is that you drink through your mouth

就是你會用「嘴巴」來喝酒，

instead of pouring alcohol into a funnel into your butt.

而不是把它用漏斗灌進你的屁眼。

(laughter)

（大笑）

That's the new craze.

這是新流行欸！

(upbeat music)

- I don't consider 30 old, per say,

我是不會覺得30歲算「老」啦，

I consider it on the way up.

我覺得它是在「邁入人生巔峰」的過程中。

- 30 is midlife crisis and then you find yourself.

30歲的時候應該會有中年危機，然後你會找到你自己。

- When I hear the age 30 I think of better,

我聽到「30歲」的時候我會覺得應該會更好.....

you know, more wisdom.

你知道，更有智慧。

- I don't, I don't want to be 30.

我不想，我不想要變成30歲。

- It seems old, it does. - 30 seems old.

那會看起來很老，真的會。 30歲感覺超老。

- It does.

真的超老。

- I know. (cries)

我知道（哭）

- It's okay.

沒關係。

That's the scary part, is that you go to bed 29,

恐怖的地方是，上床睡覺的時候你是29歲，

you wake up 30 and it's the same life.

醒來時雖然是30歲，但其實你的人生根本一模一樣。

- Everyone said midlife crises, that's not...

大家都會說中年危機，但它不是。

- Yeah, that's the weird ones.

對，那就是奇怪之處。

- It's funny, what they don't realize is

還滿好笑的，他們沒有意識到的是

that the quarter-life crisis I feel like

他們的「1/4人生危機」才讓我

is actually pretty true.

感覺超級真實。

You get out of college and then you're like. . .

你大學畢業，然後你會覺得說.....

- [Man] What am I doing with my life.

「我的人生到底在幹嘛？」

- [Woman] "oh shit."

「喔該死。」

- I think the quarter-life crisis is just

我覺得「1/4人生危機」就只是

you have to pay rent.

你要開始繳房租了。

- Parties will be irrelevant because I'll be too old.

那些趴應該都會跟我無關了吧，因為我已經太老了。

- The parties will be ending early.

派對一定都會很早結束。

- Parties will be boring.

派對會變得超無聊。

30-year-olds just drink wine

30歲的人只會喝點紅酒

and let's have a night watching SVU.

然後一起看個《法律受害者》影集。

- Parties at 30 actually get a lot better.

老實講，30歲的趴好多了。

- Yeah

對啊。

- Because the parties that you're going to now

因為你現在去的趴

are just loud music and skunk beer.

就只是在播超大聲的音樂然後喝著發臭的啤酒。

- Oh, and sweat

喔還有流汗。

- And sweat. - And shame.

-還有流汗。 -還有覺得羞恥。

- Maybe this is good or bad but I still host

這可能有好有壞，不過我其實還會辦

a lot of parties that go 'till 4 am.

很多嗨到凌晨4點的趴。

- Where did you get that we all drink wine all the time?

你是從哪聽到說我們只喝紅酒的啊？

- I've had wine before.

我是喝過紅酒啦！

- Wine will become your best friend in your thirties

紅酒在你30歲時會成為你最好的朋友。

if maybe ditched the boxed wine.

如果你拋下那些盒裝紅酒的話啦。

- When you leave the party's over.

你離開的時間，派對對你來說就已經結束了，

So it doesn't really matter what time it is.

所以它到底幾點結束其實不是很重要。

- When I leave.

當我離開的時候。

- Hopefully boys will be men by the time they're 30.

希望男孩們到他們30歲時可以變成男人了........

(laughter)

（大笑）

That's gonna be the best, or not.

那會是最棒的部分，也可能不是啦

I mean, maybe they need to be, like, 35, I don't know.

我的意思是，也許要等到他們35歲，我不知道。

- I feel like by the time I turn 30 I really wouldn't care

我希望等到我30歲的時候，我真的不用在乎

what people think, at all.

別人怎麼想了，完全不用。

- Depending on how cool my twenties are,

要看我20幾歲時有多行吧，

maybe I'll be married.

也許我會結婚了。

- But nobody will know that I am 30, when I'm 30.

但當我30歲時，沒有人會知道我30歲了。

Everyone's gonna think I'm still 29.

大家都會以為我還只有29歲。

- Like right now I'm still kind of in that teenage mindset

現在我可能還有點處於那種青少年的思考角度，

where I feel that everyone's criticizing me

我還會覺得大家都在批判我。

- But when I'm 30, I just wanna live.

但等我30歲時，我想要真正地活著。

- We'll be the wine-night 30-year-olds who are like,

我們會是那種有紅酒之夜的30歲的人，然後可能會想說：

"Ugh, those 20-year-olds don't know what they're doing."

「呃，那些20歲的，真的不知道自己在幹嘛。」

- Uh-huh, but they sure are hot.

喔喔，可是他們一定比較火辣。

(laughter)

（大笑）

- The only thing that I've learned from 20 to 30

我從20歲轉為30歲，學到唯一的一件事情，

is that I don't know anything.

就是「我什麼都不懂」。

Once you realize that you don't know shit,

當你理解到你自己其實啥屁都不懂時，

- Then you know shit. - Then you know shit.

-你才真的開始懂了。 -你才開始懂了。

- Yeah, you definitely come into your own

對啊，你真的會更自我一點，

and you feel so much more comfortable just being yourself.

而且你會對於「做自己」這回事感到自在許多。

- If you think that women are gonna get better by the time

如果你以為女人到30歲那時候會變得比較好，

they're 30, just wait 'till you have a 40-year-old.

你就再等等好了，等到她們40歲。

- The answer is you're not gonna be where you think you are.

答案是，你不會處於你以為你會在的地方。

- Yeah. Totes. - Deep.

-真的，完全。 -很深刻吧。

(laughter)

（大笑）

- [voiceover] There's one last thing I'd like to say:

我還想說最後一件事。

fireball is-- - [ Man in hat] Delicious.

-fireball(一種威士忌)..... -超讚？

- [Man with beard] Awful. - [Man in hat] Oh.

-難喝死了。 -噢。

- None of these fools know what the f*** they're talking about.

(一個早就超過30歲的人：)這群笨蛋沒有一個知道他們自己在講啥小。