你也是有主持一個節目

  • it's just now "The Tonight Show."

    現在上檔的“今夜秀”

  • - Right, it's just a change of title.

    也是啦,就是換個名字而已

  • But they're big shoes to fill with Jay Leno,

    但是呢,傑·雷諾的名氣實在太大了

  • and so the first night especially, I was nervous,

    所以說我主持的第一晚,我超緊張的

  • because I go, "Do I just come out

    我一直在想,我一出場應該就直接走出來

  • and just do jokes like I've been on

    然後開開玩笑,裝作已經

  • 'The Tonight Show' for years",

    在「今夜秀」的節目主持多年

  • or "do I come out and go, 'Hey, guys.

    或是我一出場應該說,「哈囉,各位觀眾。

  • This is what a talk show is.'"

    這就是我們所謂的脫口秀」

  • Because there might be some kids watching

    因為或許電視前有許多小孩觀眾

  • that've never seen a talk show but, since I'm new,

    他們或許沒看過脫口秀但是因為我是新人

  • they'll give it a shot and-- 'cause when I was a kid,

    他們都會想著,姑且看看吧!因為我以前小時候

  • I would ask my parents for permission.

    我都需要問我爸媽得到他們的許可

  • "Can I stay up, watch Johnny Carson?"

    我今晚可以熬夜看約翰尼·卡森的節目嗎?

  • It was a big deal, you know,

    這對我非常重要,你懂的

  • just to stay up to watch the monologue.

    就是晚睡為了看他的獨角戲

  • So I thought, "I'll come out,

    所以呢我覺得,我出場的時候

  • I'll explain what a talk show is,

    我需要介紹一下脫口秀的特質

  • then I'll go, you know, 'This is my sidekick,'

    然後我就會說,「這是我的分身」

  • and then I'll leave and come back out and tell jokes."

    假裝下台,再回來台上繼續講更多笑話

  • So I called Jay Leno.

    所以我打給傑·雷諾

  • I go, "What do you think of that idea?"

    我說,「你覺得這梗如何呀?」

  • He goes...

    他說...[模仿傑·雷諾]

  • [as Jay Leno] "I'd just come out and tell jokes."

    「要是我的話我就會直接出場講笑話」

  • And I go, "That's what I was thinking, but"--

    我就回說,「我也是這樣想的,但是」

  • I go, "Now I'm confused."

    我就接著說,「現在我有點不懂了」

  • And so I talked to my head writer,

    所以囉,我就跟設計腳本的人說

  • and he goes-- he goes--

    他說--他說--

  • I go "Jay says 'just to come out

    我就告訴他「傑跟我說就直接出場

  • and tell jokes like I've been doing it.'."

    然後就開始講笑話,稀鬆平常。」

  • And he goes, "Yeah, but he's Jay Leno,

    他就回我說「對啊,但是他是個大人物

  • and you're--you're your thing.

    而你呢,你就是你自己

  • It's a different flavor. It's a different thing.

    現在節目換了風格了, 那就要脫胎換骨。

  • Go out and do what you feel like you should do."

    出場時就做你自己。」

  • And so I did that, and I--

    所以我就做了那個,然後我

  • I did that, and that went great,

    我那樣做了,結果非常棒

  • and I explained what a talk show was

    我跟大家介紹什麼是脫口秀

  • and that a human comes out and tells jokes about the news.

    就是有個人會上台,開開一些時事話題的玩笑

  • I mean, so kids who have never seen it,

    我的用意就是,有些小孩從沒看過脫口秀

  • now they know what it is.

    那他們現在都知道什麼是脫口秀了

  • And then I came out, and I'm start--

    然後換我出場我開始

  • I came out, did some jokes,

    我出場後講了一些笑話

  • and I made a joke about high school or something.

    我記得我好像開了一個關於高中的一個玩笑還什麼的

  • And of course my mom and dad are in the audience

    當然我爸媽那天也是現場觀眾之一

  • 'cause it was my first "Tonight Show."

    因為這是我第一個「今夜秀」

  • And my dad heckles me.

    我爸竟然吐槽我

  • - I saw that. [laughter]

    - 我看到那段了 [哈哈笑聲]

  • - Do you believe-- can you believe that?

    你能相信嗎?你能夠相信這件事嗎?

  • - No. No, did he-- - Can you believe my life?

    不是吧,他只是 -- 你能夠懂我的生活嗎?

  • - Why? - That was--

    怎麼說?這簡直是

  • I couldn't believe it was happening.

    我根本不敢相信這件事竟然會發生

  • I go, "What is going on?"

    我就說「怎麼了?」

  • Like, your son--

    你兒子

  • this is probably the most nerve-racking

    這可能是他最緊張的時刻

  • he's ever going to be, and you heckle?

    這輩子從沒如此緊張過,然後你吐槽我?

  • I go-- here's what happened.

    我就--這是那天發生的事。

  • I said--made some joke about, "Hey, Dad."

    我說--試著講些笑話「老爸」

  • Or, you know, "I didn't"--

    或是,你懂的「我其實沒有」

  • Or, "Mom and Dad, I didn't graduate high school"--

    或是 「爸媽,其實我那時高中沒畢業喔」

  • which I did, but it was a joke.

    當然我有啦,這只是一個玩笑

  • I go, "I didn't graduate high school, but here I am.

    我說「我高中沒畢業,但是今晚我在這裡,

  • I'm host of 'The Tonight Show.'"

    主持「今夜秀」

  • And everyone was laughing.

    然後所有人都在哈哈大笑

  • They clapped. It was a funny joke.

    他們還為我鼓掌。 這就是一個好笑的笑話。

  • And my dad goes, "We paid a lot of money for that school."

    然後我爸突然爆出一句 「我付了不少錢給那學校」

  • [laughter]

    [哈哈大笑聲]

  • Got a giant laugh. Bigger laugh than my laugh.

    這句話竟然得到更多爆笑聲。 甚至這些觀眾笑得比聽到我剛講的笑話更大聲。

  • - Yeah. - People were clapping.

    對啊 -大家都在鼓掌

  • I'm like, "Did that just happen?

    我就說,“剛剛發生了什麼事?

  • "Did I just-- I just heard my dad's voice

    難道我剛聽到我爸

  • yelling at me."

    在吼我的聲音嗎?

  • And the other thing is, I went to public school.

    另外一件事就是,我之前讀的是公立學校

  • He didn't pay a lot of money.

    所以其實他沒付很多錢

  • I'm like, "Are you talking about taxes?"

    所以我就說 「你是在講那些稅嗎?」

  • I don't really get into math with my dad.

    我不太常跟我爸計較這些事

  • What are you talking about?

    所以你在講什麼?

  • - He was just making up stuff for a joke.

    他只是隨便講講笑話而已啦

  • - Butt out! Yes. Get your own show.

    少來啦!對啊, 自己去開個秀吧!

  • Yeah. - Oh, my God.

    對啊!-我的天

  • - [chuckles] I love 'em.

    -[咯咯地笑聲] 我還是愛他們啦

  • I love 'em. They're great people.

    我愛他們。他們超棒的!

  • - Well, they've got to be so proud of you.

    當然啊,他們可是很為你感到驕傲

  • - They really are.

    他們真的是這樣的

  • My mom calls me all the time--

    我媽總是打給我

  • and most of the time she calls, it's to say

    大部份她打給我的時候都說

  • who was great on your show.

    誰今天在你的節目上表現最亮眼?

  • She always goes, "Oh, Ellen was great the other day.

    她總說「喔,艾倫那天很棒呀

  • She had Bradley Cooper on."

    他在節目上邀布萊德利·庫柏當來賓呢!」

  • I'm like, "Oh, yeah, well,

    我就只好說「對啊,是啊是啊,

  • "we've had Bradley Cooper on too.

    我們也邀請了布萊德利·庫柏到我們節目呀。

  • We've had some fun things."

    我們也有些很好笑的片段。」

  • She goes, "I know, but--

    她就會說「對啊, 我知道,但是 --

  • so here's what Ellen did with Bradley."

    你知道嗎,艾倫和布萊德利在節目上怎樣怎樣...」

  • I go, "I don't want to hear about Ellen's show!

    我就說「我不想再聽到你說任何艾倫秀的事了。

  • I know that show's a great show."

    我知道她主持的節目是很棒啦。」

  • - That's hilarious. - She loves you.

    -這超爆笑的 -她還是愛你啦

- I love you so much, and I thought I could get you.

我超愛你的,我以為我剛成功嚇到你了!

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A2 初級 中文 美國腔 TheEllenShow 笑話 脫口秀 主持 雷諾 艾倫

【艾倫秀】吉米法龍被艾倫嚇傻啦 (Ellen Scares Jimmy Fallon)

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    iris 發佈於 2016 年 09 月 04 日
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